A Year of Finding Happiness

by Lisa Hobman

  Chapter Fifteen

  After the debacle that was my visit to Mallory’s, the day after the gig where I’d sung the song that broke her, I managed to avoid her for a while. I figured the less I saw her, the less harm I could cause.

  It was a Sunday around the second week in May, and I’d just stopped into the pub to pick up my pay from Stella. As I climbed back in the Landy, I saw Josie and Brad’s van driving away from Mallory’s house. It looked as if the last of her visitors were going home. Poor lass. Now she’d be alone in that new house. My chest twinged at the thought. I leaned forwards and put the cash in my glove compartment and then turned the key in the ignition. I caught sight of Mallory and her little black dog walking away from the cottage. They stopped at the midpoint of the bridge.

  I set off and pulled up alongside where they stood. Winding down the passenger-side window, I shouted over, ‘Hey, Mallory, how are you doing?’

  ‘Oh, hi, Greg. I’m okay, I think. Having my moments.’ She smiled that beautiful smile that made my insides twist.

  Deciding to be brave and face up to the mistake I’d made at the pub that night, I climbed out of the Landy and jogged round to her.

  ‘Look, I wanted to apologise for that night in the pub.’ I ran my hand through my hair – a bit of a telltale, but I couldn’t prevent myself from doing it when I was nervous. ‘If I’d known…’

  ‘Look, don’t worry, you had no clue. How could you have? I’d had quite a bit to drink too, which I don’t think helped. Really, please don’t worry.’ Her smile was warm and caring. I knew she was trying to stop me from feeling guilty, but I couldn’t help it.

  ‘I just felt so bad. I came round the day after.’

  ‘Yes, Josie said so. You don’t need to worry.’

  ‘Aye, but every time I speak to you, I put my foot in it.’

  Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. I was mesmerised. Her smile got wider. ‘Well, if it’s any consolation, up to that point in the evening I thought you were really good.’

  I felt heat rise in my cheeks. Now you have to understand, I don’t embarrass easily; but receiving a compliment from this gorgeous girl did something strange to me, and I suddenly felt like a schoolkid with a crush.

  ‘Really? Thanks. I’m hoping to do it again soon. You should come along. Are there any other songs I should avoid?’ I asked with a slight hint of a cringe.

  ‘No, just that one.’

  ‘Okay, noted. Keep a lookout for the blackboard at the pub… well, that is, when I’ve made one. Right, well, I’d better go. I’m off to fix a leaky tap at Colin’s. He tried to do it, but I think it’s something a bit more serious than he thought.’ I rambled on about shite as usual and walked round to climb back in the Landy. ‘I’m glad you’re okay. Well, as okay as you can be, eh?’

  I fastened my seat belt and watched her as she fiddled with her hair, tucking it behind her ear. She was losing weight, and those sexy curves of hers were disappearing. Absent-mindedly I wondered if she was eating.

  ‘Anyway, you should come up to the pub for some food some time. Stella makes the best steak pie and you look like you could use a good meal.’ As soon as the words left my stupid mouth I clamped my hand over it.

  The ghost of a smile slipped from her lips, and her brow crumpled. Her gaze slowly drifted to the pavement beneath her feet.

  Too late, McBradden, you tosser. Removing my hand, I cringed. ‘Fuck. I really should just not talk to you, eh?’ I shook my head, put the car into gear, and set off at speed, feeling like a complete and utter arse.

  Again.

  I began to think it was doubtful that I even had a brain-to-mouth filter. If I did, it needed new batteries or a good bloody clean-out.

  Although Colin and Christine lived just over the way, I drove in the opposite direction. I was mortified at what I’d just said to the poor wee girl and couldn’t think straight. I glanced in my rear-view mirror to see the pained expression on her face. I’d done that. She peered down at her body and pulled at her trousers where they hung from her hips. Then she began walking again and I turned to concentrate on the road.

  What an arsehole I was.

  As I drove I decided that there was no way she’d set foot in the damn pub again. I turned the car around and headed back to the village to Colin’s. Luckily by the time I’d driven off my feelings of mortification, Mallory and Ruby were nowhere to be seen and so I pulled up, grabbing my toolkit, and made my way into the shop.

