Stigmata

by L M Adams

My vampire lover nods and rolls to his side to cry in private. Not in pain, just a release. The simple fact is he needs this release of emotion. He carries so much for so many; sometimes he needs to be forced to feel and release it… sadly pain and passion are the easiest emotions to cause in another.

  I sit on the bed and rub his back gently as Lucien goes to get the hobbler.

  “Shh, it will be over soon enough.” I try to encourage him.

  “I’m so sorry for being bad, I don’t need the hobbler, I’m already sorry. Please just take the whip to me.”

  “You get the hobbler.” Lucien commands sending Jack into another bout of whimpering and pleading.

  “We know baby, we know you’re sorry. Come on, kneel for Master.” I whisper and watch as he rolls to his front and gets to his hands and knees.

  “Please.” He cries into the bed, face down, ass up, legs spread, perfect form.

  Lucien gets the hobbler from the kinky closest, the sound of the door closing makes Jack break out in fresh trembling. His skin puckers into goosebumps.

  “Anything… anything but the hobbler or the ring… please.” He tries to bargain with us again.

  Lucien comes back with the hobbler and a black leather crop. The hobbler is two solid flat pieces of high polished cherry wood with bolts at each end, it’s made to keep a slave bent over and in pain, limiting their motion, torturing their sack. Lucien has punished Jack with it before and I know he hurt him badly during those weeks we spent in New York.

  I do my best to calm Jack as the base of his sack is fitted between the slats of wood, pulling the flesh away from his body painfully and cutting off the circulation. Jack hisses and tries to breathe through it as Lucien tightens the bolts, but he doesn’t once try to get away from his punishment.

  “Oh fuck!” He finally screams for his master.

  “One more turn.”

  “Master please don’t!”

  I’m starting to believe Lucien has a taste for CBT – cock and ball torture.

  By the time Lucien has finished fitting Jack in the hobbler the vampire is breathing harshly. “I know I was wrong Master. I know I was wrong for coming, for having so little control, I know you expect better out of me, I know that I’m still too weak but please…. Goddess please loosen it…” Jack rambles on.

  “Jaevia lay down and spread your legs. Capaneus you shall crawl to her and clean your mess.”

  I lay down as I’ve been ordered but Jack doesn’t move.

  “I can’t. I can’t move.” He whispers, from my vantage point I can see the tears fall, his bottom lip trembling. If he doesn’t move, it doesn’t hurt as badly.

  I hear the whistle of the crop cutting through the air a second before I watch the pain explode through Jack’s body. His scream is high pitched, shrill.

  “Move!” Lucien barks and hits him again. It is both painful and glorious to watch and soon Jack does as he’s told with the added encouragement.

  By the time he gets into the right position to bury his face into my pussy he’s been broken, really and truly. You’d think Lucien would let up once Jack followed his orders… but he doesn’t, he takes the crop to Jack’s hobbled sack and exposed ass the entire time the vampire licks up the filth he’d left behind.

  “There’s still more inside of her!” Lucien lays into him again and Jack pushes back onto hands, lifting his head from between my thighs so that he can scream and cry.

  “Please! I can’t get it, I can’t get it!” But Lucien doesn’t care.

  Jack lays his face on my tummy, keeping his sack exposed for master’s abuse as Lucien beats him unfairly. His hands ball into fists, clutching the covers on either side of me as he screams and begs to be forgiven for his sins. Jack’s filth is too deep inside of me, he can’t get to it.

  “I’m sorry.” He cries and cries. “I’m so sorry I’m a fuckup, I’m sorry I can’t fix it.”

  Lucien looks at me suddenly and nods.

  “Fix what?” I ask and start rubbing my hand through his sweat soaked hair.

  “Fix what they did to you, I can’t fix it. I’m failing, and I can’t fix it.”

  “No one asked you to, Capaneus.” Lucien tosses the crop to the bed.

  “It is my job! It is the thing you rely on me for and I can’t fix it, I can’t give our wife the queendom.”

  “I don’t want to be queen, Jack.”

  “But you’re supposed to be, you’ve given them everything.”

