Always

by Jessie Rose Case

  “Carl, I’ll discuss this in the morning with you and Jake, I’m too tired now, good night.” She told him sternly and walked passed him.

  “Good night.” He called after her, knowing tomorrow wouldn’t be pleasant and closed the door behind him.

  Elizabeth shook the dust from her clothes, removing her jacket, then slumped in her favourite chair, the fire going strong. She was pissed. Black Dog was with her and his braves.

  “Did I not say, this has to stop.” She told him. He ignored her. “You know what. Ok, I’m done here. Fine, good night.”

  Elizabeth got up and went to her room. She threw her hat and gloves on the chair and pulled her shirt free, loosening her clothing. She went to the window and pulled back the curtains. There was a chill in the air and she decided not to open it. Going to the wash stand she washed the dust from her. Then sat drained on her bed facing the window.

  She instinctively started to un braid her hair and stopped. She was exhausted. She had not heard the door opening but was not surprised to feel his presence or the bed sink behind her and hands taking the braids from her and start where she had left off. Elizabeth sighed. Neither of them said anything, it was not needed.

  Red Wolf ran his hands through her hair. It felt wonderful in his hands. Elizabeth leaned back against him, it was all too comfortable. Too right. It was a task a warrior did for his wife.

  “You should go,” she told him. He did not move just let her lean on him as he brushed through her hair with his hands.

  “Father spoke to me after you left, I think he waited till you went.” He told her gently.

  Elizabeth did not want to hear what was coming. “I’m tired this can wait.” She told him and got up.

  “Tired?” he challenged. “Tired? Shall I tell you about being tired Elizabeth.” He told her biting off the words and rising from the bed and coming around to face her. “I’m tired of having to do what I’m told. I’m tired of having to share a home with a woman I don’t care for and dishonourably ignore her and don’t lay with her. I’m tired of seeing you with Carl.”

  Red Wolf felt his temper rising. “I’m tired of being miserable. I’m tired of not being able to make my own choices, but mostly. I’m tired of not being. Not laying. With the woman, I love.” They both stared at each other breathing hard. His outburst had shocked them both.

  He had not meant to say so much, the air around them was electric.

  “Then stay.” She told him honestly too tired to argue knowing her heart would not be in it. “Stay with me tonight. If not as my husband, then as my brother I would welcome the company.” She told him quietly.

  “Esa, you ask the impossible.” He told her turning away. Elizabeth raised her hand and touched his arm.

  “Stay,” she said again. “Lay with me. Just being with you will be enough,” she told him earnestly.

  Elizabeth needed him. If she could not have him physically she would take what she could get. Elizabeth undid her trousers and pulled them over her boots. Her boots followed with a clank on the floor and she pulled back the covers of her bed and slipped in.

  She turned on her side and nestled against the pillows and closed her eyes. She was aware of movement around the room and the lights going out. What she welcomed was feeling his body laying next to hers and his arms reaching around her and holding her tight.

  Red Wolf gently pulled back her hair and whispered to her in the darkness. He sighed. “You are my love. My life. Without you it means nothing.” Elizabeth smiled and sleepily replied

  “Always.”

  She woke in the morning alone. She had expected it. But still, her heart hurt knowing he’d gone. Elizabeth came down to bath then went in to breakfast. He was sitting at the table with Jake and Carl. They were talking about the new stock. Elizabeth went to the kitchen, calling to Anna.

  “Good morning.” Grabbing some coffee she joined them.

  Elizabeth listened for a while until they sort her views. It was decided to do a roundup of the horses and start on weeding out the lesser stock and working with the best they had. As they went to break up, Elizabeth told them she had something to say and did not mince words.

  “Each of you. All of you.” She told them looking from one to the other. “Need to let me go. I am not a child any longer. I cannot run this ranch, the business, the larger corporation, if right here, I cannot go into town and stay for dinner without you calling out the hands to find me. You need to know and trust, I have my protection and that I will use them. That I will be safe, and should I not be, my men…” she stressed, “will protect me against all. I, need to know, I have your support and your confidence and that you know I can do this. Otherwise, I may as well, have stayed East and ran the business from there.”

  Each man was quiet. Jake cleared his throat.

  “Ok girl, we never thought otherwise. Just got over worried is all.” He told her touching her arm and left. She didn’t like that she’d upset him. Elizabeth looked at the other two. Both nodded.

  “Right then, let’s go to work.”

  The weeks that followed were hard on all of them. It took everyone to be at their best to get the jobs done. Elizabeth laid out how she wanted the new horse pens. New paddocks went up in front of the house, new stables and barns further out.

  She got reports on the sheep and pigs and it appeared to be going well. There were high hopes of doubling both herds.

  Elizabeth remembered seeing the riding homes she visited when East and tried to combine their practicality with what she wanted. Several miles of new fencing went up and Elizabeth hired more men from the town whose job it would be to paint it white.

