“Hey,” he says softly as he pulls back, his warm eyes bounce back and forth between mine. He cups the side of my face, brushing a stray tear from my cheek with the pad of his thumb. My eyelids flutter closed at his touch. “You’re so strong, Hadley. I promise you that you can get through this. Everything will be okay in the end.”
“You should listen to him, Hadley.”
What?
My eyelids fly open in a flash and I lean to the side, glancing at the door behind Ryland. I find Ander leaning against the wall with his hood up and arms crossed over his chest. Instantly, my gaze locks with Ander’s as a storm brews within the murky depths of his blue eyes. With his unwavering stare, he pushes away from the wall and slips his hands into the front pockets of his dark jeans as he inches closer.
“He seems like a good guy, Hadley,” he taunts with a smirk. “He’s the perfect replacement for me.”
My breath catches in my throat as he walks past me, the leg of his pants brushing against my bare arm. I feel his warmth as he stands so close to me and leans against the railing of the balcony.
Ryland’s hands fall from me in a rush as he scoots backward. His worried eyes frantically search mine. “That’s him?”
Pinching my lips together, I nod.
“So, you’ve told him about me?” Ander muses from above as he fishes a pack of Newports from his pocket. He plucks a cigarette out and pinches it between his lips as he lights the end. The cherry burns brightly as he draws the smoke deep into his lungs. “Only good things, I hope,” he says as he blows thick smoke rings into the dark.
“Why are you here?” I ask him as I scramble to my own feet.
Ander doesn’t look at me as he stares out into the night sky, smoking his cigarette. “For you.”
“There’s nothing for you here,” I tell him, dropping my voice. “You need to leave.”
“Nah.” He shrugs, tilting his head to look at me. “I’ll stay.”
Ryland steps beside me, lightly grabbing my shoulder as I sway on unbalanced legs. The alcohol took all of my rational thoughts and my balance, apparently.
“Do you want me to make him leave?” Ryland whispers to me.
My eyes scan Ander, starting with the scuffed sneakers on his feet. They’re old and filthy. His dark jeans are loose on this thin frame, riddled with holes, swallowing his legs. His black sweatshirt hangs from his body and his head drowns inside the hood. He’s lost a significant amount of weight, losing any muscle that he once had. He’s always been neurotic about being cleanly, so I’m not surprised that his clothes appear clean. I can smell a faint hint of his soap and my chest aches as his grave state sinks in. He has let his addiction take over his life and it has total control of him.
“No,” I tell Ryland softly as I pull his hand from my shoulder. I don’t want Ander here, but I don’t want him to leave. “I’ll call you tomorrow or something.”
“I’m not leaving you here with him,” he whisper-yells. “You’re drunk and you’re not thinking straight.”
He’s right, but when it comes to Ander, I never think straight.
“I’ll be okay.” I squeeze his hand lightly and give him a small smile. “He won’t hurt me.”
You can’t hurt something that is already broken.
Ryland frowns with wariness in his eyes. “I better hear from you tomorrow.” He pauses for a moment, glancing at Ander before looking back at me. “I won’t hesitate to kick his ass.”
I bite my bottom lip, biting back my smile at his protectiveness. “You’re a good friend,” I tell him, dropping his hand. “Now go.”
There’s hesitation in his gait as he walks to the door and slides it open. As he slips inside, he looks back at me once more with a nod before slipping into the apartment. Ryland pulls the door closed behind him, leaving Ander and me alone on the balcony. Silence settles in the air, but the tension between us is tangible. The unknown between us hangs heavily around us. It’s almost as if I’m standing here with a stranger. A stranger who I have a complicated past with. A stranger who just so happens to be the one who holds the fractured pieces of my heart. A stranger who shares the same soul.
“He’s just a friend, huh?” Ander breaks through the silence and his icy tone chases away the warmth of the night. “Looked like you guys were close friends with how cozy the two of you were when I showed up.”
