Love Me Like You Won't Let Go

by Toppen, Melissa

  “But six years, Asher? Do you have any idea how long I waited for you?”

  “Clearly not long enough.” He gives me a sad smile before turning back toward the door, exiting seconds later.

  Tears sting the backs of my eyes but I refuse to let a single one fall. I’ve shed far too many tears over Asher Evans. But that still doesn’t stop the emotion from pouring out of me seconds later.

  Tears fall down my cheeks, one after the other. In some weird way I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

  Here I am, finally happy, and now is when he chooses to come home. When I’ve finally put him behind me. When I’ve finally moved on.

  Only, if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I’ve moved on. Not really. Yes, I picked up and went on with my life, but I always carried Asher with me. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think of him. That I didn’t wonder where he was or what he was doing. Even though I told myself a thousand times not to, I couldn’t help it. He’s a part of me, always has been.

  My cell phone buzzes to life on the counter, pulling me from my thoughts. I look down to see Tyler’s name flashing across the screen.

  Wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands, I take a deep breath before picking up the phone and pressing it to my ear.

  “Hey, babe.” Tyler’s sweet voice comes across the line and a whole new swell of emotion rushes through me.

  Here I have this amazing man and yet all I can do is think about the one I shouldn’t want. The one I shouldn’t need. The one I simply cannot shake.

  “Hey.” I force my voice to sound normal.

  “So, it looks like I’m going to be able to finish up early today and I know you’ve been dying to go see the new Bradley Cooper movie. What do you say I swing by and pick you up at eight? We can grab some dinner and catch the nine-thirty show?”

  “I think that sounds amazing.” I twirl my engagement ring with my thumb, something I’ve found I do when I’m feeling uneasy or nervous about something.

  “Perfect.” I hear the smile in his voice which causes my chest to tighten.

  Tyler doesn’t deserve to have me spending my time thinking about another man. I have to shake Asher once and for all, even if it kills me.

  “Oh, hey babe, I gotta go. My meeting is getting ready to start.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I say, guilt kicking me in the ribs.

  “Was that Tyler?” I jump, startled by the unexpected sound of my mother’s voice seconds after I hang up the phone.

  “Geez, Mom, what are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack or something?” I flatten my palm to my chest.

  “Sorry. I thought you heard me come in the back.” She drops her purse right inside the office door before joining me behind the counter.

  “Yes, it was Tyler,” I say, holding up my phone. “He’s taking me to dinner and a movie tonight.” I drop my cell onto the counter.

  “Well, that’s nice.”

  “What are you doing here, anyway?” I ask.

  “I haven’t gotten to talk to you since Saturday. I wanted to stop by and see how you’re doing.”

  “I’m doing fine. Why?”

  “I just...well, you know. I wanted to see how you were feeling with Asher being back.”

  I swear – I can’t escape it. It’s like suddenly he’s everywhere, even when he’s not directly in front of me.

  “It’s fine. I’m fine. I mean, it’s a little weird but it’s fine.”

  “Fine,” she repeats the word I managed to say multiple times in one short sentence.

  “Yeah. Fine.” I slide past her, grabbing the Windex and paper towels from the cleaning cabinet before heading toward the floral coolers, needing something to do.

  “Honey, you can talk to me, you know. Asher being back has to be confusing for you.”

  “Actually, it’s not.” I spray cleaner on one of the doors and proceed to scrub it off with a paper towel. “I’m with Tyler now.”

  “Just because you’re with Tyler doesn’t mean your feelings for Asher have gone away.” She steps up next to me.

  “Really, Mom, it’s fine.” I huff.

  “There’s that word again.” She gives me a knowing look.

  “What do you want me to say?” I proceed to spray the next door.

  “I want you to say whatever you feel.”

  “That’s just it, Mom. I don’t know how I feel,” I say defeated, tearing off a new paper towel before setting the roll at my feet.

  “It’s clear that him being back has affected you more than you’re willing to admit. That’s completely normal. Given your history, it’s to be expected really.”

