by Lucy Adams
“I chose not to announce my marriage,” Jeremy replied, honestly. “Being a Duke, as you know, can bring a good deal of interest from others in whatever one does.” He shrugged, knowing that Lord Porter could well understand, given that he bore a high title also. “My Duchess, however, passed away only a few months into our marriage.”
Lord Porter shook his head, his expression grave. “I am truly sorry, Lord Avondale,” he said quietly. “But you are returned to London, at least, and I must hope that you can, therefore, find a way out of your grief and back to some semblance of happiness.”
Jeremy nodded, appreciating his friend’s consideration. “Thank you, Porter. It has been some time since I have been in London and your welcome has certainly eased the transition back into society!”
Lord Porter chuckled, his somber aura lifting at once. “I fear that your arrival may soon be well known, Avondale,” he grinned. “For, as you say, you are a Duke and there will be a great deal of interest in your presence here this evening. By tomorrow, the news of your return will be all around London and you shall have invitations pouring through your door.”
Jeremy grimaced, well aware that this would occur and finding that, as he had done some years ago during his visits to London, the thought did not fill him with any sort of delight. He did not want to garner any sort of attention from anyone other than Eliza, although that was, of course, quite impossible.
“I should allow you to greet the rest of your guests,” he murmured, making to step away. “Good evening, Lord Porter, Lady Porter. I am sure I shall have a most enjoyable evening.”
Lord Porter grinned and nodded, before turning to another guest, although Lady Porter’s eyes lingered on Jeremy’s for a moment longer. It was as though she were trying to discern what it was that saddened him so, as though she knew that the loss of his wife was not what was tearing his heart into small, jagged pieces.
Sighing inwardly, Jeremy turned back towards the rest of the guests who had already gathered in Lord Porter’s home, wondering if he knew anyone within. He did not expect to be quickly assailed by a young, red headed creature with glittering, emerald eyes.
“Lord Avondale!” the young lady exclaimed, one hand grasping his arm as she seemed to bounce up and down on her toes in front of him. “Oh, goodness, I am so very glad to see you. It has been some time, has it not?”
Jeremy frowned, trying to place her – only for the knowledge of who she was to strike him, hard. “Good gracious!” he exclaimed, taking a step back so that he might take her in completely. “Miss Titania Wells!”
She giggled, her eyes bright. “Indeed.”
It had only been two years since he had set eyes upon her last but in that time, she seemed to have blossomed from child to young woman. She was as feisty as ever, he realized with a smile, for what other young lady of the beau monde would simply hurry over to a gentleman and press their hand to his arm?
“You are out, I see,” he commented, her happy smile lifting his somber thoughts somewhat. “And enjoying society?”
“Of course,” she replied, grinning. “I am enjoying as much of it as I am able, although I cannot say the same for my other sisters, nor for my cousin.”
Jeremy allowed himself a soft chuckle, recalling how Miss Catherine Wells had often declared her dislike of town, of the highest fashions, of dancing and all such things. “I can imagine,” he said, making Titania laugh. “Although I am glad that you are all present now after what must have been a very difficult time for you all.”
Titania’s expression clouded. “It was, yes,” she stated, honestly. “Although I believe Eliza found it a good deal more trying than the rest of us.” Her eyes fixed upon his, allowing him no room to escape. Jeremy had no doubt about what Miss Titania was trying to say, shame bursting through his chest almost immediately.
“I am well aware of the part I have had to play in her distress,” he said, softly, not wishing to deny it in any way. “I wish that I could make amends in some way, that I might be permitted to explain, but she will not allow it. And I cannot and will not force her to do so.”
Titania considered this, looking at him steadily. Jeremy allowed her to do so without interrupting her thoughts, seeing a light flickering in her eyes.
“You are very good not to force your will upon her,” Titania said, eventually. “Although I did hear that you burst into our drawing room without any introduction!”
Jeremy flushed and looked away. “That, Miss Wells, you may put down to my desperation to see your sister,” he replied, truthfully. “But I will not allow myself to be so hot headed again.”
