A Grimm Warning

by Chris Colfer

  He felt like an idiot talking about his fairy tales knowing that she wrote about things like cemeteries and zombies. How was he going to convince her he was cool when she was obviously the coolest person that ever lived?

  “I’ve thought about changing up my genre,” Conner said. “I think it’d be fun to write darker stories about things like that. Stories with vampires and werewolves, but no love triangles or anything—”

  “Oh, Conner—I forgot I had something I was going to ask you,” Bree said.

  “Ask me anything,” he said.

  “Do you have a crush on me or something?” Bree asked him point-blank.

  Conner was positive everything in his body came to a complete stop, starting with his brain. He could feel his cheeks filling with so much blood he was worried his head would explode.

  “What?” he asked, as if she had asked him if he was a leprechaun. “No! Of course not! Why would you think that?”

  “Because you turn bright red and ramble whenever I’m around you,” Bree said. She was neither accusatory nor suspicious; she was just stating the facts calmly as ever.

  Conner forced a laugh that was too loud to be genuine. “Oh, that? That’s nothing. That’s just my sodium allergy.” He was as surprised to say it as she was to hear it.

  “Sodium allergy?” Bree asked. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

  “It’s very rare,” Conner said. “Makes me ramble and turn bright red for no apparent reason.… So that explains all that.…”

  He wasn’t sure how far he was planning to go with this. He could tell she wasn’t convinced.

  “Sorry, I just thought since we’re going to be sitting next to each other for half a day on this plane I would ask,” Bree said.

  “I appreciate you asking,” Conner said. “That would have been totally awkward.… Just sitting here… for hours and hours… one of us crushing on the other… glad that’s not the case…”

  Conner wanted to die. He fantasized about crawling out the window and curling up in the plane’s propeller. He couldn’t decide what was more mortifying: giving the impression that he had a crush on her or that there may have been some truth to her suspicion. Conner had never had a crush before; he wouldn’t have known if he had. But after being accused of having one, it slowly dawned on him that that must have been his problem—he had a crush on Bree!

  He looked out the window, too horrified to look at anything else. What was he supposed to do now that he had been diagnosed with a crush? Was there an anti-crush pill he could take? Was there a gland on his heart that could be removed? Was it terminal?

  Soon the plane pulled away from the gate and proceeded to the runway. It took off with a jolt and Conner watched in amazement as the airport below them became smaller and smaller.

  “Amazing,” Conner said under his breath.

  “Have you ever flown before?” Bree asked him.

  “Not on a plane,” Conner said without thinking.

  Bree squinted. “Then what did you fly on? A magic carpet?” she asked.

  It took Conner a moment to realize she was being sarcastic. “I’ve been—um—ballooning before. It was really neat but nothing like this. Technology is almost like magic these days.”

  “You know, Arthur C. Clarke said that magic is just science we don’t understand yet,” Bree quoted.

  Conner smiled. “Not always,” he said to himself.

  “Pardon?” Bree asked.

  “Oh, nothing,” Conner said. “That’s a great quote.”

  Bree narrowed her eyes and stared at him suspiciously. “Where did you go ballooning?” she asked.

  “It’s a long story.” Conner shrugged it off. “It was with my sister in my grandmother’s—um—state. But this is my first time being on a plane.”

  “Looks like you’re having all kinds of first experiences,” Bree said with a smile of her own. Luckily for Conner, she then popped an earbud into her other ear and began reading one of her books before he could panic or respond with something else embarrassing.

  If this was just the beginning of the trip, he didn’t want to think about what the rest of it would entail. Conner wanted to crawl out of his skin but Bree didn’t seem at all affected by their conversation. She just kept turning the pages of her murder-mystery novel, completely immersed in every word.

  An hour or so into the flight Conner got up to use the restroom. When he exited the shoebox-size stall he was accosted by Mindy, Cindy, Lindy, and Wendy. They stood right in front of him, blocking his way back to his seat.

