by Erin Trejo
“Take a fuckin’ walk, Brad.” He all but growls the words at him. Brad chuckles but walks around us and back out into the shop.
“I was going to say no,” I say softly, lowering my head so I don’t have to meet his gaze. Tic’s fingers flex around my wrist before he reaches for my face with his free hand. He lifts my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
“I have so many things in my head, Kenderly. I’m a fuckin’ mess, and I’m afraid that I’ll ruin you the way I did her.” I can see the pain in his eyes, hear it in his voice. It kills me that he blames himself.
“I know you loved her. I’m not her though, Tic. I don’t want to be. I know your heart. I’ve known it since I was a kid. You were always better than the ones you let in. You are who you are, and she knew that when she got involved. As much as I wish I would have told you sooner, I’m telling you now. I love you, Tic. I always have. It’s never changed, but I can’t be her. I don’t want to be.”
The look in his eyes change. I don’t know what else to say to him. I’ve laid myself out there for him in a way that I didn’t know I could. I’ve admitted my feelings for him and now it’s time for me to step back. He has to work through his past on his own. That’s not something I can help him with. He may have feelings for me, but I know what he had with Ashley was special. I can’t be in the middle of that.
“Kenderly, darlin’. I don’t know-”
I pull my arm free of his grasp and step back watching his arms fall to his sides. He watches me with so much torment in those beautiful eyes that it hurts me to see.
“I don’t want you to say anything. I’m thankful that you let me come out here with you and Jameson, Tic. I needed to get away from there. I didn’t come here to put you in an awkward position by telling you that.” I turn on my heel and head for the door. I can’t handle seeing him look so lost and knowing that I planted that seed in him.
When I step out into the warm heat of the day, I let the tears I’d been holding in fall. Brad steps up, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“He’ll come around, sweetheart,” he says softly.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” I ask with a sniffle. Brad chuckles.
“I might have been sick of seein’ him moping around. I thought if I asked you out that would get him to come to his senses.”
I have to give the man credit. That was a good thought.
“He compares me to her. I can’t be what he needs or what he wants,” I say. Brad doesn’t say a word. He just tightens his hold on me. Maybe that’s all the answer I need. Maybe he knows that Tic will never want me.
Chapter 37
Tic
The more I see him near her, the more I want to rip his goddamn throat out. Brad has no idea the repulsive things that are running through my head right now. I’ve tried to work her out of my system. I’ve thrown myself into work and Jameson, but fuck, all I can think about is what she said to me that day. My life was never perfect, but I have to wonder if it could have been better had I known that Kenderly cared about me.
I walk through the house but I don’t see her anywhere.
“Hey, J. Where’s Kenderly?” I ask when I see him sitting on the couch watching his favorite Spiderman movie.
“Outside on the phone.” He doesn’t even look up at me when he talks. I can’t help but smile at him. I love that kid. I walk into the kitchen and see Kenderly with her head in her hands. I watch her for a few minutes through the window. Her long hair hangs down, hiding her face from view. Something about the way she sits there, vulnerable grips my chest. She loves me. She told me she did. So why am I being such a fucking bitch about the whole situation? Why can’t I go to her and hold her the way she deserves?
The more I think about it, the more it bothers me. Just as I’m about to turn and walk away, she raises her head. Her eyes lock on mine and her tears shine in the morning sun. My heart hurts for her. There’s so much longing in them. So much hurt. Kenderly looks away from me before I can do it. I don’t want to do it.
“You’re gonna fuck this up,” I mumble as I reach for the door handle. Walking out the back door, I sigh. I know this is going to be an epic fuck up but I can’t help it. I need to go to her. I need to see what’s hurting her and the overwhelming need to fix it isn’t helping at all. I sit next to her on concrete bench. I reach over and grab her hand, pulling it into my lap.
“Sometimes I think I can hear him yellin’ at me to get my head outta my ass.” I chuckle. Kenderly doesn’t move though. I release her hand and turn toward her, grabbing her face in my hands.
