A Sister's Survival

by Cydney Rax

  “When I walk in, am I going to see his face or the back of his head?”

  “You will see his face. You know how bitch-ass Negroes do. Always sitting facing the entrance so they can see who’s coming in the spot. All right, Sis. I’m about to hang up. I’ll be watching.”

  And moments later, unbeknownst to him, Calhoun’s baby mama stood in the middle of an aisle staring at him. The kids stood quietly beside her. It felt like someone had kicked Coco in her belly. The pain was so severe she wanted to cry and scream. Love hurt. And betrayal from a man whom you loved and thought loved you was one of the worse feelings in the world.

  Seated across from Calhoun was a woman who looked nothing like Coco. Whereas Coco was big, round, and wore Afro puffs, this woman had a long, thin neck with silky black hair that hung past her shoulders.

  Two servers carrying trays filled with food almost collided with Coco; her very pregnant body practically blocked the aisle where she’d been watching her man.

  “Excuse me, miss,” the hostess finally said as she walked over to Coco. “We only accept reservations here, and if you don’t have one, it’s going to be a long wait. Plus, your standing here is a major distraction. I’m afraid you’re making the other customers nervous.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “No, I’m not.” The woman was aghast. “In fact, don’t even try and wait for a table. We can refuse service to anybody. We honestly won’t have any available tables. I suggest that you leave and next time make a reservation.”

  Coco was furious. She ignored the waitress, who stood there waiting for her to leave. Coco took a few steps forward and continued watching Calhoun smile and converse with the woman whose face and body she could not see.

  Coco glanced down at her protruding belly. If she had to do it all over again, she wished she hadn’t started getting pregnant and having child after child for an uncommitted man. Why did she have to be so stupid in love?

  Calhoun’s eyes sparkled, and in the dim lights made for romance, Coco knew that she could not allow her man to freely offer his love to another woman. Especially on Valentine’s night.

  In Coco’s mind, Calhoun was like Trey Songz, the good-looking bad boy that many women wanted, but Coco was the lucky chick that he picked to come up on stage with him.

  She craved him . . . the sexy curled lip, the way he threw back his head when he laughed. The swag. Coco wanted him still.

  But how?

  Right then Calhoun lifted the woman’s hands and drew them to his lips. Coco watched Calhoun kiss hands that weren’t attached to her own body. Her heart sunk when she saw him continuously smile like he was in love. Coco drew her hand to her heart and clutched invisible pearls that she wished were real.

  He leaned across the table and kissed the chick on the lips.

  Coco couldn’t take it anymore. She was just about to walk over to Calhoun’s table. But an armed security officer asked her to leave.

  She glanced at his gun and said, “Okay, sir. I’ll leave now. Don’t want no trouble.” Coco nodded at the officer, glared at the hostess, then walked out with the kids following behind her.

  At his table, Calhoun filled his date’s glass with wine. Samira Idris was an Eritrean from East Africa and had relocated to Louisiana with her family several years ago.

  Calhoun was infatuated with Samira’s beauty, elegance, and sophistication. He completely dismissed thoughts of Coco while he was chatting with the woman. But he couldn’t forget her for long. He was nervous and needed to break some difficult news to Samira.

  He picked up his glass and told her, “To the most beautiful woman in the world.” He knew he sounded corny, but unexpectedly falling in love could make a man do things he never thought he’d do.

  “Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, Miss Lady, and tell you some of what’s been going on with me.” He coughed and cleared his throat. “You know I got a girl. I already peeped you on that situation.”

  “Yes, you did,” Samira said in anguish. “And you know how uneasy your situation makes me feel. I don’t want to be associated with a man that already has a woman. And I’d never want any woman to do that to me either.”

  “That’s understandable. And that’s why we’re here,” he said. “I know I told you awhile back I would be breaking up with Coco.”

  Samira stopped herself from outright laughing. She thought that his girlfriend’s legal first name sounded so ridiculous and unsophisticated. “Yes, you did.”

