A Matter of Trust
Page 13
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“So how’s it going with you and Jake?” Callie took a small bite of pizza after she launched the question.
Trish looked at Callie and thought a minute. “It’s going okay. He just seems a little tense lately.”
Callie rolled her eyes. “No shit, Sherlock. I think we all noticed. Do you have any idea why?”
“Not a clue. Maybe he’s starting to think about all the strings I come with. A lot of men aren’t interested in getting involved with single mothers, although he didn’t give me that impression in the beginning.”
“That’s not it, Trish.” Callie continued to watch Trish over her can of Coke.
“Well then, what is it? You’re his sister, so I figure you know him pretty well.” Trish grumbled something about this being a prime example of why she’d sworn off relationships.
“You know how my Granddad had Eva move into the bunk house and had it redone for her? Remember how she took over the cooking, and he didn’t charge her rent? You know how Granddad took Cade in and made him part of the family?” Callie began listing examples of similar things in their family’s past.
Trish looked at Callie quizzically. “Yeah. What does that have to do with Jake and me?”
“Jake’s like Granddad. It’s in his nature to help people. He doesn’t think about it, he just does it. Josh takes after him that way. I guess we all do. Every time he tries to help you, you shoot him down. It’s killing him.” Callie watched for her reaction.
“I let him help me load and unpack! I’m renting his house. He drove me to work the other day when my car broke down.. I don’t shoot him down.” Trish huffed.
“You wouldn’t let him help you with the furniture, I’m guessing you moved most of the boxes yourself this morning, you paid him back for the pizza. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, it’s just that you need to understand it’s hard for him to stand by and watch anyone struggle, more so when it’s you. He cares about you, and it kills him when you won’t let him show it.”
“Be that as it may, Callie, I pay my own way. I’m not about to let him take control of my life.”
“I don’t blame you a bit. I wouldn’t either. Did you know the first time Cade asked me to marry him he actually made it a statement of fact? ‘We’ll get married right away,’ Callie said in a deep voice. Can you imagine?” Callie did yet another eye roll.
“What did you say? God, I’m surprised he survived the encounter. Trish smiled as she said it, but the statement definitely included a grain of truth there.
“I called him an ass and told him to go to hell.” Both Trish and Eva laughed out loud.
“My point is these guys are used to taking charge of things. It takes them a little time to get used to the idea that they’re not in charge of us, regardless of their best intentions. Jake’s probably the worst of the three, because he’s the oldest, he owns his own company, and our parents and grandparents drilled into him from the time he was little that he had the responsibility to look out for the rest of us. Of course, you’re not going to let him control your life, but be aware that, being a man, he’s a little dense about stuff like that. He doesn’t mean to piss you off, he’s just driven to keep you safe and to help you. Be patient with him. Plus, you’re touchier about him helping you than anyone else.”
“What do you mean, Callie?” Trish asked.
Eva tagged in. “The other day when you didn’t have a car, if Jake hadn’t picked you up from work, what would you have done?”
“I was headed back inside to call you or Callie when he showed up.”
“Why would you not have called Jake?” Eva asked.
Trish looked from one woman to the other. “I … I don’t know.”
“If you couldn’t have reached me or Callie, might you have called Josh or Cade?” Eva sounded completely reasonable as she prepared to pounce.
“Probably.” Trish braced herself.
Eva continued. “You don’t want Jake to think you need him. You want to make sure he knows you don’t need anyone to take care of you, that you can take care of yourself. Because if he ever thought you needed him, you’d feel like you gave over some control to him. It’s not that you don’t trust him in particular, you just don’t trust any man to take care of you. You only trust yourself. I totally get it. I felt the same way in the beginning. You’re touchier about Jake helping you, because he’s more important, and you don’t really want him to be at this point. Bottom line, you’re not really fighting him, you’re fighting yourself and your feelings for him.”
Trish thought about what her friends had said. “You’re right. Before Jake and I started seeing each other, if he offered to help me, I usually didn’t think twice about it, unless he wanted to pay for something or the like. Now, I am touchy about it. I hadn’t even realized it. Poor guy. No wonder he’s been stressed out. I’m really glad you girls pointed this out. I’ll have to give it some more thought. Thanks.”
Eva smiled. “That’s what friends are for. When you’ve had a crappy marriage like we have, it’s hard to trust someone else. And it’s hard to have the courage to take a chance on someone else, when the last someone made your life a living hell. I went through all of that. Josh made it all worth it, though, even though it took some time to get past my defenses.
Trish tapped her coke can against Eva’s. “Thanks, Eva. I know you had it rough. Pete never got violent with me, thank God. But he sure did mess things up for me and the kids. You’re right, trust comes hard.”
Eva hugged her. “Time will help. In the meantime, being aware of your feelings and fears is half the battle towards conquering them.”