  “You mean the history he threw away like it meant nothing.” I take my aggression out on the glass, scrubbing it like it’s covered in grime even though there’s barely a smudge on it.

  “Have you spoken to him?” she asks, reaching out to take the cleaner from my hand.

  “He was just here.” I sigh, balling the paper towel in my hand before crossing the room and tossing it in the trash can.

  “He was?” She seems surprised by this news. “Well that explains a lot.”

  “He came to buy flowers. Said he was going to visit his parents.” I turn, heading straight into the office. I plop down in the chair behind the desk as she comes strolling into the room.

  “And?” She takes the seat across from me.

  “And what?”

  “What did he say?”

  “Not much, honestly. Just that he’s sorry for leaving.”

  “Did he say why he stayed away so long?”

  “No.” I lean back, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

  “I’m sure he had his reasons.”

  “Well whatever they are, they don’t change anything.”

  “Blakely,” my mother replies gently, the way she always does when she’s about to say something I won’t like. “I know you’re still upset.”

  “I’m not upset, Mom. I’m furious,” I tell her, fighting back another well of tears that swell behind my eyes.

  “And you have every right to be. But you’re lying to yourself if you think Asher coming back doesn’t change anything. It does. It changes how you feel.”

  “Not about Tyler,” I argue.

  “I’m not saying it lessens how you feel about Tyler. He’s a great man and has made you happier than any parent could hope for their daughter. But honey, you need to deal with your feelings toward Asher before you marry Tyler. It won’t be fair to him or to you if you rush into this hoping to escape the way you feel.”

  “The wedding date has been set for nearly six months. I’m not rushing into anything.”

  “Did I ever tell you about my first love?” She abruptly changes gears.

  “I thought Dad was your first love.”

  “He wasn’t.” She shakes her head slowly side to side. “His name was Walter Hemmings. We went to school together. Had known each other since we were kids, much like you and Asher. We fell in love, and my goodness did I love him. I loved him so much that sometimes I felt like my love was going to swallow me up whole. Unfortunately, your grandfather never approved of Walter. We didn’t let that stop us. We’d sneak away when he thought I was at the library or studying with friends. We stole little moments every chance we could. We treasured that time together because we knew it was limited.” She falls silent, losing herself to her thoughts.

  “So what happened?”

  “He moved away after high school to work with his uncle in Pennsylvania. We tried to keep in touch. He’d write me every chance he got, and I him. Eventually the letters became less frequent and after a few months they stopped coming altogether. My friend tried to convince me to go visit him. She was willing to drive me the seven hours to see him, but I was too afraid he wouldn’t want to see me to get in that car and go.”

  “Did you end up ever seeing him again?”
/>   “No.” She shifts in her chair. “I stayed home. Started working here full time. About a year later I met your father. He was and is such a sweet man. It didn’t take me long to open my heart to him, but even still I found myself thinking about Walter. I’d wonder what he was doing. I’d wonder if he ever thought of me or wished that things had turned out differently. I ignored my need for closure and buried my feelings, finding it easier to pretend that they didn’t exist at all.”

  “But you were happy with Dad.”

  “I was and I still am. I don’t regret marrying your father. He gave me a wonderful life. He gave me you. And I love him with my whole heart. But in here.” She lays her hand flat to her chest. “In here is a little piece reserved just for Walter. I wouldn’t change the way things turned out, but if I had the courage to face my feelings head on and get in that car all those years ago, maybe I wouldn’t carry the regret I still have today.”

  “Mom,” I start, not knowing what to say.

  “I know our stories are different, but one thing is exactly the same. If you don’t deal with this now, no matter how wonderful your future may turn out, a part of you will always wonder what if. Life’s too short to live with regrets.”

  “So what do you suggest I do?”

  “Talk to Asher. Get the whole story. Give yourself the closure we both know you need. You owe it to yourself and to Tyler. I promise you, honey, you will be better for it in the end. No matter what happens.”

