by E. M. Foner
“Three thousand creds worth?”
“That was a misunderstanding,” Dorothy said stubbornly. “I was sure I knew from somewhere that buyers can always make one backup copy of anything.”
“I’ve reviewed all of your presentations from the security system. While I admit to being impressed with your final concept, its evolution was messy, and I won’t be surprised if we hear from more lawyers.”
“You liked my franchise idea?” The EarthCent ambassador’s daughter flipped from defensive to triumphant like somebody had thrown a switch. “Of course you did, it’s brilliant. I knew you’d go for the franchise model because it means we get a sales force equipped with nanofabric universal fitting dresses for a minimal investment in training.”
“We still have to buy the nanofabric from the Gem,” Jeeves pointed out.
“But the franchisees will buy it from us,” Dorothy countered. “We’ll have to offer financing if it’s really expensive, but you’ll make a profit on that. Maybe my mom will invest some of the cookbook money.”
“I can’t tell the Gem how much to charge for manufacturing, but I’m estimating that a piece of nanofabric sufficient for all of the styles in our catalog will sell for more than most of our customers earn in a year,” Jeeves said. “I spent my few off-hours the last three weeks scouring the galaxy for low-cost feedstock wholesalers to supply the nanobot factory.”
“But our franchisees won’t need anything else,” Dorothy pointed out. “No inventory means no stockroom—they can even skip a storefront and make house calls.” Then the second part of what Jeeves had said sank in, and she asked, “Why would you be trying to find cheap raw materials for the Gem after I promised not to buy any nanofabric?”
“Because I know you better than you know yourself, and it was clear that you were going to find a way to make the nanofabric part of our business. As my elders are taking an interest in helping the Gem rebuild their economy, I have some extra leeway to work with, so I decided to get out ahead of you for a change.”
“You mean—”
“I mean that your intentionally starting with a terrible idea and bringing the wrath of the Vergallian legal system down on my head was totally unnecessary,” Jeeves said. “You can’t out-Stryx a Stryx, and I know perfectly well that you wasted the first three demonstrations presenting bad business models so that I would jump at the only one that made sense. Have you forgotten who used to troubleshoot the tough matches for Eemas dating service?”
Myst’s betrothed took advantage of Dorothy’s momentary speechlessness to step forward and bow formally to the Stryx. “I’m Lancelot, Sir Jeeves.”
“I take it Dorothy hired you, though I can’t imagine under what authority,” Jeeves responded. The twinkling lights on his casing made it clear that he was tickled to be addressed as ‘Sir.’
“It’s just part-time to do the nanofabric programming,” Dorothy hastened to explain. “Lance is starting at the Open University next semester, and I did get Baa to approve the hire. Myst too.”
“I heard that Myst returned with Gwendolyn, but I didn’t realize she had joined SBJ Fashions management,” Jeeves said.
“I didn’t mean that she agreed to hire Lance, I meant that I hired her part-time as well.”
“And what is Myst’s particular specialty in the field of spending my money?” Jeeves asked.
“Jewelry,” Dorothy told him. “We had an idea for a whole line of matching necklaces, bracelets and tiaras when we were kids, and since she’s been mostly sleeping since then, she never forgot. We’re going to call it the Princess—where did he go?” she asked, blinking at the empty space that the Stryx had occupied just a second before.
“I can’t believe you tried to trick Jeeves,” Flazint said. “You’re even crazier than Tzachan thinks you are.”
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” the EarthCent ambassador’s daughter replied lightly. “Jeeves can’t be angry because I tried to manipulate him for a change, other than the bit about the Vergallian lawyer’s bill, I mean.”
Nineteen
“—and adding free drinks did the trick,” Kelly explained to the members of the intelligence steering committee on the holoconference.
“So the observers were all basically there on vacation?” Ambassador Oshi asked.
“Some of them filled their swag bags the first day and then we never saw them again. I couldn’t get our station librarian to tell me why observers are even required.”
