by Lilah Rivers
By the end of the message, he felt that he had conveyed everything that he had hoped to.
However, it was clear that his father had noticed every distraction that had occurred throughout the sermon. There was an air of disappointment, tempered with understanding, and at the end of the service, his father came over to him at once.
“Well done, my boy. I know you had a lot on your mind, and that will be fixed in the future. But for now, well done,” he said, patting Jethro on the back.
He appreciated the graciousness with which his father was handling him. No matter how much of a mistake he had made in getting lost in his distraction, at least his father was being understanding.
“Thank you, Father,” Jethro replied. His eyes trailed off, looking for Annie and wanting to speak with her.
“You should go to her,” his father said.
“Hmm?” he replied, looking back at his father from his distracted state.
“You should go and speak with her. I can see that you want to,” his father said.
Jethro felt his cheeks grow hot, but he nodded and turned away from his father to go and speak with Annie.
He managed to catch her, although he wasn’t certain that she particularly wanted to be caught.
“Miss Annie,” he said, trying to get her attention.
Annie gave him a quick smile but barely made eye contact.
“Good morning,” she said, glancing over at her mother and father.
“How are you this morning?” he asked, trying to give a polite greeting. In truth, he just wanted to jump into talking to her, but knew that he had to start the conversation out nice and slowly not to overwhelm her.
“I am doing fine, thank you. And thank you for the illuminating sermon,” she said.
With that, Annie began to turn away from him. It was not rudely done, but Jethro couldn’t help taking it personally. He figured that Annie just wanted to go to her mother and father and expected little more than a simple greeting before doing so.
But it was not enough for him. Now that he realized how much he had taken Annie for granted and how immature he had been, he wanted to prove himself.
He had heard plenty from Bartholomew. He had heard from others in town. But he had been too frightened to ask Annie anything. He had never given her a chance, even as he was constantly back and forth.
“Miss Annie, please wait,” he said, clearing his throat and hoping that none of the parishioners heard him as they departed.
“Yes?” she asked, pausing but not turning entirely back to him.
“I’m sorry; I don’t mean to bother you or to keep you for long, but I was wondering if we might have a word?” he asked.
Annie turned the rest of her body, but she said nothing, her face stiff and immoveable. It was clear that she was not looking for any sort of engaging conversation at the moment.
Jethro’s mouth went completely dry as he tried to find the words to say next. He had started to like her enough that he was actually feeling a bit nervous and worried that he was going to make a fool of himself.
Or, worse, that he was going to manage to completely offend Annie again by saying something else that was completely foolish and out of line. He couldn’t bear the thought of making another mistake like that, not when there was so much that he wanted her to know now.
Not when there was really a chance that they might be happy.
Or had he already ruined that?
“Yes?” she asked again, giving him nothing more than this simple acknowledgment to continue after he was taking so long to do so.
“I wanted to talk to you further about our plans,” he said, twiddling his thumbs, nervously.
“Mr. Mills, I am prepared for you to end the engagement whenever you choose to. I am quite surprised that you have not yet. But this is not the place. You may come to my home for that discussion. Thank you for the sermon, but I must be going now,” she said.
With that, Annie turned away and departed for her mother and father, showing no emotion and not a care at all for Jethro.
He stood there, completely stunned. He had not expected this coldness or a statement like that regarding him ending the engagement. Although he had made plenty of mistakes and had been less than pleasant with Annie, he wasn’t sure why she had a sudden certainty that he was going to call off the wedding.
What had he said or done of late to make her think that?
Was she putting together all of his previously rude behavior, all of his mistakes and former arrogance in the match, and assuming that he was finished trying? Had he been so cautious about everything that he had caused her to lose all hope that they would ever actually make anything of their union?
Jethro was surprised, but he felt foolish for being surprised. There was no reason at all that Annie should trust him.
He knew what he needed to do. No matter how nervous he was, he had to finally talk to Annie about what had occurred with Bartholomew. It was time the truth came out.
“Why do you look so upset?” Timothy asked, coming over to him.
“It’s just Annie,” he said.
“Still trying to figure out how you can end the engagement? Or still wanting to keep it moving forward?” Timothy asked him.