  “Does Dad know? About Walter I mean?”

  “He knows most of it. But I’ve never shared with him the regret I’ve carried all these years. It would only serve to hurt him, and at the end of the day it wouldn’t have changed anything. I’m not saying go after Asher, unless that’s what you want. I’m saying find the closure I never did. So that when you give Tyler your heart, you give it to him completely, knowing that he’s the only one you want.”

  “Thank you for telling me about Walter,” I say, oddly feeling a little better.

  “I know it may not feel like it now, but everything will work out the way it’s meant to. No matter what you decide.”

  ——

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Tyler observes as we make our way down the sidewalk toward the flower shop where my car is parked.

  “Just tired.” I smile up at him. “It’s been a long day.”

  “Did you like the movie?”

  “I loved it. I mean, come on, it had Bradley Cooper in it,” I remind him. “That’s an automatic win for me.”

  “You and BC.” He chuckles. “Should I be worried that you’re going to run off to Hollywood and leave me for him?”

  “Only if Irina divorces him. Then you might have cause for concern.” I wink, laughing when he snakes his arm around my waist and squeezes my side.

  “You think you’re so funny, Miss Harris.”

  “No, you think you’re funny. I know I am.” I stick my tongue out at him.

  “Come here.” He stops abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk and spins me to his chest, his hands coming up to cup my face. “How did I ever get so lucky?” He smiles down at me.

  “That’s a very good question,” I tease, finding it easier to joke and laugh than voice anything of any real substance.

  Tyler laughs, his chest vibrating against me as he does.

  “So funny.” He crinkles his nose, seconds before he dips his face.

  The instant his lips touch mine a familiar hum drums through my body. The kiss doesn’t last long, but it’s enough to reaffirm that what I feel for Tyler is real. In the midst of the chaos and destruction Asher left behind, Tyler managed to find all the little pieces of my heart and slowly rebuild it from the ground up. That has to count for something.

  Chapter Eight

  Blakely

  “I can’t believe you didn’t call me the second you found out Asher was back.” Allison grills me over the phone as I stand next to the bed looking over the dress I plan to wear to Tyler’s fundraiser tonight.

  It’s a floor length purple gown with thick straps that dip into a low V in the back. I bought it several months ago on clearance, but have yet to have an excuse to wear it.

  “I can’t believe you didn’t call me the second you found out he was back,” I challenge, having found out from Mary earlier today that she knew he was back and may have shared the information with Allison – both of whom chose not to tell me. “Of all people, I thought you and Mary would be the ones to at least throw out a warning bell. I nearly fell off the trailer when I saw him standing on the side of the road. It felt like I was seeing a ghost.”

  “I thought for sure you already knew. Besides, I’ve been in Maryland all week with my mom. Not exactly something you share over the phone.”

  “Well, clearly I did not know.” I sigh audibly, running a hand through my dark, thick waves that I’ve spent the last hour curling. “I would have taken any kind of heads up. Hell, a text message would have sufficed. I mean, my ex comes back to town and my two best friends know and neither tell me.”

  “I’m sorry, B, you’re right. Of course we should have told you.”

  “Well, it doesn’t matter now.” I shrug, even though she can’t see me.

  “What was it like? Seeing him again.”

  “Refer to my previous statement. Like seeing a ghost.”

  “Mary said he looks good.”

  “He really does.” I chew on my thumb nail nervously. “If he had gained fifty pounds and gone bald, maybe I wouldn’t be having such an issue.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “What do you mean what am I going to do? I’m not going to do anything.”

  “B, this is Asher. You’re telling me him coming back to town doesn’t make you even a little curious if what you had is still there.”

  “No,” I lie, even though I know Allison probably sees right through it. She’s known me since Jr. High, and she can usually read me pretty well.

  Growing up, when I wasn’t with Asher, I was with Mary and Allison. We were thick as thieves back then and that’s one thing that hasn’t changed over the years. If anything, we’re closer than ever. Or at least I thought we were until they withheld the information of Asher’s return from me.