“I’ve come to believe that most of the rules related to the tunnel network treaty are anachronisms that the Stryx stick to because they’re resistant to change,” Ambassador Zerakova said.
“You think the Stryx are hidebound traditionalists?” the president asked. “I’ve always been impressed by their willingness to play it by ear.”
“I don’t mean they aren’t accepting of new ideas, though it may be a mistake to assume that anything is actually new to first-generation Stryx who have been around for nearly a hundred million years. What I mean is that once they put a system in place, they aren’t in any hurry to make changes to accommodate those of us who think that a century is a long time.”
“Perhaps, but let’s hear the rest of Ambassador McAllister’s update,” the president said. “Kelly?”
“Ultimately, the working groups voted unanimously for the Thousand Cycle option, and Daniel was delegated to officially notify the Stryx,” Kelly continued her recap of the week’s events on Union Station. “Then they voted on disbanding and designating the working group chairs as points of contact for whoever gets stuck trying to launch the empire. Not surprisingly, that vote tally in every working group was four in favor, one against, but majority rules.”
“So a small group of civic-minded people learned too late never to be the high bidder at a government auction,” Ambassador Fu said with a chuckle. “But will Earth qualify to join the Human Empire?”
“I don’t see why not,” EarthCent’s president replied. “Are you worried that our current status as a Stryx protectorate would interfere?”
“There’s a Verlock tunnel treaty expert on Union Station I can check with once everything else is settled,” Kelly said. “My own take is that this Thousand Cycle option is equivalent to what my daughter would call a ‘soft launch’ in the fashion business. At some point in the future, when all the criteria are met and the Human Empire becomes more than a new name for the Conference of Sovereign Human Communities, I believe the Stryx will be ready to let Earth out from under their wing.”
“At which point EarthCent will become obsolete.”
“If we do this right, our embassies and employees will be rebranded for the Human Empire and none of our institutional knowledge or working relationships with alien diplomats will be lost. That’s why I think it’s important that we start actively promoting our civil service exam to draw applicants for both organizations.”
“So a century and a half from now, or whatever the math works out to, EarthCent and the Human Empire will be prepared to function as a single entity, without a sharp transition period,” the president concluded. “How about recruiting your girls, Svetlana?”
“I suppose I’ll have to fill out applications for them,” Ambassador Zerakova said. “When the co-op jobs with aliens that I signed them up for were completed, they both transitioned to full-time employees, but ultimately, I don’t see a career path for humans working in alien diplomatic or intelligence services.”
“That’s exactly what I’ve told my son and his fiancée,” Kelly said. “I’m counting on the Vergallian ambassador to ease Samuel out if he can’t make the decision for himself.”
“So we’re all comfortable with spending the cookbook windfall to help launch the Human Empire?” Ambassador White asked.
There was a chorus of half-hearted assents from the members of the intelligence steering committee.
“The money is still coming in faster than I can invest it, so there will be plenty left over to finance o
ther worthy projects,” Kelly told them. “We’re already subsidizing the Twenty-Second Century Bazaar program that Hildy set up to train Earthers in alien relations and to keep expatriate humans connected to the homeworld. But I have a sneaking suspicion that the Stryx timing in awarding us the new edition of the All Species Cookbook wasn’t a matter of chance after all. The sovereign human communities never would have gone ahead with the Human Empire if it had meant instituting a new tax.”
“You can’t argue with education and institution building,” the president said. “Still, I’d recommend choosing a mentor before you start shoveling money out the door.”
“Any progress on that yet?” Ambassador Oshi inquired.
“The ad hoc committee members are arguing about it as we speak,” Kelly said. “I was in the meeting right up until I excused myself to get on this holoconference. Every committee member wants to offer the mentorship to the Union Station ambassador corresponding to their host species back home. It’s really put me in an awkward position since the alien ambassadors have turned it into a competition.”
