Stigmata

by L M Adams

  “Did you orgasm when he touched you?”

  I nod, “It would come out, I didn’t want it to, but it would come out.”

  “Just like when I touch you?”

  I nod.

  “And you just let it feel good, because you needed something to feel good. Just tell me you liked it when your Daddy touched you, just say it, come now… I already know.”

  I cry out to the Blood King, I cry out like I’ve never cried before, “I liked it when he touched me,” I scream and come with horribly painful pleasure, digging my fingers into his thigh, clutching the only solid thing left as I drown in the memories.

  “I liked it, I liked it, I liked it,” I all but hump his leg and come like the filthy dog I am.

  He pushes my head down to his boots, “I know, I know you did.”

  I clutch his ankles as I lick up my mess, cleaning his boots to a high shine.

  When I’m done, he grabs my ring from the table and kneels beside me taking my hand and slipping the ring back onto my finger. My hand trembles lightly as he holds it tightly, I’m terrified.

  “You win, Capaneus,” He kisses the ring on my finger. “I promised to do anything to give you and Jaevia happiness, so you win, I will let the dreams of what I thought loving you would be like, die. From now on, when I order you to take the ring off, you do so, and I will abuse you brutally so that you can be happy with me when you wear this ring. You have no choice in when the abuse happens, or how far I will take it or how long it will last. I only promise to never kill you. You will have no respect or pity… I will use every weapon to ruin you, so you never mistake my love for your father’s again.”

  I turn my head away so he can’t see how much his words hurt. I can’t let him think I’m not happy.

  He could never hurt his husband the way he just hurt me, he could never abuse someone he loved the way he just abused me. So I will take off the ring and his love will be put on pause while he destroys me.

  But I’m happy about this… I know I am… right?

  I wish he hadn’t carried my battered body to the baths, hadn’t washed away the blood, let me feed to heal. I wish he hadn’t because then maybe I could find the courage to tell him the truth – that I’ve made a mistake. But how could it have been a mistake after the warmth and closeness we have after he rapes me?

  It’s easy to let him wrap his arms around me now, easy to let him kiss me goodnight, this is easy when the other way was so fucking hard. Not once do I have a panic attack, not once do I get sick with the thought of his love. My father’s love hadn’t hurt, Lucien’s does, Lucien’s is better… it’s better when it hurts first, because that’s the way it should be with someone like me. Soft love with a man is sickness, it’s the way my father loved me… it’s unnatural… right?

  He raped me, I didn’t bend over like a faggot by choice – it was rape – it’s not my fault, not like it was with my father.

  Oh Blood King, I feel so confused, my rational mind and my heart are of disaccord and I do not know what to do.

  He holds me closely as I stare into the nothingness, as I let that nothingness claim me and the darkness fill me, and sleep.

  104

  Jaevia – Daughter of Ishtar

  The Ishtar side of the palace is different from the Atum side, it’s full of mystery. The area set aside for the Ishtars is smaller, but I get the feeling there is more reverence for it.

  It makes sense, this is a matriarchal society, and Ishtar was once the high queen.

  The paintings on the walls in this area depict the bounty of Ishtar’s love, and how the people worshipped her… even the mighty Atum. Some of the paintings are a bit odd, with pictures of men cutting off their man bits and offering them to Ishtar on a platter – here’s hoping that’s a lot of artistic license.

  Many of the Ishtar males wear collars, or other decorations showing that they are someone’s property. Although I see females occasionally, none really register as succubae. They carry a scent or a memory of Ishtar… but none of them are like me. Nyrobi seems to be the most powerful of them, but even she is more human than succubus. She’s not even as strong as my mother – and she’s cambion, half human and half succubus. Yet still, the attraction is there.

  The only succubus I’ve been with is Sheba, I want to replace that memory, I want to know the fabled love and lust that can exist between daughters of the first womb-man.

  Nyrobi’s chambers, all Ishtar chambers, sit on the south facing portion of the palace. A heavy wood door with the eight-pointed star of Ishtar is carved into the façade.

  A male slave, dressed in only a dark purple shendyt and a thick black leather collar, leads me through the corridors and past various chambers until we reach Nyrobi’s domain.

  “Kandaka,” he murmurs opening her door and bowing away.

  I must say, she has well trained slaves.

  “Jaevia,” Nyrobi smiles, standing up from her mound of cushions, as I step into her receiving room.

