It was my turn to look his way. He shrugged. “No biggie.”
I moved my hand to his arm. “No, Noah… I should’ve remembered. I’ve just had a lot…” A laugh escaped my throat at the ridiculousness of my statement. “On my mind.”
“Yeah,” he said, laughing too. “Being a hostage on a deserted island will do that to you.”
When the laughter stopped, we were both looking at each other, our heads turned and cheeks resting on the sand. My hand was still on his arm, and I felt him move it slowly, sliding his hand up until our palms met. There was a question in his eyes, and I couldn’t answer it. I looked away as my pulse sped up, my face burning hot. I laced my fingers through his, giving him the answer I both hated and loved all at once.
“So,” he changed the subject, but kept our hands pressed together, “do you think our Twitter campaign is still going on?”
I snorted, grateful for the release of tension, and shook my head. “Are you kidding? With a face like that? They’re probably just ramping up production on our Netflix special.”
“They’d better get Darren Criss to portray me.”
“I was thinking Manny Jacinto,” I teased.
He scowled. “Are you kidding? I’m totally a Darren.”
“Okay, whatever you say…” I grinned at him again, feeling looser already. It was easy with Noah, even here on this island. I’d misread his wall in the beginning for coldness, but in truth, I’d never met anyone warmer or kinder. I could do it, I thought. I could survive on the island with him. If this was how the rest of my life looked, though I wouldn’t be happy about the lack of modern conveniences and the fact that strange people were watching us apparently, I wouldn’t have too many complaints. As far as being a hostage went, a girl could do worse.
“Do you think we should be worried about them?” His brows shot up, nodding his head in the direction of the jungle.
“Because they’ve been gone a while or because they might kill us?” I was only half joking, and his expression told me he knew that.
“Both, I guess… They’ve been gone most of the day now. You don’t think they’re hurt, do you?”
I hadn’t thought about it, honestly. Any moment that Ava and James weren’t glaring at me with their accusing eyes was A-OK with me. “I just assumed they were avoiding us like usual.”
He hesitated, then sighed. “You’re probably right.”
“Honestly, I’d just rather not see them. It’s so awkward…”
He squeezed my hand gently, his thumb caressing my knuckles. “We didn’t do anything wrong. You know that. If someone’s going to feel awkward, let it be them. They’re the ones who made the situation what it is.”
“Do you think things will ever feel normal again? That it’ll blow over?”
“Normal as in the way it was?” His brows bounced up. “Nah, probably not. But we’ll find a new normal, just like we did here.”
“When did you become so wise?” I asked, chuckling to myself. “When we met on the boat, I thought you were just some dumb kid.”
He placed his hand to his chest as if I’d stabbed him with my words, feigning pain. “Kid, ugh. I’ll bet I’m older than you think.”
“Twenty-three, tops,” I challenged.
His laugh was immediate and dry. “I’ve got socks older than twenty-three.”
My brow furrowed more. “You can’t be older than thirty.”
He held up two fingers. “Thirty-two…maybe thirty-three by now. My birthday is in August, and I’ve lost track of the days.”
“My birthday’s in August, too,” I said, shocked. “The seventh.”
“My fellow Leo, I knew I liked you.” He laughed. “I’m the fifteenth. Happy late or early birthday.”
I grinned at the sentiment. How strange was it to truly not know how old we were? I guess it didn’t matter anymore. “Happy late or early birthday to you.”
He was quiet for a moment, then asked, “Is that why you’re reluctant with me, because you thought I was younger than you?”
“You are younger than me,” I told him. “And no. I mean, in part, maybe, and in part because we’re just trying to survive and finding romance isn’t at the top of my to-do list, but mostly because of Ned.”
“Your husband?”
I nodded.
“Do you miss him a lot?”
“Some days,” I told him. “Always, really… But some days it’s almost impossible to go on.”
“That’s how it was when Theo died. It doesn’t get easier. You just get used to—” He froze, his eyes wide. “I didn’t mean that it’s as if your husband had died, I just—”
“It’s fine,” I assured him. “In a way, I guess it is like that. The grief I mean. The acceptance that I may never see him again.” I suddenly felt guilty for holding Noah’s hand, but I couldn’t bear to pull away. In some strange way, it was as if he were grounding me, keeping me on the island so I wouldn’t float away with my grief.
“Have you? Accepted it, I mean?” Though I knew he had selfish motivations for asking, he seemed genuinely curious. There was nothing pushy in his tone.
“More today than yesterday, but less than tomorrow.”
His thumb began caressing my knuckles again. “If you love him, you shouldn’t give up.”
I was silent, because the thought of answering brought tears to my eyes. The thought of never seeing Ned again was debilitating, but the truth was…the thought of never seeing Noah again hurt just as much.
I didn’t know the time to make that choice was quickly approaching.
Chapter Twenty-Four
When evening fell and James and Ava still hadn’t returned, we could no longer deny that something strange was afoot.
As the sun began to sink into the horizon, we headed out into the forest, weapons in hand, listening quietly for the slightest sound. Noah led the way with me close behind.