“The aliens turn everything into a competition,” the president said. “I have faith you’ll work something out. Right now I have to get to a business lunch where I’m the guest speaker, and that means the rest of you must be getting hungry as well. At least we got Universal Human Time right.”
The holographic images of the other ambassadors on the intelligence steering committee began winking out, and Kelly realized that nobody had a miracle cure to offer for her mentor problem. One thought led to another, and she wrote in her open notebook, “M793qK?”
“I have to run out, family emergency,” Donna’s voice announced from Kelly’s display desk. “I asked Libby to deliver this message when you got off your conference call. And Aabina needs to ping the management of the Empire Convention Center.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” the Vergallian girl muttered.
“Aabina!” Kelly exclaimed. “You’re so quiet that I forgot you were standing right behind me.”
“Part of my early training was attending all of my mother’s royal audiences. My tutor impressed on me that the role of a princess in the presence of a queen is to listen attentively and never interrupt.”
“Are you casting me as the queen?”
“Officially, you remain the Carnival Queen until the next time Union Station holds an election for the job,” the Vergallian girl told her. “I couldn’t help noticing what you wrote in your notebook, and although asking the Farling doctor to become the Human Empire’s mentor would eliminate the problem of choosing one of the local ambassadors over the others, my mother warned me that she’s never negotiated with anybody so deep.”
“You mean she’s unsure of the doctor’s intentions?”
“There’s no doubt that his ultimate aim is to rise to the top of the Farling hierarchy. Apparently, he made his move too early and got exiled, though he passes it off as a difference in opinion. What my mother meant is that M793qK was always at least one step ahead of her, and that means he’ll be—” Aabina hesitated.
“At least two steps ahead of us, if not a country mile,” Kelly said.
“The Farlings have been around longer than any of the tunnel network species, and they never saw the need to join because they’re powerful enough on their own. I’m afraid that M793qK would find the position of mentor to a new empire just too tempting not to take advantage.”
“It could be moot if Daniel and his ad hoc committee have already decided on somebody else,” Kelly said. “Let’s get back to the meeting and see what they ordered for lunch.”
The Vergallian girl waited at the door for the EarthCent ambassador to wave open the security lock, and then the two of them crossed the lobby and entered the conference room. Daniel was talking quietly with Dring, who was adding some decorative artwork to the margins of his scroll as he listened, and Shaina was reading something on her tab.
“Where did everybody go?” Kelly asked.
“For starters, Samuel got a ping from Vivian and ran off,” Shaina told Kelly. “It sounded like she wasn’t happy about her twin brother getting married before her.”
“What!”
“Kelly hasn’t heard yet,” Daniel observed. “I’ll let you explain, Shaina, because I’m not sure I understand what happened myself.”
“You missed quite the drama in the last half-hour,” Shaina said. “Jonah has eloped with Sephia, the Mayor of Floater’s daughter. Donna grabbed the mayor for an emergency meeting with Blythe and Clive, and the rest of the ad hoc committee members took it as an excuse to call it a day.”
“We were just going around in circles anyway,” Daniel said. “The only thing everybody agreed on is that the mentor can’t be from one of the tunnel network species and that the final choice is up to me.”
“That gets us off the hook with the alien ambassadors,” Kelly said with a sigh of relief. “But how could Jonah just run off? Doesn’t he have a show to do today?”
“Ambassador Crute stopped in,” Shaina continued. “We told him you were in a meeting, but he was looking for Donna. It turns out that Jonah and Sephia spent the night at a nest-and-breakfast on the Dollnick deck, and then they convinced a Dolly tour-ship captain to take them on a loop around the station and marry them.”
“They eloped to the Dollnick deck?”
“Sephia’s father was relieved when he heard. Spending the night before the wedding in a nest is required for the Dollnicks to recognize a marriage on Chianga. She races floaters for the factory, you know, and there’s a moral turpitude clause in her contract that would have been violated if she hadn’t followed tradition.”
