Amelia Bedelia & Friends Mind Their Manners

by Herman Parish

  “I don’t know,” said Dawn. “Why don’t they serve escargot at hot-dog stands?”

  “Because they only serve fast food!” Clay replied.

  The class laughed. Amelia Bedelia stole a glance at Sergeant Strickland. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she might have seen a tiny smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.

  But he stared straight ahead and said “Ten-hut! Forward march!”

  And that was the end of that.

  The next day at school, everyone said “please” and “thank you” and “may I” and “don’t mind if I do” to each other. They held doors open, and no one called out in class or spoke out of turn. They were hoping that if they were on their very best behavior, Sergeant Strickland would forget about yesterday’s disaster and still let them have the ice-cream party.

  After a lesson on how to write thank-you notes, Amelia Bedelia and her friends wrote to the staff of L’Escargot. Everyone concentrated very hard, wanting to write the most polite notes they could, in their very best handwriting.

  “That was a good effort, people,” said Sergeant Strickland.

  The class looked at him expectantly, hoping he would add, “So good that the ice-cream party is definitely on!” But he did not.

  “This afternoon we’re going to learn how to make polite conversation,” Sergeant Strickland announced when they all returned to the classroom after lunch.

  Amelia Bedelia raised her hand. “I have a question. What’s the best way to politely tell someone he has chocolate on their teeth?”

  “Excellent question, Amelia Bedelia!” said Sergeant Strickland. “If it’s just the two of you, you should say, ‘You have something in your teeth.’ But if you’re in a group and you don’t want to embarrass the person, it’s best to point to your teeth and hope they get the idea.”

  Amelia Bedelia pointed to her teeth.

  Sergeant Strickland nodded. “Yes, just like that,” he said.

  Amelia Bedelia pointed to her teeth again.

  “Correct,” he said. Then a look of realization crossed his face. “Oh! Are you telling me that I have chocolate on my teeth?” He covered his mouth with his hand.

  “Affirmative,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  Candy shook her head at Amelia Bedelia, as if to say, “What were you thinking?” The rest of the class looked worried. Had Amelia Bedelia embarrassed Sergeant Strickland and made him mad?

  But once he had taken care of the problem, Sergeant Strickland turned to the class. “It is always good manners to help someone out of an embarrassing situation,” he said. He cleared his throat. “Especially when they are unaware of it.”

  He then divided everyone into groups of two. Each pair would stand in front of the class and have a polite conversation while everyone else listened.

  “In a polite conversation you can ask questions, as long as they are respectful,” explained Sergeant Strickland. “You should express interest in what the other person is talking about. You can share interesting stories and offer advice.”

  Clay and Cliff went first.

  “Why don’t you talk about your favorite subject at school?” Sergeant Strickland suggested.

  Clay started. “Hey, Cliff, what is your favorite subject in school?” he asked.

  “Thanks for asking, Clay,” said Cliff. “I enjoy math. It feels like a game to me. I like figuring out the answers.”

  “How interesting,” said Clay.

  “Great job, guys,” said Sergeant Strickland.

  “Hey, Cliff, do you know why six is afraid of seven?” Clay asked.

  “Oh no,” said Sergeant Strickland.

  “I’m afraid I don’t, Clay,” said Cliff. “Why is six afraid of seven?”

  “Because seven ate nine,” said Clay.

  The class burst into laughter.

  “Next!” said Sergeant Strickland.

  Angel and Heather went to the front of the room.

  “Please discuss your hobbies,” said Sergeant Strickland. “Heather, you first.”

  Heather smiled. “Hi, Angel. I actually have ten different hobbies, and I’d love to tell you all about them. The first is arts and crafts. I like doing tie-dye, embroidering, crocheting, painting, drawing, and sculpting. But not knitting. My grandma tried to teach me, but I just didn’t get it. I also enjoy reading. I would say that I read a book a week. I really like nonfiction books. I just finished a book about Nellie Bly, and it was really fascinating. Did you know that she went around the world in seventy-two days? I love playing card games, especially go fish and crazy eights.” She paused for a minute and counted on her fingers. “That’s three. I also enjoy roller skating and . . .”

