Never Glue Your Friends to Chairs
Page 3
Thanks to me.
And a little bit of don’t-you-dare glue.
“All right, everybody,” said Ms. Diz. “Hand me your antennae and your sticks. And line up with your parents for dessert.”
All the kids clapped and cheered.
Then everybody pulled off their head bobbles.
At least, everybody tried to pull off their head bobbles.
“Ouch!” Emma cried.
“The bobbles won’t come off!” Dewan shouted.
“My hairs are pulling!” Gus yelled.
“MY BOBBLES ARE STUCK!!!” Coco screamed.
Everybody looked at me.
Their faces were kind of surprised.
Then mad.
Then REALLY mad.
It seemed like maybe a good time for me to go to the bathroom.
But when I tried to get up, my chair came with me.
11
Uh-Oh
I yanked on that chair.
I tugged.
I pulled.
I whirled around like Goofy chasing his tail.
Gus and Dewan and Coco and Maria tried to get up too.
But those chairs were stuck to our clothes.
Permanently.
Just like the glue label had promised.
“Uh-oh,” I said. Real softly.
No one heard me except Gus.
All the kids were too busy screaming about their bobbles.
And running around like crazy people.
Parents were dashing over to see what all the fuss was about.
Coco’s dad was recording the whole mess.
And Ms. Diz looked a little like she might faint.
If you asked me, they were getting a little carried away about the head bobbles.
I mean, really, SOME of us had more important problems.
Like butt chairs.
“Roscoe,” Gus said. “How come you said ‘Uh-oh’? Did you do something?”
“The don’t-you-dare glue,” I whispered. “I sort of dared.”
“Whoa.” Gus wiggled the chair attached to his rear end. “That is SOME glue.”
“I’m doomed,” I said.
“Totally,” Gus said.
Emma ran over to me. She was yanking on her head bobbles.
Just like everyone else.
“Roscoe,” she said, “did you use the don’t-you-dare glue on the bobbles?”
That Emma!
She knows me so well.
“ROSCOE RILEY!” Coco yelled. “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HANDED OUT THE BOBBLES!”
“Mommy!” Hazel said. “Is Roscoe going to time-out?”
“Roscoe?” Ms. Diz said.
“Roscoe?” said Mom.
“Roscoe?” said Dad.
I could hardly hear them.
What with all the screaming.
“Roscoe?” Ms. Diz said again. Louder this time. “Is there something you’d like to tell us?”
“What have you done to my Coco’s beautiful head?” Coco’s mom screamed.
I started to answer.
But just then Coco ran by.
Actually, Coco and her chair ran by.
“GET IT OFF OF ME!” she screeched.
That girl really has a great pair of lungs.
I tried to stop her so I could explain everything.
Only I sort of missed and grabbed one of her chair legs instead.
Coco lost her balance.
She tripped.
She did a way cool air somersault.
Right onto the dessert table.
All those beautiful desserts went flying.
Also Mom’s horrible banana-avocado-raisin cream pie.
I watched that pie float through the air.
It was like a slow-motion movie.
Higher and higher.
Twirling and swirling.
A deadly missile made of bananas and avocados and raisins.
And it was heading straight for poor Ms. Diz.
I knew what I had to do.
After all the trouble I’d caused, I had to save my teacher.
I leaped into the air.
Which isn’t easy to do when you have a chair attached to your butt.
SPLAT!!!!
That pie landed right in my face.
A direct hit.
Pie in my hair. On my clothes. On my bobbles.
I lay on the floor.
Chair glued to me.
Pie covering me.
Kids screaming.
Parents yelling.
But Ms. Diz was safe.
And you know, that pie really wasn’t half bad.
12
Holes in Our Heads
Ms. Diz and the parents had to use scissors to cut us off our chairs.
That part was a little embarrassing.
Plus we had to borrow clothes from the lost-and-found box.
I had to wear pink bunny pants.
That part was WAY embarrassing.
They had to cut off our bobbles too.
We all lost a little hair.
Because of the glue situation.
Some of the kids were not too happy about the holes in their heads.
But I reminded them that their hair would grow back before they knew it.
I had to have a long talk with Ms. Diz and Mom and Dad.
When I explained to Ms. Diz how I was trying to save her job, she gave me a hug.
That is Teacher for I forgive you, kiddo.
She made me promise that next time I’d ask first before I tried to save her.
And to never, ever, ever touch don’t-you-dare glue again.
She also said she loved her job.
And that Mr. Goosegarden would think the whole glue story was funny. Someday.
Like I said.
Ms. Diz is a great teacher.
Even if she is just a beginner.
13
Good-Bye from Time-Out
So now you know why I’m in time-out.
Actually, Mom and Dad were really proud of me for trying to help Ms. Diz.
They just didn’t like the part where I took the don’t-you-dare glue out of the drawer to begin with.
Now that I think about it, I can see their point.
That glue is way sticky.
Anyway, thank you for hanging out with me.
It’s been nice to have some company.
Here come Mom and Dad now.
I’m going to tell them again how sorry I am.
And then maybe we’ll go to the barber shop to fix my bald spots.
Now I know how my dad feels.
But first we’ll have a big hug.
That’s the best part of time-out.
10 WAY COOL THINGS THAT SOMEBODY SHOULD INVENT
by Me, Roscoe Riley
1. Chocolate spaghetti
2. A water slide for my bathtub
3. Popcorn-flavored bubble gum
4. Invisible spray (for broccoli and other emergencies)
5. Trampoline floors at school
6. Robots that pick up dirty socks
7. Remote controls with a MUTE button for little sisters
8. Remote controls with a MUTE button for big brothers
9. One-size-fits-all head bobbles
10. Super-Mega-Gonzo Glue Remover
About the Author
KATHERINE APPLEGATE has never glued anyone to a chair (at least, that’s what she claims).
She is the author of lots of books for kids and lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, with her two terrific kids, two wacky dogs, two cranky cats, two tubby guinea pigs, and one patient husband. She has not been in time-out in quite a while, but her dog Goofy was recently sent there for breaking rule #132: Never eat a hula hoop.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.
Copyright
ROSCOE RILEY RULES #1: NEVER GLUE YOUR FRIENDS TO CHAIRS. Text copyright © 2008 by Katherine Applegate. Illustra
tions copyright © 2008 by Brian Biggs. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub © Edition SEPTEMBER 2009 ISBN: 9780061971587
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