Lives of the Eminent Philosophers

by Pamela Mensch

  Menippus, by Diego Velázquez, c. 1638.

  Some maintain that he did not write the books that are attributed to him, and claim that they were the works of Dionysius and Zopyrus of Colophon, who wrote them in jest and turned them over to Menippus in the belief that he could dispose of them profitably.

  101 There have been six men named Menippus; the first is the author who wrote about the Lydians and who abridged Xanthus; the second is our present subject; the third was a sophist from Stratonicea, a Carian by descent; the fourth a sculptor; the fifth and sixth painters, both of whom are mentioned by Apollodorus.

  The Cynic’s books, thirteen in number, include:

  Communing with the Dead

  Wills

  Invented Letters Attributed to the Gods

  Against the Physicists and Mathematicians and Grammarians

  On the Family of Epicurus

  The Epicureans’ Observances in Honor of the Twentieth Day

  and other works.

  Menedemus166

  102 Menedemus was a student of Colotes of Lampsacus.167 According to Hippobotus, he took wonder working to such lengths that he went about in the guise of a Fury, saying he had come from Hades to detect transgressions, and would go back and report them to the deities below. This was his attire: a full-length gray tunic, at his waist a crimson girdle; on his head an Arcadian hat embroidered with the twelve signs of the zodiac; and the cothurnus168 of tragedy. He wore an immense beard, and carried an ashwood staff.

  103 These are the lives of the various Cynics. We will also set down the doctrines they held in common, since we judge that Cynicism is also a school of philosophy, and not, as some say, merely a way of life. They are content, then, to reject the subjects of logic and physics, like Ariston of Chios,169 and to devote themselves solely to ethics. And what some say of Socrates, Diocles reports of Diogenes, portraying him as saying, “We must inquire into

  what evil and what good has been done in your halls.”170

  104 They also dispense with general education. Antisthenes, at any rate, said that those who had attained wisdom should not study literature, lest they be perverted by alien influences. They also reject geometry and music and all such studies. Diogenes, at any rate, said to somebody who showed him a clock, “A useful device to keep one from being late for dinner.” To somebody who played music for him he said,

  By men’s minds are their cities and houses well-ordered,

  Not by twangings and thrummings.

  They also hold that the goal is to live in accordance with virtue, as Antisthenes says in his Heracles171—exactly like the Stoics. For these two schools have much in common. Hence it has been said that Cynicism is a shortcut to virtue. And it was in the manner of the Cynics that Zeno of Citium172 lived his life.

  105 They also think that one should live frugally, eating only for nourishment and wearing only the cloak;173 and they despise wealth, fame, and noble birth. Some, at any rate, eat nothing but vegetables, drink nothing but cold water, and use whatever shelters or tubs they find, like Diogenes, who used to say that it was characteristic of the gods to need nothing, and of godlike men to need very little.

  They hold that virtue can be taught, as Antisthenes says in his Heracles, and when once acquired cannot be lost; that the wise man is worthy of love, has no flaw, and is a friend to his like, and that nothing should be entrusted to fortune. They maintain, like Ariston of Chios, that what is intermediate between virtue and evil is indifferent.

  These, then, are the Cynics. We must turn to the Stoics, whose founder was Zeno, a student of Crates.

  1 The Greek word ithagenēs can mean “born out of wedlock,” though Diogenes seems to use it here to indicate noncitizen status. Athenian law at the time required that citizens be born from Athenian parents on both sides. Antisthenes was excluded from citizenship since his mother was foreign.

  2 A reference to the Anatolian goddess Cybele, also known as the Magna Mater, or Great Mother. Her chief sanctuary was in Phrygia.

  3 Thracians were known in Greece for their courage and ferocity, and Athens employed Thracian mercenaries in its armed forces. The battle referred to here is probably an engagement between Athenian and Spartan forces in the 420s BC.

  4 The Athenians believed that their mythical ancestor, Erechthonius, had been born from the earth itself, a metaphor for their own legendary autochthony. Snails and locusts were similarly thought to be born out of the earth.

  5 Gorgias of Leontini (c. 485–380 BC) was an influential Sophist and teacher of rhetoric at Athens. Some of his speeches survive in partial form.