  “Very informative,” said Sergeant Strickland. “But don’t forget that when you have a polite conversation, you take turns talking. Why don’t you tell us about your hobbies, Angel?”

  “I like animals,” said Angel quietly.

  “Oh, me too!” said Heather. “Cats are my favorite. But I also like dogs and hamsters and gerbils. And I also like—”

  “All righty then,” interrupted Sergeant Strickland. He checked his watch. “We have time for one more conversation. Let’s see, how about Amelia Bedelia and Candy? Why don’t you two talk about your plans for the weekend? Amelia Bedelia, you go first.”

  Amelia Bedelia smiled at Candy. “I’m excited for this weekend,” she said. “I’m going to have a sleepover with a friend of mine from camp, and then I’m going to take my dog, Finally, to the dog park and go on a bike ride with my parents.”

  “That sounds like fun,” said Candy. “What kind of dog is Finally?”

  Amelia Bedelia shrugged. “My dad says we should have called her Heinz. Because she’s fifty-seven varieties.”

  “That’s funny,” said Candy.

  “Do you like dogs?” asked Amelia Bedelia.

  “I do,” said Candy. “But we couldn’t get one when we lived in Chicago because our apartment building didn’t allow them.”

  “Very good conversing,” said Sergeant Strickland. “I like the back-and-forth. Class, I hope you are paying attention.”

  “What are you doing this weekend?” Amelia Bedelia asked.

  “My mom and I are going shopping to decorate my new bedroom,” Candy replied.

  “That sounds great. You should go to this store called Rosie’s Room,” said Amelia Bedelia. “They have really nice pillows and rugs and stuff.”

  Candy shrugged. “I’m sure it won’t be as nice as the stores in Chicago,” she said.

  Amelia Bedelia felt bad for Candy. She clearly missed her old home very much. Amelia Bedelia decided to offer some advice. “You really miss Chicago. Why don’t you ask your parents if you can move back?” she said.

  “Amelia Bedelia!” said Sergeant Strickland. “That is not very polite!”

  Amelia Bedelia was confused. “I was just offering helpful advice, like you said.”

  “I am very disappointed,” said Sergeant Strickland. “You need to apologize.”

  Amelia Bedelia took a deep breath. “Sorry if my advice upset you,” she said, looking at the floor.

  “Amelia Bedelia, do you really mean that? It sounds like you are only saying the words because I asked you to.” Sergeant Strickland turned to the class. “Do you think that was a proper apology?”

  Dawn shrugged. “Sounded good to me,” she said. The rest of the class nodded in agreement.

  Sergeant Strickland shook his head in disbelief. “That apology is utterly inadequate. I clearly have not been doing my job very well. That’s it. The ice-cream party is officially canceled.”

  “But Major Catastrophe—I mean, Sergeant Strickland . . . ,” began Amelia Bedelia.

  Her friends couldn’t help it. They burst out laughing.

  Sergeant Strickland’s face turned bright red. “Not another word. And that’s an order.”

  Amelia Bedelia was very busy that weekend and didn’t have a lot of time to think about what had happened at school. Every time her mind turne
d to it, she pushed it away. But by Sunday evening, she started to worry. Was Candy really upset? Was the whole class mad at her for ruining the ice-cream party? She sat at the dinner table and sighed.

  “Amelia Bedelia, why do you look so blue?” her mother asked.

  Amelia Bedelia looked down at her arms. “I do? No, I don’t.” She sighed again. “I am feeling a little sad, though.” She explained what had happened at school. “And now Candy thinks I’m mean and now we’re never going to have the ice-cream party.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother shook her head. “I know that you were trying to be helpful,” she said. “And I’m so sorry you had that misunderstanding.” She looked over at Amelia Bedelia’s father. “Daddy and I have noticed that your manners really have been improving since you started learning about manners at school. You can fix this easily. You just have to apologize—sincerely—to Candy.”

