A Matter of Trust

by LazyDay Publishing

  Chapter 8

  Trish put the kids to bed when she got home. She had too much on her mind to sleep, so she tried to work on some interventions for the latest students she’d tested, but she found she couldn’t concentrate. Finally, she lay down on the couch and tried to work her way through the many thoughts running through her mind. It all came back to one thing: She had to protect her children. She let her feelings get in the way once, and she couldn’t do that again.

  What should she do? Trevor and Lexie were already attached to Jake. Should she risk allowing him to become a bigger part of their lives, or should she stop things right now before they went any further? Jake was great with the kids. She trusted very few people around her children, and he made the short list. She still trusted him with them as far as safety and protection went. She knew he’d put himself between them and any threat. But what about emotionally? Could she risk another loss like the one they’d already experienced with their father?

  Jake said he loved her. God, this was all happening too fast. She’d just reconciled herself to moving from friends to lovers, and she still wasn’t completely comfortable with that. Part of her was thrilled at his declaration, but as usual, part of her was terrified. Could she afford to open herself up to love again? She’d sworn she never would, but then Jake came into the picture, and she’d let him past all her protective barriers. Hell, he bulldozed his way through them. The thought made her smile.

  Jake said he wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t want him to go anywhere. She wanted to be with him. He made her feel special. She knew he tried very hard to understand her and what she needed. She couldn’t ask for any more. He’d shown such patience. For the past few years, her vision of her future included only her kids. Now she could envision Jake there, too. She wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she knew she was already half way to loving him, despite all her efforts to avoid that. Even so, she had to be very careful with her kids. After debating all points to death, she finally fell into an exhausted sleep sometime after midnight.

  At three o’clock in the morning, she jerked awake, barely containing a scream. The nightmare had returned with a new twist. This time, not only was Pete covered in blood, but so were Lexie and Trevor. She got up from the couch immediately and went to check on the kids, who both slept soundly. She lifted a shaky hand to sweep her hair off her face and went back to the living room.

  She never did get back to sleep.

  Like clockwork, Trevor and Lexie woke up before seven for cartoon day. Saturday, she allowed them to watch several hours of television as opposed to school nights when they could only watch for an hour. Trish bought a TV from Eva and Josh that worked perfectly with the entertainment center she’d bought from Jake for the living room. She made blueberry pancakes for breakfast and had just finished the cleanup when the doorbell rang. Trevor jumped up yelling that he would get it and ran for the door.

  “Oh, no you won’t, young man, not without me there with you. You don’t know who’s at the door. It could be a stranger. Remember stranger danger?” Hoping for a stranger considering she looked like a wreck, she opened up the door.

  Trevor was ecstatic. “Jake! Hey, did you come to see our new house? Come in. Mom, open the door.”

  “Can I come in, Trish?” Jake looked at her cautiously.

  “Sure, Jake, come on in.” Trish opened the door wide and let him in.

  “Zake! Come see my pink ballewina woom!” Lexie jumped up and down and finally wrapped her little arms around Jake’s legs.

  “I saw him first, Lex. You have to wait your turn. Come on, Jake.” Trevor tugged at Jakes hand.

  Jake got down to eye level with the kids. “I’ll tell you what. After I talk to your mom for a little bit, I’ll come get you, so you can both show me your rooms. Fair enough?”

  They both agreed, if reluctantly, and went back into the living room.

  He’s finally run out of patience, and he’s going to break things off. I don’t blame him. “Can I get you something, Jake? Are you hungry?” Trish felt like someone on her way to face a firing squad as she motioned him further inside.

  “No, I’m fine. I’m sorry to drop by unannounced, but I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Sure. Come on into the office.” Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. It’s probably for the best. Keep it together until he leaves.

  They both sat on the loveseat. She thought about sitting in the desk chair in front of the computer, but she figured that would make her look weak.

  “What’s on your mind, Jake?” Braced for the worst, Trish looked at him quietly.

  He reached up and touched his fingertips to her cheek. “You okay? You look tired.”

  “I didn’t sleep very well last night. I’m fine, though.”

  “That makes two of us. Listen, Trish, about last night … “

  “Don’t worry about it, Jake. I don’t blame you if you want to step back and rethink this. I come with all these strings, and I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to get tangled up in them. Let me just make this easy on you and say that I think you’re wonderful, and I hope we can still be friends. No hard feelings on my side at all.”

  “Well, honey, I hate to rain on your parade after that pretty little speech of yours, but I don’t want to take any steps back, and I don’t mind your strings, and I have every intention of getting tangled up good in them. And no, I’m afraid friends isn’t enough to satisfy me, so I suggest you do some rethinking yourself. Jesus Christ, Trish, how many times do I have to tell you I’m not going anywhere?”

  Trish didn’t know until that minute how much she wanted him to stay in her life. She threw her arms around him and burst into tears.

  Jake pulled her onto his lap and held her against his chest and rubbed her back up and down while she cried herself out.

  “I thought you came here to break up with me, and I didn’t blame you, and I wanted to let you off the hook, but I didn’t want to not see you anymore, and I didn’t even realize it until I thought you were ending things between us.”

