Starting Over

by Erin Cristofoli

  Kate looked surprised. With her first bite, a quiet moan escaped her lips, the sound resonating deep in my groin. I couldn’t afford to have any issues. I wouldn’t be able to disguise anything in these pants, which I always wore sans underwear. Taking a deep breath, I prayed for my issue to make itself disappear.

  “I told you I could cook.”

  “You can more than cook,” she said, closing her eyes, a smile turning up the corners of her mouth with her next bite. “Mmm, this is amazing.”

  “Thank you.” I couldn’t help the wide grin I turned on her. She sure knew how to boost my confidence. “So you like my cooking, huh? You’re making some pretty cute little sounds over there.”

  Kate wrinkled up her nose. “Oh, hush. I am not.”

  I laughed. “Well, maybe less cute and more erotic. I can’t decide.”

  Kate blushed and cleared her throat. “So anyway, tell me more about the client you were dealing with early this morning.”

  “Nope, no business talk until after we eat. I give you credit for trying to change the subject, though. More wine?”

  “Just a little.” She nodded. I smiled and poured her another full glass.

  We finished our meal in contented silence. When we were done, Kate hopped up and gathered our plates. “You don’t need to do that.”

  She shrugged. “After the meal you just prepared, it’s the least I can do.”

  I openly stared at her perfect ass as she walked out of the room. She ran water for a moment, and I took that time to compose myself. Grabbing our glasses, I joined her at the kitchen island and then led her to the living room, where my large coffee table still contained the files she had brought over, as well as a whole spread of what I was working on before she arrived. After sitting at one end of the couch, Kate joined me on the opposite side, her long legs folded beneath her.

  “So where do we start?” she asked, rubbing her hands together.

  When I looked at the time a little while later, it was already nine-thirty pm. Where had the time gone? “I think we should stop work for tonight, Kate.” I really didn’t want the night to end, so I offered, “Would you like some more wine?”

  “Are you trying to get me drunk?” Kate laughed, and I laughed with her. “Um, yeah. Sure, why not,” she answered.

  I walked to the kitchen, grabbed the bottle, and then turned back to join her. As I entered the living room, Kate’s eyes were clearly fixated on the front of my pants, and she really needed to stop.

  “Uh, you shouldn’t do that,” I told her.

  “Hmm?”

  “You really shouldn’t look at me like that, Kate. You are testing all the restraint I have in my body when you look at my junk like that.” It was then that she seemed to snap out of it.

  “Junk? Oh my God, I’m sorry,” she mumbled, shaking her head and looking down at her fingers in her lap. “I didn’t mean to. Well, I can’t really help it. It’s eye level and all. Are you going commando? Agh, don’t answer that. Stupid mouth. I swear that is the wine talking. It is none of my business, and I do not want to know.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh; she was embarrassed. I was growing harder, this whole situation becoming ridiculous. After placing her wine on the table, I sprawled on the opposite couch. A little distance would do me good.

  “Well, I will answer you anyhow. The truth is that I like how these lounge pants feel against my skin, all of my skin. I put them on before I knew you were coming by, and then I didn’t think about it at all. Please don’t be embarrassed.” I chuckled. “Actually, this reminds me of our first day at the office. Can’t this just be something we laugh off? I’m not embarrassed by my sexuality, you know that, and I would rather you weren’t either.” I paused a moment before continuing. “Anyway, back to another, more comfortable topic for you. So you were going to go the gym tonight?”

  Kate looked up and eyed me carefully, and finally relaxed after a few moments. “Yup, I figured maybe I should make use of the gym. It is a pretty fantastic place. Thank you for taking me there.”

  “You are welcome. Might be a great place to meet guys, too,” I said with a wink.

  She laughed. “Oh, I don’t know about that. What about you? With your looks and personality, and now I know about your cooking skills and this amazing place, I’m sure you have plenty of women over here all the time. I would imagine that there is a line of women who would like to be your girl.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t really been into the dating scene for a while. In fact, you are the first woman to be in my home in about two years.”