  “Even though she’s not so nice and I’ve been trying so hard?” Amelia Bedelia asked.

  Her father nodded. “Two wrongs don’t make a right,” he said.

  “I know,” said Amelia Bedelia. “Two wrongs make two wrongs. Everybody knows that.”

  On Monday morning, Amelia Bedelia walked slowly to school. She knew she was going to be late, but she wanted to postpone apologizing to Candy for as long as possible. She lowered her head and concentrated on the sidewalk. What would she say? She still had no idea.

  THUMP!

  She had crashed into someone. She looked up. It was Candy.

  “Hello, Amelia Bedelia,” Candy said coldly. “Still think I should move back to Chicago?”

  Amelia Bedelia got right to the point. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I was just wondering why you live here if you miss Chicago so much. I mean, I really love living here and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.”

  “Well, I didn’t have a choice,” Candy said. “My mom got a new job and we had to move.” She bit her lip. “I miss my friends and my school. It’s hard being the new girl. I just wanted everyone to like me the way that they like you”

  She stopped and turned to Amelia Bedelia. “Let’s turn over a new leaf,” she said.

  “I did that already,” said Amelia Bedelia. “But let’s be friends.”

  “Do you think if we tell Sergeant Strickland we made up, he’ll let us have the ice-cream party?” asked Candy.

  Amelia Bedelia thought for a moment. “I think we might have to do something special to convince him. Maybe a big apology in class.”

  Candy smiled. “I have an idea,” she said. She whispered it to Amelia Bedelia.

  “I love it!” cried Amelia Bedelia. She whispered a few suggestions to Candy.

  “That’s perfect!” said Candy.

  Amelia Bedelia grabbed Candy’s hand and squeezed it.

  Candy squeezed back, but then looked down at the ground. “Um, if we’re going to be friends, I have a confession to make,” she said. “I . . . I fibbed. I never had escargot before. I was just showing off to look cool in front of the class. And I totally freaked out when they served them to me. I was so happy when you knocked over the glass of water on them.”

  Amelia Bedelia smiled. “I know,” she said. “That’s why I did it.”

  “So how was your weekend, sir?” Wade asked Sergeant Strickland first thing that morning. Before Sergeant Strickland had a chance to answer, Wade pressed on. “Did you happen to change your mind about the ice-cream party?”

  “Negative.” Sergeant Strickland shook his head. “My decision is final.”

  The entire class groaned with disappointment. Amelia Bedelia looked over at Candy and nodded encouragingly. Candy raised her hand.

  “Yes?” Sergeant Strickland said.

  “Amelia Bedelia and I came up with a plan on the way to school this morning. It will show that we really have been paying attention to you. We think it might change your mind about the party,” she said.

  “I’m all ears,” said Sergeant Strickland, sitting on the corner of Mrs. Shauk’s desk.

  Amelia Bedelia leaned forward and took a look. “Oh, don’t worry, they’re not that big,” she said.

  Candy held up several pieces of folded paper.

  “It’s called the I’m Sorry Game,” said Amelia Bedelia. “We wrote different rude behaviors on these pieces of paper. Two kids will pick one and act out the scene for the class, like charades. We’ll all guess what’s wrong. And then we’ll come up with a proper apology.”

  Cliff and Clay wanted to go first. Amelia Bedelia handed them a slip of paper.

  Cliff stood across from Clay, breathing in heavily, as if he was just about to sneeze. Then he snapped his head forward, his mouth open. Clay recoiled in disgust.

  “I’ve got it!” said Holly. “The bad behavior is that Cliff threw up all over Clay. Gross!”

  Skip raised his hand. “And Cliff should say, ‘I apologize for barfing all over your shoes.’”

