All the Forbidden Things

by Jones, Lesley

  “Yeah, I know. Aaron’s said pretty much the same thing this morning, but I know it anyway.”

  “Well, if you won’t listen to me, at least listen to him.”

  “Oh, I’m listening. Everyone’s got something to say about this, and I’m definitely listening to all the expert opinions.”

  “Don’t get sarcastic with me, you little shit—”

  “Sorry. I’m sorry, it’s just been a poxy morning. Listen, Mum, Aaron thinks it’ll be a good idea to get Billie and the baby out of London. I’m gonna call Jay in a bit to see if Billie can go there. Will you be okay to take Layla for a few days?”

  My phone vibrates with another call before Mum responds. This time, it’s Jake. I let it go to voicemail and wait for Mum’s answer.

  “Of course. Can you give me an hour?”

  “I’m going to send a car. I don’t want to take a chance on the press following you home.”

  “Okay. Anything you want me to bring?”

  I give a small laugh. I’m not quite sure what my mum could possibly think she can bring to the situation to make it any better.

  “I could pop into Marks and get one of those cakes you like?”

  “Mum, I don’t need a cake, but thank you.”

  “Okay, sweetheart, but if you think of anything—”

  “Will do. I’ll see you soon. Love ya.”

  “Love you too.” I put my phone down on the worktop and only just turn my narrowed eyes to Aaron, when it starts vibrating again.

  It’s Jake, again, so I answer. “Not getting into it on the phone, dude, just come over.”

  “You two doing all right?”

  “Nope.”

  “On my way.”

  When I look up, Cal’s standing with his arm around Billie on the other side of the worktop. Mel is next to Billie, Kenzie the opposite side of Cal. Everyone is staring in my direction, and it hits me that I just told my mum that Billie’s going to Jay’s before I’ve even discussed it with Billie.

  “You okay with that?” I ask her. “Aaron just thought it might be a good idea to get you and Layla out of London.”

  “Away from the fugly sisters, you mean?” Kenzie quips.

  “That too,” I agree, not taking my eyes off Billie’s face.

  “You could always just come home,” Cal offers, and again, I fight the urge to inflict violence on one of my friends. I can’t wait for Jake to arrive because if he says anything, we’re gonna have a virtual riot on our hands if I do decide to fight them all.

  “So, Layla’s not coming with me? You’re not coming with?” Billie ignores Cal’s comment and asks me a question instead.

  “I’ll come in a couple of days . . . if I leave now, it’ll all get crazy. I just want the press to leave us alone, I don’t want them following us. If we can get you to Jay’s today, without them knowing, Layla can go to Mum’s, then I’ll collect her on Tuesday and join you.”

  Billie nods then shrugs. “Like I said before, I love it at Jay’s. You gonna be okay without Layla?”

  Billie being gone will be bad enough, but Layla and Billie? I’m not actually sure I’m emotionally ready for that.

  “No,” I tell her, hoping she gets that I mean her too. “I’m gonna hate it, but I’d rather that than have her under the same roof as that toxic pair, besides, it’s only for a couple of days.”

  She gives a small smile, and I hope that means she understands what I’m saying because I don’t know if I’m gonna have a chance to talk to her alone before she leaves.

  Billie lifts her chin, removes Cal’s arm from her shoulder, and walks into her bedroom, and it’s only then that I hear Layla’s cry. I’ve been the worst fucking dad these past few days, and I know I need to do better. I’ve had everything running like a well-oiled machine until Whitney’s unexpected, early, arrival turned our world on its head.

  Billie comes around the worktop and stands next to me, holding Layla against her. I lean down, rest my arm on Billie’s shoulder, and kiss Layla’s cheek. When I straighten, again, all eyes are on Billie and me.

  Billie

  “What the fuck is going on, Billie, and please don’t lie to me.”

  Mel has followed me into my bathroom and closed the door behind her as I pack the toiletries I feel like I’ve only just unpacked.

  I turn, lean my back against the bathroom worktop, and fold my arms across my chest, debating whether to lie or be straight up and tell her the truth. I opt for a bit of both.

  “You mean Max and me?”