  Colin was a great bloke in his late fifties with greying hair and kind eyes. He was fairly slim and a good few inches shorter than me. ‘Hey, have you seen anything of the new lassie recently? Mallory, I mean?’

  I scratched the back of my neck and cringed. ‘I’ve seen her, aye.’

  ‘Oh? Why do I detect a hint of negativity, Gregory?’

  I hesitated, firm in the knowledge that he’d berate me just as I’d done myself. ‘Well, you know the other night at the gig?’

  A wide smile appeared on his face. ‘Oh, yes. I meant to say to you how well it went. Chrissy and I loved it.’

  ‘Thanks. I wish I could say the same for Mallory.’

  His brow crumpled in confusion. ‘She seemed to be enjoying it… before she upped and left with her friends.’

  ‘Aye, well… the reason she left was I sang “Chasing Cars”. It reminded her of when her boyfriend Sam proposed. It really broke her heart, Col. I felt terrible. And I know I wasn’t to know,’ I said, forestalling the reassurance. ‘But that’s not all.’

  Colin rolled his eyes. ‘Oh, great. What else have you done?’

  ‘I… erm… pretty much told her she’s wasting away and needs to eat.’

  Colin gaped for a few moments. ‘Oh no, you didn’t, did you? Gregory, you know how women can be sensitive about that kind of thing. Honestly. Have you not the sense you were born with, man?’

  I felt my cheeks burning. ‘I’m not known for my tact, am I, Col?’

  He shook his head with a look of pity. ‘That’s true. I heard from Ron about how you greeted her when she first arrived. Goodness me, Greg, put brain in gear before engaging mouth.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ve learned my lesson. I just wish… I wish I could do something nice for her. You know? I understand what she’s going through.’

  As if the wheels were turning in his brain, Colin pursed his lips and stared into space. ‘Hmm.’ Then he walked away, shouting, ‘I’ll get the kettle on.’

  Nothing more was said and so I set about fixing the tap, drinking coffee, and keeping my feet out of my mouth.

  *

  Mallory invaded my thoughts continuously and I hated the fact. Mairi should have been on my mind, not some woman who I hardly knew. It irked me that I thought of her at all with anything other than pity and knew I had to deal with it.

  As soon as I arrived home, I jumped in the shower, turning the dial to cold, determined to eject Mallory from my mind. The icy stream of water took my breath away as it pounded at my sensitive skin, and for a few moments my focus was drawn away from Yorkshire lasses with chocolate-brown hair and sexy curves. Instead I felt my teeth chattering and wondered if my balls would ever descend again.

  Once I had tortured myself enough, I switched off the shower and grabbed a warm towel from the radiator, wrapping it around my body and relishing the heat that radiated through to my bones. When I was dry I went downstairs, poured myself a glass of whisky, and picked up Rhiannon. For some reason Fleetwood Mac always popped into my head when I thought about Mallory; and it turned out the shower had done me no good whatsoever as their well-known song ‘Don’t Stop’ popped into my head. I began strumming.

  The lyrics could’ve been written for her. In fact, I could’ve written them myself, for her. That was the thing I’d discovered about music. I couldn’t adequately express my own feelings since Alice did the dirty on me. But I could usually find a song by someone else that said exactly what I was feeling.

  Perhaps I’d sing ‘Don’t Stop’ next time I pl
ayed at the pub, and if she was there I’d dedicate it to her… Soppy swine. I played a few more songs as Angus lay snoring on the rug in front of me. I stroked his belly with my bare foot, and he smiled. I know they say that dogs can’t smile, but Angus did. I could just tell.

  When I was beginning to get tired, I made my way up to bed, stripped naked, and climbed in under the covers. As I lay down, I realized I hadn’t needed a single malt to take away the usual ache.

  *

  My eyes fluttered open and I gasped in shock at the figure standing at the end of my bed. Mallory was dressed in the biggest sweater I’d ever seen. I was confused at first as to why she was in my bedroom, but even more so as to why her sweater was getting bigger. I stifled a laugh, remembering that she didn’t like me and that I’d laughed at her before and received a tongue-lashing that made me feel two inches tall.

