The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf

by Martin Millar

  “There are limited varieties in these formal coats and dresses, Malveria. And everyone’s wearing that shade of gray this season.”

  “But what am I to do?” cried Malveria. “How can I look my guests in the face knowing that my ensemble has already been worn by some woman with no other talent than running around a track? The Mayusta Queen is very gossipy for an Earth Giant and is sure to spread it around.”

  “Would they even know? Do the Earth Giants read British celebrity magazines?”

  “Someone will tell them. Kabachetka’s intelligence services scan them regularly. That cheap Empress will steal from anywhere.”

  The Fire Queen, still pacing, almost lost her footing. She looked down at her shoes.

  “I must say, these new, higher heels are a challenge. Since they appeared on the catwalks I’ve found myself tottering on several occasions. And one simply dreads the humiliation of falling over.”

  “I’m having difficulty too,” admitted Thrix. Like Malveria, Thrix had gleefully embraced the fashion for extremely high heels, but while they looked wonderful on models posing in magazines, they were difficult to wear in real life. “I almost broke my ankle coming out of the lift.”

  “Perhaps a spell might help?” suggested Malveria.

  Thrix was immediately interested. “For helping us to walk in them? That’s a good idea.”

  “I will give the matter my attention as soon as I return to the palace,” said the Fire Queen. “If you also work on it, we may make some progress before the designers’ reception.”

  Thrix nodded. The reception was only two weeks away. It was an important event. Each year, a group of the best designers was invited by the British Fashion Institute to a celebration at the Tate Gallery. This year, for the first time, Thrix had received an invitation. The event would be full of journalists, celebrities, buyers, editors and wealthy patrons: everyone that Thrix wanted to meet. It was an excellent opportunity to expand her business. The Fire Queen was looking forward to it just as much, though for different reasons.

  “Photographers from Vogue will be there,” exclaimed the Fire Queen.

  Thrix smiled. Her friend’s desire to secure a place in Vogue’s “fashionable party people” page was stronger than ever.

  “With our exceedingly high heels held in place by our new sorcery, we will be quite unstoppable,” enthused the Queen. “We shall sweep all before us. You shall be rewarded for your fashion genius by many valuable orders for your beautiful clothes. I will finally get my picture in Vogue, thereby grinding the poorly dressed Empress Kabachetka into the dust where she belongs.” The Queen smiled happily at the prospect. “My new dress will be ready?”

  “It will,” said Thrix. “It would have been ready already if . . .” Thrix’s voice trailed off.

  The Fire Queen looked distressed. “I know I erred in insisting on the lighter blue material. You were right, it does not suit me.”

  Dealing with fashion crises was something Thrix had become used to during her friendship with the Fire Queen. This time she had matters well in hand.

  “I’ll have the new frock ready in good time. And don’t worry about your formal coat, I’ll have something even better for you.”

  “Really?” Malveria dabbed her eyes. “Forgive me for crying. I am sometimes overwhelmed to have such a good friend to take care of my attire.”

  The Fire Queen checked her appearance in the large wall mirror. “I should depart, but . . .”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I had intended to visit Agrivex before returning home. Not that the wretched niece will be pleased to receive a visit from me, but I should check that she hasn’t wrecked the house during their party.”

  “Wrecked the house? Is that likely?”

  “There is no telling. Though Agrivex has very little power, she is still a Fire Elemental. As she is too stupid to control her power properly, it’s a constant worry that one day she may simply explode, taking all with her in a hideous fireball.”

  Thrix laughed. She couldn’t imagine the skinny and inoffensive Agrivex exploding in a fireball.

  “I admit it is unlikely,” said Malveria. “Most probably the foolish girl has simply drunk too much and made herself ill.” The Fire Queen sighed.

  “Malveria, are you still feeling old?”

  “A little. And the thought of my niece celebrating her eighteenth birthday is still not helping. What of yourself, Enchantress? Your sister is also eighteen. Does this make you feel old?”

  “It didn’t till you mentioned it. I’ve got enough reasons to dislike Kalix already without you giving me new ones.”