  6 The Isthmian games, held near Corinth, attracted spectators from all over the Greek world, like the more famous Olympic contests. The games included contests in oratory.

  7 It is not clear that Antisthenes called himself a Cynic or was so called by others during his lifetime. Later Greeks regarded him as the founder of the Cynic school, largely because of his asceticism and perhaps also because of the place where he taught, Cynosarges (see 6.13). Diogenes claims that Antisthenes should be considered the founder of the Stoic school as well (see 6.14–15 and 6.19).

  8 A mountainous region of northern Asia Minor that included the southern coast of the Black Sea.

  9 The Greek word for new is kainou, which sounds like the phrase kai nou, meaning “and a mind” or “and intelligence.” Diogenes also attributes this pun to Stilpo at 2.118.

  10 Bion makes a similar remark at 4.48.

  11 The Orphic mysteries were loosely inspired by the mythical figure Orpheus, who was supposed to have left behind mystical writings revealing the secrets of the universe. Initiates were promised advantages in the afterlife.

  12 Antisthenes implies that an obol could have been used to pay for a prostitute.

  13 Darnel was nicknamed “false wheat” because of its close resemblance to the grain; as an inedible weed, it had to be separated from the true harvest.

  14 Diogenes the Cynic (c. 412/03–c. 324/21 BC), whose life and views are discussed at 6.20–81.

  15 Two of the primary accusers at Socrates’ trial. Here and at 2.43, Diogenes claims that Anytus was exiled and Meletus was executed, but Plutarch (Moralia 537f –538a) says that they were only socially ostracized.

  16 Strength was much admired among the Cynics; they looked to the asceticism and hardihood of figures like Socrates and the mythic Heracles for inspiration.

  17 Located outside the walls of Athens, within a sanctuary of Heracles. The name literally means “white dog.”

  18 There are many uncertainties about this passage. The garment Neanthes speaks of is a himation, a piece of outerwear normally worn over a tunic, so to wear this “single” must mean to forgo the tunic underneath. The same idea, confusingly, is represented by Diocles as a “doubling” of the tribōn, another piece of outerwear, folded double so as to make an inner garment unnecessary, or so as to also furnish a mat for sleeping on the ground, as at 6.22. (Some editors resolve this confusion by changing the word haplōsai in Neanthes’ statement to diplōsai, such that both he and Diocles refer to “doubling” the outerwear.) Additional confusion results from the nickname Haplocyon applied to Antisthenes; it might connote the wearing of a single-fold cloak (with a soft tunic underneath), and is used that way by other authors, but here it seems to mean “wearing only a cloak.”

  19 Pythagorean philosopher who lived in the fourth century BC.

  20 Antisthenes appears as a speaker in Xenophon’s dialogue; his speech stresses the importance of spiritual rather than material wealth (Symposium 4.34–44).

  21 A reference to Erato, muse of lyric and erotic poetry.

  22 The Greek word used here, polis (“city”), is odd, and some editors emend it to politeia (“constitution” or “regime”). Diogenes of Sinope, Crates of Thebes, and Zeno of Citium (discussed at 6.20–81, 6.85–93, and 7.1–160, respectively) each composed a work entitled Politeia, in imitation of Plato (whose work of this title is better known to English readers as the R
epublic).

  23 The text of this title is probably corrupt.

  24 Possibly a continuation of the previous work.

  25 Eristics was a branch of rhetoric concerned with formulating arguments so as to defeat an opponent in debate.

  26 In this title and the next, the text of the first word is probably corrupt.

  27 In light of the anecdote that follows, Diogenes’ question might contain a sly hint at euthanasia.

  28 A Pre-Socratic philosopher (fl. 500 BC). His life and views are discussed at 9.1–17.

  29 Each Greek city ran its own mint and issued its own currency, and Hicesias must have been in charge of this operation. The phrase “restamp the currency” (paracharattein to nomisma) bears a double meaning, explored by Diogenes in what follows. Nomisma can refer not just to coinage, but to social customs, and to “restamp” these can mean to violate custom or innovate in the social sphere. Presumably Hicesias “restamped” in the literal sense, perhaps by mistake.

  30 Eubulides of Miletus (fl. fourth century BC) was a philosopher of the Megarian school and a pupil of Euclides of Megara. He is best known for his philosophical paradoxes.

