The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf

by Martin Millar

  This was far from the truth. The twins knew that without Dominil’s assistance they’d still be in the same position they’d been in a year ago: lying around their house in Camden, vaguely thinking about playing music again. Dominil now had them rehearsing regularly. Membership of the band was stable, and everyone was fairly well rehearsed.

  “Even Pete is still on board,” said Beauty. “Though he’s still pining for Dominil.”

  Vex laughed. She knew the story of Dominil’s one-night stand with Pete the guitarist. The affair had meant nothing to Dominil, who had merely wished to occupy herself for a few hours, knowing that the next day she faced the possibility of dying in the great werewolf feud. After the crisis passed, Dominil had shown no further interest. Pete could not get over the affair so fast. He pined for Dominil, privately at first, before going public at a gig, where he’d announced to the entire audience that he loved her. Dominil had not been pleased. Making everything worse, Pete had subsequently learned that they were all werewolves. This was serious. Hiding their werewolf nature was important to every MacRinnalch. Only the degenerate Beauty and Delicious could laugh when it went wrong.

  “We’ve invited Pete here,” Beauty told Vex. “We figure he deserves another chance.”

  “We thought maybe she might loosen up at a party,” said Delicious.

  They looked over at Dominil, sitting quietly in the corner.

  “I’ve never seen anyone look less loose,” said Delicious. “Let’s get her some wine.”

  As any Scottish werewolf would have regarded it as shameful to arrive at a party without making some contribution, the kitchen was now well stocked with alcohol.

  Decembrius and Kalix were still discussing the film. Kalix, in her enthusiasm, had edged very close to Decembrius and he was keenly aware of it. His attraction for Kalix had not waned, though recently he’d been frustrated by her diffidence and her reluctance to commit to anything. Even arranging a phone call with her could be difficult. Decembrius’s patience was strained, but he knew that if he complained too strongly, Kalix would simply stop talking to him. He felt some humiliation that he seemed to be powerless in the relationship. After all, Decembrius wasn’t a werewolf who had trouble finding girlfriends.

  Vex, dancing nearby, stumbled into them. The impact pushed Kalix into Decembrius and he instinctively put his arm out to support her.

  Vex grinned. “Are you having a nice cuddle?”

  At that moment, the full moon appeared in the sky outside. Instantly, Kalix and Decembrius changed into their werewolf shape. Seeing this, Vex laughed. They heard howling from the kitchen from the twins, who had also changed. They didn’t need to howl, but they knew it would annoy Dominil.

  Decembrius received the customary boost brought on by the werewolf change. He noticed that he had Kalix in his arms, so he kissed her, feeling it was the only reasonable thing to do.

  Kalix kissed him back, very briefly, but withdrew. “I have to get up early in the morning.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  Decembrius looked at Kalix suspiciously. As far as he knew, Kalix never had to get up early in the morning. She wasn’t working and college hadn’t started yet. He frowned.

  “Well, so what if you have to get up early?”

  “So you can’t stay the night.”

  Decembrius felt his humiliation returning. “I didn’t ask you if I could stay.”

  “You were going to.”

  “How do you know I was going to?”

  “Because you’re kissing me.”

  Decembrius’s powerful feeling of well-being brought on by the werewolf change evaporated rapidly. Kalix refusing to sleep with him before he’d even suggested it seemed particularly humiliating. He suddenly felt too annoyed with Kalix to argue about it.

  “Who’d want to stay with you anyway?” he said harshly. He pushed Kalix away, then stormed off to the kitchen. There he found himself in the midst of an argument, with Beauty and Delicious on one side and Dominil on the other.

  Dominil was irate. “You invited Pete? When we’re all werewolves?”

  “Why not?” said Beauty. “He knows we’re werewolves anyway.”

  “That doesn’t mean we should invite him to see us. Are you both insane?”

  “Moonglow said they were short of boys,” said Delicious, who didn’t see why Dominil was making such a fuss. “And he’s one of the few boys who won’t be shocked to socialize with werewolves.”