  “And, um, I also wanted to tell you that she went and got a marriage license for us.”

  Samira’s eyes grew dark with concern.

  “She did? Why?”

  “What you mean?”

  “She can’t do that without your permission. You two must have made that decision together.” Samira felt miserable and sickly. Suddenly she was no longer hungry.

  “I’m just saying, my girl . . . I mean, Coco is real pushy when she wanna be.”

  “A woman can’t force a grown man to do anything.”

  “That’s the thing,” Calhoun told her. “Sometimes I don’t know what I want.”

  “I see. And if what you’re saying is true, then that means you must love her more than you claim that you do.”

  Samira’s assessment made Calhoun feel conflicted. He didn’t want to lie to Samira, but he didn’t want to tell her the truth either. Yet something had to give.

  “That’s why I wanted to keep it one hundred with you,” he said.

  “What?”

  “I need to let you know that . . . I owe it to Coco to do right by her.”

  Samira’s facial expression was void of emotion.

  “And so I-I will marry her. We have like ninety days to do it.”

  Samira pushed back from the table and stood up. She quietly grabbed her evening bag and wrapped her shawl around her shoulders.

  “Sit down, please.”

  “Why, Calhoun?” she asked in a quiet, even tone. “So you may further humiliate me? This is like a breakup dinner.”

  “But you and me, we weren’t really together, right?”

  That did it. Samira neatly folded the white cloth napkin that had just been covering her lap. She looked beautiful. The multicolored dress she was wearing was an outfit that she’d designed and made herself. In fact, Calhoun had been giving her money since he’d met her, to help her dream of becoming a fashion designer come true.

  “I want to thank you, Calhoun, for helping me out all this time and being supportive when you could. It was nice knowing you. And good luck on your marriage.”

  “Samira!”

  But she walked away. She tried to keep herself from running as she traveled through the crowded restaurant in a slow manner so as not to bring attention to herself. She did not want anyone to know she’d just been dumped by a guy whom she would have never given a second glance to, but who’d captured her heart nonetheless.

  Samira looked down to reach inside her handbag to grab her keys; in doing so she nearly bumped into a pregnant woman who was rushing past her. Three young kids ran behind the lady.

  Samira wondered if she’d ever be fortunate enough to have a man who wanted her to mother his children.

  Coco finally reached Calhoun’s table. She felt relieved that she’d been able to sneak back into the restaurant when the hostess and the security officer became distracted.

  Calhoun was draining the last drop of his wine. He looked up and saw his woman and their kids staring at him. Coco glanced around but did not see anyone who resembled Samira.

  “Where’d that bitch go?”

  “Look, man, we not doing this tonight.”

  “Did she go to the ladies’ room? Y’all sit down and wait for me. Go on and have a seat with your daddy. I’ll be right back.”

  “Coco, don’t you make a fool of yourself.”

  “You think I enjoy this, Calhoun? You think I’m having fun putting you in check and trying to find out who this bitch is that you having dinner with? Yo
u make me act like this.”

  “I don’t do—”

  “Yeah, you do. A good man would not put me through the shit you been putting me through,” Coco said, nearly yelling. At that moment all she could do was question her judgment, her frequent habit of making questionable choices when it came to men. She knew it was true, but she did not know how to fix it.

  “Look, Ma, have a seat. Let’s talk.”

  “No, I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to your side bitch.”

  “Ain’t no side bitch.”

  Coco left Calhoun alone to go and search the restroom. When she returned to the table with a confused expression on her face, he said to her, “Now will you sit your wild ass down so we can have a grown-up conversation?”

  Feeling foolish, she took a seat. “What’s really going on, Calhoun?”

  “Look, Ma. You were right. There was someone else here, but she’s gone now.”

  “Her name?”

  “Why?”

  “’Cause I have a right to know.”

  “All right then. Her name is Samira Idris. I had to chuck the deuces with her.” Calhoun explained how when he went to Louisiana a few months ago, he’d met a woman in the casino while he was gambling at the slot machines. They kept running into each other that night. Finally, they spoke for a while and exchanged numbers. They stayed in touch; and the more they got to know each other, the more Calhoun caught feelings for her.