  Lucien draws closer, a frown on his face. “Will it be worth it in the end if you destroy our love to get it?”

  “Never.” Jack whispers fiercely.

  “Then you need to remember that.”

  Lucien’s hands move to Jack’s exposed sensitive bits, I can’t see what he does, but it makes Jack scream and cry anew.

  “No more! Oh God no more!”

  “Tell Daddy you understand!”

  “I understand, Daddy!”

  “Good boy.” Lucien starts to unscrew the bolts.

  “Oh fuck, oh fuck.” Jack whispers again and again. The blood rushing back into his sack, setting the sensation ablaze anew.

  As soon as Lucien gets him unbolted, he lets out a short scream and promptly falls forward half on me, half on the bed.

  “Christ.” He breathes out. “That was hot.” He shifts off me and I sit up to inspect the damage.

  Lucien frowns. “That was a punishment, Bloodsucker!”

  “I feel punished, do not fear… but it feels good too. God that felt good.” Jack’s cute ass is covered in little red welts from the crop, his sack is a bit red and swollen but nothing extreme. Lucien did a good job of keeping it away from anything too bad.

  Lucien looks at me shaking his head in disbelief. I just smile. Jack is a pure-bred pain slut. What in the hell you want me to do about it?

  “I have no wish to take things further, Capaneus, but you are still holding something back… a worry… or a fear… you are not talking to me and your shielding is too good for me to figure it out.”

  “Jesus would you get out of my head!” Jack yells and flops to his back, hisses with pain, and then settles into a frown of displeasure. He’s getting agitated again… right after a session? That’s not like him.

  Lucien frowns again… he’s still not happy about something but I can’t figure out what, I don’t feel any deceit in Jack.

  I lay back down on my side and prop up my head in my hand. Lucien sits down on the other side of Jack. Again I’m shocked at how much muscle and strength he has. But as I watch him lay a hand on Jack’s chest so gently, I realize how soft he can be too.

  “What else is wrong? Please do not make me hurt you more, Capaneus. You promised to be honest with me.”

  Jack sighs and stares at the ceiling. “I am not lying I’m just not ready to talk.” Suddenly I begin sensing what Lucien was. There’s a deeper problem here, one he hasn’t expressed to us at all. It’s as if Lucien forcing him to actively think about the secret lifts it up in his subconscious and becomes easier for us to pick up on.

  I can’t say we’ve figured out the finer points of the metaphysics happening between us, but there is something happening, and I have a feeling we’ve only seen the beginning.

  “Tell us.” I whisper.

  “You’re going to get angry.” He mumbles looking at Lucien.

  Lucien sighs. “Perhaps, I do not know. But I promise to keep an open mind.”

  Jack glances at me. “You’re going to get really pissed.”

  I shrug. “I’m always pissed off about something.”

  He actually chuckles and then hums a bit in his throat. “I’m not sure about what I want to do exactly, which is why I was just playing with different ideas in my thoughts. I wasn’t hiding anything, because it’s just a thought.”

  Lucien sighs. “Whatever it is, it cannot be that bad Capaneus. Just tell us so that we may move on.”

  “Fine, but I wish your promise you will both listen fully before you start yelling.”
>
  “You have my word, Capaneus.”

  I nod.

  “I want to invite Matthias and Ariella to our wedding.”

  I frown, they definitely top my list for least favorite vampires. I figured we’d have to invite a few, but I thought it would be Demetri and some crows, like we did for Yule. I’ve gotten to know the odd vampire that pretends to be a Blood Master a bit better and he’s not the worst ever.

  “Why?” Lucien asks.

  “Because… because what happened with Azazael is my fault.”

  Confusion fills me. “How…”

  “If I was powerful enough, I could have stood with Lucien against him, we could have won. I received a seal earlier than Lucien, but my powers have barely developed.”

  “How does Matthias and Ariella…”

  “I have to accept what I am and form a clutch.”

  “But your father…”

  “Step-father.” He corrects me.

  “Step-father banished you.”