  “You have not forgiven her for killing Easterly?”

  The Enchantress looked grim. “I haven’t. And I don’t care if the rest of the clan thinks she did the right thing. So what if Easterly turned out to be a werewolf hunter? He was still my boyfriend till Kalix assassinated him.”

  The Fire Queen nodded. “You must be sure to keep her away from your next romantic interest.”

  Thrix scowled. “If I ever do have a new romance—which I probably won’t—Kalix had better stay well away. I’ll burn the little brat to a cinder if she annoys me again.”

  The Fire Queen smiled. “I will be sure to give her your best regards.”

  Malveria had never found Kalix to be particularly objectionable, but she was well aware of the Enchantress’s antipathy toward her. She made a final check on her appearance, then dematerialized with a gentle wave, leaving behind her the characteristic aroma of jasmine.

  CHAPTER 20

  Dominil woke before her alarm sounded. She washed and dressed quickly and was ready to leave in a few minutes. Outside it was still raining. She could see the mountain from her window, and in the dull morning light it looked even less welcoming. Dominil pursed her lips.

  “Time to go,” she said.

  The corridor outside was silent. Kalix was sleeping in the next room. Dominil knocked gently on the door. There was no reply. Dominil knocked again, then called to her.

  “Kalix, are you awake?”

  Again there was no reply. Dominil felt uneasy and knocked harder. She tried the door. It was locked. Dominil took a firm grasp of the handle, placed her shoulder against the door and pushed. Even in their human shape, the MacRinnalchs were abnormally strong, and the lock immediately gave way. Dominil stepped inside. She found Kalix lying on the floor. Her bottle of laudanum stood on the bedside table, empty. Kalix had apparently decided to finish off her supply before going to Minerva’s retreat.

  “Damn it, Kalix,” muttered Dominil. “Did you have to do this now?”

  She knelt beside her cousin, fearing that she might be dead. She placed her fingers on Kalix’s neck. There was a pulse, though it was very weak. Kalix’s breathing was very shallow. Dominil pulled back her eyelid. There was no reaction to the light, and her pupil was tiny. Dominil thought that there was a slight bluish tinge to her lips, though it was hard to be certain in the weak electric light in the bedroom.

  Kalix had taken an overdose. Dominil wasn’t quite certain how serious it was, but had she found a human in this condition, after taking too much heroin, she would now be phoning for an ambulance. Unfortunately, medical care for werewolves was always a problem. There were some werewolf doctors in Scotland, but none close by. Dominil hauled Kalix into a sitting position. She checked her pulse again. It remained weak, but seemed constant.

  “As far as I can tell,” said Dominil out loud, “you’re not about to die just yet. So let’s see if Minerva can help.”

  Having made her decision, Dominil acted swiftly. She gathered up Kalix’s belongings, collected her own from next door, then made a swift trip to her car outside, throwing everything in the back seat. She hurried back indoors, passing the landlady on the way. Dominil returned to Kalix’s bedroom, picked up Kalix, threw her over her shoulder, then headed back outside. The landlady looked at her in alarm.

  “I broke a lock,” said Dominil. “I left some money
to cover it.”

  Dominil placed Kalix in the passenger seat, secured her with the seat belt, then pulled away quickly. There were no other cars in sight and it took only a few minutes to reach the turning that led into Glen Marbauch. The road down the valley was narrow, too narrow in places for two cars to pass. Dominil’s view was hindered by the intensifying rain. She was a naturally cautious driver, but her concern for Kalix made her drive faster. The rented car jolted over potholes, and after the fourth or fifth time this happened Kalix groaned. Without opening her eyes, she suddenly vomited, quite heavily, over herself and the dashboard.

  Dominil edged onto the rough grass verge and quickly helped Kalix from the car. The young werewolf moaned again. Dominil took this as a good sign. She held Kalix while she vomited again. Kalix showed signs of coming back to consciousness. Dominil tried to walk her a few steps. The rain was cold, increasing all the time, and Kalix blinked as it struck her face, reviving her. She was sick for a third time. Dominil let her sink to her knees, keeping a close eye on her to check that her breathing was unaffected by her vomiting. She reached down to feel the pulse at her neck. It was notably stronger.