  Others are here, but she has eyes only for me, as I have eyes only for her. Gorgeous dark skin, glittering with gold, pretty face with wise eyes. She sees me… as I am, she sees me.

  The room is nice, long sheer drapes hang from the ceiling, tied back to lend an air of privacy to certain portions to the room. Large overstuffed cushions are grouped together, and the stone floor is covered with a thick rug. The lighting is low but still brings life to the paintings on the wall.

  “You came?” She reaches out touching my arms gently.

  I nod smiling, “Yes, I’m here until the Solstice, if you’d like me to be.”

  “Oh yes, yes… come,” she turns guiding me to her seating area at the front of the room.

  I walk past different groupings of people, I expect them to be in the middle of you know – fucking; instead they’re painting one another?

  Maybe the erotic arts are really arts here?

  I settle in with Nyrobi, and a male slave brings over a glass of wine. He’s not dressed at all, his manhood soft and pliant… waiting. I try not to stare, I really do… but it is rather large, not bigger than Luey – but still rather large.

  “You make them go around naked?”

  Nyrobi smiles as she takes a sip of her wine, “Not all of the time. This one has displeased me.”

  “What did he do?”

  “He forgot to love me with all of his heart.”

  The slave in question falls to his knees, “Malika, no, please no.”

  “It is an honor to serve the Ishtars.”

  “Yes, Malika,” he nods.

  “If we wish to keep you in wanting, we shall…”

  “Yes Malika,” he whimpers as I watch that once soft member grow and harden painfully fast.

  “My goddess…” I whisper, “how long?”

  “Last solstice, he was to have a release this solstice, but it seems he wishes to change his heart song.”

  “No, my Malika, I serve.”

  “Go,” she orders the man, and he stands up, scurrying away to a door in the back right side of the room.

  “A year without an orgasm?”

  “Hmm, he is an unfaithful swine. His wife found he’d taken up with another man…”

  “I thought you all were about sharing yourselves…”

  “Not without permission, not without honesty between those you have committed yourself to. This is why I asked for you to get agreement from your own mates, even you, a queen of Ishtar, and Kandaka to the Raja. We do not do things with a false heart. If he had no wish to live as one with his mate, there are proper ways to go about this. We do not slink about in the darkness.”

  “So what? He’s here as punishment?”

  She nods, “It was his wife’s right to assign that punishment as the offended. We of course have final say.”

  Nyrobi goes on to explain the laws and rules of marriage. The unfaithful swine’s wife had made it clear she had wished to live only sharing her love with him and he with her. Those were the terms
he agreed to.

  If he had wished to change that arrangement, he would have had to seek out an amendment to their agreement, if they couldn’t come to consensus, then he would have been allowed to set their marriage to the side.

  But women are so rare, men don’t divorce their women, not here… they just don’t.

  “Then it’s a problem?”

  She hums, “At times, yes? But this is the way of the people. He did not honor that.”

  I’m not sure how I feel about all of this. I don’t like cheating swine any more than the next person. But I can’t really cast a stone, I live firmly in a glass house. I’ve even cheated on their Raja before – albeit, we weren’t married – but perhaps that’s splitting hairs with a battle-axe.

  Wanting to move away from those uncomfortable memories, I nod out towards the groupings of mostly women, they’re painting one another in hieroglyphs, using golden paint.

  Two of the women stand, both gorgeous beyond belief, a black thong shielding their womanhood, their breasts bare except for little bells clamped to their nipples. They each wear eight-pointed star arm cuffs and an anklet of bells as well. Their skin glows with the gold writing, the painting is done so intricately.

  I watch amazed as a drum begins to beat, and their bodies become a moving, living art, the bells on their breasts and around their ankles making perfect music along with the drums

  “What are they doing?”

  Nyrobi smiles, “We are practicing for the solstice yes? The Ishtars always do the dance of story to tell the tale of the people.”

  She looks at me smiling, “You should play Ishtar.”

  “No,” I shake my head, “I don’t know how to do… that.”

  Goddess they move as if they’re seducing the universe. Even I’m not unaffected… by these humans?

  “We will show you, daughter of Ishtar,” Nyrobi bows her head.

  As they say, when in Ishtar do as the Ishtars do, “Okay,” I smile.

  105

  Jack – Regret

  I’m not sure what wakes me up, but when I open my eyes Lucien is kneeling on the floor, leaning on the bed, watching me.

  “Good morning, Bloodsucker.”

  “Good morning, Lucien,” I say carefully, unsure of what to say after last night.

