by E. M. Foner
“Your special assistant told Daniel that the management of the Empire Convention Center was very upset over the condition of the special suites that were vacated this morning. It appears that some of the observers harvested more of the furnishings than is normally considered acceptable for hotel guests, and they’ve already departed Union Station. Daniel asked me to tell you not to wait lunch.”
“Oh. Will you join me?”
“I have to catch up with my gardening, Ambassador, and I believe your visitor would like some privacy.”
“Visitor?” Kelly looked up where the Maker was pointing and saw Jeeves floating near the ceiling. “What are you doing up there?”
“Readjusting the rotational speed on Dring’s globe and cleaning the spittle off the Arctic,” the young Stryx replied. He sank back down to his normal floating height. “Thank you for notifying me, Maker. And while you’re correct that I want to speak to the ambassador, there’s no need for secrecy.”
“What is it, Jeeves?” Kelly asked. “Is my daughter spending all of your money again?”
“She has a very good idea this time, and I’m happy to invest. The problem is getting the nanofabric from the Gem.”
“You want me to negotiate with the Gem for you? I’m sure Gwendolyn and I—”
“I’ve already completed the negotiations,” Jeeves interrupted. “The obstacle is that the Gem manufacturing concern can’t afford the feedstock to begin producing nanofabric. I would advance them the capital myself, but that would be a Mari’tayin.”
“A what?”
“It’s a Vergallian legal concept,” Dring informed Kelly. “Mari’tayin prescribes otherwise legal actions that may be misinterpreted by onlookers. For example, one should not produce vegan products that are indistinguishable substitutes for non-vegan products lest those following a vegan diet become confused about the food served in a restaurant.”
“So, you’re worried that if you pay the Gem in advance to buy the feedstock to start nanofabric production, the other species might interpret it as Stryx interference, even though it’s smart business for SBJ Fashions,” Kelly said to Jeeves. She fished her notebook out of her purse and flipped to an open page. “How much do they need?”
“It’s a sure thing because SBJ Fashions will sign a contract to purchase all of the nanofabric produced. You’ll have your investment back long before you can figure out how to start spending it on the Human Empire,” Jeeves said.
“How much?”
“Did I mention that you’ll be doing a good deed, and further cementing humanity’s connection with the Gem by aiding their return to a viable economy?”
“How much?” Kelly repeated a third time.
“How much do you have?” Jeeves asked.
“You don’t know?”
“I would never check the balance of your programmable cred without permission.”
Kelly took the embassy’s programmable cred from her purse, shielding the amount with her fingers, and carefully examined it as if she were checking a poker hand. “We have eight digits,” she said.
“Twenty million would get the Gem started.”
“Twenty million! But I only have—” she paused to mentally insert commas every three numbers on the programmable cred display to figure out the balance, “—that’s more than I realized. I guess I can do twenty. What’s the rate of return?”
“I can’t negotiate on behalf of the Gem, but I’m sure you’ll come to a mutually beneficial agreement,” Jeeves said. “SBJ Fashions thanks you.”
“How are Myst and Lancelot working out as employees?”
“Lancelot reminds me of Paul at his age, and I’m hoping he generates enough profit to offset Myst.”
“I take it Myst reminds you of Dorothy.”
“I’ll put it this way,” Jeeves said. “If I didn’t know several low-cost methods for synthesizing diamonds, I’d be in trouble.”
Twenty
“You may as well give those estate planning animal stickers to Fenna for her collection,” Joe said to Kelly as they entered the lift tube capsule in the corridor outside Mac’s Bones. “It’s been over a month now and the kids haven’t touched them. I can understand their not wanting to stick their names on our furniture while we’re still alive.”
“It seemed like such a good idea when I read it in Estate Planning For Humans,” Kelly said mournfully. “I’d hate for the kids to fight over my Love-U massaging recliner when I’m gone.”