  “It looks like you’ll live,” muttered Dominil. She took Kalix’s hand and tried to lead her back to the car but Kalix resisted, pulling away so she could sink back to her knees and be sick again. Dominil let her go. The crisis seemed to be passing. Kalix was in a poor state, but she wasn’t about to die. It took a lot to fatally overwhelm the constitution of a MacRinnalch werewolf. They remained outside the car, in the rain, for some time.

  “We’ll be late for Minerva,” said Dominil. “We should have been there by now.”

  Kalix was sick again, then flopped onto the wet grass, worn out. Dominil picked her up and took her back to the car. Kalix’s eyes briefly opened, closed again, but Dominil was reasonably sure she was no longer in danger.

  “Let’s hope Minerva doesn’t mind waiting,” said Dominil, and set off again. Now that the crisis had passed, she felt angry. It was foolish of Kalix to have taken so much laudanum. She had enough experience of the drug to have known the risks. Not only had Kalix endangered herself, she’d made them late, and Dominil hated to be late. The rain was now coming down too heavily to drive fast, so there was nothing to do but approach the mountain slowly and hope Minerva was still waiting for them.

  At its nearest point to Mount Marbauch, the road took a sharp turn to the right. Immediately after this turning there was a tiny dirt track that ran behind a large clump of tall bushes. Dominil drove onto the dirt track and parked behind the bushes, leaving the car out of sight of the road. She turned to Kalix.

  “Can you walk?”

  Kalix was asleep and didn’t reply. Dominil gave a small, frustrated sigh. She helped Kalix out of the car, then locked the doors. By the time she’d done that, Kalix had sunk to the ground. Dominil attempted to help her walk by putting her arm around her shoulder, but Kalix hung limply, her feet dragging on the ground, and they made no progress. By now thoroughly annoyed, Dominil picked Kalix up and marched on. They were going to make a fine sight for Minerva. Late, wet through, and Kalix covered in vomit and unable to stand.

  The lower slopes of Mount Marbauch were covered with heather, which grew all the way up to an area where the grass petered out, and the mountain rose above in bare black stone. The track they walked on was barely discernible through the heather, but above and ahead of them Dominil could see an isolated pine tree. Minerva had arranged to meet them at this tree, though there was no sign of her.

  A familiar scent came to Dominil through the rain and the smell of damp heather. A werewolf scent. But not, realized Dominil, quite the scent she might have been expecting. Dominil looked around suspiciously. Then she laid Kalix on her side and took a few steps forward.

  “Minerva?” she called.

  There was no reply. Dominil walked on toward the pine tree. By this time, her werewolf senses were screaming in alarm. Behind the tree she found the elderly werewolf, face down on the ground with a great stain on the back of her coat. Dominil turned her over. There was a small hole in her chest. Minerva was dead, shot through the heart by a silver bullet.

  CHAPTER 21

  Moonglow was surprised that Vex wanted to call a house meeting.

  “Kalix isn’t here. Shouldn’t we wait for her to get back?”

  “I have something I need to talk about. Kalix can join in later. Can’t we have a meeting without her?”

  Moonglow supposed that they could. There was no particular set of rules they had to follow. There was, in fact, no difference between a house meeting and their normal informal gatherings that happened almost every day in the living room. The only reason Moonglow had ever introduced the concept was as a way of forcing everyone to talk about their crippling debts. Now that their finances were in some sort of order, they had no reason for any sort of meeting. Vex, however, wouldn’t let it go. Under normal circumstances, Moonglow would have had no objection, but she’d been hoping to avoid close contact with Daniel, at least for a day or two.

  Daniel lay on his bed and didn’t answer when Vex knocked on his door. Vex came in anyway, and beamed at him.

  “Feeling better? It’s time for our meeting.”

  “Go away,” said Daniel.

  Vex peered at him, trying to interpret his aura. “You’re not so ill now,” she said. “Come and talk.”

  “Is this about Nagasaki Night Fight Boom Boom Girl? Because I told you, it doesn’t start till next week!”