  He nods. “And if they’re willing to brave his displeasure, willing to risk their lives just to have their faces rubbed in our happiness… then I can forgive them for all of what came before. With the two of them I can begin to grow my power base.”

  “Then this is a test, Capaneus?”

  Jack nods. “It is a test.”

  “And if they fail?”

  “I’m more afraid of if they don’t.”

  I sigh and roll onto my back. “I can’t even quit in peace.”

  3

  Jaevia

  “Jaevia you’re being unreasonable!” Jack shouts as he curls my hair.

  “I don’t want to be queen, I don’t want your fucking ex-wife at my wedding, and now suddenly I’m bridezilla?!”

  “I get it Jae, you’ve quit, you’ve given up, but you’ve only done that because you think we don’t have a chance, I think we can do this.”

  “Why in the fuck do you want this so damn bad Jack?!”

  “Watch your tones with one another! Love, care and respect even if we do not agree!” Lucien yells from the bathroom.

  Jack sighs, “Yes, Master.”

  He takes a deep breath. “Jae… this isn’t just about you being queen. Fine, take that out of the equation for a second. We still have to get the seals, we still have to find a way to save the people of Ra’suá, we still need to defeat Azazael, those problems won’t go away just because you’re not queen.”

  “Why do they have to be my problems Jack? Let Kieran get the seals, she had them before, let the Kindred or Orbi figure out how to save Ra’suá… Azazael is our problem but that’s more because Lucien deserves his vengeance.”

  “Thank you, Wench!”

  “You’re welcome!”

  “And how the fuck are we supposed to defeat a living god without the seals?!”

  “Come here Capaneus.” Lucien orders stepping back into the dressing room, a towel tied around his waist, flesh still dripping wet from his shower.

  “Master.” Jack looks wide eyed and steps back.

  “I told you to watch your tone.”

  “I’m trying to I just…” Lucien holds up his hand.

  “Oh god no! I’m doing as I’m told!” Jack hurries to put down the curlers and rushes to Lucien. “Please don’t snap your fingers, please, please don’t.” Jack bows his head in submission, trying to let Lucien know things don’t have to go further for his obedience.

  Lucien takes Jack’s left hand in his. The engagement ring Lucien gave him twinkles in the light; he never takes it off.

  “You need to pursue this, we need to defeat Azazael and we all understand that, Capaneus. We will support you if you wish to become king of the vampires. You can just admit you want to be their king and that will be okay.”

  I sigh.

  Lucien looks at me sternly. “We will, Jaevia. We all knew the day would come when he may wish more. When he was strong enough to return and I believe he is now. I am not keen on the idea… it has taken much for the light to return to his heart. I fear they will hurt him and then I become angry and hurt as well…” Lucien sighs, “… but I must have faith in his abilities.” Lucien looks back to Jack. “If that means going to social functions, or smiling at people we’d rather kill, or making a spectacle out of ourselves… we will do this for you. But we need fair play rules as well. Jaevia deserves her happiness too, does she not?”

  “Of course Lucien…”

  “If she wishes to take a break, or quit completely, that’s her right and there may come a day you will have to find a way to support her in that.”

  Jack nods.

  “I’m not too keen on these vampires coming to our nuptials either, but perhaps if they stick to the back and you gently encouraged them to leave sooner rather than later… I can stomach it.” Lucien looks at me. “Agreed?”

  I sigh and nod. “I still don’t think they’ll show up.”

  “Oh aye they will, look at him Jaevia, who wouldn’t sacrifice themselves just for a chance to see him again?”

  Jack actually turns his head away shyly… blushing. Lucien huffs. “We are supposed to be working on this, Capaneus.”

  “I know, Lucien.” Jack says strained.

  “Yet it has been many days since you’ve allowed my loving touch.”

  Jack shudders again, “I can’t… not right now.”

  Lucien and Jack talked to me about the reasons for Jack’s difficulty with loving male intimacy… the reasons broke my heart. I never knew his damage was so deep, I never knew it was so complete. They’re trying to work their way through it, but it’s slow going.

