Without a Doubt

by Fleur McDonald

  Spencer took a sip of beer and tapped the licence. ‘This has come through the WA licencing system so it’s legit. If anyone looks you up, you’re who you say you are.’

  ‘And all my policing records are gone?’

  ‘They sure are. I’ve made certain of it myself.’

  Dave nodded. His beard was now handing below his chin and he’d taken to stroking it like a wise old man. He’d even wondered if he might keep it when he got back.

  Got back—those words scared him. He’d been living with this persona for so long that he wasn’t sure he could remember who the old Dave was. The one who had Melinda and wanted to make lead detective in the stock squad. He quite liked the strong man of few words he’d become.

  ‘You’ve got your kit?’ Spencer asked.

  ‘Yeah. I’m ready.’ His kit contained three pairs of jeans, two pairs of denim shorts, a jumper, three cut-off shirts and a leather jacket. He was also taking a book. A tattered Jack Reacher novel, which he’d be able to swap at any second-hand bookstore. If he was going to have long nights by himself, he’d was going to get back into reading. There was a tool kit, in case the bike broke down, and some puncture patches. There was nothing of emotional value or anything that could link him back to Barrabine or the fact he’d once been a detective.

  Dave pulled out his wallet and opened it. From there he pulled out his old driver’s licence, his bank, Medicare and health insurance cards and handed them to Spencer. He looked at the photo on his new licence for a long time. When he replaced the old licence with this new one, his wallet felt a lot lighter.

  Spencer reached into his pocket and drew out a bundle of fifty-dollar notes.

  ‘There’s two grand here. You hopefully won’t need it, but emergency money is always a good thing. Stick it in your boot. It’ll help with your limp!’ Spencer was trying to make light of things. ‘Justin will pick you up at the airport and give you all your new bank account details and card and other stuff. He’ll brief you on the latest happenings when you get there too. Then you get on your bike and get going.’ He paused. ‘Your new life starts when I walk out of this house.’ Spencer nodded and frowned a bit before picking up his beer and swigging at it.

  His jerky movements told Dave he was upset.

  Dave put both his hands on the table and leaned forward, looking at the new tattoos that covered his knuckles. S T A Y was on his left hand, S T R O N G on the right. STRONG was crowded and a couple of the letters had blurred together, but he didn’t mind that. Made them look like they’d been there longer than they had. He’d never thought of himself as being a tatt man, but he’d grown quite used to these and liked them.

  The tattooist had asked why he wanted those particular words. He’d told her it was what he wanted his daughter to know when she was growing up. To never give up, to stay true to whatever she was trying to achieve. In the letter he’d written to both Melinda and Bec, he’d said the same thing. Be true to yourselves. He didn’t tell her that Bulldust had a similar type saying on his knuckles.

  There was another reason, but only he knew of that one—it reminded him he had to stay strong for Bec. To come home to Bec.

  ‘What are you going to do to tomorrow?’ Dave asked his old friend.

  Spencer gave a short laugh. ‘Probably worry like fuck about you.’

  ‘Why would you do that?’

  ‘’Cause it’s my job.’

  ‘Now, Spencer, are you getting too involved?’ Dave chided him.

  Spencer played with his can of beer. ‘Funny, when you turned up here, you came with a great reference from the sup.’ Supervisor. ‘Said you were destined for great things. I could see that too, but you had a few corners that needed rounding off. Hope I’ve done my job there.’ His tone was serious. ‘You are, Dave. Made for great things. This experience will make you stronger and help you to understand other people’s lives. Having empathy makes a great leader. You’ll go to the top if you want to.’

  ‘Fuck that,’ Dave said with force. ‘I want to help people, not get involved with the budgets and paperwork. Jeez, I get enough of that now.’

  ‘Don’t discount it. Might be just the thing for you and Melinda.’

  Dave looked at him levelly. ‘If there is one thing you’ve taught me it’s to be true to myself. Taking a desk job in a tall building somewhere is not being true to me, no matter what it might bring.’ He tapped his knuckles. ‘I like being on the ground.’