  ‘I don’t fit, Greg.’ Her voice was so sad and a tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away on the huge sleeve.

  ‘What do you mean you don’t fit?’ I asked.

  ‘I don’t fit anywhere. I don’t fit here in Clachan Seil… I don’t fit back home in Leeds now that Sam has gone… I don’t even fit into my clothes anymore.’

  My heart broke and I sat up and crawled to the end of the bed, disregarding the fact that I was naked. I cupped her face in my palms. ‘You do fit. You do belong. You belong here, Mallory… with me.’ I leaned forward, pressing my now prominent arousal into her belly, and was just about to take her in my arms and kiss her—

  Chapter Sixteen

  I sat at my small kitchen table, drinking a cup of strong coffee. Last night’s dream whirred around in my head; and every time I remembered the part where I was about to kiss her, shivers ran down my spine and I had to adjust myself in my boxers. She was wearing a huge jumper, for fuck’s sake! What’s sexy about that? And where the hell was Mairi? Why wasn’t Mairi the one I dreamed about? Anger spiked within me and I slammed my cup down; the thud echoed around the silent room and most of the cup’s contents spilled out and began a rhythmical drip-dripping onto the tiled floor. Cursing to myself, I wiped up the mess I’d made.

  Music.

  That was what I needed. Music. I turned on my iPod attached it to its docking station, hit random, and cranked up the volume, figuring I could deafen my thoughts into submission. Soundgarden’s ‘Black Hole Sun’ vibrated around the room as I lay back on my couch, eyes closed. The next track had me sitting up and staring at my sound system as if it were forging some kind of conspiracy against me. ‘Ever Fallen in Love’ by the Buzzcocks mocked me through the speakers.

  ‘I’m not in fucking love with her!’ I shouted at the inanimate object before hitting the off button in a massive huff. I decided to go and do some work on Little Blue, seeing as I wasn’t due at the pub until later.

  The sky was a beautiful cornflower blue. But the trouble was, it reminded me of the eyes of a particular Yorkshire lass I seemed to be unable to forget about. Evermore determined to stop thinking about her, I touched up a bit of paintwork and sanded down the interior of the cabin. It was a job I’d been meaning to do for a while. Angus sat on the dock, watching me work; his tail wagging as always. He was usually reluctant to set paws on the boat on account of the motion of the deck making him sick.

  Eventually I realised that a few hours had passed and I hadn’t thought about Mallory. But as soon as I realised it, there she was, slap bang in the middle of my head again. She stayed there until it was time for work. I growled at myself and made my way down to the pub for my shift, with Angus following behind. He knew he’d be getting some leftovers. Bright dog.

  Thankfully the place was busy and it helped me keep my mind away from erotic thoughts of a girl wearing a huge jumper. Don’t judge me. I can’t help what gets my motor running.

  I was chatting to a nice old guy who was on holiday in the area. He was asking which of the guest beers I would recommend and I was letting him sample some of them. I caught sight of her as she entered the pub, but she scowled in my direction and so I pretended I hadn’t seen her. I let her approach the bar, and when I’d finished chatting to the tourist, I walked over. She eyed the logo on my T-shirt as if trying to figure out its meaning, and I guessed she’d never heard of A Perfect Circle. It afforded me time to surreptitiously check her out. Her breasts were smaller now. She wore a fitted red sweater that had my mouth watering. She was still curvy, thankfully; although why I should be particularly thankful for that, I had no clue.

  I nodded at her and then stupidly said, ‘You came out, then?’

  Without smiling she replied, ‘I guess so, or else I’m a very realistic hologram.’

  I offered to buy her a drink and she made the mistake of ordering a Jack and Coke. She had clearly forgotten where she was – in a pub in the Highlands that served the best Scottish whiskies money could buy. Of course, me being me, I wasted no time in pointing the fact out to her and, as always, I immediately wished I hadn’t opened my big mouth. Once I’d put her drink in front of her, I passed her a menu and reminded her about the steak pie.

  After I’d served a couple more people, I was back before the dark-haired beauty… I mean Mallory.

  ‘What are you eating, then?’ I growled in my usual charming manner.