  “Damn fucking straight I mean Max and you.”

  “We’ve gotten close this past week, but I think it’s just the situation. We’re allies.” I shrug nonchalantly. “Nothing more than that.”

  “Close? I’ve got eyes, Billie. He watches you. If his eyes aren't on Layla, then they’re on you.”

  “Mel, we’ve been thrown together under shitty circumstances, we’re kinda relying on each other. After everything he’s been through with Whitney, he’s learning to trust me with Layla, so I think that’s why he might watch me, as you put it.”

  She shakes her head and chews the inside of her lip. “I call bullshit. It’s more than that. You might not have noticed it, but I sure as fuck have, and if I have, you can guarantee Callum has, and he will lose his ever-loving mind if Max goes there.”

  This is just fucking great. Last night was the best, waking up with Max and Layla this morning was even better, the day dramatically went to shit not long after that, and now I’m so over it, I want to tell everyone to fuck off and mind their own business.

  “I’m a big girl; I can look after myself.”

  “Billie, you were the victim of an attack just five weeks ago, had a gun held to your head while someone tried to rape you, we don’t want you being a big girl and having to look after yourself, we want you safe.”

  “And you don’t think I’m safe with Max? Are you fucking kidding me? He’s Cal’s best friend. I thought he was your friend. He’d never hurt me,” I snap, pissed off on Max’s behalf.

  “Not intentionally, but he’s lost right now. I’m just worried he’s looking for something, someone, a warm body to bring him some comfort through a spectacularly shitty time, I just don’t want that to be you and for you to end up hurt.”

  “Like I said, Mel, Max is a good man, and I can look after myself. I want to be here for him because, like you just said, he’s going through something spectacularly shitty right now.”

  She remains silent but continues to watch me, her jaw set, eyes narrowed. I stare right back, hopefully keeping my expression neutral. I’d like nothing more than to go out into my living room and announce to everyone that I’m falling arse over tit for Max Young, but I don’t need all the drama that would bring, and until his divorce has been filed, neither does Max.

  I turn back towards the sink, zip my make-up and toiletry bags closed, and move towards the door. Mel opens it, and we step out into my bedroom where Kenzie is lying on my bed with Layla. The bedroom door is closed, and I can hear muffled voices coming from outside. I pull my suitcase out, and Kenzie shifts out of my way to make room for it. The room’s silent as I start to throw clothes, underwear, and shoes inside.

  “Bill?”

  “Don’t wanna hear it, Kenz. If you’re just gonna repeat what your mum said, then shut it.”

  “Wow. Angry much?”

  “Thoroughly fucked off right now, if you must know.”

  “Fine.” Kenzie rolls off the bed while holding on to Layla and goes out the door, slamming it behind her.

  “Billie.” Mel sighs out my name as she sits on the bed beside my suitcase.

  “Ya know what, Mel, he’s a good man. If he were to go there, there are worse warm bodies I could choose to cuddle up to.”

  “He’s thirty-eight years old.”

  “So fucking what? My dad was twenty years older than my mum.”

  “So there is something going on. I fucking knew it.”

  “Mel, I love you. As
a sister and as a mum, but you need to back off and let me work things out for myself.” I take in a deep breath and let it out shakily. “And before you go out there and open your mouth to my brother, have a little think about what trouble you’re gonna cause between Max and Cal, Cal and me, and for the band. So, as my friend, I’m asking you to just back off and let me, us, work things out.”

  Hearing the tremble in my voice causes my throat to tighten around the ball of emotion wedged inside, and I fight to control the way my jaw wobbles. It doesn’t help when I have to watch Mel wipe tears from her cheeks.

  “I love you, Mel, you and Cal. I love you both so much but, please, just give me a bit of time. We’ve got everything coming at us at once and no time to work out exactly what our us is. It might be nothing, or it could be everything.”

  “I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

  “Listen, he and I don’t even know what we have yet, and the last thing we, Max especially, needs to be dealing with right now is Cal’s reaction if you go out there and tell him about us. If you do that, then it’ll undoubtedly have implications for the band, that will cause interest from the press . . .” I pause, feeling more than a little defeated, let out a long sigh, and hold out both my arms before letting them fall to my side. “Then it’ll be out there, the public will crucify us, and all before we even have a chance to work out for ourselves what the fuck it is we’ve got going on.”