Before I can think or second guess it, I kiss her. I kiss her hard and rough. I don’t give her a second to breath and I don’t care. The feeling that shoots through me is something I can’t even describe. I slide my hand around to the back of her neck, keeping her pressed against me. My tongue seeks hers out. The way she parts her lips for me, I can hardly catch my breath. Everything in this moment feels like pure perfection. The way the world seems to stop and there’s only us. How the hell is this possible? How can she make me feel like this is where I’m supposed to be?
I pull back a little letting my forehead rest against hers. Our breathing is sporadic at best, her lips are swollen from my kiss. She looks like the picture of perfection. My hand stays on the back of her neck, holding her closely to me.
“My dad is out of prison.” The words fall from her lips but I can’t seem to care what she said. I’m lost in her taste, in the feel of her.
“Kenderly.” Her name leaves me and my heart clenches. Fuck, I want this woman. Why am I fighting it?
“He’s coming for me. He said I should have never left the clubhouse. That I shouldn’t be near you.”
Anger surges through my veins at her words. I pull back but not by much. I look into her eyes and see the worry there. I know her dad was supposed to be in prison a lot longer.
“What do you mean?” The words come out as a growl. Kenderly looks at me a little confused herself.
“He said you were the reason they were killed. You are only going to get me killed.”
I swallow hard before I start to shove myself up. Kenderly doesn’t let me get that far. Her hands grip my wrist, pulling me back to her.
“Tic.” She says my name, and God help me I want to give in and take her. “Tic, kiss me,” she says softly. I turn to face her and see the need in her eyes.
I lean in and press my lips to hers. The way her tongue dances around with mine. The way she moans into my mouth I want to take her inside and show her what kind of man I am. I’m done fighting what has grown between us. It only hurts us both to fight it, and I’m done doing that. Life has been so hard this part year, yet she has been a light in my darkness. I’m ready to hold on, consequences and what ifs be damned.
“I want you,” I whisper against her lips. Kenderly’s body shivers. My dick comes to life like it hasn’t in a long time. It presses against her stomach and she arches into me.
“Let’s go inside,” I tell her. Her teary eyes come to meet mine. God, I want her.
“J’s in there,” she whispers softly.
“He’s watchin’ a movie. You’ll have to be quiet.” I grind my hard on against her and she moans. “Sweetheart, I’m gonna cum in my pants if you keep that up.”
Chapter 38
Kenderly
Everything has shifted. The air around us has thickened. The way he’s touching me, kissing me. I want to lose myself in him. I want to feel what only he can make me feel, but after that phone call, I’m afraid. My dad was a member of the club for a long time before he went to prison on a gun charge. He always blamed the club but no one knew that but me. He said they set him up. He wanted payback as soon as he was sent away and I have no doubt that he will do anything to get it.
“Darlin’, I’m gonna need you to answer me here.” Tic’s voice pulls me back into the present. The here and now where he’s asking if he can have me.
“I’m scared, Tic,” I ad
mit to him. His hands wrap around my waist and he pulls me in close.
“I won’t let him near you. Is that what you’re afraid of?” he says and my heart nearly stops. How could he have known that?
“He’s not a good guy anymore, Tic. He’s changed,” I tell him honestly. I would know.
“That means shit to me. I won’t let him near you. If that’s what you want, I will keep you safe, Kenderly.” I can hear the hurt in his voice. I know he’s thinking about Ashley.
“Tic, I don’t know what to say.”
He leans down, pressing his lips to my neck. The way he feels against me, I could get lost in him forever.
“Tell me you want me. Tell me you still feel somethin’ for me,” he almost begs me. My heart soars in my chest.
“I love you, Tic. That’s never changed. I don’t think it ever will,” I tell him as tears fall down my cheeks.
“Then let me have you, Kenderly. Let me take care of you. Let me protect you.”