“I guess I haven’t been abundantly clear about what I want,” Jethro said.
“No, you haven’t. But you need to make up your mind. The wedding is coming up quickly. If you end things just a few days before the ceremony, people are going to think you’re no better than she is,” Timothy said.
“I don’t know that I even care about that anymore. I mean, what people might think. I am a whole lot more concerned about making sure I don’t hurt Annie,” Jethro said.
“Well, that’s a change,” Timothy said.
“Yeah, I guess it is. But now that I’ve seen more of who she is, I just can’t let things keep going like this,” he said.
“If that’s the case, you had better do something quickly. I don’t think she expects much from you at the moment if I’m being honest,” Timothy warned him.
“I haven’t given her any reason to. I listened to rumors and to Bartholomew. I’m not saying that she won’t confirm it’s true, just that I need to give her a chance to tell me her part and also to learn whether or not she has changed since then,” he said.
“What do you plan to do?” Timothy asked.
Jethro had been asking himself that same question, but he knew without a doubt what the next step would be. He would go to Annie. He would give her a chance to tell him what was really going on.
Finally, he would not only have answers, but he would allow himself to forgive Annie of the past and move forward.
Chapter 22
On the porch, Annie was shelling peas, trying to distract herself by filling the pot.
It had been difficult to hear Jethro preach that morning and wonder why he was so adamant against loving her when he had such a beautiful heart that understood God’s word. It was clear that he didn’t trust her. That had to be the only explanation.
But as she sat there, it took her by surprise to look up and see him coming.
Annie nearly gasped in her shock. The last thing she had expected was for him to come immediately to end things. She had only been home for twenty minutes. When she had told him that they couldn’t talk right then, she hadn’t figured him to come over immediately.
But, alas, he had. In his desperation to be rid of her, Jethro had finally come.
“Would you like something to drink?” she offered as he approached.
“No, thank you. I really did just want to talk,” Jethro said.
“All right. Do you mind if we stay right here? I’m a little bit busy,” Annie said, barely glancing in his direction. She didn’t know how to interact with him, especially when he was coming to finish things.
“No, that’s fine,” he replied.
It hardly mattered. All he was going to do was tell her that he didn’t want to marry her. It didn’t ma
tter that she was in the middle of shelling peas; that she had quickly changed into less fine clothing than she had been wearing at church.
Annie just continued about her business, waiting for the final words that were sure to leave her a spinster forever.
She had been longing for a husband, a family, a home to call her own. At every turn, it had been taken from her, but that didn’t mean that she was completely hopeless. Annie had to remind herself that the Lord would provide. He would take care of her.
Even if she remained unwed, even if she never had those things that she wanted so badly, God still valued her. She had a purpose and reason for living, and he would reveal that to her. She only had to trust that this was not the end for her. Things would still come together. Even if a husband was not a part of that.
“I wanted to talk to you about everything that has happened. I want to say that I am sorry for everything that I’ve done. All of my selfishness, my rudeness. I have apologized to you so many times, but then, no matter what, something would come up to make me second guess,” Jethro said.
Annie finally looked up and met his eyes, confused. He was apologizing, but he still sounded uncertain. She wished he would just come out with what he wanted to say.
Or, maybe he already had. Maybe she was just too frightened to accept that he was saying what she wanted to hear rather than what she had expected him to say. Was it possible that Jethro might be softening to her? Was it possible that they were going to be all right? That they could even be happy?
“I realized that there is something that I need to talk to you about. I’ve been talking to other people, trying to make some decisions, but that was unfair. There is no one better for me to talk to about your own past than you, Annie. I think, of all my sins against you, that has been the worst,” Jethro said.
Annie’s lips parted, but she had no words. This was certainly the most thoughtful thing Jethro had ever said to her. He had never treated her with this level of respect before.
“Y-you mean that?” Annie asked.
“I do. I made so many mistakes, but I really don’t think any of them were quite so bad as talking about my concerns with others instead of treating you with the honor that you deserve and allowing you to have a voice in these matters. I didn’t let you tell me your story; I just let other people tell me what little they knew. And I told them what I was worried about instead of just addressing it with you,” he said.
