In The Midst Of Chaos: An MC Romance

by C. Lymari

  He wasn’t wearing any clothes except his boxers, and I needed him like I had never needed anyone before.

  I used to think I was broken because no one interested me enough to kiss. Sex wasn’t even on my mind but something my mother had explained to me once upon a time.

  That all changed the moment we kissed. I turned to look at Nash, and even in the dark, his profile caused butterflies in me. I already knew how it felt to be adored by Nashton Crull. It was sweet and innocent. All his best intentions were for me. But I wanted to be loved by him. To have all his darkness swallow me whole. To taste his rage and let it fuel my own. I wanted to fall in love and be crippled with fear at the thought of losing them, and in return, I wanted someone to feel that way about me. To have them go to the ends of the world and make a deal with the devil themselves to keep me.

  I wanted someone to love me enough to choose me over my legacy. To see me over my last name. I wanted someone to fight for me because losing me was not an option. Most of all, I wanted that person to be Nash.

  The bed dipped with his weight, and I felt as if I was being suffocated with his presence. The sad thing was that I wanted to drown in him. I wanted us to be buried under the weight of our crowns.

  Five minutes passed, and although he was facing away from me, I knew he wasn’t sleeping.

  “Finnie,” he growled. “Stop staring at me.”

  I smiled into the pillow at his annoyed tone.

  “I’m not staring at you,” I lied.

  “You are,” he said, frustrated.

  “I’m—”

  “You don’t think I can’t feel it when you look at me?”

  Tingles spread through my lower belly. He could tell when I looked at him? He acted like I didn’t even exist at times.

  “Do you mind it?”

  There was a long enough pause that I thought he had fallen asleep.

  “I should,” he said, sounding resigned.

  His words elated me beyond measure. Feeling brave, I scooted over to him.

  Nash stiffened when he felt me at his back.

  “Finley,” he warned.

  “I think about that kiss all the time,” I said, ignoring his warning.

  At that, he turned around, and I could see the shine of his eyes illuminated with the lightning. He pierced me with a look, and even if I could, I didn’t want to move.

  “It shouldn’t have happened.”

  Sighing, I sat up again and looked down at him.

  “Let’s pretend that I wasn’t promised to him—then what?” I didn’t dare say his name because speaking it would make it real.

  He swallowed and then spoke in a throaty voice that did funny things to me.

  “You’d be mine.”

  I was about to smile triumphantly, but he spoke again.

  “Just like I know when your eyes are on me, I also know when his are on you.”

  Closing my eyes, I reached for him. Surprisingly, he let me. I ran my hands through his wet hair. He let out a low moan when I massaged his scalp. I did it for several minutes until I was sure he was sleeping.

  Without thinking, I bent my head to give him a peck on the lips. It was featherlight and forbidden. He tasted like blood and mint. The moment our lips touched, his eyes opened, and he glared at me.

  One second I was leaning over him. The next, he had me pinned down on the bed.

  “Fucking hell, Finnie, you couldn’t leave it alone,” he groaned.

  No, he wasn’t angry; he was aroused.

  Testing my theory, I lifted my head to kiss him again. He was unmoving, letting me kiss his throat. I felt his Adam’s apple bob. My lips made their way up until I reached his.

  “I only notice you,” I whispered against his lips.

  That was all it took to make him snap. He opened his mouth and started to devour me just as the storm got worse. His lips moved over mine expertly, and the damn tingles I had in my lower belly started to turn into an inferno.

  Nash let go of my wrist, and I used the opportunity to wrap one of my hands around his neck and brought the other down to his back.

  I kicked down the covers. I needed him closer. Hell, I was sure I wanted him in me.

  “Fuck,” he cursed when he stared down at me.

  That’s when he noticed I was only in my panties.

  I could see the hesitation in his gaze as I wrapped my legs around his hips.

  “Tomorrow, we can pretend this never happened,” I said before I kissed him again.