“You don’t want that, Tic. I know you don’t.”
Tic pulls back and his eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. He looks at me like I’m the only person in the world.
“I want you. I’ve fought it since we got here. I told myself I wasn’t good enough for you, but goddamn it! Every time I look at you, I know, Kenderly. I know it’s you that I want.”
Before either of us have a chance to say anything, Jameson runs from the house with a smile on his face. “Can I go to Rob’s and play?”
I turn my head and look behind him seeing his friend’s mom standing in the doorway. My cheeks flush knowing what we were out here doing.
“Yeah, you can go,” Tic says never letting go of me. He waves at Rob’s mom letting her know it’s ok. Jameson takes off running as I watch them head through the house.
“Tell me, sweetheart. Can I have you?” Tic whispers in against my neck. My body shakes and shudders as his breath fans over my skin.
“Are you sure?” I ask. I can’t handle him saying no later. I can’t handle him being inside of me and then walking away from me.
“I’m beyond sure, darlin’. I want you. I’m tired of fightin’ it. I’m tired of livin’ in the past. I want a future,” he says as if that’s the surest thing in the world. I pull back and look in his eyes.
“You’re all I’ve ever really wanted,” I say breathlessly.
Tic leans in, kissing me softly. I didn’t know he had it in him to be so gentle. The man I’ve always known to be rough and unyielding is kissing me so softly I could melt into him.
“My dick isn’t gonna hold out much longer,” he says between kisses.
I can’t help but giggle a little. Tic grinds against me and I gasp. This is what I’ve waited for since I was younger. This is all I’ve dreamed about. I want Tic. I want all of him.
Chapter 39
Tic
I look at her laid out on the bed in front of me. Her cheeks a beautiful shade of pink. She may be embarrassed, but I think she’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever looked at. Our relationship was always a strange one, but I’ve never looked at Kenderly as anything less than beautiful. With her lying there waiting for me, my heart feels complete. My world feels complete. I climb on the end of the bed while she watches me.
“I’ve never thought about havin’ more kids, but seein’ you layin’ there, I want that stomach big and round. I want to see my baby growin’ inside of you.” The words should scare the shit out of me and to a point they do. I’ve never thought about having more kids, but Kenderly makes something come alive inside of me.
“You would want that with me?” she asks sounding a little shocked. I spread her legs, climbing in between them as she gazes up at me.
“There’s no one else I would want it with,” I say as I let my hands roam her soft skin. Fire erupts inside of me. Kenderly’s eyes blaze to life.
Positioning myself between her thighs, I ease into her slowly. I clench my eyes shut as the feel of her wrapped around me takes hold.
“Fuck, Kenderly,” I growl. My muscles are tense. My mind wants me to fuck her into this bed. but I don’t want to. I want to savor this.
“Tic. You feel so good,” she moans. That’s it. She breaks all my control. I plunge into her taking everything she has to give me. Her hands wrap around my back, her nails digging in pulling me closer. The harder I take her, the louder she moans. The more her nails dig into my skin the higher I feel.
“Don’t stop, darlin’.”
She clenches around me, holding me inside of her. The waves of pleasure race through me. Our sweat slicked body’s slide so perfectly against each other that I wonder how I ever did without her. Thrust after thrust, I feel her getting close.
“Shit. Come on, baby. Come with me,” I growl. Kenderly holds tightly as she lets herself go.
“Tic!”
My name has never sounded so good leaving her lips before. I slam into her as we both find our releases. I hold myself up on trembling arms as I fill her little body with everything I have to offer. Kenderly shudders beneath me riding out her own wave of ecstasy. When my breathing finally slows, I pull out of her and drop to the mattress next to her. I grab her and pull her closer to me, inhaling her scent.
“I never wanna let you go,” I whisper into her hair. Her grip on me tightens, holding me to her life her very own lifeline.