  31 The title of this work, presumably a dialogue, is typical of Diogenes’ bawdy humor: it derives from a word for flatulence.

  32 The island of Delos in the Aegean was said to be the birthplace of the god Apollo; like Delphi, it was home to an oracle.

  33 In the original, Apollo’s phrase politikon nomisma contains a further ambiguity, since politikon can mean “of a (single) city” or “of civic life (generally).”

  34 Diogenes Laertius discusses the life and views of Antisthenes (c. 445–c. 365 BC) at 6.1–19. Diogenes the Cynic was about fifty when Antisthenes died.

  35 Two public buildings in Athens. The Stoa of Zeus was a colonnade at the northwest corner of the agora; the Pompeion, to judge by its name, was a place for the storage of processional gear.

  36 A large, earthenware pot originally intended for wine. Thanks to Diogenes, it became a symbol of the Cynic lifestyle, which was known as zoe pithou, or “the life of the tub.”

  37 A temple in Athens dedicated to the mother goddess; it was also used as an archive and a council hall.

  38 Euclides of Megara (c. 450–380 BC), a follower of Socrates and founder of the Megarian School. Diogenes discusses his life and views at 2.106–12.

  39 A festival held yearly at Athens in honor of the god Dionysus, which included festal processions and performances of tragedy and comedy.

  40 Because olives were abundant, they were considered fare for the poor. Diogenes the Cynic jokes about this at 6.50.

  41 Plato traveled to Sicily on three occasions in the 360s BC, and lived for a time at the court of the wealthy tyrant Dionysius II (see 3.18–23). Some of his contemporaries believed that he had accepted handouts from Dionysius, as implied here in the quips about olives.

  42 Aristippus of Cyrene was a follower of Socrates and founder of the Cyrenaic school of philosophy. Diogenes discusses his life and views at 2.65–104.

  43 The term “Cynic” is derived from the Greek kuōn, “dog,” and Cynic sages were often called “dogs.”

  44 The quip gives preference to Spartan militarism over Athenian sophistication, but also, like many of Diogenes’ remarks (see, e.g., 6.33), draws a contrast between the rarely encountered “men”—virtuous, autonomous beings—and lesser creatures such as slaves and children.

  45 The Greek phrase here rendered as “exercising at the gymnasium” literally means “digging and kicking”: the digging of trenches was an element of athletic training and of gymnastic sporting contests in ancient Greece.

  46 A low building with a central courtyard where boys were taught the rules of wrestling.

  47 Likely a reference to the Battle of Chaeronea (338 BC), which gave Philip of Macedon near complete dominion over Greece.

  48 A late-second-century Stoic philosopher from Rhodes and a student of Panaetius.

  49 A knapsack was, along with the rough cloak called tribōn, part of the characteristically spare gear of a Cynic (see 6.23).

  50 Held every four years at Delphi in honor of Apollo, these games included musical and athletic contests.

  51 Demosthenes (384–322 BC) was the leading Athenian orator of the fourth century BC.

  52 The gesture of extending the middle finger in the ancient Greek world seems to have had an obscene meaning, as it does today.

  53 The potter’s district of Athens.

  54 A part of line 410 of Euripides’ Medea, in which the chorus describes the power of Medea’s magic to turn the world upside down. Xeniades suggests that a slave’s commanding his master involves a similar reversal of the natural order.

  55 A half obol’s worth of cheese would be a small amount, since an obol was only one sixth of a typical day’s wage for an unskilled worker.

  56 It was customary for those in search of good health to offer a cock at the shrine of Asclepius, the Greek god of medicine. Here Diogenes’ gift mocks the piety of those visiting the shrine.

  57 Lines from an unknown tragedy.

  58 A hill in the city of Corinth that Diogenes liked to frequent.

  59 A well-known paradox ran as follows: “What you haven’t lost, you still have; you haven’t lost horns; therefore, you have horns” (see 2.11).

  60 The text of some manuscripts reads “an evil eunuch.”

  61 The Eleusinian Mysteries were celebrated in Athens and dedicated to the worship of Demeter and her daughter Persephone.

  62 Agesilaus, a Spartan king, and Epaminondas, a Theban general, were considered exemplary men of virtue by their contemporaries. The Isles of the Blessed is a mythic locale where the souls of virtuous heroes were thought to enjoy a supremely happy afterlife.