  ‘Well, don’t disregard it right now. Let’s get you through the next few months.’

  Again, they were silent. Dave wasn’t sure what to say. He had so much he wanted to thank Spencer for, but it seemed too sentimental for the bloke he’d become. He couldn’t let his guard down. Couldn’t slip out of character now; if he did, he might accidentally do it while he was over in Nundrew. He drained his can and opened the next one. ‘Will you do something for me?’ he asked Spencer.

  ‘If I can.’

  ‘Will you keep an eye on Melinda and Bec for me? Go and visit them once in a blue moon so Melinda doesn’t forget about me.’

  ‘Hopefully you won’t be away for too long. Listen, she won’t forget about you. Every time she looks at Bec, she’ll see you. Bec’s got your eyes, you know.’

  ‘Not now she hasn’t,’ Dave joked. His clear blue eyes were now a chocolate brown. The shock he’d had when he’d first worn them and looked in the mirror had gone, but every so often he caught sight of himself in a mirror and had to do a double-take.

  Once, late in the night, after one or maybe five too many beers, he’d wondered if his own mum would recognise him now. If she didn’t, he would’ve done a good job. The hours spent on the handsaw and axe and digging holes for no reason had seen him bulk up and slim down. He was now the muscular, thin man he’d been when he’d first left school and was playing cricket and training for games. He’d always had a short, tidy haircut, although never this short. His mum would be surprised by the beard—he’d always been clean-shaven, and the hair was flecked with grey—that was new too. And he had a limp and tatts. It seemed unlikely his mum would be able to pick him out in a line-up. Somehow the thought made him sad.

  ‘Those brown eyes suit you without any hair,’ Spencer said, bringing Dave back from his thoughts.

  Dave wanted to get his mind on the job.

  ‘Have you heard anything from Justin?’

  ‘I spoke to him last week and told him what time your flight got in.’

  ‘No new intel?’

  Spencer shook his head. ‘Nothing that I know of.’

  ‘Guess there’s not much more that needs doing then.’

  ‘Get you to Brisbane and on the job,’ Spencer agreed. He tapped his hands on the table. ‘I can’t stress enough that you need to draw on all your own experience with this, Dave. You need to be that angry, bitter bloke you were when your dad kicked you out. Harness those memories and emotions. Remember the worst time in your life, when you had all of those feelings running around in you. If you can do that, you’ll be able to feel the same emotions and so act as you did then.’

  They were silent again while they both took sips of their drinks.

  ‘You know what to do to disable the bike when you get to Nundrew, don’t you?’

  Dave threw him a frown. ‘Of course. What are you? My dad?’

  Spencer grunted. ‘I know what you think about him. I’d rather not be compared if that’s all the same to you.’

  He didn’t mean to, but a laugh escaped Dave, except it came out sounding strangled.

  ‘You’ll be fine,’ Spencer said, as if he understood every emotion that was running around inside Dave.

  ‘You done this before?’ Dave asked. ‘I’ve always wanted to ask that.’

  Spencer shook his head. ‘I’ve been a handler a few times. That’s all. Hard job on both coppers.’

  ‘Right.’ He looked at Spencer. ‘They go okay?’

  ‘What, the UCOs? Yeah, they’re all back out in the force again, pounding the p
avement. Doing what they need to.’

  ‘No one got caught?’

  ‘Nah, I prep my boys so nothing will happen to them. Which is why I can’t emphasis enough to you that you need to be safe. Don’t go in too quick or too hard. Trust only Justin. Absolutely no one else.’ He paused. ‘Including the cops. They might have a dirty one there. He’s pally with the musterers.’

  ‘What? You’ve only thought to tell me this now?’

  ‘You’ve got five days to process it before you get there. You’ve read the brief, seen the photos of all the players. You’ve got everything you need.’

  ‘Pretty big piece of information, but.’

  ‘Don’t get cranky with me. Harness it and use it. Don’t let your guard down.’ Spencer stared at him intensely as he spoke.

  Dave frowned. ‘I know all of this. Are you trying to piss me off?’