  The boys tried to tell her painting it was not practical, but she didn’t care it looked good. When the new stock arrived, the men were busy. Real busy and more came from the tribe to help. Elizabeth loved it all. The hard work, the sweat, the dust, the comradery and the animals. Elizabeth fell in love all over again with the ranch. She was torn between the beauty of the Arabians, the elegance of the Spanish blacks and the magnificence of the Mustang.

  Red Wolf tried to keep his distance and let her go.

  When the new beef and sheep stock arrived in Phoenix, the men led by Carl were waiting for them. They’d come with their handler as had the horses. The cows were very different from the steers they were used to. No horns, they were fat, shaggy red and white and the Irish black and white. They were drawing a lot of attention.

  Jake saw them off the train and introduced himself to their handler. They’d taken several wagons and carried grain, grass and water with them. The handler was very explicit these cows had to be looked after carefully. Walked, not run and slowly or they could lose too much body fat and not too far. That they needed was good grazing. He’d looked around at the dust. He was worried.

  Carl explained that it would take around 10 days to the Double T. In that case, he told him, it will take several weeks and they needed to go by water daily and grazing. Carl was not a happy man. He sent riders back to the Double T to let them know.

  When Elizabeth received the news, she was far from concerned. She took it in her stride and felt it gave her more time with the horses before they arrived. This pick up had turned into a major trail. She could imagine Carls face and smiled.

  Elizabeth understood how important it was that they were established on the land before winter fully set in. Particularly If they were to have any chance of a good start to the breeding programme come Spring. She had men out erecting large shelters across several tracks of land and digging watering holes.

  She turned her attention to the stallions and mares. They were well housed. Each had their own space and shared several of the new paddocks. Elizabeth took to watching them from the gates. Then climbed up the fence and sat watching the men work.

  She was always fascinated at the way Indians worked with them, it continued to amaze her. Even the handlers that had been paid to escort their charges and to pass on specialised training tools for these br
eeds, were impressed. Within a very short space of time, it was clear that a mutual respect existed on all sides.

  The horses had to be kept separate and it was a full-time job. Several hands led by Red Wolf were having difficulty keeping them under control. More than one male nearly got stepped on. Red Wolf got swiped sideways and landed on his rear. Elizabeth couldn’t help but laugh. He was not impressed. His hurt pride was soon mended and smiled with her.

  Elizabeth spent much of her time back in the kitchens helping Anna and the other new kitchen staff, putting food stuff away for the winter and serving food to keep the troops going. It did feel like they were feeding an army. The days were very long and it was soon clear to Elizabeth that they were going to have to secure additional grazing, straw and feed.

  Over the next few days, she invited the local farmers to dinner. She expressed an interest in converting some of the existing acres out to the West to farm land. They listened with interest and offered to take it on if she wished to try it. Elizabeth also gained an understanding from them, that she could buy their excess produce should she need it. It was a good deal for all and she offered work to any of their families who wanted to work at the ranch.

  At the end of the week Red Wolf came to dinner. He came in late, did not contribute to the conversation and moved off early to the parlour. Mainly of hands were with them and were used to his silence. No one really paid much attention, everyone was tired and left early themselves.

  Anna served coffee to them and Elizabeth said good night to her and thanked her for all her and her families hard work.

  Elizabeth looked at the love of her life. He gazed into the roaring fire in the chair opposite her. He was worried. She poured coffee for them both and handed one to him. He took it.

  “I must go back,” he told her. “I have not been home since…” Elizabeth frowned. She’d not realised this. He was not always around as was his way. He had not stayed with her other than that one night. She took it for granted, that from time to time, he had returned home, clearly, that had not happened.

  “You should have gone sooner,” she told him honestly. He looked at her. She was punishing them both and they both knew why he had not.

  “I am unsure when I will be back,” he told her. Elizabeth understood. He had left it too long, now he was being ordered home.

  “Running Elk will be here tomorrow to take over the horses.” Reluctantly, he brought up the subject that had been on his mind for the last few weeks. What he’d been told to find out.

  “Esa, I’m sorry but I have to ask. Do you have an answer for the council of elders?”

  Elizabeth sat perfectly still. She’d hoped they would give her more time.

  “No.” She told him.

  Red Wolf nodded. He looked at her. She saw the desperation in his eyes and face. His anguish was staring right at her.

  “Then you run the risk of them making one for you.”

  She sighed. “Maybe, maybe not, tell father, I am working hard to secure our future and once that is done, I will make a decision and talk to the elders then.”

  “That will not hold them long,” he told her sadly, “and you will not be short of suiters. The warriors know and many are waiting. Building bride prizes.” He told her seriously.

  Elizabeth shook her head. “It seems I have made matters worse instead of better.”

  “Not for the tribe.” He had spoken the sad truth; Elizabeth had given much, and it will cost her dear. Neither wanted to think about it.

  She put her cup down. She didn’t want it and stood before him and held out her hand. He took it, rose with her and ascended the stairs. They entered her room together and he closed the door behind them. Elizabeth ran her hand across his chest and under his waistcoat and slipped it off his shoulders.