  How are you supposed to heal a man after his father educated him so thoroughly on how to hate and be ashamed of his own feelings? Yet Lucien is trying, no matter how long it takes.

  “I miss you, Capaneus. Not the slave, not the vampire… I miss the man I’m falling in love with. I want to be able to touch you without hurting you first. Hmmm?”

  Lucien moves closer and begins inhaling the scent of Jack. “How long am I supposed to go without showing my love? This isn’t fair.” He begins kissing Jack softly, working his way down. His temple, his neck, his shoulder; Jack’s body begins trembling uncontrollably. “I want to be able to kiss you everywhere.” Lucien’s voice is deep and husky.

  Suddenly Jack cries out desperately. “Stop, please stop.” He grabs Lucien’s shoulders and groans low, it’s too late, his body releases a mini-orgasm against his will. “Oh god,” Jack whimpers with heartache, filled with shame.

  “It’s okay, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, hmm?” Lucien is soothing as he unwraps his towel from around his waist and uses it to cover Jack’s shame. “Go on, get cleaned up, the Wench’s hair can wait a moment or two.” Lucien murmurs so gently.

  Jack nods his head, grabbing the offered towel. He hurries to get away, his head hanging as he turns to the bathroom to wash away the evidence of his visceral attraction and craving for love from a dominant man.

  I can feel his panic and shame beat through our link with viciousness, making my own stomach tighten with sickness and fear.

  They gave me the broad strokes of the years of abuse Jack’s father put him through, turning his own emotions against him. Panic attacks, he suffers vicious panic attacks every time Lucien tries to kiss him, love him, without hurting him first.

  He can handle Lucien’s touch and love as long as it’s within the grasp of BDSM, because if Lucien makes him, it doesn’t count.

  What way is that to love?

  I’ve always enjoyed kink, as both a dominant and a submissive, but I know love without those things, I can express and receive love without it. Jack’s father took that ability from him. Now I’m wishing more than ever that I’d killed the bastard when I’d had the chance. The taste of his death on my tongue would be divine.

  Lucien smoothly closes the bathroom door.

  “Don’t, Jae.”

  I cut my eyes at Lucien, rage slowly filling me, enough to choke on.
r />   “He hurt him.” I hiss, barely able to fight the tears back.

  “Aye, he did.” Lucien turns away and slips on his own pair of black boxer briefs. “But it serves no good to become angry over things long past. The Bloodsucker will pick up on your pity, and that makes things harder for him.”

  I look at his back, his stigmata, the mosaic of a glittering gold lion, the power filled with the rage of his people for things done to them long past.

  Control, we must all maintain control, any three of us could destroy the world thrice over… and so we can never really be angry, really be hurt, really seek vengeance.

  “And now you want to okay the vampires back into his life?!” I say turning back towards the mirror pissed off.

  Lucien sighs and walks over to me, laying a heavy hand on my shoulder. His eyes hold mine through the mirror. Pools of power and magic reflected back and through one another.

  “I want to okay his right to choose the path of his own life. I want to support him, as I support you and how you choose to live your life.”

  I sigh and lower my eyes nodding. If nothing else, Jack has earned the right to decide for himself. But if either of them thinks I’ll sit idly by and watch those blood sucking ticks hurt him the entire world has another thing coming.

  The door to the bathroom open, Jack walks in seeming in control again.

  “So yes to a few vampires?” Jack says trying to get his thoughts away from his own emotions. He grabs a fresh pair of underwear quickly.

  I glance at Lucien as he turns away to go and moisturize. Am I really the bad guy if I put my foot down about this? Do I have a right to put my foot down about this?

  Finally, I’m stuck with the simple fact… if I have the freedom to decide my own life, shouldn’t Jack? So against my better judgement… “Fine, fine, Matthias and Ariella… but why not your mother and Belly?”

  Jack clears his throat and grabs the curlers. “I wish to push the thought of a younger, new age vampire clutch. We’ll live in the limelight, be more open, pull away from the old guard so to speak.”

  “Be open to the crows?”

  He nods, “Be open to the crows.”

  “That means getting involved with Irishka.”