“Oh, but if only you would!” Titania exclaimed, surprising him. “I am quite certain that my dear sister cares for you very deeply still, Lord Avondale, but such is her grief and hurt that she had allowed it to cloud the truth of what she feels. Although…” She tipped her head to the left, her eyes narrowing. “Although, I must admit that I was greatly distressed to hear what you had done, Lord Avondale. Is there some sort of reasonable explanation?”
“There is an explanation, of course,” Jeremy admitted. “The choice was not given to me. I had no other option but to marry another, even though my heart still belonged to Eliza. It belongs to her still.” He shrugged, looking away from Titania as his heart began to ache all over again. “If I had the chance to share with her the truth of my actions, then my guilt might be assuaged. I would not even dare to dream that I might have her in my arms again for I understand completely the gravity of what I have done, but it would settle my conscience to know that Eliza was aware of the truth of the matter.” A sudden thought had his heart leaping in his chest. “Is she here this evening?”
Titania’s dark look was gone, her bright smile back upon her face. “Of course,” she said, as though he ought to be filled with joy at the prospect. “Although Lord Montrose is here also.” A scowl bit at her features, sending her smile from her face. “I confess that I am not entirely certain of Lord Montrose.”
The moment Titania had told him that Eliza was present at Lord Porter’s small gathering, Jeremy had felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach before slamming back into his chest again, leaving his breathing ragged and his whole body alive with a mixture of anxiety and anticipation. Now, he stared at Titania, hardly able to take in what she was saying to him.
“Lord Montrose, Lord Avondale,” Titania continued blithely, unaware of all that he was experiencing. “What do you know of him?”
Jeremy cleared his throat, curling and uncurling his hands into fists in an attempt to gather himself. “Lord Montrose,” he repeated, knowing just how much that name had haunted him of late. “Ah, yes, your sister did mention him to me.”
Titania’s scowl remained. “I thought him quite charming and Eliza did seem quite taken with him – although she still spoke of you, Lord Avondale.” Her brows rose, as though to confirm that yes, she was speaking the truth. “You have often been in her thoughts, Lord Avondale. It has only been in the last few weeks that she had chosen to set you aside and turn towards Lord Montrose – and yet I have the impression that he is not as genteel and amiable as he pretends to be.”
“And what reason do you have for such thoughts?” Jeremy probed, trying to recall the gentleman from the few times he himself had been in London. “Has he said or done anything untoward?”
Titania shook her head, appearing frustrated. “No, he has not, but an acquaintance of mine spoke of how Lord Montrose used to be something of a rake, and I fear that he still may be so.”
Jeremy frowned, seeing the concern in Titania’s eyes and knowing that she was truly trying to do her very best for her sister. “I wish I could be of some aid to you, Miss Wells.”
Titania’s eyes lit up. “Oh, but you can be, Lord Avondale!” she exclaimed, suddenly caught up with delight. “I have the most marvelous suggestion! You may, in your own way, discover what you can about Lord Montrose and I shall do the same! After all, we both have dear Eliza to concern ourselv
es with and, if Lord Montrose is not the gentleman he appears to be, then we shall have saved her from a truly terrible fate.”
Jeremy shook his head. “I think that your sister would not be particularly pleased to hear any criticism of the gentleman who is to court her, particularly from me.”
A tinkling laugh came from Titania. “Then, you shall simply inform me and I shall speak to her of it,” she replied, patting his arm in that familiar way. “You see? There is no need to concern yourself in that regard. You shall simply be doing your best for Eliza.”
In the hope that she might throw Lord Montrose aside and return to you, Jeremy told himself, knowing that, as much as he tried to rid himself of it, such thoughts continued to dog his mind.
“I – I do have other matters that also must take some of my attention,” he said, slowly, remembering Rebecca and his newfound determination to find the gentleman responsible for her utter disgrace. “I am not quite certain that I….”