  ‘Maybe. I want to see what you’ll do when you’re pushed.’

  ‘Don’t worry about me. I’m right here.’ He tapped his forehead.

  ‘Good.’ There was a long silence. ‘Well,’ Spencer said, tapping the table, ‘I’d better get going. If I’m home too late, Kathy will get cranky.’

  Dave nodded and suddenly the feeling in the room changed from nervous anticipation to loss.

  They both cleared their throats and stood up at the same time.

  ‘See you on the other side,’ Dave said, holding out his hand. ‘Thanks for everything. Even more for looking out for Melinda and Bec for me.’

  ‘You got it, mate.’ He gripped Dave’s hand and held it. ‘Who would’ve thought we’d be here now when you first pulled up out the front of the joint,’ Spencer said with a grin.

  ‘Yeah, who would’ve thought.’

  ‘Right, well. Be strong. Be safe.’ He clapped Dave on the shoulder and walked out the door.

  As Dave watched him go a hollow feeling spread through his stomach. He was truly on his own now. For years he’d told anyone who had listened he was by himself. He wanted nothing to do with his family. He had lots of acquaintances but he could count his close friends on one hand. The job made him like that. Then he’d met Melinda and now he had Bec. But as of this moment he had no one.

  As he walked through the house, taking one final look at his old life, he thought that relying solely on himself wasn’t such a bad thing. Others had let him down in the past—his dad, his brothers and, in a way, his mum. Melinda certainly had—not being strong enough to stick by him. Needing to be honest with himself, he admitted he’d let Melinda down too. Not being the husband she’d wanted or needed.

  If he didn’t rely on anyone then he couldn’t be disappointed.

  Back in the kitchen he collected the empty cans and took them outside to the bin. Then he picked up his rucksack and closed the door with a click, leaving behind his old life.

  Chapter 24

  The entrance to Nundrew was like any country town Dave had ever been to. The eighty k sign told him he was nearly there and the Rotary sign invited him to attend the meetings every Monday night at seven.

  A couple of other signs welcomed him to the ‘back of beyond’ and told him there was accommodation for a hundred and twenty dollars a night at the Comfort Place. Where you’ll get a comfy night’s sleep, it boasted.

  He revved the engine of the bike and upped his speed. He estimated he was doing about ninety when he hit the sixty k zone. That should get the attention of a few people as he flew down the main street.

  As he drove, he kept an eye out for the pub on the edge of the CBD. Apparently that was where Bulldust and his gang hung out. He needed to go there later. Maybe get a feed, get the lie of the land.

  He was hungry, but there were things to do first.

  Reefing the handlebars up, Dave took the front wheel off the ground and drove like that for about five hundred metres. People on the sidewalk pointed and shook their heads at him. He vaguely heard someone yell at him to be more responsible, there were kids around.

  So fucking what?

  The end of the street came more quickly than he expected. On the flight over to Brisbane he’d studied the map of the town and worked out where businesses were situated and distances between places. He’d memorised everything, then he’d pulled down his frayed, sweat-stained Farm Weekly cap, disembarked the plane and casually put the map in the first bin he’d walked by.

  He dropped the wheel and slowed before turning sharply, one foot on the ground to help his balance, and headed back towards the pub. Within minutes, he’d parked the bike under the verandah of the pub and kicked down the stand.

  Getting off, he made a show of looking at the bike’s engine, before taking off the fuel cap. Quickly, he emptied a bottle of water into the tank, using his back to hide what he was doing.

  He wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

  ‘Hey, mate,’ the publican stuck his head out the door. ‘You can’t park there. Customers sit under the verandah.’

  ‘Don’t see any tables and chairs.’

  ‘I haven’t put them out yet.’

  Dave shrugged. ‘When you do, I’ll shift it.’

  ‘Come on, mate. Move it, okay? There’s a heap of other places to put it.’

  ‘Gonna make me shift it?’ Dave challenged.

  ‘I’d prefer you did it all by yourself.’

  Dave ignored him, stuck his helmet under his arm and walked inside.