“Better it should happen when we aren’t around to see it,” Joe said philosophically. “I usually stay away from those For Humans books myself, but I would have taken a look at that one if I’d known you bought it.”
“Oh, I just flipped through the pages in the bookstore. They repeat all of the important bits in the margins, and I copied a few things into my diary.”
“I think you just enjoy pulling your diary out all over the station for the attention that bare-chested Dollnick draws. I’m sure you could get Blythe to print you one with any image you want.”
“I didn’t want to make trouble for her,” Kelly said disingenuously as the capsule doors slid open. “The Grenouthians are so lucky to have their embassy right across from a lift tube. I wonder if the Human Empire can find a location like this. Has Samuel said anything to you?”
“About their hunt for office space? I know he and Vivian have started looking at places, but he’s putting off the final decision until the Cayl emperor’s granddaughter arrives, and that’s a couple of cycles away since she’s waiting to hitch a ride back with Stryx Vrine. But who would have thought that the emperor would insist that Samuel be the Human Empire’s first hire as a condition on the mentoring deal?”
“Brynt probably assumed that’s what I wanted, but I have to admit it worked out for the best. The timing was perfect with Aainda deciding not to return to Union Station. I’m just thankful she didn’t call Aabina home.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if Aainda arranged the whole thing with the Cayl behind our backs,” Joe said, nodding to the ceremonial guard at the entrance of the Grenouthian embassy. “I’ve noticed that your alien diplomat friends take liberties that way.”
“Well, I’ll miss having Aainda as a friend, and I don’t expect to have the same relationship with her replacement,” Kelly said.
“The new Vergallian ambassador has arrived?”
“Returned home is more like it. The Empire of a Hundred Worlds decided they needed somebody who was already up to speed on Union Station. They chose a local lawyer who abdicated her throne in favor of a younger sister around a century ago to pursue the law. Aleeytis is her name.”
“Kelly, Joe,” Gwendolyn greeted them. “It’s a relief to see some friendly faces. I don’t know if everybody is ignoring me because I’m a clone, or because I don’t have the kind of money to invest in a big production.”
Joe pulled his pockets inside out and said, “Twins.”
“It’s not like any of the cookbook money is mine,” Kelly protested guiltily. “I almost wish that the Human Empire needed more funding right now, but according to our intelligence people, it will be decades before they start spending significant amounts. Besides, the Grenouthian ambassador invited everybody he knows with a new business idea to present tonight. I think he called it a ‘seed capital’ round.” She paused to check her memory against her diary, and nodded in satisfaction before adding, “Is there any news from the nanofabric factory, Gwen? Could they use another loan?”
“Sorry, but they’ve already purchased all the feedstock material they needed to get started, and they expect to be able to ship the first experimental batch by the end of the cycle,” the Gem ambassador replied. “Myst brought home one of the draft prospectuses that SBJ Fashions is preparing for franchisees and it looks like an exciting business. It’s too bad they haven’t worked out the pricing yet, or Dorothy could have presented here tonight.”
“Can I get you a glass of wine, Ambassador?” Joe asked the clone.
&nb
sp; “Yes, thank you.”
“I think Dorothy’s business model for the nanofabric is much farther along than the seed capital round,” Kelly told the Gem after consulting her business funding notes again. “Maybe financing their expansion into franchises would be the venture capital or mezzanine stage?”
“It’s all new to me,” Gwendolyn said with a sigh. “Back home, a sister selling apples from a pushcart is our idea of big business.” She glanced at the latest ambassador to arrive and did a double-take. “What’s that thing on Crute’s vest?”
“It looks familiar,” the EarthCent ambassador said. “Joe has an old photograph of the control room from Earth’s first moon landing and I think the scientists all had those, though I’m not sure what they are. I can ask when he gets back with our drinks.”
“Ambassador Crute?” Gwendolyn addressed the towering Dollnick. “Could you tell us what you’re wearing on your vest?”