  Nash’s response was to hold onto my hips as he pushed me into the mattress.

  My eyes fluttered back when I felt his dick pressing against my core.

  “You’re fucking soaked,” he cursed.

  We stared at one another, and there was no denying that we wanted each other.

  Before he could back out, I started to grind myself against his erection.

  It felt like a blessing and a curse. So good, but not to be mine.

  “I want to fuck you so bad,” he whispered against my neck as I kept grinding myself against him.

  “Do it,” I moaned in frustration.

  Nash smiled against the crock of my neck. He bit my artery before he replied.

  “No.”

  It was final; his mind had been made up. He was only giving me what he allowed. Or what his fucked-up conscience let him.

  “But I am going to make your pussy come.” He licked the arch of my neck, then kissed my lips.

  For the first time, I felt all of him. A kiss so intense it took my breath away. It pulled from my soul as he devoured me whole.

  His hips started to move against me. I held onto his shoulders so I could feel more pressure.

  “Nash,” I moaned as I felt a current of vibrations spread from my neck down to my toes.

  He flipped us so he was lying down and I was straddling him. His hands went under my shirt, holding onto my waist, and I shivered.

  “Fuck yourself against me,” he said in a husky tone.

  My hands went to his chest as I started to rock back and forth on his erection. Only the thin cotton separated us, a thin barrier keeping us from ruining a contract.

  Our bodies moved to the rhythm of the raging winds. My cries mixed with the thunder, and when I came, I saw lightning.

  It was the freest I had felt since my parents passed away. In his dark room, I felt like I had found myself.

  Both of our chests rose and fell as we came down from the high. I felt wetness on my leg, and I knew it came from him.

  I bent down and kissed his chest. Nashton didn’t stop me when I lay on it. Instead, he wrapped his arm around me.

  This was the beginning of our brief affair.

  Chapter Eleven

  Time had stood still in my father’s office. It’s like the outside world never touched it. When I walked in here earlier, I almost staggered back because it still smelled like him.

  I was sitting at his desk, surprised at how well I fit. I wasn’t a little girl anymore, and his chair didn’t swallow me whole or make me feel unfit and overwhelmed. All those lessons, everything he taught me, had prepared me for this moment.

  The door slammed open, and Duncan strolled into the office like he owned it. I glared at him. This was supposed to be my sanctuary. He looked like he was on a mission, and judging by the closed door, I bet he wanted to say something I didn’t want to hear.

  It probably had to do with the little act I did back in the boardroom.

  “What’s going on with you and my brother?” he demanded.

  It took all my effort to stay calm and not looked surprised by his question.

  “We are supposed to get married,” I replied in a monotone voice.

  He walked until he was standing right in front of my desk. Duncan leaned forward and put his hands on the desk. He looked pissed—dare I say hot.

  “Cut the bullshit, Finnegan.”

  At the use of my nickname, I took a small, relieved breath. He couldn’t be that mad if he was using pet n
ames, right?

  “I’m not talking about Hux. I’m talking about Nash.”

  I bit my lip, not wanting to lie to him, and he took that as an answer.

  “Fucking hell,” he murmured as he took a seat across from me. He leaned back in the chair and put his feet on my father’s desk as he pulled a cigarette from the inside pocket of his suit.

  I waited patiently as he lit it up and took a hit, waiting for what he would say or do next.

  “I love you, you know that, right?”

  My eyes widened because I couldn’t take any more Crull love.

  Upon seeing my scared reaction, the asshole laughed. “Like a sister, Finland.”

  “I love you too, Can-Can.”

  He smirked at me.

  “You fuck him?”

  “Who?” I played dumb and started going over my father’s files. The things that were in his journal were not in here.

  “Huxley,” he said.

  I scoffed. “No, we kissed once when we were younger just to get our first kiss over with, but it was way before he let our marriage get to his head.”