  ‘Well, you recommend the pie so I’ll go for that, please.’ She smiled despite my crappy attitude.

  ‘Mashed tatties or chips?’

  ‘Mash, please.’ This time her smile was a little sarcastic in its nature. Mash, my arse. I still thought she needed feeding up.

  ‘Chips it is, then.’ I grinned and walked away before she could protest.

  Stella was beavering away in the kitchen when I took Mallory’s order through.

  ‘Oh, she came, then?’ she asked with a smile that told me she’d seen inside my head.

  ‘It would appear so, yes.’

  ‘Are you going to chat to her? You know, make her feel welcome in your capacity as bar manager?’

  ‘In my capacity as bar manager? There’s only me and you. You own the bloody place, so who do I manage? My bloody self?’ I laughed.

  ‘Oh, shut up, Greg, and go take her food, will you?’ She passed me the plated-up meal and made a face at me.

  Once I’d placed the food in front of Mallory, I walked away again. Stella had come through from the kitchen and gestured that I should go back and talk to her. We had a non-verbal conversation of hand signals and raised eyebrows, which ended in me sticking up two fingers at her. She just laughed. Nothing much fazed Stella.

  Conceding defeat, I pulled out a chair and sat opposite Mallory where she was tucking into the pie. I’d known she’d like it. When I asked her if she was enjoying it, she just nodded. After a pause where I watched as she chewed and blushed, I had to break the silence, seeing as I felt as if I was imposing and that Stella had got it totally wrong.

  ‘Anyway, have you got that workshop sorted yet?’

  ‘How did you know about that?’ she asked with a puzzled expression and a mouth full of pie.

  ‘The guy who lived there before, James McLaughlan. I did a bit of work for him a few years back. A bit of rewiring and stuff. He moved up north to be wi’ his family. Nice guy. He used to make wooden toys for the hospital and the hospice in Oban,’ I explained.

  We chatted a bit about Mallory’s craft business and the things that she made. The little Christmas decorations and hanging signs with quotes and phrases on sounded cute and she spoke with a light in her eyes that had been missing since the funeral. It was clear that she loved what she did.

  She took a large gulp of her drink. ‘Funny you should mention the workshop, actually.’

  ‘Aye? Why’s that?’ I narrowed my eyes, wondering what was coming next.

  She hesitated, as if choosing her words carefully. ‘Well, you mentioned earlier that you were fixing Colin’s tap, and I wondered if you could come and have a look at the sink in the workshop.’ She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and my attention was m
omentarily drawn there. To that luscious pink flesh. I gulped and flicked my eyes up to meet hers again; realising there was uncertainty in her gaze. ‘If you have the time, obviously, no pressure.’

  She wants my help. Huh. ‘Oh, right. Aye, I could come and have a wee look. What seems to be wrong with it?’

  ‘I think it may need a new tap altogether. It won’t budge.’

  I tried to think back to what I was supposed to be doing the day after but decided that, whatever it was, I could move it on.

  She watched me as if expecting me to say no. ‘If you can, I thought maybe I could make you that chalkboard you mentioned when I saw you earlier. You know, by way of payment and to save you a job.’

  So we were going to trade our skills, then? I liked the sound of it. I’d never owned something quite so personal – something made especially for me – and I couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across my face.

  I held out my hand but Mallory looked puzzled at the gesture, so I clarified my meaning. ‘Got yourself a deal, Mallory.’ She grasped my hand and smiled. Her skin was soft and smooth, and her hand was swallowed up by my huge shovel. ‘I’ll come round tomorrow and have a wee look, if you like.’

  ‘Great.’

  I released her hand and she blushed bright pink.

  Too damn bloody cute.

  When I got home after my shift that night, I had the worst set of butterflies known to man. I was a six-foot-plus-tall, thirty-seven-year-old man – but the way my stomach was churning, you’d have been excused for thinking I’d regressed back to my teenage years. I couldn’t sleep. Okay, I usually couldn’t sleep, but this was worse. So there I lay in my bed, all night, wide awake as visions of a chocolate-haired girl in just an oversized sweater danced around my mind, tantalising and torturing me with something I could never have and shouldn’t want.