by Lilah Rivers
She took a deep inhale, followed by a ragged release of air. It was overwhelming to share the truth of what had happened.
“So, for a time, we were doing quite well as we prepared for the wedding. I believed that all was well and that Bartholomew was going to be an ideal husband. In fact, I was growing to be excited because I truly thought that I would make a good wife,” she continued.
“But … then everything changed,” Annie said.
Jethro shifted, adjusting his position on the step. Annie was well accustomed to the porch steps, but she didn’t think it would be very comfortable for him. For a moment, she considered offering a pillow or a blanket to sit on, but she did not want to embarrass Jethro by doing so.
Instead, she decided to continue.
“One day, someone very close to me was at our home. She and her mother and father had come …”
Annie trailed off. She could see Jethro wince when she did not tell him who, and it caused her to second guess everything.
“What I am about to tell you … it will harm her reputation,” she warned.
“I am not the sort of man who would say a word about that. Moreover, I believe my behavior of late shows that I am hardly in a position to pass judgments on others,” Jethro said.
“Well, in that case, it was my cousin. Like your cousins, she lives in a nearby town. I do not think she realized what a disaster this would cause, but the day that they came, she was outside, and Bartholomew had gone out for something,” Annie said.
Jethro had an understanding in his eyes even before Annie said the words.
“I caught the two of them. Together. They were kissing. It appears that it was not the first time. Although the relationship has not continued since then, I came to learn that it had been going on for over a month, particularly because Bartholomew often travels to her town for his father’s business,” she explained.
The tension was still in Annie’s shoulders as she told him everything, but she found herself finally beginning to relax somewhat.
“Anyway, that was that. I had to end the engagement. I could not marry a man who was unfaithful to me before we were even married,” Annie said, not wishing to elaborate more on her emotions.
Jethro appeared rather stunned. He shook his head, eyes wide with disbelief, staring at his hands.
Finally, he turned to her.
“Annie Blake, I don’t think I have ever met a woman with more integrity than you,” he said.
Annie’s stomach did a flip at that statement. It was strange, being recognized for having done something right.
“What do you mean by that?” she asked.
“I mean that only someone with a heart like yours would refuse to tell everyone what happened. I’m guessing it was all on account of protecting your cousin,” Jethro said.
She looked down and away from him before whispering, “Yes. That was why.”
“You are a marvelous woman; do you know that? I am deeply impressed,” Jethro said.
“I can’t think why. It was the right thing to do. Abigail is a good woman; she just made a dreadful mistake. She regrets it. Bartholomew, on the other hand, never did take responsibility when he could have,” Annie told him.
“I’m sorry for judging you so harshly,” he said.
“And I am thankful for that. Honestly, it feels nice to receive an apology of any kind, but especially when it is being recognized that I took a whole lot of blame for something that wasn’t my fault,” she said.
Jethro cautiously reached for her hand, and Annie didn’t pull away. It felt strange, receiving this tender treatment from him. Still, she had no desire to stop it from happening.
She was overjoyed that Jethro was actually giving her a chance to speak up, but even more that he was seeing past her silence and into the truth of what had happened. He was really listening, really caring about her.
And he was giving her the credit that she had always hoped for, the understanding that she had a faithful heart. Annie was impressed by his humility and the fact that he was willing to make this change, to admit his own failings.
Bartholomew had never been humble enough to confess his own mistakes, but Jethro was completely different from that. He was proving himself to be better, more honorable. He was really a decent man, and that made Annie happier than anything else.
“I really mean it, Annie. You are a good woman. I won’t be blinded by the lies ever again. You deserve more than this, and I intend to show you that I can be a good, reasonable man. I know that you haven’t seen that from me yet, but you will,” he vowed.
She nodded, made shy by this display of repentance. But, finally, she looked into those round, boyish eyes, framed by such beautiful lashes.
“I am glad that you are going to show me the man I always thought you were,” Annie said.
“Always thought I was? You mean you had faith in me once upon a time?” he asked.
“I did. I always have. I always believed that you were a good man; I just haven’t seen it for a while. I mean, when you are in the pulpit, I see it. But otherwise? Well …” she trailed off.