His eyes were suddenly caught by the sight of Miss Eliza Wells walking into the room with a gentleman by her side. They both held a glass of champagne and the gentleman was pointing something out to her that Jeremy had to resist the urge to turn to look at. He let his gaze rest on Eliza, finding her dark hair, green eyes and gentle curves as beautiful and as delightful as he had before. She looked utterly breath-taking, in a gown that drew attention to the creaminess of her skin and her emerald eyes.
Jeremy felt himself suddenly overwhelmed by jealousy, his face growing hot as he saw Eliza look up at the gentleman and laugh, her eyes alight with good humor.
He wanted to be the only gentleman who could make her laugh so. He wanted to be the only one permitted to put his arm about her, to draw her close to him….and yet, he knew, she was gone from him forever. Her face would not be alight with smiles when she looked at him. No, instead, her expression would darken, her brows would lower and ice would fill her eyes. There was no warmth left for him.
“That is Lord Montrose,” Titania murmured, seeing the way Jeremy was looking at Eliza. “Tell me, Lord Avondale, do you recognize him?”
Jeremy had not yet looked closely at the gentleman and finally forced himself to do so. The man was fairly tall and appeared quite distinguished although not particularly handsome, Jeremy considered – although he was well aware that such thoughts could easily stem from his own prejudice against the fellow.
“I vaguely recall him,” he said, remembering faintly a few evenings in Whites when Lord Montrose had been both loud and overly indulgent in the liquor that was always available. “From what I recall, he was something of a rake, as you yourself have said.” He shrugged. “Not that that is any measure of a man, for those with titles and wealth are more inclined to behave in such a reckless manner for the first few years in London.” Seeing Titania’s eyes glitter darkly, he struggled to explain himself. “I confess that I never permitted myself to do so, but it is not uncommon for gentlemen to become utter rogues until they have lost that wildness and chosen to look at matters with a much more serious eye.”
“And yet, you never did so,” Titania commented.
“No,” Jeremy replied, his eyes back on Eliza. “No, I did not permit myself to do so. Why should I? I had everything I required in Eliza.” The only reason he had come to London – albeit briefly, each and every one of his visits short – was simply to further some acquaintances and to have a taste of what society had to offer. He had enjoyed the balls, the soirees, the card games and the liquor, but his heart had always yearned for Eliza.
“Did you tell her so?” Titania asked, softly.
“I did,” Jeremy replied, heavily. “I told her the truth of what was upon my heart, never thinking that I should have to break my word and turn from her. If only I had not given her my promise, then she might not have been so broken by my sudden refusal.”
Titania sighed heavily, her shoulders slumping. “It is done, however, is it not? And instead of looking to the past and allowing regret to fill us, we must, I think, choose to press forward.”
“Indeed,” Jeremy replied, hearing the determination in Titania’s voice and allowing it to fill him. “In that case, Miss Wells, I shall consider what you have said and attempt to do what I can to aid you.”
A grin spread across Titania’s face, as though she had always known that he would agree in the end. “I am delighted to hear it,” she said, practically. “And you simply must join us for dinner tomorrow. We are to have a small gathering at the house and I insist that you attend as my guest.”
Warning rose in Jeremy’s chest. “I do not think that Eliza would be pleased to see me present,” he replied, hoping he was not about to offend Titania. The invitation was kind, of course, but he did wonder if she was a little unaware of just how much pain her sister would be in to see him seated there. “Although I do thank you for your invitation.”
“No,” Titania replied, with a toss of her head. “No, you shall not refuse me, Lord Avondale. You and I shall work together to discover the truth about Lord Montrose – and how are you meant to do so if you will never even speak to the gentleman?”
“He will be present also?”
“Of course,” Titania laughed. “But if you are there too, Lord Avondale, then my sister may find herself a little distracted from Lord Montrose’s attentions, do you not think?”
Inwardly, Jeremy battled with the choice set before him. He could not deny that going to dinner and pulling Eliza’s attention from Lord Montrose in some way was something of a pleasurable thought, but then again, he did not want to distress Eliza further.