  “I can’t wait for Nagasaki Night Fight Boom Boom Girl!” cried Vex. “But that’s not what I want to talk about. Come on, Moonglow’s waiting!”

  “I’ll bet she is,” grunted Daniel, and followed Vex downstairs.

  Moonglow was sitting with her hair wrapped in a large black towel, still damp from the shower. A few strands escaped onto her shoulders. “Will this take long?” said Moonglow. “I need to dry my hair.”

  “I don’t know,” replied Vex. “It’s a complex matter. The thing is, I’m in danger of being made Queen and we need to do something about it.”

  Daniel and Moonglow looked bewildered.

  Vex carried on. “I was strolling through the garden of small blue flames the other day, just minding my own business, when Xakthan grabbed me. He’s chief minister to Aunt Malvie. He looks about a thousand years old. Maybe more. He’s not a lot of fun, to be honest. Though he did give me my fluffy dragon, so he can’t be all bad. No other government minister ever gave me a fluffy toy. Which is quite mean, now that I think about it. You’d think the minister for defense might have given me a fluffy elephant. It’s not like it would be that expensive, and he knows I need one.”

  The general bewilderment increased.

  “Do you really need a fluffy elephant?” said Moonglow.

  “Well, not need, exactly,” admitted Vex. “But I’d like one. Who wouldn’t?”

  “Fair point,” said Daniel. “Most people would enjoy having a fluffy elephant toy.”

  “That’s what I say!” exclaimed Vex.

  “Is that what this house meeting is about?” ventured Moonglow. “Fluffy elephants?”

  “Not really,” admitted Vex.

  Moonglow drummed her fingers lightly on the table. “I would like to dry my hair, Vex. If you could get to the point.”

  “Of course!” Vex beamed. “The point is Xakthan started giving me a lecture about how I had to start behaving better and dressing better and being responsible, and not causing outrage at banquets, for instance by appearing topless—did I mention my topless banquet experience?—no? It was sort of accidental—I’ll tell you about it later—but anyway, the outcome of all this was people expect me to start behaving better because I’m now the official heir to the throne.”

  Vex paused and drank from her beer bottle. “So what are we going to do?” she asked.

  “Do?” said Moonglow. “About what?”

  “About stopping me being Queen of course. I can’t be heir to the t
hrone; it’s ridiculous. Imagine I was Queen. I’d have to spend all my time with government ministers. I can hardly bear to think about it.” Vex looked sternly at Daniel and Moonglow. “Steps must be taken,” she announced.

  “Does Malveria really want you to be Queen?” asked Moonglow.

  Vex shook her head. “I don’t think so. But now I’m officially adopted, I’m her heir.” Vex shuddered. “So what’s to be done about it?

  Daniel and Kalix looked blankly at each other.

  “Suggest something,” said Vex. “I can’t be Queen. I had enough of that on the volcano when everyone was shooting fire at me.”

  Agrivex shuddered, as she was entitled to do. Her recent mission to the volcano, during which Malveria had made her temporary ruler of the Hiyasta, had ended with her foot being blown off. Though the Fire Queen had healed her, restoring her foot, it had been a painful and traumatic experience.

  “Is it really likely you’ll ever be Queen?” asked Daniel. “Surely Malveria will produce an heir sometime? If she had a child, it would become first in line, wouldn’t it?”

  Vex frowned. “Yes, but how is she going to do that? She’d need to marry someone and have children, and there’s no chance of that happening.”

  “Why not?” asked Moonglow.

  “She never does anything except go to fashion shows. And the only people she could marry, like Hiyasta dukes and earls, don’t go to fashion shows.”

  Moonglow nodded. “Well, that’s the crux of the problem, Vex. You’ll be Malveria’s heir until she produces another one, so you’ll have to encourage her. You should match her up with some duke or earl.”

  Vex slammed her palm on the table, startling the cat, who woke up, meowed and went back to sleep.

  “Of course! I can do that. Definitely. Maybe. Can I do that?”

  “I’m sure you can,” said Moonglow encouragingly.