  Duncan nodded like he understood, and it was at that moment that I realized I had no girlfriends. No one to talk boys with. The only one who would give me love advice was Eleanor in her own cryptic way.

  “I miss your mom,” I whispered.

  “Me too,” he replied.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come back right away… I tried, but—”

  “But because you fucked Nash, you couldn’t do it.”

  My eyes widened, and he threw his head back and groaned.

  “Shit, you’re not denying it.”

  I also wasn’t going to apologize for it. At some point, having Nash was precisely what I had wanted. He was a dream turned into a nightmare.

  I fell in love with one brother but was set to marry another.

  At the bottom of one of my father’s drawers, I found the hidden compartment he had mentioned in his journal. It has a small lockbox. Slowly, I typed in the keypad code for it to open.

  “What do you want me to do? It’s not like I can turn back time and unfuck him,” I said sarcastically as the box opened, revealing a black folder with no label.

  Duncan rolled his eyes at me.

  “This is so fucked-up…” he said mostly to himself.

  I took the folder and put it on the desk, stacking more papers on top so it wouldn’t look suspicious.

  “Why? Because it was decided a decade ago that I would marry Huxley? Because the word of a child should not be taken into consideration. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, I do, but it doesn’t go beyond familial ties.”

  Grabbing the paperwork, I stood up, ready to get out of this place.

  Duncan followed me out of my office.

  We stopped where Axton was scolding Riley. She must have caused another scandal. She knew she couldn’t get too close to the spotlight or she’d burn us all.

  Cold fingertips touched my cheek. I looked up, and Duncan smiled sadly at me.

  “I don’t think you fucking Nash is going to matter much to him.”

  My throat constricted. “I know.”

  “You became an obsession.”

  I also knew that too. I was just a means to an end to Huxley. He didn’t want me, not really. He wanted Finley Primrose. He wanted what I brought to the table because, when it came down to it, he never got to know me like Nash did.

  He didn’t know that I was scared of thunderstorms, that I used to kneel at my parents’ graves until my knees would go raw, or that I’d been to the meadow and seen things no little girl should have. He didn’t know that although I might be a girl, I had more balls than some boys.

  Axton stopped scolding Riley, and they both turned toward Duncan and me.

  “Nice show,” Axton said.

  I raised a brow since he wasn’t giving up the information if my little plan had worked.

  “So should I pick my casket or what?”

  His lips curled in mock disgust.

  “Your father would have been proud,” he said as he fixed his suit. “For that, I’ll take what you said the other day into consideration.”

  It took all my control not to gloat.

  “They canceled the vote?” I asked Riley.

  “It was my father’s legacy for me.” She winked at me. “Maybe next time, drop a tear or two.”

  Riley hooked her arm through mine and started to lead me toward the elevators.

  “I hear you are having a party tonight?”

  Oh shit, yeah, my welcome-home cover party was today. I groaned.

  “You can always party with me, Riles.” Duncan threw an arm around Riley; she threw her head back and laughed.

  “You’re adorable.” She reached up to pinch Duncan’s cheek. Then she lost the easygoing smile, and her face became stony. “I don’t think so, sweetheart. Try picking up a girl at Toys “R” Us.”

  When the elevator opened, she walked in alone because she was going to the bottom floor. She waved at Duncan, then turned to me and said, “I’ve sent someone to keep an eye on the thing you sent me.”

  Duncan turned to look at me at her cryptic message. I waved Riley goodbye and pulled Duncan toward another elevator.

  “Crash and burn!” I pretended to make an explosion with my hands, hopefully distracting him from what my aunt had said.

  “Listen, sweetheart, let’s not talk about crashing and burning. May I recall your ass landed on the wrong brother?”

  I lightly punched Duncan as another elevator opened.

  “Oh, wait, it wasn’t your ass; it was your pussy.”

  “Don’t you ever talk about my future wife in such a manner. Brother or not, I will lay your ass out.”