Spinning on my heel, I turn around to face Ander and find him facing me with his back against the railing. His bloodshot eyes are pinned on mine and he exhales a thick cloud of smoke with a grimace. The alcohol in my system sends my anger into overdrive.
“How close of friends we are is none of your fucking concern,” I snap at him. The rage that bubbles inside pushes me as I move closer to him. My hand juts out and I point my finger at him, poking him in the chest with my fingertip. “You don’t get to ask any questions, Ander. In case you forgot, you’re the one who ruined everything between us. You don’t get to show up here and question my life when you have a pregnant girl in your bed.”
Ander narrows his eyes at me. I drive the tip of my finger into his chest once more before he roughly grabs my wrist. Jerking my arm, he pulls me closer to him and I stumble over my feet, crashing directly into him. “You think that you just have it all figured out, don’t you?” He doesn’t let go of my hand as he glares down at me. “You get one side of a story—the wrong fucking one, if you must know—and you’re so quick to make your own judgment. Jesus, Hadley,” he sneers. “I expected a little more from you of all people.”
“Fuck you,” I growl, making no attempt to remove his hand as I glare back at him.
“Not yet, babe.” A ghost of a smile plays on his lips and the storm within his eyes has a sinister gleam. “As much as I’d love to sink balls deep into that tight pussy, we’re going to hash this out first.”
“You’re a fucking pig.” I curl my lip in disgust.
“And apparently you’re a fucking slut.”
Crack.
It happened so fast. My free hand flew up, slapping him across his face. My eyes widen slightly as my hand stings from the harsh contact. A wave of pain mixes with the smoldering heat that burns in Ander’s eyes as he stares down at me.
“That’s it, babe,” he chokes out, his voice thick with emotion. “Give me all of your anger. Take it all out on me.”
My eyes burn as the tears quickly build. I don’t fight them or try to conceal them as they spill over the edge. “I fucking hate you,” I whisper. “You fucking broke me. You didn’t give a shit about me when you left and this is how you decided to show back up? With a fucking baby on the way?”
“You should hate me,” he says quietly. “Don’t ever let that hatred or betrayal go because this is exactly what I do, Hadley. I ruin everything good that I touch.”
“Why, Ander?” I cry out. “Why her?”
His warm breath fans across my face as he exhales. “Because she’s the furthest thing from you.”
The air leaves my lungs in a rush and my chest aches from the sharp blade of his words.
There it is, the truth.
Tipping my chin down, I look past him out at the dark horizon. “Leave,” I whisper into the thick air.
“No.”
A sob catches in my throat, but I swallow it down as the tears stream down my face. “Just fucking go, please.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I look up at him, meeting his bloodshot eyes that are washed in pain. “Go home, Ander. She needs you more than I do. Your baby needs you.” I tear my gaze from his as my throat constricts.
His touch is gentle, but firm, as he grabs my chin and pulls me back to look at him. Pinching my eyes shut, I fold my lips and shake my head in his hand. “Look at me.” His voice is hoarse with his demand. Reluctantly, I open my eyes, staring back at him through my tears. “It’s not mine.”
My heart stops in my chest as he pulls the ground out from underneath me. “But I saw her.”
“You saw what you
wanted to see,” he retorts. “You heard what you wanted to hear and never cared to hear my side of the story. The truth.”
I stare at him in disbelief as the guilt settles in my bones.
“Anya doesn’t need me and I don’t need her,” he murmurs. “I need you.”
“But she’s the furthest thing from me,” I whisper as I revel in his warmth.
“Exactly.” Ander moves his hand to cup the side of my face and his warm breath tickles my skin as he leans in closer, his lips just barely touching mine. “There’s no one that even comes remotely close to you and no one ever will.”
24
Ander
Closing the space between us, I capture her lips with mine. Hadley melts in my hands as I pull her closer until her chest is flush against me. Tilting her head back, she lets me in and I steal the air from her lungs. My tongue dances with hers to a haunting melody of their own. So easily, we get lost in each other as our souls feast upon one another.