  “Take a deep breath, honey. Nobody’s breaking up with anybody. That’s the last thing I want, and even if you wanted to, I’m not that easy to brush off.” He reached for a tissue and handed it to her. “Now, blow your nose, that’s it.”

  “I look awful when I cry. I hardly ever cry, and never in front of anyone else. I’m sorry. I’m not myself. I didn’t sleep much last night, and I have too much on my mind, I guess.”

  “You look beautiful. A little tired and damp, but beautiful, all the same. Better?” She nodded.

  “I stopped by to tell you I didn’t mean to scare you last night when I told you I loved you. I meant it, but I didn’t mean to just blurt it out like that, especially when you were already worried about the kids. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about me. Yet. I’m a patient man, and we don’t have to go any further with that for awhile. I don’t want you to feel pressured. It’s just that when you left last night, it felt like I was losing you, and I don’t want that. I sure wish you’d talk to me about how you’re feeling.”

  “Right now, the overwhelming emotion I’m feeling is relief that you’re not hitting the road. I really wouldn’t blame you if you did, but I would be so sad.” He leaned down and kissed her. “I’m not trying to be obstinate. I’m trying to sort out how I feel. You’re important to me. I just realized that I don’t want to lose you. I wish I could put the past behind me, and God knows I’m trying, but it’s hard. I was so concerned about myself and whether or not I was willing to chance a relationship, I didn’t stop to think of the kids. What kind of mother does that? I barely decided to risk myself when it hit me that every risk I take also risks my kids. I can’t believe I forgot that.”

  “Trish, you’ve had a lot on your mind, and you were solo for a few weeks. You never forgot about them, you were just preoccupied. I would neve
r hurt those kids. You’ve got to know that.”

  “I know you would never purposely hurt them. But they’ve already lost the most important male in their lives, so they’re vulnerable. I’ve been trying to beef up our world, so they’d feel safe and secure again, and it’s been a slow process. I worry all the time how losing their dad will affect them long term. I don’t want to add to the problems they’re already dealing with. If they get used to you being in their lives, and you disappear for any reason, that could take them right back to where they started.”

  “Honey, I don’t know what I can say to ease your mind, except to tell you I’m sticking. If I leave, it’ll be because you send me away, and even then, you’d have one hell of a fight on your hands. This is going to freak you out, but I’m going to tell you again, anyway. I love you. You’re it for me, Trish. I’ve wanted you from the time you walked back into my life when you started planning the Lit Center with my sister, and now the more time I spend with you, the more time I want with you. You don’t have to do a thing in the world about it, except believe me when I say I’m not leaving. Given time, I’ll prove myself. Give me that time, Trish.”

  “Oh, Jake. Why do you put up with me? You could have any number of women. Why in the world do you want me?”

  “Sweetheart, you’re the only woman I want. If you’re not comfortable with us going out with the kids, we can hold off until you think it’s a good idea. I know you have to put them first in everything. I don’t want to pressure you about anything. You’re the boss.”

  “How about a trip to the zoo this afternoon?”

  “You bet. First, though, I have a couple of rooms to inspect, if you’ll excuse me.” They both stood up, but before he left her to find the kids, she wrapped him in a big hug.

  “Thank you for being so great.”

  “I can’t help it honey, that’s just me.” They smiled at each other, and he went to round up the kids while she took a shower.

  By the time she got ready and returned to the living room, the kids were dressed and ready to go with the exception of Lexie’s hair. She went back to Lex’s room to get a brush and some hair bands and ribbons and noticed that someone had made the bed, and put up clothes and toys. She found the same in Trevor’s room. Who says miracles don’t happen?

  “Wow, you guys. Beds are made and floors are picked up. Nice. I am impressed.”

  Trevor looked up and said, “Jake said we were big enough to make our beds, and we did. We’re not so little anymore, Mom.”

  “You’re growing every day, Trev. Jake just said yesterday that he thought you were both taller since you left on vacation.”

  “And Granddad said my handshake is getting really strong, too.” Trevor smiled proudly.

  “Mine, too, Mommy. Right Zake?” Lexie got into the act, too.

  Jake winked at her. “Yes ma’am. How would you guys like to go to the zoo today?”

  “With you, Zake?”

  “All of us, your mom, too. How does that sound?”

  Although Jake couldn’t hear a specific answer through all the yelling and jumping up and down, he figured he’d take the loud reaction as a yes. Trish packed a bag, and they left shortly afterwards. It felt cool enough for a light sweater, but the sun was out, and they ended up having a great time. They drove home, and Jake invited them to come over later for movie night at his house, and they all agreed. Trish was curious, since she’d never been to his house before, what it looked like. She’d had no idea he lived so close, just a few streets over. It would be a nice walk when the weather got warmer and it stayed light longer.

  Jake had said he’d take care of dinner, so she packed up the kids and a bag of essentials and headed over. When she got there, Jake opened the door and smiled, and she thought she’d never seen a more welcoming sight in her life. The man was incredible. It hit her full force just then that she’d passed the half way mark in love with him. She waited for the fear to set in next, but it barely registered. Maybe everything would work out okay. For the first time, she felt hopeful about their future, and that was progress in her book.