  “We’ve hung out as friends here and there. But tonight, the only reason I took her out was to break up with her.”

  “What the fuck you mean ‘break up’? You can’t break up with her when you in a relationship already. Are you saying you cheated? Is that why you never came home at a decent hour?”

  “No,” he admitted. “It never got that far. I didn’t even kiss her.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “Believe what you want,” he said with a regretful shrug. In reality, Samira never let Calhoun lure her into bed. Not that he hadn’t tried. When she rejected him, it only made him want her even more. Samira was different from his other women: calm, well-spoken, nurturing. And that’s why he became enchanted with her.

  “We never did anything, Ma. I swear to God.”

  “I saw you kiss her with my own eyes.”

  “I did it just one time. A goodbye kiss. That’s it.”

  She reached across the table and thumped Calhoun hard across the forehead.

  “Lying ass. You think I’m stupid?”

  “I know one thing: Unless you willing to get popped too, you better keep your hands to yourself,” he warned her.

  Coco could feel a couple of diners staring at them. She didn’t care. Love hurt. Being crazy in love hurt more. How could he do this to her? And what would happen now that she knew?

  Calhoun apologized, which made Coco calm down long enough to keep her kids from feeling anxious. They were all staring their mother with wide-eyed, frightened looks on their faces. Coco hated to stress out her family. She decided to lower her voice.

  “Thank you for the weak apology. But it better be the last time that you do this shit. Making a fool out of me over some side pussy. I won’t put up with it.”

  “I know, Ma. I know. To finish my story. I told the chick that me and you getting married. And that’s what we’ll do. We’ll do it right after this last baby is born. All right?”

  “You serious?” Coco asked.

  “Yeah. I’m serious, Ma. I’ve been thinking about things, and I think it’ll be cool to get married. Time for me to grow up and do the right thing. And make you Mrs. Humphries.”

  It took a while before Coco could firmly grasp what he had told her. And the anger that had been boiling over melted away into calmness. She told him that she hoped that he wasn’t jerking her chain. He assured her that he was on the up-and-up.

  “You promise to never contact her again?” Coco asked.

  “I promise.”

  “If you mean it, I want you to block her right now.” Calhoun instantly found Samira’s info in his address book. He blocked her phone number and texts.

  “Now delete all the photos you have of that whore, because I know you got that in your phone too.”

  Calhoun hesitated, took a deep breath, and began the process of deleting Samira from his phone and his heart.

  Coco watched him and noted the sad look in his eyes. But he continued to do everything she asked him to do, and that was what was important to her.

  Mission accomplished, Calhoun apologized again. “I’ve been an asshole.”

  “Yes, you have. And a dick!”

  “You right, Ma. Forgive me?”

  He kissed Coco on the lips. She immediately pushed him away and wiped her lips. He apologized, then ordered a new bottle of wine. The kids were invited to get whatever they wanted off the menu. Calhoun had to make some arrangements with the waiter about adding extra people at his table. But he took care of business, then happily fed his family.

  They ate, went home, and enjoyed a nice evening. And every positive action Calhoun took caused Coco to fall that much more in love with him, a love that she prayed would never end.

  Chapter 4

  Ghosts of Troubled Pasts

  In early March, Quantavius Mitchell came sniffing around Coco’s house.

  Too exhausted to respond to the ringing doorbell, Coco asked Cadee to open the door. The little girl did it, then ran back to her room.

  When Q stepped into Coco’s living room, her big eyes widened even more.

  “Yo, what’s up?” he said.

  “Are you out of your damned mind?” Seeing this man always made her start to sweat. “What the hell you doing here at my house?”

  “I came over to kick that talk.”

  “Oh, don’t tell me. You on that again?” Coco was referring to the fact that ever since she had told Q that he was the father of Chance, he’d demanded to have a bigger role in the boy’s life.