  Kate looked thoroughly surprised. “Really? Well, I’m honored, but why?”

  “The last woman here was my ex-fiancée. It’s not a very interesting story, but there you go.”

  “Fiancée? You had a fiancée? What happened?”

  I cleared my throat. Though I hated talking about this, I really did, something deep inside wanted me to share my story with her. That meant trusting her, and it had been a long time since I had done that with a woman. “I don’t like to talk about it. In fact, I can’t believe I even told you that much.”

  Kate moved over to the couch I was on. I sat up to give her some room and she took it, along with one of my hands, holding it in hers. This was a comfort I hadn’t known I needed, and I was touched by the sweet gesture.

  “Please tell me why you don’t talk about her.”

  I took a breath before answering; I could feel my body tense up. I knew Kate could feel it, too, as she gave my hand a quick squeeze. “Well, she was a manipulative bitch and succeeded in cruelly breaking my heart when I found her cheating on me, and then walked out of my life without any explanation or apology. As you can imagine, I swore off any serious relationships at that point.”

  We sat there quietly for a while. I’m sure Kate was probably uncomfortable with the turn that this conversation had taken. Then she surprised me; she squeezed my hand again, looked me in the eye, and said, “I’m sorry I made assumptions about your lifestyle. I must sound like such an ass. You didn’t deserve that, but, Ben, you can’t actually swear off relationships because of her, can you? You have plenty to offer, and not all women are like her. I think you should give it another try. Isn’t there anyone who tickles your fancy even a little?

  I looked at here and mumbled, “Yes, I guess there is....”

  She blushed deeply and shifted slightly away from me, leaning against the arm of the couch. I scooped up her feet, laying them across my lap.

  “Kate, don’t worry. I promised. We’re friends. In fact, I think we’re pretty great friends, and I’m grateful.”

  “I like us being friends, too.”

  I rubbed her feet, and she sank deeper into the couch, closing her eyes. “So what about you? You said a couple weeks ago that you were seeing someone. Tell me about this guy.”

  She opened her eyes, an unsure look on her face. She wasn’t sure what to tell me, I could tell, and I secretly understood her hesitation. Our club experience wasn’t for everyone.

  “Well, it’s not like we are dating. We have a more physical type of thing going on.”

  I laughed. “So the sex is good, huh?”

  “Ben!” Kate protested, and when I shrugged my shoulders, not backing down from my question, she sighed. “Okay, it’s not just good, it’s amazing. I think we totally click, but he doesn’t want anything personal, no emotion, and that means no relationship, no commitment… Not unlike you, I suppose. It’s okay for the moment, but I will eventually be looking for more. My friend tells me I have to just live in the moment, so I’m trying. He is unlike anyone I have ever met. He awakens something in me I didn’t know still existed. But I still hope for more, hope for love and companionship. Guess that sounds silly. Isn’t it strange that we are discussing this?”

  I watched her while she spoke, and there was something she wasn’t telling me, something that put a sadness in her eyes, and I really wanted to know what it was. “I don’t think it’s strange at al
l. I’m glad that you trust me enough to share some of your personal life with me.”

  She looked at me and smiled. “Thank you for sharing your story with me. Don’t give up, Ben. She’s out there.”

  “Tell me about your hometown,” I suggested, hoping she would open up more. Maybe then, I’d finally understand why she wouldn’t touch me with a 10-foot pole.

  She immediately sighed. “Ah, Ben, that is a story for another time. It’s getting late. I think I should get going. I am way too comfortable, and if I don’t move now, I think I might fall asleep. That wine has hit home.”

  She stood up, pausing a moment to catch her balance, my hand immediately holding her elbow. I walked with her to the door, and after she slipped on her coat, I surprised her by pulling her into a hug.

  “Uh, Ben...” She tensed in my arms, her voice shaky.

  “Relax, I’m not copping a feel. Friends hug and I think our friendship was solidified tonight, wouldn’t you agree?”