  “Can I help you?” Conner asked.

  “We need to talk to you,” Mindy said. They all scowled at him with the same serious eyes. They looked like a pack of hungry cats.

  “Here?” Conner asked. “At the bathroom on a moving plane?”

  The girls nodded. “We figured it was the best place to talk to you privately,” Cindy said. “And so you couldn’t get away.”

  Conner looked for help but the closest flight attendant was serving drinks on the other side of the cabin.

  “Have you been planning this ambush?” Conner asked.

  Wendy nodded.

  “Since the end of the last school year,” Lindy said.

  “Okay…,” Conner said. “What’s up?”

  All the girls looked to one another, excited to finally interrogate him.

  “How’s Alex doing, Conner?” Lindy said. She crossed her arms. Her left eyebrow was raised so high it almost touched the ceiling.

  “She’s fine,” Conner said. “She’s going to school and living with my grandma in Vermont. Why do you ask?”

  Mindy threw her hands into the air. “Vermont! Vermont, he says!” she declared as if Conner had said his sister was living on Mars. “Do you have any proof of this? A photo or a postcard with Alex’s handwriting, perhaps?”

  “You think I’m lying to you?” Conner asked. He was beginning to worry they might be on to something. How much did they already know?

  Cindy stepped closer to him and looked directly into his eyes. “We practically live in the library, and last year we saw some things, some questionable things,” she said.

  “Like what?” Conner asked.

  “Well, for starters, Alex used to come into the library every day at lunch,” Mindy said. “And every day she would go to the back and take one book off the shelf.”

  “She would hug it and whisper sweet nothings into its spine!” Lindy continued.

  “Why would she do that, Conner? Your sister was the smartest girl in the school. It was so out of character for her to be talking to inanimate objects, don’t you think?” Cindy said.

  Wendy squinted and nodded.

  “So you’re ambushing me on a plane because my sister hugged a book?” Conner asked, trying to make them seem crazy.

  “We think she was talking to someone!” Mindy said. “She used to say things like ‘Please take me away’ and ‘I want to go back!’ ”

  “And then the next thing we know, Alex is gone,” Lindy said.

  “Left for Vermont, or so you say,” Cindy said, and swiveled her head.

  Conner tried to make his face as expressionless as possible. He didn’t want to give them any hint that their suspicions were remotely valid. “You guys are insane,” he said. “What are you implying? Do you think Alex ran away?”

  Mindy clenched both her fists in frustration. “I don’t know if she ran away, is working for the government, was abducted by aliens, or something else,” she said intensely. “All I know is, something isn’t right and I know you know the truth! And even if you don’t tell us what’s going on, we’re gonna find out!”

  “Because that’s what the Book Huggers do,” Lindy said. “We read between the lies and get to the bottom of things.”

  Wendy nodded again and punched the palm of her hand in a threatening manner.

  “The Book Huggers?” Conner asked.

  “That’s what we’ve renamed the Reading Club,” Cindy said. “In honor of Alex�
� wherever she is.”

  However close they were to discovering the truth, they were still the most obnoxious people Conner had ever had to deal with and that kept him from spilling any of his family’s secrets.

  “I think you guys read too much,” he said. He pushed his way through them and went back to his seat. He could feel their cold glares on his back as he went.

  When Conner sat down he noticed Bree wasn’t staring as attentively at her book as before and she had pulled an earbud out of her ear. Had she been listening to the Book Huggers assault him?

  “So your sister lives in Vermont now?” Bree asked.

  “Yes, with my grandma,” Conner said. Bree’s questions were much more difficult to dodge. He felt himself wanting to tell her the truth about his sister—and anything else she may have wanted to know.

  “Vermont’s pretty far,” she said.

  “It is,” Conner said. “But we talk on the phone a lot.”

  “So that’s where you went ballooning, then, I take it?” she questioned him further, starting her own interrogation.

  “Um… yeah,” Conner asked. “Why?”