  The class roared with laughter. But a quick glance at Sergeant Strickland quieted them all down.

  Joy raised her hand. “I think that maybe Cliff sneezed without covering his mouth.”

  “Affirmative!” said Amelia Bedelia. “And what’s the right apology?”

  “Cliff should say, ‘I’m sorry for sneezing on you.’ And next time he should do this.” She bent her arm and fake sneezed into the crook of her elbow. “The Dracula!”

  Everyone immediately began fake sneezing into their elbows. They all loved the Dracula.

  After the class had acted out breaking a friend’s toy, not holding the door open for someone, and wiping your nose on your sleeve, it was Heather and Holly’s turn.

  Holly handed Heather something. Heather smiled and opened it. Then her face fell. Holly watched, looking very disappointed.

  Pat guessed first. “I know! Your mom packed you smelly sardines for lunch. You are super disappointed about it. You wanted roast beef instead.”

  Penny poked him. “That was you,” she reminded him. “I remember . . . I was sitting next to you!”

  Pat laughed. “You’re right!”

  Penny spoke up. “I think that Holly gave Heather a gift and Heather didn’t like it very much. Heather should have smiled and said, ‘Thank you very much.’ Because it’s the thought that counts.”

  “Well put,” said Sergeant Strickland.

  “We have one more,” said Amelia Bedelia. “Candy and I will act it out.”

  She and Candy sat at their desks, fake talking to each other. Then Amelia Bedelia said something that made Candy silently gasp and put her hand to her mouth.

  The class was quiet. Finally Angel spoke up. “I think that Amelia Bedelia said something that hurt Candy’s feelings.”

  Amelia Bedelia nodded. “And my apology should be, ‘I’m very sorry, Candy. I thought I was being helpful, but now I realize it was rude and I hurt your feelings. We’re really glad to have you here at Oak Tree Elementary, and we really hope you stay.’”

  “Thank you,” said Candy. “And I just want to say that I’m really happy to be here. I know I haven’t been so easy to get along with, and I hope to change that and become friends with all of you!”

  “Us too!” said Daisy.

  Amelia Bedelia and her friends cheered.

  “Class, I am officially impressed!” said Sergeant Strickland.

  “So does that mean we’re going to have the party?” asked Wade.

  Everyone leaned forward in great anticipation.

  But all Sergeant Strickland would say was, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  Amelia Bedelia arrived at school bright and early Tuesday morning and pushed open the classroom door. And there, to her great surprise and delight, stood Mrs. Shauk, writing on the whiteboard.

  “You’re back!” cried Amelia Bedelia. “How’s your family business?”

  Mrs. Shauk smiled. “My mother is feeling much better. Thank you for asking.” She smiled. “You are a sight for sore eyes!”

  �
��Oh no, did you catch sore eyes from your mother?” asked Amelia Bedelia. “I hope you feel better soon.”

  “Thank you, Amelia Bedelia,” said Mrs. Shauk, looking slightly confused.

  As the students filed into the classroom, they broke into smiles as soon as they saw Mrs. Shauk. “Hey, hey, hey—the Hawk has landed!” Cliff shouted.

  “Whoo-hoo!” said Dawn.

  After the class had settled down, Mrs. Shauk said, “So I received a full report, literally, from my substitute.” She held up a thick stack of paper. “He said that you had some ups and downs. And that there was a real breach of etiquette last week.”

  “Uh-oh,” muttered Clay.

  “But he also said that you managed to fix it and rally together as a class. And that he was proud of your growth. The ice-cream party is on, today after lunch! You pulled it off!”

  “Pulled what off?” Amelia Bedelia asked Candy.

  “Who cares?” said Candy. “We’re having an ice-cream party!”

  Amelia Bedelia waited for her to say something about how the ice cream in Chicago was much better than anything they’d be able to get at Oak Tree Elementary. But Candy just looked happy.

  “I told you this ice-cream party was in the bag,” said Pat.