  The shirt under it pulled free of his trousers easily. As Elizabeth went to slip the buttons free, he stopped her and held her hands. He looked at her and remembered their time together. Desperate to have her but knowing the cost.

  “I will not do this a second time to you,” he told her. “I will not dishonour you, knowing that I cannot be a husband to you.”

  Elizabeth leaned into him and his arms went around her.

  “Then stay with me till the sun rises,” she asked him. Elizabeth moved out of his embrace, removed her outer clothing and got into bed. He came to her quickly and Elizabeth gave up to his embrace. She was soon asleep.

  Elizabeth was dreaming. Her body was on fire. Her emotions running high. He was arousing her to great heights. Elizabeth felt his body, running her hands down his naked back and across his buttocks. He instinctively reflexed and became hard against her.

  Elizabeth moaned, she felt his rough hands run across her breast, felt his breath on her skin and moaned aloud…. so good….

  Red Wolf woke her and for a moment she was unsure where she was and why he was not touching her. He took in her flushed face, the heat of her body and the need in her eyes. Her moan told him what she had been dreaming. Elizabeth looked away embarrassed at her desperation, that it had filtered into her dreams.

  “Don’t.” He told her and lifted her chin to look back at him. Her mouth felt dry and she ran her tongue over her lips to try and moisten them. It failed. Red Wolf leaned in and kissed her. Lightly at first. Elizabeth opened her mouth and greedily kissed him back.

  There was no restraint. She needed him. She wanted him. Any good intensions he had were lost. He removed the clothes from her body quickly undressing her. Her underwear caught under her, he ripped it free bearing her to his gaze. He needed her naked and under him with an urgency he couldn’t control. It had been too long.

  Elizabeth felt him loosen his trousers as she pulled the shirt from his back, she was desperate to feel him naked against her and ran her hands up and down his back from his head to his thigh.

  It was Red Wolfs time to moan as she cupped him against her and opened her legs for him. Neither could wait, he touched her as she guided him, he hesitated above her for an instance, Elizabeth moved her hands and hips and joined with him. It was shallow, but he was inside her. Red Wolf placed his forehead on hers and looked at her. Elizabeth groaned.

  “Don’t stop,” she told him breathlessly. He responded by lifting her hips from the bed and thrusting in deeply. She clung to him and held him to her. “Yes, so long,” she murmured as she started to move under him.

  He joined her thrust for thrust, pace for pace, Elizabeth was insatiable, desperate in her need of him, she drove him on. Taking everything, he had to give her, she wanted him, had to have him, Red Wolf suddenly stopped and started to withdraw.

  “We can’t, you could have a child,” he told her desperately. “I want it. I want you,” she told him. “Please, I need you.” She begged him. She reached out and caressed him. He became harder, under her hands. Harder than he thought possible.

  A child, he repeated, his child, her child, he wanted that with a desperation he couldn’t hold back. He pushed into her again, finding greater depth. They would make it work, he told himself. His father would understand. He loved Esa and would forgive her if not him.

  He held her wider to him and looked in her eyes, there would be no going back, he thrust hard into her and she gasped and called out his name and he rode her desperately, whispering hers.

  Finally reaching the release they both so desperately needed and as the night wore on, she climbed on top of him and rode, with her own desperation and they filled the hours with their love making and passion. Him giving her taking. Her giving him taking. And at last, her exhaustion pulled her under and she fell asleep in his arms, Red Wolf kissing her shoulder and holding her tight, whispering his love.

  He rose and left her before sunrise.

  Red Wolf rode into the village and went to his lodge and his wife. He entered quietly, she was a vane but kind women, it was not her fault that he did not love her. He could not bring himself to touch her. She was frustrated with him, angry. He could not blame her. He slept
on the other side of the room and woke to her cooking. His father sent for him soon after. As he got up to leave, Sky spoke to him.

  “I need a husband who is here, who needs me, who will love me and give me children.” She told him.

  He hesitated by the doorway and turned back to her.

  “This was not my choice. I told you from the beginning I could not love you like that. My love is elsewhere.” He reminded her.

  “Or mine.” She said tearfully. And for the first time, he understood her, she had accepted her fate and honoured it, she had done far better than him. He came back to her and took her hand.

  “Forgive me,” he told her. “I do not know if I could ever be the warrior you deserve.” He told her honestly.

  Sky nodded. “Then I will talk with my father.” She told him.

  “You know what that means?” he asked her.

  “Yes, it will not be easy.” Red Wolf looked at her bravery and smiled, any warrior would be proud to have her as his mate. Part of him wished things could have been different. He went in search of his father.

  Red Wolf entered his father’s lodge. Dull Knife was clearly unwell. Concerned, Red Wolf went to him as his father told the others to leave them. When they were alone he spoke.

  “My son, I am an old man, your brother has found happiness in this life, a wife who loves him, who is to give him a child in the spring, he knows his place is here. You are my first born and I see you unhappy. I see you torn between two worlds and I am to blame for some of that.” He told him. “If,” he continued, “you cannot make your peace with who you are and what is expected of you, you will not be the leader our tribe needs.”