“I never want you to let me go.” I sigh as I let the contentment wash over me. We both lay in silence when she says, “What am I going to do about my dad?”
“You ain’t doin’ anything. I am. He comes near you and I will handle him, but you gotta tell me what he’s thinkin’. I need to be ready,” I tell her. I don’t want her to be afraid but if he pushes me, I will kill him without regret.
“He blames the club. Mainly Blu for him getting caught. He wants revenge, but he never said what he was thinking. He always kept me in the dark. He did say that I needed to stay at the clubhouse. I don’t know how he found out I left.”
I can hear the fear in her voice. I squeeze her tighter. “I’ll get with the guys. We’ll find him first,” I tell her.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
I can feel the tears wetting my skin. I shift so I can sit up, bringing her with me. I hold her face in my hands and say, “Nothin’ is gonna happen to me. I’ve fucked up so much in my life, Kenderly but not this. I won’t ruin this. I promise.” The tears slide down her cheeks and my heart nearly breaks in half. She’s worried about me. I wipe the tears with my thumbs before kissing her gently.
I pull back and look at her face. I can’t stop staring into those alluring eyes of hers. She’s gorgeous. She’s perfect and now she’s mine. I vow to myself to not fuck this up. I will make sure she is taken care of, loved like she should be.
Chapter 40
Kenderly
Worry was something I never had at the clubhouse. I knew I was taken care of there. Since we left, I feel out of sorts. I know Tic says he can handle it, but there’s something nagging at the back of mind. I don’t want Tic getting hurt. I don’t want any of them to get hurt. They are the only family I have. Losing Blu made me realize that I needed them. That I need that club and all that comes with it. I’m afraid to tell Tic though. He seems so happy now that we’re here alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love being here with him and Jameson but there’s a longing inside of me. A longing to be home.
“What’s the look?” Tic asks as we watch Jameson swing at the park. It all seems so natural but different.
“Nothing. I was just wondering when you were going back.” I meet Tic’s gaze, and I can see the confusion there.
“Are you not happy here?” he asks sounding concerned.
“It’s not that. I just figured you’d want to go back at some point.”
“I opened the shop here for a reason, Kenderly. I don’t wanna raise J there anymore. It’s too much. Too hard.” I get his point, but I also know he’s unsettled here too.
“You have a suitcase full of clothes
under the bed,” I say softly.
“How do you know that?” I glance over at him and he sighs. “They’re my family. They are all I’ve ever known, but I don’t know how to be there without my dad, baby. I just don’t know how. I thought comin’ out here and startin’ over was the best for all of us.” He says as his eyes follow Jameson.
“I did too, but I don’t know anymore. I feel like something is missing.”
“Did you love him?” he blurts out catching me by surprise.
“Not like that, Tic. I don’t know, I guess there were times I’d look at him like my dad and others I just wanted to be loved. Does that make sense?” I shake my head sounding like a complete fool.
“Makes a lot of sense. I don’t know what to do anymore, baby. I want this. I want you but I miss them.” I scoot closer and wrap my arm around him, pulling his body into mine.
“Have you talked to them?”
He shakes his head. “I’m callin’ tonight to talk about your dad. I’ve kept my distance for a reason.”
I know things are hard for him. I can see it in his eyes. I can tell by the way he looks at Jameson. He’s missing his family.
“You know I’d follow you,” I admit. Maybe it’s a little sad to say, but I know I would go wherever he wanted.
“Would you?” he asks as he glances at me, a sexy smirk on his face.
“I’d follow you off the end of the earth, Joshua.” When I call him his real name, his face lights up.
“You haven’t called me that since you were ten.” He turns to face me fully now, the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on his face.
“Well, there are times I’d like to say your name, but I know that’s not who you are anymore. Besides, I like calling you Tic.”
He brushes his lips over mine. “I like you callin’ me Joshua. It reminds me what you are to me.”
“What am I to you?” I ask breathlessly.