We traveled the same path as usual, hardly having to watch our step as we’d already memorized where the root that stuck up an inch too high was, where the plant with the thorns hid, and where the ditch you could nearly miss if you weren’t paying attention was. We knew our path backward and forward, which meant every bit of our energy could be focused on seeking out our friends.
As we grew closer to the falls, I thought I heard Ava’s whimpers. My blood ran cold, and I knew from the ashen, wide-eyed expression on Noah’s face that he’d heard it, too. We quickened our pace, hurrying forward. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was—
Naked?
James and Ava were far from in turmoil, their bare bodies pressed together on the shore next to the falls. Ava cried out in ecstasy, her hands gripping James’s back. He let out a moan of pleasure, pressing his lips to hers feverishly.
For a moment, we stood there frozen, the shock of what we were seeing smacking me so suddenly I couldn’t do anything but stare. All at once, the heat of embarrassment burned my face, and I backtracked quickly, just as Noah did, pressing ourselves against a wide tree a few feet away. My eyes were wide, my hand over my mouth as I watched him process what we’d seen.
He snickered, pressing his forehead to mine, my back against the tree as our bodies melted together, each of us trying our best to hide our stifled laughter. It wasn’t as if we didn’t know—or at least suspect—that Ava and James had been sneaking off to have sex, but seeing it like that, seeing our friends in the throes of passion was embarrassing and hilarious all at once.
He took my hand, pulling me away from there quickly, and as we made it back to the beach, we both burst out laughing with giggles so demanding and necessary my insides burned.
“At least someone’s enjoying themselves around here,” he said through his laughter, tears in his eyes.
“Maybe a little too much. I think we’re on our own for dinner.”
“The way they were going at it, we may be on our own for life.”
“Do you think they’ve been doing it all day?”
“If so, they’ve got no excuse to be crabby when they come back.”
“You don’t think they saw us, do you?” I asked, the thought sobering. As much as I enjoyed poking fun at catching them in the act, the idea that they’d caught us catching them was mortifying.
“Nah, they were pretty focused,” he said, shaking his head as the laughter finally subsided.
“I’d be terrified someone would catch me. They’re braver than I am.” I placed my hands over my nose and mouth, trying to shake the image from my head.
“Eh, who cares? It’s not like they could check into the Holiday Inn. We’re all adults… Animals out in the wild.” He winked at me, then looked away. “Anyway, we should really think about dinner. What will it be tonight? Berries or fish, my dear?” He adopted a fake accent and bowed forward, as if he were a waiter. “I might be able to have the chef whip you up a fresh pineapple or two.”
My stomach growled at the thought. “Pineapple sounds lovely, kind sir.”
He stood, holding out his arm for me to loop mine through. I did the same, suddenly very aware of our touch and the close proximity of our bodies. I had to stop it, get the thought out of my head, and move on.
Noah had to continue being Noah, and I had to continue being me—married me. An hour later, we returned with two pineapples from a tree we’d discovered a few days—weeks?—before. It didn’t grow many, which made the fruit a commodity that up until this point we reserved for special occasions.
When we reached the fire, I was surprised to see Ava and James there, deep in conversation. James saw us first, his back straightening as he saw the pineapples in our hands.
“You only brought two?” he asked, his lips downturned.
“These were the only two that looked ripe,” Noah lied. “And we didn’t know if you’d be back for dinner.”
“When have we ever not come back for dinner?” he asked.
“When have you ever disappeared into the jungle for an entire day without telling us where you were going?” came Noah’s quick retort.
“Appreciate you checking up on us for that, by the way.”
“We did check up on you,” Noah said, and I was amazed that he could keep a straight face. “By the falls. You were fine.”
Ava’s face blanched. “You what?”
“Yeah, so next time, tell us where you’re going and when you’ll be back. We need to know if we need to come looking for you.” He sat down across from them, and I followed his lead, watching as he pulled out his knife to begin peeling and slicing the pineapple. “And yes, we’ll share these with you.” He shoved a chunk of pineapple toward them both with a mock, exaggerated smile. “What are friends for?”
“We’re sorry,” Ava said, her words catching me off guard. When I met her eye, she appeared completely genuine. “We’re sorry for disappearing all day, and I’m sorry for what I said to you this morning. I was upset and…and scared, and… You’ve been nothing but kind to me, both of you, but especially you, Katy. I know you’d never hurt Harry. I just spoke without thinking. When we got that note and you returned without him, it was just scary. None of us know what’s going on or who’s with whom… It just took us a while to get our heads on straight. I’m really sorry.”
She was crying suddenly, and I felt terrible for the anger and resentment I’d felt toward her.
“You don’t have to apologize—”
“Yes. Yes, I do.” She was gripping James’s hand tightly, white halos around his knuckles from the pressure. “It wasn’t right. I was dealing with my own stuff, and—”
“Ava, you’re fine. You’re forgiven. We’re all dealing with our own stuff, and this island doesn’t help. It’s all stressful and scary, and honestly, I’d be shocked if you were handling it well. I can’t imagine what you must’ve thought getting that note and seeing us come back without him. But what I told you was true. I loved Harry. I mourned his loss. He was a great friend to me. To all of us.”
She nodded, taking a small bite of her pineapple as Noah resumed passing slices around.