She feeds my demons as I caress hers.
Hadley moans into my mouth as we breathe life back into the fire that burns within us. What started out with tentative touches quickly turns into a fevered frenzy. We’ve both been starved of the same thing for far too long—the one thing that our souls so desperately crave—this madness between us.
“Ander,” Hadley whimpers as I pull away from her lips and trail mine down her neck. Her hands slide across my chest as she balls my sweatshirt in her fists. I slip my hands around her waist, holding her firmly against me. My cock throbs against the zipper of my jeans as she presses her hips into mine.
Trailing my lips across her collarbone, I lightly nip at her skin with my teeth. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
“Ander,” Hadley utters my name breathlessly. “I need you.”
She releases my sweatshirt abruptly and her hands clutch at my back as I feast upon soft, supple skin. Trailing my fingers along the bottom hem of her shirt, I slip them underneath the soft material. Sliding my hands up her torso, I push under her bra and knead her tits with my palms.
“You want me to fuck you out here?” I murmur against her skin. “It’s dark enough that no one will see us, but there’s still that chance that someone could easily come out here.”
Her hands slide up the sides of my neck and she roughly grips the front of my sweatshirt, pulling me to her. I drop my face to hers, sucking her bottom lip between mine. “I’ll take you right here, babe. It won’t be pretty, but losing control never is.” I clamp down on her lip with my teeth as she arches her back, moaning softly against my mouth. “I’m gonna take you inside after this and take my time with you.”
“Fuck me, Ander,” Hadley breathes. “Right now, out here in the darkness of the night.”
Rolling her nipple between the tips of my fingers, I cover her mouth with mine and swallow her moans. Abandoning her chest, my hands drop down to her waist in a rush. Gripping her hips, I tear my mouth away from hers and quickly spin her around. Leaning forward, she grips the railing in front of her, pushing her ass into me. Hooking my fingertips underneath the waistband of her shorts and panties, I slide them down her thighs, letting them pool around her feet on the balcony.
It quickly becomes a frantic sprint to the finish line. My cock aches, straining against my jeans as I undo the button and pull down the zipper. Slipping my hand into my pants, it throbs in my palm as I free my cock. Fisting it, I slide it along her soaking wet pussy before driving it deep inside. Hadley cries out as I stretch her wide open, filling her to the brim.
She grinds her hips against me, meeting me with every vicious thrust. I watch as her knuckles turn stark white as she grips the railing. The sounds of skin slapping skin mixed with our rushed breaths and moans fill the air of the night. Sliding my hand up her back, I dive my fingertips into her long locks and wrap them around my hand.
Pulling her head back slightly, she peers at me over her shoulder as I drive my cock harder into her. Hadley’s lips part slightly and her pussy clenches around me. “That’s it, babe,” I growl. “Come for me, all over my cock.”
I thrust hard into her once more and that’s all it takes to send her over the edge. She pushes harder against me, crying out as she shatters around me. My balls tighten as warmth spreads through my stomach and I’m a fucking goner. Plowing into her again with more force than before, I’m met with my own orgasm as she milks the cum from my cock with her sweet, tight pussy.
We’re both left breathless as we ride out the high from our orgasm. My chest heaves with every shallow breath and Hadley leans her body against the railing as I slowly pull out. Tucking my still throbbing cock into my pants, I slide the zipper back in place before bending forward to pull Hadley’s panties and shorts back up her thighs.
“Ander,” she utters breathlessly as she turns around to face me. “You came inside me…”
Shit. I fucked her raw without a second thought.
My eyes search hers frantically. “You’re not on the pill?”
“I am,” she says hesitantly, her voice quiet. “But we haven’t been together for months and I—uh—I know that I haven’t been with anyone else since then.”
Reaching for her, I step closer and lightly grip her chin, tilting her head back to look at me. “I haven’t either,” I admit quietly. “When I told you that you had ruined me for anyone else, I wasn’t lying. There hasn’t been anyone else since you, and there never will be.”