  My mouth is so dry I don’t know how I’m managing to talk.

  Mel stands, wraps me in her arms, and holds me. “I won’t lie. I’m so confused by how I feel about this, but for now, I’ll take a step back and give you time to try and figure things out. But if he hurts you, I swear to fucking god—”

  “He won’t, he won’t.” I attempt to reassure both her and myself.

  I feel sick to my stomach and like an ungrateful bitch with the way I’ve spoken to Mel and Kenzie today, but I’m hanging on by a thread and, in all honesty, can’t actually wait to get away from the circus my life has apparently become.

  Max asks me to pack two bags for Layla. One to send to his mum’s with her, and one for me to take to Jays. I need to go over to the house to collect everything. Not wanting to risk another confrontation with Whitney, it’s the last place I want to go. When I step out of my bedroom to ask someone to come with me, Mel tells me Max is already over there.

  Knowing I’ll at least have Max there for back up if I need it, I pull my khaki green beanie down low on my head and head out of my front door.

  The usual commotion starts at the gates the instant I step outside, but I stare down at the gravel and move quickly towards the back door.

  Aaron has asked us to carry on around Deana and Whitney as if nothing has happened. Like we don’t suspect them of instigating this morning’s debacle by involving the police and social workers and by sharing the story to the press. The photo that was taken of me in the pub last night has been shared all over social media, but I’ve avoided looking at the comments of what people think of me. Daniel has text me numerous times with updates, but all I’ve managed to get out to him is a quick text letting him know I was okay and would call when I could.

  I enter the house through the laundry door and head straight up the stairs to the nursery. The house is quiet, and I have no idea where Max is until my hand is grabbed and I’m pulled into his bedroom as I pass.

  Max has the door closed, locked and my back pushed against it in seconds. His front presses against mine, our foreheads touching, as we both remain silent and spend a few seconds catching our breath.

  “What the fuck—” I’m silenced when his mouth comes crashing down on mine. I twist my head from side to side in an attempt to escape. Not that I don’t want him to kiss me, I just don’t want the fugly sisters catching him do it.

  “Are you mad?” I whisper shout when he finally pulls away.

  “Just sex starved.”

  “Pfft, hardly.”

  “Love the beanie,” he says, giving it a tug over my ears and eyes.

  “Thanks,” I tell him, pushing it back up so I can look at him. “I went for khaki hoping it’d make me invisible to the press.”

  “It’ll take more than a beanie to make you invisible to the press or anyone else. You’re too fucking gorgeous not to be noticed.”

  I smile. For the first time since this morning’s circus unfolded, I smile. All of me: my lips, my eyes, my heart and my insides. I smile because that’s what Max does, he makes me happy, and as long as I have him, I won’t let these fuckers get me down.

  Soft lips brush across the skin under my ear, trailing a path to my jaw.

  “I’ve not even had a chance to clean my teeth today. I came over here to grab some clean clothes and toiletries so I could come back to yours and shower, and then like a walking wet dream, you appeared in this sexy as fuck green beanie.”

  “Khaki,” I correct him as he grinds against me. “And yuk, I wondered what that was.”

  “Yeah, sorry about the morning breath, but whatever, the hat still looks good on you . . . so good, that I think you should seriously consider removing the rest of your clothes and just wear that while you ride my face.”

  A shudder runs through me at the thought of riding anything of Max’s, especially his face, and some of the tension caused by the craptastic few days I’ve had since Whitney’s arrival eases.

  “Ew, you just said you hadn’t cleaned your teeth, so there’s no way that mouth is going anywhere near me.”

  “I’ll use your clit as a toothbrush, your pussy juice as mouthwash.”

  He slides his hands under my arse cheeks and lifts me in the air while still grinding into me, hitting that sweet spot between my legs perfectly.

  “Are you saying I’ve got a bristly clit?”