“I will attend,” he said, eventually, “but only if your mother agrees and only if you ensure that your sister is aware of my presence before the dinner commences.” He saw Titania’s eyes widen and she began to nod profusely, but Jeremy remained unconvinced. “If there is to be any difficulty, then I must know of it at once,” he continued, sternly. “I will not attend if there is to be any sort of disturbance over my presence. As I have said, I do not wish Eliza to be troubled in any way, not after what I have done. I have caused her enough difficulty already, have I not?”
Titania smiled, shrugged and looked away. “I do not think, Lord Avondale, that you are entirely to blame for what occurred,” she said, softly. “After all, you stated that you had no choice in the matter. I trust your word completely and I must continue to hope that Eliza will, one day soon, allow you to explain to her the truth in its entirety.” Her head turned and her eyes secured on his. “I believe that she still loves you very dearly, Lord Avondale.”
So saying, she turned on her heel and slipped away, leaving Jeremy feeling as though a horse had kicked him hard in the chest. Love. Eliza still loves him? Could it be true?
Gasping for air, Jeremy quickly moved to a darker corner of the room, pressing one hand against the wall for support as he attempted to regain control of his breathing. He had not allowed himself to hope for anything such as this, for the love Eliza had for him must surely have gone from her by now. He had been quietly convinced of that fact, believing that Eliza would have thrown all thought of him aside after he had abandoned her.
And now, Titania had not only told him that Eliza still thought of him, still considered him, but that she might also still love him. It was almost too wonderful to take in, almost too incredible to believe.
Suddenly, the choice about attending the dinner tomorrow evening began to clear itself into one obvious decision. He had to attend, regardless of what he had said to Titania. Even if Eliza was to be upset with his presence, he had to show her that he was still willing to be present in her life, was still waiting for her to give him the opportunity to speak the truth. With Lord Montrose present also, it would, most likely, be rather awkward with perhaps a good deal of tension clouding around the table but, in time, that would lessen and they might be able to have an enjoyable evening.
Then again, he considered, managing to breathe a good deal easier as he stood tall again, Eliza might not
have told Lord Montrose about what had occurred between herself and Jeremy, which meant that the gentleman might not even be aware of the strain. Perhaps this would be a good deal easier than he had expected.
Chapter Five
“Did you enjoy last evening?”
Eliza nodded, looking out of the carriage window so that she would not have to gaze into Lord Montrose’s dark eyes.
“You have not said anything particular about it,” Lord Montrose pressed, reaching forward and taking her hand in his for a moment, a tuft of brown hair falling across his forehead. “You did not find it particularly interesting, mayhap?”
Casting a quick look at the maid who was sitting to the right of the carriage, her eyes fixed on the window instead of looking towards her mistress, Eliza slowly extracted her hand from Lord Montrose and, by way of apology, gave him a bright smile. “I confess, Lord Montrose, that I was distracted by my own thoughts last evening,” she said, honestly. “Although I did enjoy the music, of course.”
At this, Lord Montrose looked a little relieved, as though he had been deeply concerned about her. He sat back in his seat and regarded her carefully, his eyes warm and a light smile on his face. “Just so long as you are content, my dear Miss Wells.”
Eliza nodded, smiled and let her gaze drift back towards the window. She did not want to tell Lord Montrose that her thoughts had been solely settled upon him for the first half of the evening, worrying about what Lord Franks had said of him and fearing that, even though she had been fiercely determined not to allow such things to tear at her mind, she might begin to doubt his intentions.
And then, whilst she had been battling her tumultuous thoughts, her eyes had rested upon Lord Jeremy Avondale.
Even now, she could still feel the shock ricocheting through her, the astonishment of seeing him pinning her to the floor for a moment. Her heart had begun to thud wildly, torn between delight and anger. He was as handsome as she remembered him, his face no longer contorted with regret or pain. In fact, he had been smiling, his eyes alight and his expression open. How often had she found herself caught up in that smile? How often had she found her heart beating wildly with the intensity of his eyes?