  “Just curious,” Bree said blankly. “So if you’ve never flown before, how did you get all the way up to Vermont?”

  He knew she could see the uncertainty in his face. “Train?” Conner peeped.

  A coy smile spread across her face. “Interesting…,” Bree said. “I see why they’d be suspicious.”

  She wasn’t looking at him like a boy she thought had a crush on her anymore, but rather the way she looked at her novels: He was the mystery she was invested in now.

  Bree placed the earbud back into her ear and returned to her book, occasionally side-eyeing him over the course of the flight. Conner made himself as comfortable as possible in his tiny seat. His first flight would also undoubtedly be the longest flight of his life.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  A WEDDING IN THE WOODS

  Alex spent the following afternoon on the grand balcony of the Fairy Palace. She leaned on the railing and gazed at the beautiful sights around her. Everywhere she looked she could see fairies of all shapes and sizes preparing the palace and the gardens for the Inaugural Ball. Every flower bloomed a little brighter, every pond rippled a bit clearer, and every bird’s chirp was a little merrier. The whole kingdom was buzzing with excitement for the ball… except for Alex.

  A year ago Alex had wanted nothing more than to live with her grandmother in the Land of Stories. Just the idea of learning magic and becoming a fairy had seemed like a stretch, but here she was, days away from being introduced to society as a new member of the Fairy Council. It was more than she could ever have wished for, more than she would ever have thought possible, and maybe more than she could handle.

  After defeating Ezmia, the evil Enchantress, she had proven herself capable of leading the fairy-tale world—but perhaps she still hadn’t proven it to herself yet.

  A large shadow eclipsed the balcony and Alex looked up to see Mother Goose and Lester descending from the sky above.

  “Hey, kiddo! I’ve got something to tell you!” Mother Goose called down. Lester landed on the balcony and Mother Goose dismounted and joined Alex at the railing.

  “What is it?” Alex asked. She eyed a questionable sack of gold coins Mother Goose was clutching to her side.

  Mother Goose cautiously looked around the balcony to make sure no one was in earshot. “Now, don’t tell anyone you heard this from me, but I just ran into some friends of yours in the Dwarf Forests,” she told her.

  “What were you doing in the Dwarf Forests?”

  “I was playing my weekly card game with a few of my gambling buddies, but that’s not the point.” Mother Goose held the sack of gold coins a little tighter. “I bumped into Jack and Goldilocks. They had some very exciting news to share with me and wanted to pass it along to you.”

  “What is it?” Alex asked eagerly. The last time she saw Jack and Goldilocks had been the night Bob proposed to her mom at the Charming Palace. She had always wondered what kind of mischief they had been up to since then.

  “Apparently they’re getting married!” Mother Goose said.

  Alex happily clapped her hands. “That’s incredible news!”

  “I guess Jack popped the question while they were in combat with a gaggle of Corner Kingdom soldiers—he said he knew it would make Goldilocks swoon,” Mother Goose said.

  “When are they getting married?” Alex asked.

  “This evening! Just before dusk in the Dwarf Forests! Talk about short notice,” Mother Goose told her. “They decided it would be best to do it with as little notice as possible. You know how cautious fugitives get about their whereabouts. They asked me to officiate the ceremony and pass along an invitation to you.”

  “Well, that is short notice but I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Alex was suddenly happy that her grandmother was forcing her to take the week off. “But where in the Dwarf Forests?”

  “They told me to meet them in the clearing just south of the dwarf mines,” Mother Goose said with a shrug and an eye roll. “I don’t know why they want to have their wedding there—maybe all the swamps were booked? Anyway, the guest list is very exclusive; only a few people know it’s even happening, so keep it to yourself, especially around here. You know how judgmental these fairy folks get when any of us try to have a little fun now and then.”

  “How exciting!” Alex said. “I can’t wait. I think a wedding is just what I need to distract myself from all this Inaugural Ball business.”