  Dominil shook her head. She was struggling to control her temper over the twins’ idiocy.

  “What about Kalix and Decembrius? Pete doesn’t know they’re werewolves. Don’t you know it’s taboo to give clan secrets away?”

  Delicious shrugged. “I never thought about them,” she admitted. “But hey, what’s another werewolf or two? Pete won’t tell anyone.”

  Dominil snarled in frustration. The bright light from the naked bulb in the kitchen reflected from her sharp teeth.

  “He won’t tell anyone? He’s a guitarist in Camden. That doesn’t make him trustworthy. And would you stop trying to force me into some sort of relationship with Pete? I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m not interested.”

  “Have you really given it a shot?” asked Beauty. “Maybe with a bit more werewolf passion?”

  “Who’s got werewolf passion?” asked Vex, who chose this moment to stumble into the kitchen. “Is it Decembrius?”

  Decembrius looked uncomfortable.

  “I don’t think kissing Kalix was a bad idea,” said Vex. “Even if she shot you down in flames.”

  The twins sniggered. Decembrius looked furious.

  “She did not shoot me down in flames.”

  “Yes, she did. Hey, don’t look at me like that. It’s not my fault if she won’t sleep with you. Don’t be embarrassed. Kalix is really beautiful, anyone would want to sleep with her. Isn’t that right, Beauty?”

  “Definitely.”

  “You see, they agree with me,” said Vex. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to sleep with Kalix. If she rejects you in a crushing manner, well, that’s just unfortunate. And a bit embarrassing, I suppose.”

  Decembrius left the kitchen with an angry scowl on his face. Agrivex turned to the twins. “I could really do with a boyfriend. Do you know anyone nice?”

  CHAPTER 14

  With Dominil furious, Decembrius humiliated, Kalix moody, Daniel crushed and Moonglow uncomfortable, the party might have ground to an uncomfortable halt. As it was, Vex’s and the twins’ high spirits were enough to keep things active and noisy. During a pause in the music, the doorbell rang, with an insistence that suggested the caller had been ringing for a long time.

  “I’ll get it,” cried Vex.

  “Who could be calling?” Moonglow was worried. “We can’t let anyone in with . . .” She looked around awkwardly.

  Beauty and Delicious laughed. “With werewolves everywhere? Don’t worry, it’s probably Pete.”

  “He knows you’re werewolves?”

  “Unfortunately, he does,” said Dominil. “It’s still exceptionally stupid to invite him here.”

  With the full moon above, none of the werewolves were able to resume their human shape. This frustrated Decembrius. After his disagreement with Kalix, he’d liked to have departed, but it would mean skulking his way through backstreets and gardens. He had done this occasionally in London, but it was a risk he’d rather not take.

  Vex appeared in the room with Pete in tow. “Look, it’s Pete the guitarist! I said there were werewolves here and it was a secret, but he said he knew already so I said he could come in!” Vex beamed, pleased to have another visitor.

  Pete greeted the twins, politely thanked Moonglow for having him as her guest, then attempted to sit on the arm of Dominil’s chair. Dominil angrily brushed him off.

  “Uh . . . hi,” said Pete.

  Dominil glared at him. “I have no idea what you’re doing here and I’d advise you to leave. You’re not
welcome.”

  Dominil, as an angry werewolf, made for an intimidating sight. The atmosphere sank. Pete looked embarrassed and quite alarmed. Even the twins seemed surprised by the strength of her unfriendliness.

  “Have some wine,” said Vex. “I’m Vex! Or did I tell you that already?” She laughed, and Beauty put music on, masking the awkwardness.

  Moonglow stood close to Kalix and whispered in her ear, “Are you really getting up early tomorrow? Or were you just . . .?” She glanced at Decembrius.

  “I am,” said Kalix. “I’ve got to do something.”

  “What?”

  “Something private, with Dominil. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but Dominil just told me she’s got everything ready. That’s why she came tonight. We’ll be going away for a few days.”

  Moonglow was concerned.

  “Don’t worry,” said Kalix. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Is it going to be violent?”