  When Jake opened the door for them, Trevor shook his hand, Lexie held her arms up to him for a kiss, and when he put her down, it was Trish’s turn. He hadn’t kissed her in front of the kids, and while she appreciated him leaving it up to her to set the ground rules, she no longer felt the need to hold back. She reached up and pulled his head down to hers and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

  Initially caught off guard, he recovered quickly and gave as good as he got. In seconds, they were both out of breath and dying to carry it further, knowing they couldn’t with the kids under foot.

  “When can I be alone with you? I don’t need much time. The way I feel right now, ten minutes would be long enough, at least to hold me over until we have more time. How about I sneak in through your bedroom window tonight?” Jake wiggled his eyebrows at her.

  “Don’t tempt me. Maybe I can take the kids to my mom’s for awhile tomorrow. She called and said she was having withdrawals.”

  “She’s not the only one, honey. God, I want you. Bad.”

  “Me, too. I’ll definitely take the kids to my mom tomorrow.” She kissed him again and reluctantly pulled away.

  Trevor walked back and said, “Hey, you guys. Whatcha doin’ just standing there?”

  “We were just coming to find you guys, Trev. Are you hungry?” Jake reached down and ruffled the boy’s hair.

  “Sure! Whatcha got?” Trevor followed him into the kitchen.

  “How about mac and cheese and hot dogs?” Jake asked him.

  “Great. How’d you know we like that?” Trevor smiled up at him.

  “I guess because I liked it when I was your age, too.”

  “Most grownups who don’t have kids make dumb stuff to eat like steak or roast, and they always have lots of vegetables. You’re pretty smart.”

  “Well, thanks, Trevor. Come on, let’s go into the living room, and I’ll show you the movies you have to choose from. Coming, Mom?” Jake looked over his shoulder at Trish.

  “Right behind you.” Trish walked into the living room and was surprised to see a tent set up there. Lexie peeked outside the front flap and smiled up at her.

  “Look Mommy. Zake has a tent in here. We should get one, too.”

  Trish looked up, her heart warmed at the extent Jake had gone to in order for the kids to have a fun time. He smiled smugly at her. “My dad used to do that for Josh and Callie and I when we were little. I thought they might like it, too.”

  “I’d say you hit a home run.” Trish smiled at him again.

  “Come on and help me with their plates. I’ve got a couple of steaks for us, unless you want a hot dog, too.”

  “Not that I don’t enjoy a good hot dog every once in awhile, but steak sounds great. What can I do to help?” Trish followed Jake into the kitchen.

  “Everything’s ready. You just have to dish it out. I’m rusty on portion size for kids.”

  Trish fixed the kids’ plates while Jake fixed theirs. She intended to call the kids to the table, until Jake explained to her that half the fun of ‘camping out’ was eating in the tent. She relented after he agreed to let her put some towels down first.

  The kids drew cards for who got to pick the first movie, and Lexie won. She picked Madagascar, and both kids crawled inside the tent and watched the movie while they ate their dinner. When it finished, Trish thought they should go home, but there were so many groans and complaints from the peanut gallery that she agreed to stay for one more movie, but only after they’d cleaned up and the kids changed into their pj’s. Trevor picked Toy Story, an oldie but goodie in his mind.

  About thirty minutes into the movie, Trish started yawning. She hadn’t had much sleep the night before. Actually, she hadn’t had much sleep in the last few weeks, and she started losing ground steadily. She sat next to Jake on the couch,
and the kids still watched from inside the tent. She’d seen the movie so many times, she thought she could probably say all the lines herself. When the yawns moved into her actually nodding off, Jake leaned back at an angle and pulled her head down to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. She was out in sixty seconds flat. Lexie fell next, followed by Trevor, both still in the tent, and finally, Jake joined the crowd after pulling a blanket from the back of the couch and spreading it over them. Somehow, Trish and Jake ended up horizontal, Trish’s back to his chest, her arms holding his arms which were wrapped around her.

  Just after seven the next morning Lexie shook her mother awake. Trish woke up all at once and disoriented, and Jake woke up with her.

  “Good morning, Momma. Good morning, Zake.” She gave them both the sweetest smile.

  “Good morning, baby. I guess we all fell asleep, huh?” Trish rubbed at her eyes trying to wake up.

  “Yep. Trevor’s still sleeping.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m awake.” He crawled out of the tent and focused owlish blue eyes the same color as his mother’s, hair sticking up all over, on his mother laying in Jakes arms on the couch.

  Trish sat up slowly and faced her kids. “I guess we were all more tired than we thought last night, huh? Did you two sleep okay?”

  “Let’s get a tent for our house, Momma.” Lexie jumped up and down excitedly.

  “We’ll see, Lex. Trevor, did you sleep okay?” Trish watched her son closely.

  He shrugged his shoulders and turned around and headed for the bathroom. Trish felt Jake’s hand squeeze her neck in support as she got up to follow him. Lexie crawled up on his lap and kissed his cheek.

  “What kind of ceweal do you got, Zake?”

  “Let’s go see, princess.”