  The pub was dark and smelled like spilled beer. There were only two other occupants at the bar and neither of them looked like they were about to take their drinks outside and sit where he’d parked his bike.

  Shrugging out of his leather jacket, he caught a whiff of himself. He’d slept rough for the last four nights and knew he could do with a shower, but that was all part of his new life.

  Dave chose a seat against the wall so he could watch what was going on.

  ‘I’m not serving you until you shift your bike.’

  ‘I don’t need to order.’

  ‘You can’t just sit there.’

  ‘Don’t reckon there’s a law against it.’

  The bartender frowned. ‘I’ll call the cops.’

  ‘Do that.’

  ‘What’s your problem?’

  ‘What’s yours?’

  ‘What the—’

  Dave turned away and got his book out of his rucksack, ignoring the man.

  Ten minutes later, the cops turned up.

  ‘Sir, you’re going to have to shift your bike.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Here in Queensland we don’t park vehicles under the verandah of businesses. Not sure what you wait-a-whiles do over there in WA, but you’re not doing it here. Can you please shift it.’

  Dave looked at the policeman with the long hard stare he’d practised in the mirror numerous times and rose slowly.

  ‘Joe?’ the bartender was calling to the cop. Was he warning him?

  ‘Wait-a-whiles, huh? Guess you’ll be the wait-a-whiles now, because I’ll shift the bike when I’m ready.’

  ‘Sir, I’ll ask you once more. Please move your bike.’

  A glance over the shoulder of the copper, who was apparently called Joe, told Dave this was the most interesting thing that had happened in this bar for a while. Probably since the last UCO got a flogging. The two other patrons had moved away but were watching open-mouthed.

  ‘Are you going to change the parking spot of your motorbike, sir?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well, we have no choice but to take you into custody.’ The policeman moved forward and put a hand on Dave’s shoulder to turn him around.

  Dave lashed out, hitting the copper’s arm. ‘Get your hands off me.’

  Anger flashed across Joe’s face and his partner drew out the mace spray from his belt. ‘Turn around!’ he barked.

  Dave didn’t move.

  Joe took the cuffs off his belt and tried to grab his arm and twist it behind his back. Dave was waiting for it and again slapped Joe’s arm away.

 
; ‘No one touches me. Fuck off!’

  The other copper acted quickly by pushing Dave to the floor. He let them cuff him.

  Joe got in his face. ‘Mate, you’re making a nuisance of yourself and we don’t like nuisances out here. You’ve just got yourself done for a ham, cheese and tomato sandwich.’ Most people wouldn’t have known what that meant, but Dave did—disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer.

  It took them five hours to bail him. There was a reason Spencer had given Dave the two grand—in case he got into trouble. Well, he was in trouble today all right. He was down five hundred for the bail money, but once the judge heard his bike was cactus and he didn’t have any other means of transport, she decided that he wasn’t much of a flight risk.

  The policemen had tried to start his bike. It had roared to life then the engine cut out. It hadn’t been able to be started since. They’d had to wheel it to the station; Dave had heard the other officers talking about it.

  ‘Stay out of trouble, hey?’ Joe said as he threw Dave his rucksack and helmet.

  ‘How about you stay the fuck away from me.’

  Joe tutted. ‘Such attitude. Try to tone it down.’

  His bike was waiting outside for him and he tried to kickstart it, although he wasn’t expecting it to start. It fired then stopped. Fired then stopped. Dave cursed and kicked it over again. The bike stubbornly wouldn’t start.

  ‘Shit. What the fuck’ve you done to my bike?’ He got off and left the police station, pushing his bike down the road. Joe must’ve been watching from the doorway because he yelled some more advice. Dave didn’t turn and look around.

  Deadpan face, deadpan stare. No emotion. Don’t let anything get to you, show no fear.

  Dave was sure he looked a sorry sight—bedraggled and in need of a shower, pushing a broken-down bike. But he’d done his job. He’d created credibility that he was a loser.

  And with his bike disabled, he now had to find a mechanic. The one he’d picked was three streets from the police station, so he headed in that direction.