“You don’t know me well. It is understandable that you would turn to people that you already know and trust,” Annie said.
“But that doesn’t make it right. And I also listened to voices that I don’t know all that well,” he said.
Annie understood that he was referring to Bartholomew. Of course, Bartholomew would have had a thing or two to say, but Annie didn’t want to hear about that. She didn’t want to think about him.
“So, having said that, I want you to know my thoughts,” Jethro said, taking a deep breath. “I like you, Annie Blake. I think you are a good woman, and I would be happy to have you as my wife.”
Annie’s eyes widened, not having any idea where this came from after everything Jethro had said and done. She couldn’t believe that he was finally confessing affection for her, even though he had made it so clear before that he didn’t trust her and didn’t want to be with her.
“But …” he said, hesitation in his voice.
And there it was.
“But, I can’t do that unless you are willing to tell me what happened with Bartholomew Jones. I have heard so many things, and I don’t like to think that anything negative about you could be true because you are so kind and gentle. But I don’t know you that well.
“You don’t know me well, either, Annie. And because we don’t know one another very well, I need to hear it from you so that I can discern if we are a good match or not. I need to know if you did it to hurt him, or if you just didn’t like him or whatever the case may be,” Jethro said.
Annie swallowed, realizing the opportunity she was being given. No longer did she wonder if she could beg to be heard. Jethro wanted the truth. He wanted to know what happened, and she was going to have to tell him.
“You really care? You want to know what happened?” Annie asked.
“I really do. Please tell me,” Jethro said, sitting next to her.
Suddenly, Annie felt herself stiffen. Could she do that to Abigail? She had promised to forgive her cousin. Was forgiveness really the same if she told about the offense now?
Of course it was. After all, she was telling Jethro because of Bartholomew’s mistake. And she didn’t even have to tell him about Abigail, just that it was someone she knew …
“Are you nervous to tell me?” Jethro asked, his wide eyes sensitive and caring like she never expected to see them.
Annie nodded, very nearly frightened to speak even a single word. But she took a deep breath and let it out, still trying to be brave.
“Would it help if I told you a story of my own first?” Jethro asked.
She raised her eyebrows at this suggestion. Jethro was so determined to know the truth that he was willing to share his own tale of woe?
“I … I would appreciate that,” she told him.
“All right, then. In that case, I should begin by telling you that my father never approved of this, but I did care for a young woman once,” he began.
Annie’s chest ached at this. Although Jethro had just confessed that he liked her, he was telling her that another young woman had captured his attention first. Surely he liked that young lady better than he could ever like Annie.
“She lived in another town, near some of my other cousins from my mother’s side. I was warned that she was not the sort of young lady that I ought to grow an attachment to, but I was a bit of a fool, you see. I thought that she was very beautiful,” he said.
“Anyway, I finally professed my affections. At that juncture, she told me that she had no feelings for me whatsoever, and that I was not the sort of man that she could ever love. She told me that I was foolish for even considering the possibility,” he told her, looking down with sadness and shame.
Annie continued to listen intently. She said nothing, but Jethro was watching her, and Annie felt as though she was being searched for a response.
When she stayed quiet, Jethro bit his lip before continuing.
“Anyway, it broke my heart, and I didn’t think I would be able to move on. I didn’t like thinking about it, but then … I don’t know, Annie. Somehow, as I got to know you, I just stopped hurting from that. I was looking so hard to find a perfect wife, and I never considered that maybe there is more to the story with you and Bartholomew,” he said.
Annie let out her breath, still in shock that Jethro was letting her tell him about the secret she had been keeping all this time.
“Well, thank you for telling me about that,” she said in a quiet voice. “I suppose it’s right enough for me to tell you what happened between me and Bartholomew since you have been so honest.”
“I would really appreciate that,” he said in a gentle tone.
“All right, then. So, it all started with my mother and father arranging my marriage to Bartholomew. I never really cared for him one way or another, but once I knew that I was to be his wife, I was perfectly devoted. I made the decision that this would be the man that I was going to love, the man with whom I would spend my life,” Annie told him.