  “No. It’s just something private.”

  Moonglow dropped the subject, knowing there was no point interrogating Kalix. But Moonglow remained worried because, in her experience, any time Kalix left the house for a few days, violence would ensue. She’d come back wounded, either from fighting other werewolves, or the hunters.

  “It’ll be fine. No fighting,” said Kalix, confiding a little more than she might normally have. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

  “Can you really not tell me where you’re going?”

  Kalix shook her head. Moonglow dropped the subject. At least Kalix would be with Dominil. Moonglow knew of Dominil’s reputation. She was intelligent, competent and powerful. She would keep Kalix safe, if anyone could.

  CHAPTER 15

  Kalix yawned. She’d had only a few hours’ sleep before Dominil had woken her. She looked down at the clouds below.

  “I didn’t know we’d be above the clouds.”

  Kalix had never flown before. She was nervous, but Dominil’s presence was calming. Besides, she had more to worry about than a flight to Inverness.

  “Do you know the way once we get to the airport?” asked Kalix.

  “I’ll find it. The rental car has GPS, I checked.”

  Kalix nodded. According to Dominil, they’d still have some hours of driving after reaching Inverness. It was the closest airport to Minerva’s mountaintop, but Minerva’s retreat was in a very isolated spot.

  “I wonder what happened to Decembrius?”

  Last night Dominil had slept in Kalix’s room. Wakening early in the morning, they’d found the twins passed out on the couch downstairs, with no sign of anyone else.

  “Do you think he might have gone out at night?”

  “As a werewolf?” said Dominil. “Unlikely. How badly did you insult him?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t mean to insult him at all. But he was hinting about sleeping with me. I said I had to get up early in the morning.” Kalix pursed her lips. “I suppose that does sound like an insult.”

  Kalix gazed down at the clouds again. She found it amusing to be flying above them.

  “Do you think I should have slept with him?”

  “I have no opinion,” said Dominil.

  Dominil fell silent. Kalix knew her cousin didn’t want to talk, but found it difficult to remain quiet.

  “I’m nervous. Not about flying. About . . . you know, Minerva.”

  “I am a little discomfited too,” said Dominil. “But Minerva says she can help us end our addiction, and lessen the withdrawal symptoms. It’s worth trying. We both know we’ve got to stop taking laudanum.”

  Kalix stared at the back of the seat in front of her. She wasn’t looking forward to the next few days. Though she was only eighteen, Kalix had been addicted to the opiate for years. Her addiction was widely known throughout the clan, and was a large part of the reason for her disgrace. Kalix’s mother burned with shame if ever the topic was raised. Kalix’s brother Markus and her sister Thrix regarded her addiction with contempt. Throughout history, a few werewolves had exhibited a peculiar weakness for the drug. Becoming addicted to it was regarded as extremely shameful. Anything Kalix did was attributed either to her craziness or her drug addiction; as far as the clan was concerned, the addiction was worse.

  Dominil’s addiction was secret: Kalix was the only person who knew. Dominil had managed to keep it under control. Nonetheless, she was addicted. For months, she and Kalix had been traveling to Merchant MacDoig’s shop in East London to purchase laudanum, and paying heavily for it. The Merchant knew he had a captive market and kept his prices high. This was a drain on Dominil’s limited resources, and was worse for Kalix. There had been plenty of occasions in the past when she’d stolen to support her habit. Recently, she’d found herself tempted to steal from her flatmates, and while she had resisted the urge, it was this that had made her agree to Dominil’s suggestion of appealing to Minerva for help.

  It annoyed Dominil that she was so dependent on the opiate. Dominil had little empathy with the world, and a very powerful intellect that could not always be satisfied by her computer work, or her love of history. There were times when she was dreadfully, numbingly bored. During one such time she’d taken laudanum. It had warmed her inside and made her forget her boredom. It hadn’t taken long to become addicted. Now she needed the substance, though the warmth it had once given her had mostly faded.

  “Do you think it will hurt?” asked Kalix.