“I have been an arrogant fool?” he asked.
“I didn’t want to say it that way, but … yes,” she said, a lilting laugh escaping her lips.
“Well, at least we are in agreement about that. I was absolutely a fool, and you were a gem of a woman from the very beginning,” Jethro said.
“I wish you had recognized that sooner,” Annie said, teasingly.
“I know it now. And because I know it, and I see you for the woman that you are, despite my former stupidity, I promise that I am going to be diligent in honoring you. Instead of allowing myself to make decisions based upon fear and rumors, I am going to pray about the choices that we have and ask the Lord for his wisdom as we approach the time of our wedding,” he said.
“So you wish to pray about whether or not we are going to marry?” Annie asked.
“Yes, I do,” he replied.
“Very well, then. I will also pray,” she promised.
“I have no doubt of that. You are a pious woman, after all,” Jethro said, sounding perfectly relieved.
“Thank you for listening to the truth, for wanting to hear my story,” Annie said, feeling the leftover weight of the burden lift from her shoulders.
“Thank you for bearing with me, for being so patient, in the time that I was not,” Jethro replied.
Annie had not realized how badly she had needed someone to listen. Rachel had heard her out, but otherwise, no one had wanted to know anything. Not her mother and father, and certainly not Jethro.
But now, she had said all that was necessary.
Chapter 23
Annie hummed as she pruned the leaves off of the flowers that she had clipped from the field behind her home. They smelled strongly sweet with an edge of spice to them, and she couldn’t wait for her mother to arrive and tell her what kind of flowers they were.
Her mother had always been so knowledgeable about these things. She was an excellent homemaker, gardener, and all-round example of what Annie wanted to be like with her own home.
Now that things were improving between her and Jethro, Annie was feeling significantly better about those dreams coming to pass.
But as she flitted about the living room, trying to clean everything before her mother and father arrived home, she saw the shape of a man through the window.
Not just any man.
Bartholomew.
She sighed in frustration, wondering why she had to deal with him time and time again. Could he not simply leave her alone? Why was it so difficult to understand that she did not love him, nor did she want to be with him?
Annie reached the door before Bartholomew did. She didn’t want to give him the chance to knock or to hint at coming inside. It was easier to handle him by keeping him out to begin with.
“Bartholomew Jones, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to leave me alone, but I am getting awfully tired of
it,” Annie said. She had no patience for a polite greeting, no matter how she knew that it was expected of her.
“I know that, and I’m sorry. But Annie, I know you. You are the sweet woman who wants nothing more than to be a wife and mother. There are women out there who want all kinds of things for their lives. Women who want to go to the big cities, women who want to help on their farms or assist with all sorts of things. They begrudge the idea of homemaking. But not you. You want to be a wife, and I want you to be mine,” he said.
Annie shook her head.
“It is amazing to me how you can know me so well and so little all at the same time. Honestly, Bartholomew, do you really believe the things that you just said? Because it’s true, you know. I really do want to be a homemaker. I want to be a mother. I find joy in the idea of the mundane things like cooking and cleaning. I’m not looking for adventure,” she said.
“But of all the risks that I would not take, you are the foremost. Of all the things that frighten me and the things that threaten to steal happiness from me, I can’t think of anything that would be so successful as you,” she told him.
“You don’t mean that,” he retorted.
“My goodness, Bartholomew. I don’t understand you. You come here and beg me to take you back, and you insult me at every turn. What do you want from me? Who do you think I am? Why would I bow to you when you have made so little effort to care about me at all?” Annie asked.
Bartholomew looked down in dismay.
“You’re right,” he said in a defeated voice.
It surprised her to hear those words from his lips, and she wanted to believe that he really meant them.
“You’re right, Annie. I have done nothing to make you comfortable with me,” he said.
“I’m glad you can recognize that. Now, I have to ask you to leave again,” she said, hoping that he would do it this time.
“You may be right, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fight for you,” he said with renewed vigor.
Annie released a growl of frustration and lifted her hands in surrender before clenching them into fists.
“Annie, dear, please. You must hear me out,” Bartholomew pleaded.