  She laughed into my chest, the tension leaving her body. “Yes, I guess you’re right. Thanks again for an awesome dinner. Goodnight, Ben. See you tomorrow.”

  “You’re welcome. Anytime. Oh, the car is downstairs waiting for you, just so you know. Goodnight, Kate.”

  She rolled her beautiful eyes at me, then turned and left. I closed the door behind her, and my home immediately felt empty without her. Shit, Liam was right. I was whipped.

  Yup, I had finally decided; if I was going to fall for another woman, I was glad it was Kate. Now, all I had to do was convince her that I was worth her falling for.

  Arrive at the club on Friday at 9 pm.

  Wear a long coat. Underneath, only your sexiest lingerie.

  I think I must have read the message Sir sent me about a hundred times. Of course, he never shared with me what he had planned, but my mind was going insane with thoughts of what lay ahead. What was worse was that a text from him on Wednesday afternoon gave me two whole days to mull this over and over. Butterflies stormed around in my stomach at the very idea of leaving my apartment without any clothes on. Could I even do that? I don’t know why I even bothered with asking myself stupid questions; at some point through our meetings, I stopped questioning what he asked of me. It was strangely liberating and terrifying at the same time. Who was I becoming with his man, this stranger? And more importantly, why was I enjoying it so much? Should I even be doing this?

  “Earth to Kate...”

  Ben’s voice startled me back to reality. “Uh, sorry, Ben. Do you need me for something?”

  He chuckled at me. “You were off somewhere else. Everything okay?”

  I felt my cheeks flush. “Oh, yeah, I’m good. I just have a lot on my mind. I’ll snap out of it. What did you need?”

  “Come to my office and look over this Power Point, will you?”

  I stood quickly. “Of course.”

  We spent the next two hours going over each aspect of the presentation, making sure graphics and statistics were in their proper places, and that we hadn’t forgotten anything. Much of that time was spent with the two of us practically draped over each other as we peered at the same laptop screen, which did nothing to help the distraction my head was already feeling from the text.

  When we finished with the last detail, Ben slumped into the middle of his luscious couch, stretching his legs across the coffee table, and I collapsed into one of the corners beside him. Ben immediately pulled my feet up across his lap, and I froze. He had done more than this just a few nights before, but here in this setting, the action seemed a little out of place. Gosh, I was getting confused. I couldn’t pretend that there wasn’t something potentially there, but I still fought with myself, knowing I was better off not touching that with a ten-foot pole. I moved my legs off his lap and straightened up.

  Ben looked at me, a strange look crossing his face.

  “I think I had better go. I was planning to hit the gym, and it’s getting late,” I told him quietly.

  Ben smiled brightly. “What a coincidence, I was going to head that way myself. We can take my car, and then I’ll drive you home afterward.”

  Having already realized that arguing with Ben never seemed to help me in any way, I stood and nodded before heading back to my office. I quickly shut my computer down and grabbed my stuff.

  Ben met me at our adjoining door, and we headed to the elevator. As soon as the elevator door closed, the energy between us hit me hard and my heart began to race. What the hell was that all about?

  I glanced up at Ben through my lashes, only to find him looking down on me, his green eyes piercing through me. Could he see the pulse in my neck as it sped? I took a deep breath and sidestepped away from him. If I had been looking at him more closely, I would have been able to confirm the smile on his lips at my movement, but there was no way I was going to be able to do that and still keep my composure.

  The elevator doors finally opened, ending the longest elevator trip I had ever taken, and I practically bolted out the door. This time, I heard him chuckle. In mere moments, Ben was speeding to the gym, and just as quickly, we went our separate ways into our respective locker rooms.

  When I eventually emerged, Ben was on an elliptical. As much as I didn’t really want to join him, or rather give him the impression that I wanted to join him, I really needed to warm up and that was my favorite machine. I stepped up beside him and was greeted with a huge smile.

  “It’s about time!”