  Huxley walked into the elevator, making things awkward. Duncan lost the playful smile he had going on. A part of me wished Hux would have stepped in with us seconds before so he could know I was never going to be his because I had already belonged to someone else.

  Sadly, life wasn’t fair.

  “Did you come to congratulate me for saving our asses?” I crossed my arms.

  I think everything would be so much easier if I hated him. I loved him, and that love was turning into resentment.

  “You all know how I feel about this,” he said as he looked down at his watch as if he had something more important to do.

  “Oh, yeah, you wanna dance through the flowers wearing a tutu skirt,” Duncan bit back as the elevator doors opened. “Later, Finnie.” He kissed my temple and walked away, leaving me alone with his brother.

  “You’re not going to the drop?” I asked just to talk since it was apparent he wasn’t getting ready to ride.

  Huxley smiled down at me, and it was a cruel smile.

  “Now, my dear fiancée, we have the helicopter to ourselves.”

  “Please don’t refer to me as your fiancée.”

  Huxley opened the door that led to the rooftop for me. “You look beautiful today.”

  I was glad for the noise the blades made because I could drown out Huxley’s voice. I looked beautiful to him because I was all prim and proper.

  The helicopter ride was pleasantly silent, but I could feel Huxley’s eyes boring into me, the way they raked from my face down to my breast.

  I was going to be sick.

  Before, he had been discreet about wanting to fuck me, but right now, I could see it all over his face.

  As soon as the heli landed, I ran to my room. I needed to breathe. Changing into black leather pants and a black long-sleeve, I went to the garage and grabbed my bike.

  The moment my engine purred, I felt alive. Like I had a purpose. The second thing that came to mind was what happened the last time I had been on the bike. Nash wasn’t the only one surprised when I came.

  Seeing him again had my mind going crazy. I wanted to run into his arms like I had done before. I wanted him to kiss me until my lips were sore, but the cold hard truth was that he had not wanted that from me.

&n
bsp; I was on such a high that the moment the vibrations hit my core, coupled with the way he looked at me, I just fucking lost it and came right in front of him.

  Nothing in this world made me feel as empowered as when I rode my bike. The balance, dedication, and lack of fear it took to master the riding art was a high you couldn’t get anywhere else.

  “You look good on that bike, baby,” Nashton whispered as he wrapped his hands around my waist. I got butterflies every time he did that. We belonged to each other in stolen moments, and those were the moments I now lived for. “But you look so much better on the back of mine.”

  Since the day in his room, we didn’t pretend like we could stay away. What we did in the dark was never talked about in the light. Each night was full of forbidden kisses, illicit touches. We drowned in our bodies, but we didn’t take it far enough to drown in our sin.

  Shaking my head, I cranked the gas and went faster on the highway, ignoring the catcalls I got as I rode. It was always the same. Girl riding a bike equaled an instant stiffy.

  Once at the cemetery, I got off my bike, grabbed my satchel, and went into my family’s mausoleum.

  It was an eerie feeling every time I walked in here. The silence was too much; it made me feel like I was deaf.

  I pulled the papers I grabbed from my father’s office and threw them toward his casket.

  “Seriously, Daddy? A secret like this could bring us all down. What the hell were you thinking?!” The last part came out like a sob. Walking over to his monument, I slid down the black marble, and then I fucking cried.

  Oh, if he could see me now, he would tell me not to break. To do what I must for the pain to go away. Bend but never break because once broken, you never came back the same.

  Too late for that, Daddy.

  Chapter Twelve

  As soon as I walked into the clubhouse, I heard the catcalls.

  “Cinderella is ready for the ball,” Nate yelled.

  I was already in a pissy mood. He was not helping make it better. I left my room to get a change of clothes.

  My shirt was off when I heard the door open.

  “Want me to help you work out that frustration?” Dawn, one of the club whores, came to my bed and lay on it. She was wearing a skirt, and when she opened her legs, I could see her pussy.