  “Don’t tell me—you saying I don’t have a right to represent what’s mine?”

  “Ha!” she said with a bitter laugh. “No, Q. You do not have a right.”

  “Oh, yeah. Well, I disagree. I want what’s mine, and I think I’m gone let Calhoun know what’s up.”

  “Q, baby, please.” As much as she didn’t want to do it, Coco took a deep breath and managed to pull herself up off the sofa. She walked over to Q.

  “What’s the matter?” she said in a sweet voice. “You want some loving? Is that why you’re bugging out?”

  “No, man. That ain’t it. Not totally.”

  “Then what is it?”

  He paced back and forth and looked toward the bedroom shared by all of Coco’s children.

  “Q, if you telling me that you want to see Chance, the answer would be no.”

  Right then Cadee burst from the room and ran straight into her mother’s arms for a hug. But when she was done, the girl noticed the strange man in their house.

  Cadee stared quizzically at Q.

  “Mommy,” she said, “who is this?”

  “Girl, mind ya business. Go back to the room and close the door. Don’t come back out till I tell you to. Now move it.”

  “I’ve seen him before. Is he our uncle?”

  “If you don’t leave right now, Cadee, I’ll whip your ass good. Now go.”

  Cadee obeyed, fearing what would happen if she didn’t. As soon as the girl left, Q got up in Coco’s face. “Now I really want to see my kid. Because if you talk to Chance the way you talk to Cadee, you may as well call yourself a child abuser, because you damn sure ain’t a good mama.”

  “Q, come on, don’t say that. I didn’t mean anything by it. Cadee can be hardheaded.”

  “That’s no excuse, Coco. There is no getting a pass when it comes to how a parent treats their kid. I didn’t have a daddy, and I always told myself if I ever got to be a father, I’d do the thing right. You get what I’m saying?”

  Coco heard him loud and clear, but it bothere
d her. She felt sorry about his past, but she did not want to hear about it. She tried another approach.

  “Q, baby, I get what you sayin’, but look at this,” Coco said and pointed to her belly. “You see this? Think about all I’m going through for a minute. I feel like I weigh a ton, my blood pressure is sky high to the point where I had to check in the emergency room last week.”

  “Word?”

  “Yeah.” It was a lie, but there’d be no way he could prove otherwise. “They got me straight and sent me back home. But when you come around here with no notice and you talking that talk . . . Q, it stresses me out even more. And I don’t need you sniffing around my house trying to start shit.”

  “Me wanting to be in Chance’s life is starting shit?”

  “Yes! Because you promised me you wouldn’t be carrying on like you are, remember?”

  Q grew silent. Coco continued. “Now we’ve talked about this a hundred times, Q, and you know we did. I laid out the ground rules and you accepted. Why are you going back on your word?”

  “I said all that before I got to know him. Things are different. I have a son running around who doesn’t know about me! And I love the little homie. Calhoun’s ass don’t give a fuck about that boy.”

  Exasperated, Coco swung her flabby arms around. “Why can’t you be like most daddies and not give a fuck about a kid?”

  Q stepped closer to Coco, his teeth clenched together. Blood boiling, he felt like popping her in the mouth for her recklessness, but he knew that would not be good if he ever wanted to file a case for full custody. “I ain’t most daddies. Don’t put me in the deadbeat category. And most of the dudes I know are damned good fathers.”

  “Hmm, then maybe I could hook up with your friends!” Coco said, just to be sarcastic.

  “I-I have a mind to—You don’t deserve this kid.”

  “My bad, Q.” Coco was almost in tears. She hated how easy it was to set her off. She was worried sick about her health, the baby that didn’t seem to want to come out of her womb, and the wedding she was trying to plan. The only happiness that she recently enjoyed was the fact that Calhoun faithfully came home from work every day.

  “I wish that I never told you about Chance,” she solemnly admitted. “I really do. I should have just kept that info to myself. Because I told you I’ll never let Calhoun know what happened between us. He just knows I had a one-night stand but not with who.”