“It’s a pocket protector,” the four-armed alien explained. “If you’re going to carry scribal gear, it’s practically a must. I have a nephew setting up in the business if you’re interested.”
“Is he looking for seed capital?” Kelly asked.
“An order would suffice at this point,” Crute said, pulling a paperback with a colony ship on the cover from his back pocket and flipping through to a blank page. “How many can I put you down for?”
The Drazen ambassador stepped up to Kelly’s side before she could answer, and asked the Dollnick, “You’re selling pocket protectors? Will they work with this?” He produced a small tube that might have been a case for an expensive cigar and removed a fat pen with a single point. “My cousin’s daughter is starting to manufacture these multi-color pens, but the prototypes have an unfortunate tendency to leave ink spots on clothes.”
“Let me see that,” Crute said, accepting the pen from the Drazen and sliding it into his pocket protector. “The plasteel envelope stretches and is impervious to damage, but how does it look?” He turned his profile to Kelly and Gwendolyn, puffing out his chest at the same time. The pen did make an unfortunate lump.
“Maybe not,” Bork said. “Give the pen a try while you have it. I think that with a few tweaks to the mechanics, the multi-color technology is ripe for a comeback, and my cousin’s daughter is looking for angel investors.”
Kelly and Gwendolyn exchanged a look, and then the EarthCent ambassador opened her notebook once again to check the funding phases for startups to get an idea of how much the Drazen might need.
Crute accepted the pen from Bork, selected a color, and began doodling in his order book as the Frunge ambassador approached. “Try this,” the Dollnick ambassador said to the new arrival without looking up. He extended the pocket protector to Czeros with one of his lower arms, while he continued holding the order book and drawing with his remaining three hands.
“Clever,” Czeros said. “Would you mind?” he asked Bork, handing his wine glass to the Drazen. Then he pulled out his thermal stylus, placed it in the pocket protector, and slipped the whole unit into a horizontal pocket in his suit-coat that Kelly had never even noticed. “Seems to work well. Is it a gift?”
“Crute is selling them for a nephew,” Gwendolyn told the Frunge.
“Is that why he keeps looking up every few seconds?”
“Ambassador Aleeytis,” Kelly greeted the Vergallian who had just taken over from Aainda. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“From your daughter?” the new ambassador asked.
“From my special assistant, Aabina. I wasn’t aware you knew Dorothy.”
“Her name appeared prominently in the last injunction I filed before returning to the empire to interview for the ambassadorship,” Aleeytis said. “And now I suppose you’ll hold me responsible for your son losing his position at our embassy as well. How awkward.”
“Everything worked out for the best with Samuel, and it’s not the first time Dorothy has caused trouble,” Kelly told her. “Would you really have fired my son if he hadn’t resigned?”
“I would have assigned him to a rubber room.”
“You would have tried to get Samuel committed?”
“A rubber room is what we call a chair in a closet without any job duties or even the most basic display desk. It’s how the diplomatic service encourages unwanted personnel to move on.”
“Why wouldn’t they just fire him?” Gwendolyn asked.
“The diplomatic service of the Empire of a Hundred Worlds never fires anybody,” Aleeytis explained. “That would be equivalent to admitting a flaw in the hiring process.”
“Done,” the Dollnick ambassador declared and held up his order book for their inspection. The sketch of Kelly and the Gem ambassador was executed in full color and looked like it should have taken at least fifteen minutes to draw.
“That’s fantastic, Crute,” Kelly exclaimed. “Were you an artist before you became a diplomat?”
“I only took up drawing when I was posted to Union Station,” Crute said modestly. “An artist should have a few hundred years of work experience in another profession to gain perspective before attempting to produce serious works.”
“Put me down for a dozen of these,” Czeros said, handing the pocket protector back to the artist.
“Ambassadors,” a handsome man said, stepping confidently into their ever-expanding circle.
“Dewey,” Kelly greeted the artificial person. “Is Flower back already?”