“I just miss him,” she said, wiping her tears. “And I miss my family.”
“We all do,” Noah said, the only words he’d spoken since her apology. I couldn’t quite get a read on how he was feeling.
She rested her head on James’s shoulder, and he kissed it gently, his own eyes filled with tears. My own vision blurred with fresh tears as he pushed the sack that usually held coconuts, but had quickly become our carry-all, toward us. “We brought berries too. Some fresh ones since the ones from this morning had started rotting.”
“Thanks,” I said, pulling it closer to me. As I reached for a handful, I saw Ava eyeing me with too much enthusiasm. I froze, and her expression fell. Then, when she realized I was watching her, she looked away quickly.
Was I being paranoid?
I’d just condemned her for accusing me of a nearly identical crime. Could I really be so hypocritical now?
I put the berries down without saying a word and finished off my pineapple, waiting until Noah had sliced and divided every last bit. When I could no longer avoid it, I pushed the berries away from me.
Ava watched me intently. “You’re not going to eat any?”
“I’m full,” I said, shaking my head. “But thanks. They look delicious.”
“More for me,” Noah said, reaching for them. Ava and James both watched as he grabbed a handful, their eyes locked on the berries as they were lifted toward his mouth.
“Wait!” I grabbed his arm instinctually, stopping him, but once I had, all three of them stared at me as if I’d suddenly turned blue.
“What’s gotten into you?” he asked.
“I…I just… Sorry, I think these might be different than before.” I found the words, deciding on them as they came out.
“Different how?” he asked, staring at them strangely. He put them down.
I studied them. “Did you get them from a different plant? They look brighter somehow.”
James and Ava exchanged a worried look. “We picked them from the same place,” James said quickly. “Would it make you feel better if I ate some, too?”
I hesitated. “It’s probably silly. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I thought we were okay again,” Ava said.
“We are,” I told her, still not reaching for the berries. I wanted to eat them, to trust her, just to keep the peace, but James wasn’t reaching for one. It would’ve been simple enough for them to disprove the theory, so why weren’t they? Because they were offended by the accusation, or because I was right?
Noah nudged the basket forward more. “Go on, then. Make us look like idiots.”
James appeared unsure, casting a quick glance to Ava before reaching forward and taking a handful. I waited with bated breath as he put them to his mouth.
“Stop!” Ava cried, wincing with her eyes squeezed shut. James tossed them from his hand as if they were poisonous to the touch, not just taste.
Noah leapt up, grabbing hold of his gun and pointing it at them both. “What the fuck is going on?” I was just behind him, reaching for the machete beside my feet. Was this really happening? Were we going to have to fight them? I felt sick suddenly, my throat dry, knees weak.
Ava reached for her own gun as quickly as Noah had, bouncing between pointing it at each of us. James didn’t reach for his gun, but instead stood between the three of us, his arms outstretched. “Wait, hold on, hold on… It’s not what you think.”
“It’s not what we think? I think your girlfriend just tried to poison us.”
“It wasn’t her idea,” he said, shaking his head. “It was mine, and only because we didn’t have a choice. If you’re going to shoot someone”—he turned his back toward her, facing us with his hands in the air—“shoot me. But let her go.”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded.
“No one was planning to hurt anyone until you pulled this. That little apology was all a show, wasn’t it? Well, brav-fucking-o
, give her the Oscar, ladies and gentlemen,” Noah said through gritted teeth.
“What do you mean, James? What did you mean you didn’t have a choice? I don’t understand.”
“That’s because you can’t understand these people, Katy. Don’t you get that? Ole Dahmer and her goon here were going to take us out and sail away on their raft to live happily ever after.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Ava said, tears choking her voice.
“Then what is going on—”
“I’m pregnant,” Ava shouted, her voice echoing across the beach. Our weapons dropped in an instant, and James turned to her, his arms cradling her shoulders. “I’m pregnant,” she said again, this time a whisper.
I tried to do the math in my head, none of it making sense. “I don’t understand…” I trailed off, piecing together the sickness and the whispered conversations, Ava’s sudden aversion to most meats and why we’d had to find other fruits to try, why she took naps in the afternoons most days lately and why James had doted on her even more than usual over the past week or two. “You’re pregnant? Are you sure? How could you know?”
“I was pregnant when I got here,” she said softly. “I’d just found out. My boyfriend and I…we wanted to keep it. It was why I wanted to transfer to the same college he was going to, which was what I was arguing with my parents about, why I went off on the boat in the first place.”
“I don’t understand.” My guard was still up. Could I trust her? “Why wouldn’t you tell us that?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “At first, I just thought we’d be here for a few hours, maybe a day, and someone would come back for us. Then it wouldn’t matter. And then, I didn’t want you all to treat me like I was weak or couldn’t help. I told Harry on our second night here. He was kind to me. It was a huge part of the reason we’d gotten so close. Then the morning sickness came and Harry was so busy being the leader, I had to confide in someone else. I was scared, and I—”
“You could’ve come to me,” I told her. “I would’ve been there for you.”
“I thought you might’ve judged me. Like my mom did…”
The Missing Page 18