“Several of the tour ship passengers recognized Jonah from his cooking show,” Daniel chipped in. “The captain thought he’d better report it to the Dollnick embassy to clear any liability with the Grenouthians.”
“What do the Grenouthians have to do with it?” Kelly asked.
“The bunnies have Jonah under contract. For all the ship captain knew, he might have stepped in it by performing the marriage.”
“How did Blythe and Clive take the news?”
“Better than Vivian,” Shaina said. “Blythe was younger than Jonah when she got married, as was Donna, and you remember that Chastity eloped. There’s a pretty extensive write-up in the Galactic Free Press gossip column.”
“I suppose Samuel will give me all of the details when I see him,” Kelly said. “Assuming that Donna never ordered lunch, why don’t I treat everybody to a meal out? Maybe a change of scenery will help us think outside the box on the mentor issue.”
“We’ve been thinking outside the box since everybody ran off,” Daniel told her. “I even considered asking Libby if M793qK would be acceptable, but then I remembered the way he cleaned us all out when we played poker.”
“No, I don’t imagine he would be the best choice,” Kelly said, glancing at Aabina.
The doors to the corridor slid open, and Daniel and Shaina’s daughter entered, accompanied by a little Stryx with a twitchy pincer, and a Cayl hound who towered over the pair of them.
“There’s my princess,” Daniel said. “What are you doing out with Queenie?”
“Mikey couldn’t take Queenie for her late morning walk because he went with Grandpa to sell kitchen gadgets at a fair on the Drazen deck,” Grace explained. “Twitchy came with me to the park deck, but now we have to get ready for Let’s Make Friends, and the bunnies won’t let Queenie in the studio.”
“I’ll take her,” Shaina said. “I should really stop in at work now that the tradeshow is over. There’s nothing I can do to help you choose a mentor for the Human Empire.”
“Dring,” Kelly said suddenly. “How about it?”
“Are you suggesting me as a mentor for the Human Empire?” the Maker asked. He shook his head slowly. “Tempting as your offer is, that would be unfair to the Stryx. They would end up approving of whatever you did simply because I was involved.”
The Cayl hound jumped up and put her front paws on the table, and then she stretched upwards until her nose almost touched Dring’s globe. She cocked her head sideways, studied the sculpture, and then gave the exposed part of the North Pole a tentative lick.
“Down, Queenie,” Daniel scolded. “I’m sorry, Dring. She’s never done that before.”
“Perhaps she’s trying to tell you something,” the Maker insinuated.
“But what’s on the North Pole?” Kelly asked.
“Santa Claus,” Grace suggested.
“Polar bears,” Shaina put in.
“Brynt!” Kelly exclaimed, the mental image of a polar bear bringing the Cayl emperor to mind. “When he stayed in Mac’s Bones, he said that if there was anything he could ever do to repay us for reuniting the Cayl Empire with their lost columns, we only had to ask.”
“The Cayl do run one of the most successful empires in the galaxy, and the tunnel network species look up to them for their scientific achievements and military might,” Daniel mused. “Libby?”
“A mentor from the Cayl imperial family would certainly be acceptable to us, and Vrine happens to be heading back in that direction. Do you wish me to have your request passed along?”
“Can we have the afternoon to write up an explanation of the situation and extend a formal invitation?” Kelly asked, looking significantly at Aabina to make clear her help with the exact wording would be appreciated.
“Vrine wasn’t intending to depart immediately,” Libby said. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”
Shaina left with Queenie, Grace, and Twitchy. Kelly decided to check the kitchenette for leftovers since nobody seemed to be in a hurry to take her up on the lunch invitation. She found a new box of product samples certified by the All Species Cookbook and pieced together a meal. When she stepped back out to ask if anybody else was hungry, both the associate ambassador and Aabina were gone.
“What happened?” Kelly asked Dring, who was rolling up his scroll.