“She won’t be here for another week, but she sent me ahead to negotiate with the launch team for the Human Empire. Now that Flower has been accepted as a sovereign human community, we’re offering the empire custom-built office space at a steep discount, and we feel we can make a strong argument for locating the headquarters on board.”
“That’s very interesting, Dewey, but you’ll have to take it up with my son, Samuel. He’s postponing any major decisions until our Cayl mentor arrives, and that’s still three or four months off.”
“Flower also wanted me to inform you that she’s available as a backup mentor should the Cayl bow out,” the artificial person said. “But I’m officially here to meet the Grenouthian ambassador about doing an anime version of Cookbook Wars.”
“Your son has pushed aside your associate ambassador to head up the Human Empire?” Aleeytis asked Kelly. “It sounds like Aainda did a good job training him.”
“That’s not it at all,” the EarthCent ambassador protested. “Daniel wants to keep his focus on building up current trade and relations between the sovereign human communities, while the Thousand Cycle plan is focused on creating a template for the future.”
The Vergallian ambassador reached in her purse and pulled out a paperback with the scantily-clad hero of an imperial drama on the cover. “May I?” she inquired and borrowed Bork’s multi-colored pen. “I realize that most diplomats put great faith in their memories, but the habits of a century of practicing law are hard to break,” Aleeytis explained while carefully writing down Kelly’s explanation.
“Interesting notebook,” Gwendolyn said. “I suspect they would sell very well in Gem space, as my sisters have all become addicted to Vergallian dramas since the fall of the empire.”
“Retro paper notebooks and day planners with covers from the print adaptations of popular dramas were all the rage in the Empire of a Hundred Worlds when I returned for vetting,” Aleeytis replied. “Somebody is getting rich quick.”
The Thark ambassador sidled up to Kelly and said, “Spotting the next big trend in retail before it happens is the philosopher’s stone of investing. There are rumors that the Stryx have sufficient data to figure it out, but I don’t credit them.”
“Spotting the next big trend in retail is next to impossible,” Kelly wrote in her own diary, and added in capital letters, “Check with Jeeves.”
“May I have everyone’s attention for just a moment,” the Grenouthian ambassador requested in a loud voice. The groups of ambassadors and businessmen invited to the event al
l turned to the small platform where the giant bunny was standing next to what appeared to be an easel displaying the top sheet of an enormous tablet of paper that must have come from an art supplies store.
“More paper,” Czeros grumbled. “Why does the galaxy have to be so weird?”
“Thank you all for attending my investment party and I hope you’re finding attractive opportunities for your capital,” the Grenouthian ambassador continued. “I regret to inform you that I will not be accepting partners in Cookbook Wars after all. I’ve sold the concept for a finder’s fee to a packager working for a network affiliate on Echo Station and my involvement is at an end.”
“You’re going into competition with Flower in the packaged food business?” Dewey asked, sounding rather alarmed.
“A show-packager, somebody who takes a concept, puts it together with scripts, actors, and sponsors, and presents it to the studio,” the Grenouthian explained. “It turns out our studios here on Union Station are currently operating at full capacity, and adding another cooking show would have meant bumping an existing show from the schedule, which completely changes the economics.”
“And you gave up the chance to have points in the new show?” Kelly asked.
“I can’t keep a close eye on the production due to the distance involved so I preferred to cash out.”
“Sound thinking,” the Thark ambassador said approvingly.
“So I thank you all for coming, and I hope those of you with uncomfortably high balances on your programmable creds find an alternative investment opportunity while you enjoy the catering,” the Grenouthian ambassador said. “I’ll be looking for a good place to put this finder’s fee to work myself.”
“Here you go,” Joe said, extending one glass of wine to Gwendolyn and the other to his wife.
“Where have you been all this time?” Kelly asked.
“Talking to Ambassador Srythlan about the kids. He wanted ideas for what to give Samuel and Vivian for their wedding when Flower gets here.”
“I was thinking about a multi-colored pen,” Bork said.