  I couldn’t help my laugh. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I had a time limit.” If he wanted to be a smart ass, so could I. He held up his hands in surrender, and I felt a strange surge of accomplishment. After I had finished on the elliptical, I decided to move to some weight machines, most of which I had no idea what they even did.

  “Can I offer to spot you, Kate?” Normally, I would have completely brushed the idea off, but I was sure he would probably be able to help me decipher which ones were what I wanted.

  He watched me work out for a while, encouraging me, and he would use whatever machine was beside the one I was on. This, of course, gave me a first-hand view of the sweat that was glistening on his body, distracting me to the point of losing count of my reps. Shit! He really was quite something to look at. He had the most perfect muscular arms I had ever seen, and with the sweat, I started to think about what they would feel like wrapped around me, holding me against his gloriously sweaty chest.

  “Uh, excuse me, are you done with this machine?”

  I jumped off the machine in record time. I must have just been sitting there watching Ben. As I apologized to the man standing there, I could feel my face burning bright red. Ben finished with his machine and came to me.

  “You sure you are all right?” When I nodded, he continued. “Okay, so I’ve got an idea. Let’s go and see what else we can do on the other floors.”

  I followed him to the third floor, where some classes were being taught, none of which either of us was interested in. We walked to the end of the hall then, where we found an empty room. Three of the four walls had been decorated much like the rest of the gym, warm and inviting. However, the fourth wall was frosted glass. Strange that there are no mirrors in here. The room was empty aside from a large rack of weights and a barbell.

  “Perfect,” Ben murmured so quietly to himself that I barely heard him.

  “Uh, are we allowed in here?” I asked tentatively.

  “Sure, why not? I probably should have told you that I own part of this gym.”

  My mouth dropped open before I could stop it. “Really?”

  “Yup, a friend of mine was looking to start up this gym, and since I exercise all the time, I figured why not be a part of it. So to answer your question, yes, we can go wherever we like. Come on. Let’s go try some free weights.”

  Ben led me to the rack and handed me a set of weights, asking if they felt all right. This was definitely out of my realm of knowledge, so I nodded my head, watching him as he picked up a much larger set of we
ights. Oh my.

  We stood side-by-side as he guided me through a few different exercises. It wasn’t long until my arms were beginning to burn.

  “You are a very good instructor, Ben. You should teach classes or something.”

  Ben laughed. “I hardly have the time for anything like that. You, of course, are the exception to the rule, Kate. You are a great student, and I will gladly guide you through a workout anytime you like.”

  I felt my cheeks flush. When I glanced at him, I noticed he seemed to be giving me a once over with his eyes. “Thank you,” was all I could manage. Self-consciously, I smoothed the hair around my face.

  “Would you like me to show you the best arm workout there is, at least in my very professional opinion?” he asked me with a laugh. I smiled and nodded in return, internally scolding myself for letting Ben cause my inability to communicate. He put down his weights and moved behind me. “Put your arms like that… That’s right. Now, raise them to here, and then do this, and hold.” He placed his hands lightly on my elbows. When I raised my arms, his fingertips slid up my arms. The feeling of his fingers as they caressed my skin with just a whisper of a touch was almost enough for me to drop the weight out of my hands. My arms quivered, and Ben wrapped his hands around my forearms. “Here, I’ll help you a little.”

  What he didn’t seem to get was that he was seriously driving me crazy. I managed to get in two sets before I called it quits.

  Moving to one of the mural walls, I traced along a line of the design while Ben put the weights back. I heard his steps and turned to join in him to leave the room, but when I turned, he was close behind me. In a blink, I became unbalanced, his hands instantly moving to my hips and pulling me up tight against him. Oh my God! Shock must have kicked in; I couldn’t seem to move, but I knew I had to. This was getting out of hand. My heart raced as our eyes locked; I could feel his rapid breath on my face. Clearly, I was not the only one who was affected by our proximity to each other, and for him, it was evident in other places as well. He was pressed firmly between my legs, his arousal becoming more evident as the seconds passed by.