  “Hurt? I shouldn’t think so. Minerva isn’t going to punish us.”

  “Is she going to work some spell?” said Kalix hopefully. Perhaps Minerva could easily make them better with magic.

  “I’m not certain,” admitted Dominil. “When I talked to her on the phone, she mentioned a herbal treatment to ease the withdrawal. But I’m sure we’ll suffer for a while till it clears out of our systems.”

  “I wish she’d just use magic,” said Kalix gloomily.

  “By reputation and by my observation, you are very resistant to magic,” Dominil pointed out. “Possibly because of your unusual birth.”

  “I hate my unusual birth,” moaned Kalix and sank into her small chair. The closer they came to their destination, the more nervous she was becoming. Her head drooped and she stared at her boots.

  “I’m scared of this.”

  “There is no need for fear,” said Dominil. Kalix didn’t think she sounded quite as confident as usual.

  Inside their hand luggage, they each carried a bottle of laudanum. A brown, antique-looking bottle, as supplied by Merchant MacDoig. Minerva had advised them to keep taking their normal dose until they reached her retreat. Dominil had kept on carefully measuring out the amount she needed each day. Kalix had too, though she was gripped by a desire to take more, to use it all up before it was taken away, as if filling herself with the drug might somehow insulate her from the unpleasantness to come.

  “Are you still helping the band?” asked Kalix.

  “Yes.”

  “Do you enjoy it?”

  “Not a great deal.”

  “Then why do you do it?”

  “Partly because the Mistress of the Werewolves asked me to, to keep the twins out of trouble. And partly because I can’t think of anything else to do. Since leaving Oxford, I haven’t managed to establish a clear set of ambitions.”

  “But you’re a computer genius,” said Kalix. “Can’t you do something with that?”

  “There are a lot of computer geniuses. Plenty of them remain unsuccessful.”

  “You’re a good artist too. And you can translate Latin.”

  “Once more, these are not immediately translatable into a viable career. It’s a failure of mine that I don’t seem able to decide what to do. And being a werewolf, job opportunities are limited. Possibly I haven’t broken away from the clan’s influence yet, which is another fault.”

  Kalix was surprised to hear Dominil describe herself so negatively. In Kalix’s experience, Dominil was the most competent werewolf in the clan, as well as
the most intelligent.

  “Helping Yum Yum Sugary Snacks helps fill in the time. And it occurred to me that somewhere in the middle of the computer work I’m doing for them, and the design work, and the music contacts, I might find myself a career I’d be able to tolerate.”

  Kalix was on the point of asking Dominil if she needed a career. Most of the leading families of the MacRinnalchs were wealthy. Dominil’s father Tupan was an important werewolf at Castle MacRinnalch, a brother of the old Thane. But she remembered hearing from the twins that Tupan was not generous with his money, so she kept silent.

  A stewardess pushed a trolley up the aisle. Dominil bought two cups of tea and two miniature bottles of whisky.

  “Should we be drinking?” said Kalix.

  “Possibly not. But it can’t do much harm. I’m really not looking forward to this any more than you.”

  Dominil and Kalix drank their whisky straight off, then sipped their tea as the plane approached the airport at Inverness. Kalix risked sneaking a look at her journal, guarding it carefully so her companion wouldn’t see. She’d made her first addition to werewolf improvement list, putting a small tick next to get on better with people, and another tick beside stop being so anxious. Kalix had managed to go to the cinema and attend her party without panicking. She’d felt some anxiety, but it was definitely less than she once would have experienced. She felt it deserved a tick. She’d also managed to talk to people at the party and had been, for her, quite sociable. The only negative aspect had been her disagreement with Decembrius. That surely hadn’t been her fault. She did have to get up early in the morning. If Decembrius got in a bad mood about that, she couldn’t help it. All things considered, Kalix thought she’d made a good start on her werewolf improvement plan.

  She glanced at another item on the list. Stop using laudanum. She was about to attempt that, much quicker than she’d anticipated when she first made the list. Kalix wasn’t feeling very confident about it.

  CHAPTER 16