  “Tell me about it,” Mother Goose said. “I hope I’m still good for it. The last time I officiated a wedding, Puss in Boots drank all my bubbly and started playing a fiddle, a cow convinced everyone he could jump over the moon, and an enchanted dish ran off with a spoon. You know it’s a good party when even the china gets into a little hanky-panky—but I’ll tell you more about that another time.”

  Mother Goose hopped aboard Lester, took his reins, and they flew back into the sky.

  Alex was thankful to have something to think about besides the Inaugural Ball. She left the Fairy Palace a good hour or two before dusk to meet Cornelius so they would have enough time to travel to the dwarf mines. However, when she went to meet him in the field just outside the gardens, an even greater distraction was waiting for her.

  “Hello there,” said a smooth voice Alex wasn’t expecting. She stopped in her tracks. Across the field near the edge of the stream, she saw Cornelius lying on his back and Farmer Robins’s son rubbing his belly like a kitten.

  “What are you doing here?” Alex asked, and placed a hand on her wand. She couldn’t be too sure what his intentions were.

  “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion,” the farmer’s son said, walking closer to her.

  The truth was Alex didn’t mind at all, but she wasn’t about to let him know that. “How did you find me?”

  “I didn’t—I found your unicorn,” he explained. “He wasn’t hard to pick out. I assumed if I found him I would eventually see you again.”

  Alex had to assess the situation twice. First, as a fairy, she assumed the boy whom she had recently helped was probably seeking her help again. Second, as a fourteen-year-old girl, hearing that a cute boy wanted to see her made her blush.

  “Well, here I am. What can I help you with?” Alex said collectedly.

  “I don’t need help with anything,” the farmer’s son said. “I just wanted to thank you for what you did at our farm. My father hates fairies, especially when they help us out, but I know deep down inside he’s grateful, too.”

  Alex nodded. “You’re very welcome—wait, what’s your name?” she asked.

  “My name is Rook,” he said. “Rook Robins.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you, Rook,” Alex said. “And you never have to thank me. Helping people is what we do best. Now if you’ll please excuse me, Cornelius and I have somewhere we need to be—”

  “Wait.” Rook stepped between her a
nd Cornelius. “Before you go, I have something I wanted to ask you.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  Rook looked at his feet and kicked a rock near his foot. “The truth is, you’re different from any other fairy I’ve ever met. You’re not all sparkles and bubbles, and you aren’t afraid to get your hands dirty. I really like you and I’ve been thinking about you an awful lot since I saw you at the farm.”

  Alex could feel her heart start to beat a little faster, but she ignored it, not wanting to get her hopes up. Where was he going with this?

  “You can say no and I would understand, but I was wondering, would you like to take a walk or something with me sometime?” Rook said. He was scared to ask the question and terrified to hear her answer.

  Alex stopped completely: She stopped breathing, she stopped thinking, and she was pretty sure her heart stopped beating. She forgot about everything on her mind—the Fairy Inaugural Ball, Jack and Goldilocks’s wedding, her name, who she was, where she was, and everything else important. All she could think about was the attractive boy in front of her, his floppy hair, his hazel eyes, and how he wanted to take a walk with her.

  With every second that Alex stayed quiet, Rook’s face fell a little more into a frown.

  “That’s all right, I understand,” Rook said. “You’re a fairy and I’m just a farmer’s son. I should have known better than even to have asked.”

  He turned around and headed out of the field, muttering to himself how stupid he was.

  “No, wait!” Alex barely regained control of her senses before it was too late. “I would love to go for a walk with you sometime.”

  Rook jerked his whole body back toward her. “You would?” he said with a goofy grin. “Well, that’s… that’s… splendid!”

  The two stood silently for a moment with giddy smiles frozen on their faces.

  “When will you be free?” Rook asked.

  “Is tomorrow evening good? Same place, same time?”

  “That would be wonderful,” Rook said. “I’ll meet you in this field tomorrow.”

  “I’ll look forward to it,” Alex said.