  “Now tell me something I’ll actually believe,” she cuts in.

  “I’m serious, Allie. It took me so long to get over him. Hell, I’m still not completely over him. But he destroyed me when he left. I can’t go back there again. Not when I have something so good with Tyler.”

  “I get it. I do. But B, ignoring your feelings won’t make them magically disappear.”

  “Now you sound like my mother,” I groan.

  “Which means I’m probably right.” I can hear the smile in her voice.

  “Listen, I have to get ready for tonight. Can we talk about this Friday at girls’ night?”

  “Fine. But don’t think I’m letting you off the hook. You may not be willing to tell me exactly how you feel right now, but after a few margaritas I’m sure I can get you to open up.”

  “You’re ridiculous.” I laugh, despite the uneasy knot that feels like it has permanently settled into the pit of my stomach.

  “You love me.”

  “Lord only knows why,” I joke, rolling my eyes.

  “Call me if anything happens between now and then. You know I always liked Asher, but I will kick his ass if he starts causing trouble for you.”

  “I might like to see that,” I tell her.

  “I love you, B.” She giggles into the phone.

  “Love you too.”

  I quickly end the call and drop my cell onto the bed next to my dress, letting out a loud sigh of frustration in the process.

  Pushing all thoughts of Asher away, I focus on the task at hand. Tyler will be home within the hour and I need to be ready before he gets here. Fundraiser nights are stressful enough for him; I don’t need to add to his stress by making him late.

  ——

  It’s close to
six by the time we reach the hotel in Huntington. The fundraiser is being held in the Grand Ballroom and is sure to be like many of the other events I’ve attended. Rich people throwing their money around like some weird twisted pissing match, each one trying to outdo the others. It’s sickening really, but at least in the end it’s the kids that benefit.

  “Oh thank god you’re here.” Sarah pulls me in for a quick hug the minute she reaches us, seeming to have appeared out of nowhere.

  Sarah is dating Derek, one of Tyler’s co-workers, and as such we’ve bonded over our mutual hatred of these events and the people that usually attend them. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s amazing what Tyler does for a living and it’s for such a good cause, but having to deal with these stuck up, think they’re better than everyone, snobs for a full evening is not really my idea of fun.

  Sarah releases me and takes a full step back, allowing me to really look at her. She looks incredible, as usual. Her royal blue dress makes her equally blue eyes pop and the way she has her blonde hair pinned back at the sides accentuates her pretty features.

  “You look gorgeous,” she tells me, giving me one full sweep with her eyes.

  “Me?” I question, gesturing to her dress. “Look at you.”

  “You think so? I wasn’t sure about this color on me.” She looks down, swaying so the material twirls at her feet.

  “Whatever.” I shake my head at her. “You’d look good in a trash bag.”

  She snorts, jumping when Derek suddenly appears at her side. “There you are.” She shoves at him playfully.

  “Sorry, I got pulled into a conversation with Charles Roberts on my way back from the bathroom.” He grins, sliding his hand into hers. “Hey, Blakely.” His gaze comes to mine and he nods.

  “Derek.” I smile.

  “You ready for this tonight?” He turns his attention to Tyler.

  “I am,” Tyler says, smiling down at me for a brief moment.

  He looks so handsome dressed in an all black suit with a purple tie that matches my dress. His light brown hair is combed to the side and he’s freshly shaved. I have to resist the urge to reach up and feel his smooth jaw.

  Tyler and Derek spend the next few minutes reviewing the schedule while Sarah and I catch up on what’s been going on since we last saw each other. We’re not close in the sense that we talk every day or anything. I don’t even think we’ve ever shared a phone conversation or hung out outside of an event with the guys, but when we do get together it’s like we’re the best of friends. Sarah is easy to get along with and is quite funny. I typically spend most of the night listening to her speculate over which men brought their mistresses to the event or who is having an affair with whom. I’m not much of a gossiper, but listening to Sarah does tend to make the night a little more enjoyable.