“I don’t think I rightly do. You have come here again and again—and somehow you always know when my mother and father aren’t around—and still you won’t listen when I tell you that I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear you out.
“Enough is enough. It has been over a year now since I called off our wedding on account of your actions. Why did you think you needed to wait until another man saw that I was worth something?” Annie asked.
“From what I hear, he doesn’t deem you to be worth all that much,” Bartholomew said, the words cutting through her.
“Well … well, as it happens, he has had a change of heart,” Annie said.
Bartholomew shook his head.
“So it’s a problem if I have a change of heart, but when he does, suddenly you are all right with it? I don’t understand, Annie. That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It isn’t fair to know that you think so much better of him than me,” Bartholomew complained.
Annie was struck by his words, knowing that there was a hint of truth in them. She bit her lip and tried not to think about her own hypocrisy in accepting Jethro’s character transformation but not Bartholomew’s.
Then again, she wasn’t a fool. The difference was that Jethro’s change of heart was perfectly genuine whereas Bartholomew’s sudden transition was hardly that. He was someone who consistently appeared more than happy to use excuses and shift blame. Annie didn’t want to let herself be tricked by Bartholomew’s words and the fact that he was good at twisting things.
“See? You know it’s true,” he said, after her pause.
“Not in the least. I was only just thinking about the fact that Jethro really does seem to care about things. You don’t. You only care about yourself,” Annie said, her chest beginning to quake with anger.
He was doing everything he could to point out her flaws while hoping that she would be blinded to his. But for Annie, it was not going to work that way. She didn’t want Bartholomew to believe that he could get away with this.
She may have been weak in the past, but Annie wasn’t weak anymore. She was stronger and better than this now.
She only had to prove it.
“Annie, I don’t understand your vehemence against me. I have apologized for everything. I have told you that I was in the wrong. What do I have to do to make you understand how sorry I am? I will do anything, anything that you want me to do,” Bartholomew said.
Annie scoffed, hardly believing that he was trying to manipulate her this way.
“What do you want? I am perfectly serious. Do you want me to confess? I will! I will tell everyone that I was unfaithful. I will tell them all about the fact that I made a mistake and engaged with your cousin in an impious manner—”
“Stop! Just stop it, Bartholomew. I don’t want to hear any of it. We have finished our consideration of being together. I don’t know how else to make it clear to you that I have no intention of ever marrying you or being with you again, and I cannot comprehend what would make you think otherwise,” Annie said.
“But, Annie—”
“No. No more. I can’t put Abigail through the scandal, and it would make no difference to me, anyway. I have made up my mind,” she told him.
“Even though I love you?” he asked, hurt and emotion in his voice.
Annie stared at him in disbelief for a moment.
“Have all the men in this world gone completely mad? No one wants me. Then everyone wants me at the same time. I am not what men are looking for in a wife and then, suddenly, I am an ideal wife. I can’t understand your species. I wonder what it must have been like for Eve before the tree, back when men were not utterly confounding,” she said.
“Eve was the one who sinned. She was the reason for it, and that should count for something. So, really, it was her fault, and I can’t say much has changed. What do you expect from me? You’re always back and forth and trying to blame me for things. You say that I’m confounding, but I can’t figure you out, Annie,” Bartholomew said.
“And you aren’t helping yourself, Bartholomew. I have had just about enough,” she said.
“Remember the wonderful times that we had together. The time by the lake? We were enjoying our lunch when your mother called you back to them, and I turned away for only a moment? When we came back to our food, we saw the ducks waddling away with half of it,” he said, laughing at the memory.
It had been a lovely day. Annie remembered the warm weather, feeling so much affection, as though everything was going to be all right. She remembered how sweet Bartholomew had been.
It was true that he had not always been awful. He had not always been unfaithful. But she hadn’t fully known him then. She had not known what was in his heart to do.
“And what about that time we were going to visit the hot spring? Do you remember that? And the wheel came off the cart, and we were stranded, and I had to walk with your father to the nearest town to buy supplies? And we came back to see that you and your mother had fixed it in our absence?” he reminded her.