Hadley stares back at me through tear-filled eyes. Leaning down, I press my lips against hers and steal the air from her lungs. Like the greedy man that I am, she gives me everything and I take it all. Gently breaking away from her, I press my forehead to hers and close my eyes. Inhaling deeply, I breathe in her scent and the moment between us.
“I know I fucked up—God knows I fucked everything up—but you’ve never once left my mind. You’ve haunted me every second of every day since the day that I left.”
“Ander,” Hadley whispers as she moves her hands to hold either side of my face. “Look at me.”
I open my eyes, looking down into her soft green and gold-colored irises as they penetrate mine.
“None of that matters.” Her voice is soft, her words meant only for me. “The present is the only thing that matters. Us, here together, right now in this moment.”
A smile finds its way to my lips as the warmth of her words wraps itself around me. This girl will one day be the death of me, but at least I’ll die fucking happy. Unless my addiction kills me first…
Hadley drops her hand down, wrapping it around mine and steps past me. “I do believe you told me that that was just the appetizer.” She looks back at me with her smirk. “I’m ready for the entrée.”
Fuck me.
My cock instantly twitches in my pants. A ghost of a smile plays on my lips. “Lead the way, babe.”
Pulling on my hand, Hadley leads me into the apartment, ignoring everyone we pass going through the living room. She takes me straight to her room, hurrying me inside as she slams the door and locks it behind us. Leading me straight to the bed, she spins me around and lightly pushes me down onto the mattress.
Leaning up on my elbows, I watch her as she slips out of her shorts and thong. She grabs the bottom hem of her shirt and slowly pulls it over her head, tossing it onto the floor beside her. A warmth spreads through my body as my cock grows thick with my arousal. Reaching around her back, she unclasps her bra, slowly sliding the straps down her arms until it falls to the floor. I drink in the sight of her and I’m left speechless. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her like this, but she’s still the most beautiful thing that my eyes have ever feasted upon.
Hadley stalks toward me, and I part my knees farther as she stands between them. I sit up to meet her, my hands settling on her hips as I pull her closer. She grabs the bottom of my sweatshirt, pulling it upward. Releasing her, I take it from her hands, tearing it over my head along with my T-shirt. Her eyes scan my naked torso, taking in the appearance of my ribs
showing through my skin and the bandage covering where I was stabbed.
Her troubled eyes meet mine. “Does it hurt?” she asks me quietly, lightly tracing her fingertips around the bandage.
“Like fucking hell.”
She’s talking about my stab wound, but I’m talking about something entirely different. The physical pain I feel is nothing compared to the pain I feel deep in my soul from loving her.
“We don’t have to do this,” she whispers, her hands slowly trailing down to the button on my jeans.
“It will only hurt worse if we don’t.”
Hadley stares back at me with a softness in her eyes. I take her hand in mine, pulling it away from my pants as I slowly rise to my feet. My hands fall onto her hips and I spin us around and gently lower her to the bed. Unzipping my pants, I shove them down, letting them fall to the floor along with my boxers. I step out of them and kneel on the bed, slowly pushing Hadley’s legs apart. She spreads them wider as I settle between them, hovering over her.
Wrapping her hands around the back of my head, she drags my face down to hers. I capture her lips with mine as I slowly sink into her. Arching her back, I swallow her moans as she lifts her hips, pulling me in deeper. The need within us spreads like an inferno as we lose ourselves in one another.
I had built a home out of dirty needles, riddled with lies, and laid in my bed made of poison, but that was never really my home. It was only a façade—my temporary escape from reality.
The reality is that Hadley is my home.
She is exactly where I belong.
25
Hadley
Rolling over in bed, I find that I’m alone. The warmth from his body still lingers on my sheets and his faint scent clings to the pillowcase. Glancing at the door, I see that it’s slightly ajar, so he must not have left long ago.
Black Clouds of Cotton (In Vein Series Book 2) Page 12