  63 Plato’s curriculum required students, as a first step toward genuine knowledge, to offer a clear definition of key terms.

  64 Theodorus belonged to the school of hedonistic philosophy founded by Aristippus of Cyrene. Diogenes discusses his life and views at 2.97–104.

  65 A Macedonian nobleman (c. 397–319 BC) who served both Philip II (the victor at Chaeronea in 338 BC) and his son, Alexander the Great, and governed Macedon while Alexander was on campaign in Asia.

  66 Diogenes’ verse uses the Greek word athlios four times.

  67 A Macedonian nobleman (d. 321 BC) who served under Alexander the Great and, after Alexander’s death, briefly became regent of the empire.

  68 A phrase with double meaning: “You’ll hit the target” and “You’ll end up hanged.”

  69 Nearly the same expression is found at 6.61, in a context suggesting that beets were linked to unmanly behavior. Elsewhere in Greek lore, beets were considered an aphrodisiac when consumed by women.

  70 A Greek historian (360–328 BC) and nephew of Aristotle. He accompanied Alexander on his expedition of conquest and published an account of it, now lost.

  71 This anecdote should be understood in the light of 6.37, where Diogenes proved by syllogism that the sage can lay claim to all property.

  72 Since he mentions it again at 6.69, Diogenes Laertius clearly thought this recourse to public masturbation was not some perverse personal quirk of Diogenes the Cynic, but rather an especially dramatic way to challenge conventional inhibitions and taboos.

  73 Satraps were governors of Persian provinces, and notorious for their libidinous ways. It’s not clear why or when a group of them would have been in mainland Greece.

  74 Cottabus was a game in which participants tossed the dregs at the bottom of a cup of wine toward a target; those who played it had, presumably, first imbibed the contents of the cup.

  75 Unusual activity on the left, such as a sudden sneeze, was considered an evil omen.

  76 Olympia and Nemea were sites of Panhellenic athletic contests. The joke hinges upon the similarity between the words Nemea and nemein, meaning “to tend sheep”: the man has gone from Olympic victor to yokel.

  77 Athenian heroes (both died in 51
4 BC) honored for their attempt to liberate Athens from the Pisistratid tyrants Hipparchus and Hippias.

  78 Presumably Dionysius II (c. 396–c. 343 BC), tyrant of Syracuse.

  79 The opaque quip perhaps interprets the young man’s courtship of his wife as a battle worthy of Heracles.

  80 Or, interpreted differently, “Which is worse?” Cheiron is the name of the centaur who taught Achilles and other famous heroes, as well as the Greek word for “worse.”

  81 In mythology, Charybdis was a giant whirlpool that threatened to swallow any ship that passed.

  82 “Didymon” is also the Greek word for “testicles.”

  83 The verb “fall in” in Greek can also denote “falling into” legal trouble or incarceration.

  84 Iliad 10.343, 387. The verses occur in the episode where Odysseus and Diomedes, while spying for the Greeks, encounter Dolon, a Trojan scout.

  85 Diogenes has altered a line from the Iliad (5.40), substituting “while you sleep” for “as you turn to flee.” The phrase “fix a spear in your back” takes on a sexual double meaning in this context.

  86 A play on a famous line (Iliad 18.95). In the original version, Achilles’ mother, Thetis, is lamenting her son’s promise to kill Hector: “You will be short-lived, my son, if you say such things.” Diogenes’ version exploits the similarity between the words for “say” (agoreueis) and “buy” (agorazdeis).

  87 Euripides, Phoenician Women 40, referring to the moment when Oedipus was ordered out of the road by his father Laius, moments before Oedipus killed him. The point of the quote seems to be simply the ludicrous crossing of contexts.

  88 Iliad 5.366 and Odyssey 6.82. Elaan, the word rendered here as “olive,” has a doublet in the infinitive elaan, “to charge,” so that the Homeric line translates as “he whipped [the steeds] to make them charge.”

  89 A Dorian colony on the southeast coast of Asia Minor.

  90 Iliad 5.83, describing the death of Hypsenor.

  91 A Macedonian officer (c. 370–321 BC) of Alexander the Great.