  He laughs, and I feel his hot breath slide across my skin. My belly tightens, and I realise I’m very close to coming.

  “Your clit isn’t bristly, Bamm, it’s attached to you, and like the rest of you, it’s perfect. Although, I think I should make a closer inspection just to be sure . . . with my teeth and my tongue and my fingers and my cock.”

  He moves us away from the door and carries me to the bed before turning and sitting on the edge, leaving me straddling him.

  “That’s a very thorough inspection.”

  “All part of the service. Lift your top, I need to see your tits before you leave.”

  My eyes move towards the door, checking it’s closed.

  “The door’s locked, she’s in a wheelchair, Bamm. She can’t get up the stairs, and she definitely can’t get in here.”

  “She might not, but her creepy ninja sister has some kind of witchety ninja powers that make her appear out of nowhere.”

  My beanie comes off my head as Max pulls my sweatshirt over it before throwing them both to the floor “Fucking sports bra,” he mumbles while pulling it up just enough to expose my tits.

  He sucks my right nipple into his mouth while pulling on my left. My back arches and I groan as his teeth drag across my skin. My fingers comb through his hair, my nails scrape against his scalp, and his hips buck into me.

  The crackle evolves into an end of the world, cataclysmic explosion that I feel right down to the marrow of my bones. My internal muscles tighten, and my stomach clenches. I feel it everywhere. And he hasn’t even kissed me.

  I mumble random words because my brain is swimming in a pool of lust and sensation and can’t organise itself enough to form a sentence.

  “Fuck, I need to be inside you,” Max says into my cleavage at that exact moment the alarm for the gate sounds, letting us know someone has entered the code and is approaching the house.

  “Fuck,” we complain in unison.

  “That’s probably my mum. I should’ve told her to pick up a cake.”

  “What?” I ask in confusion, smiling down at him.

  I get a soft smile in return. It shines from his eyes, and he shakes his head. “Mum thinks cake solves everything, espe
cially if it’s from Marks & Spencer.”

  “She might be on to something there. The problems of the world could be solved with those M&S chocolate covered, marshmallow tea cake things.”

  He’s still smiling up at me. I push my fingers through his hair, moving it off his face.

  “Stop talking about my mum and cake while your hot little pussy is still pressed against my hard dick.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be, but we need to move.”

  The smile leaves both our faces as our eyes take each other in.

  I’m overwhelmed with the need to tell him I love him because I do. It’s not sudden, it’s not new, it’s just evolved. The love I’ve felt for Max Young most of my life has grown up, and my feelings and emotions have grown up right along with it.

  “I’m gonna miss you, Bamm. When I get to Jay’s, you better be ready for me because I’m gonna fuck you till you can’t walk, talk, or see straight.”

  “Can’t wait till I can’t do any of those things.”

  “I fucking love how fearless you are. No matter what you’re confronted with, you face it head-on.” His eyes brim with so much emotion that I have to swallow my own.

  “I’m only fearless when it’s a cock that’s gonna stop me walking, talking, or seeing straight, and only when it’s attached to you.”

  That makes him smile and shake his head. He presses his face into my cleavage again before looking back up to meet my eyes. “We’ve got a month of creeping around, then however long a time of bullshit. It’s gonna get toxic, spiteful, and it’ll hurt like fuck. When all of that is happening, let's just remember these past few minutes and how it can be when it’s just us, when we’re allowed to be our us.”

  And with that, he lifts me from his lap, straightens my bra, helps me put on my sweatshirt and beanie. Then I head to Layla’s room and find her clean clothes.

  Micky has pulled the Range Rover up into Max’s garage to hide us from the photographers who are still waiting at the front gates. Wearing a beanie and using an open umbrella to cover my face, I’d walked across the driveway to the house. Mel and Kenzie had done the same at ten-minute intervals after me. I’m not entirely sure why we’ve done any of that. Micky said something about not letting the press know exactly who's in the house and who might be leaving, but who knows. After the morning I’ve had, I have very few brain cells left to work anything out. Max, Cal, Jake, and Karen are here, and we are all standing around watching Micky load Layla’s bags into the back of one car, mine into another.