  “I want us to have a good day,” he takes my ring hand in his rubbing his thumb across my wedding band.

  “No! No!” I scream crying.

  “I need to rape you so we can have a good day.”

  “No! I won’t be bad, oh god I won’t be bad!”

  “It’s what you need and it’s my duty to see you get it.”

  I snatch my hand from his and make a fist, curling it into my chest, determined to keep my ring.

  “If I have to break your fingers to take it, I’m going to make it worse on you, be a good little bitch, you didn’t fight your father, why fight me?”

  His words utterly destroy me.

  I hadn’t fought my father, I hadn’t even tried, why should my husband get anything other than my full cooperation as well? I hide my face away as I hold out my hand to him, unclenching my fist, the feel of him slipping my ring off makes me ill.

  But I’m not supposed to feel sick during rape, I’m supposed to like it.

  “You will feel better after, Capaneus.”

  My bottom lip trembles as I try to hold back the tears, “Please don’t.”

  He pulls down the covers, “Your cock is hard, Capaneus, even if your mind thinks you don’t need it, your body knows it does.”

  “I don’t want it!”

  “If you did, it wouldn’t be rape.” He snaps and stands up, it’s then I see he’s naked and ready, his cock seeming even larger today, the horror of knowing he’s going to try and force all of it inside of me fills me with fear.

  “On your stomach,” but I’m frozen with fear and do not move.

  He grabs my hand ripping it away from my face and slaps me.

  “I do not tell you twice!” He smacks me again. He doesn’t even punch me like I’m a man.

  I try to roll over, he won’t let me. He slaps me again and my head rings with pain, my legs kick wildly, he slaps me again.

  “Please!” I beg him.

  He slaps me.

  “Please let me turn over,” I beg him.

  “You want to be obedient now?”

  I nod crying.

  “Beg for you rape!” He demands with another slap across my face.

  “Please rape me!” I cry out with all of my heart.

  He slaps me again but then lets me go. I turn over to my stomach immediately.

  “Do I need to tie you down or are you ready to be obedient?”

  “I’ll be obedient,” I let out a shaky breath, ready to just get it over with.

  He picks up a bottle of oil from the table. “This is oil is going to hurt us both, it’s the base for harissa paste.

  “Please don’t use that!” I scream, my body trembling.

  “I don’t want to do this! I don’t want to hurt you like this, but you left me no other choice because I will end you if you lay with another man!” He rages at me.

  “I won’t! I promise I won’t with another.”

  “Liar,” he rumbles low. “This is what you fucking wanted; I’ll give you what you want. I can be all the man you shall ever need or want.”

  “Please, please, please…” I beg him again and again and again.

  Yet still he grabs the oil and spreads it on us both, hurting us both, punishing us both.

  “Oh god,” he whimpers in pain by my ear, “it hurts so much.”

  But that doesn’t keep him from fucking me, it doesn’t make him stop his assault.

  The pain is indescribable, unbearable, but I lay there and stare into the nothingness as he hurts me with every stroke.

  He likes grinding against my bend, refusing to believe that he can go no further.

  “Stop fighting me,” he pleads as he presses against my innards, wanting to go all the way in. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, submit!”

  “I’m not,” I wail but he does not believe me, he won’t believe me until he’s claimed every inch and no matter what I do… I can’t relax enough to give it to him.

  Begging him does no good and so I scream and cry and whimper… and try to breathe between the sounds of my soul and my asshole being ripped asunder.

  The feel of his body on top of mine, grinding my spirit into a fine sand, making me delirious with his pain would be transcendent, if only I had the ocean of blood.

  But this? This is too heavy for one man’s soul, and I feel mine crack under the onslaught.

  “This is my rose?”

  I nod.

  “I can do what I want to it?”

  I nod.

  “Good boy,” he moans and pushes into me hard, coming finally… god it took him so long. Why did it take him so long?

  He pulls out of me groaning low, “That hurt a lot, fuck, that burns.”

  I’m past being able to speak words, to form them.

  He puts my ring back on my finger as my body convulses with pain and sickness, he’s gentle as he rolls me to my back and begins fondling my cock.

  He lays out beside me, his body pressed into mine.

  “Did you ever touch yourself as you thought about your father?”

  I cry as I harden, silent tears falling.

  “Answer me,” he demands softly.

  “Yes.”

  “Imagine him making love to you?”

  I nod as my sack tightens with pleasure.

  “That’s why I don’t get to make love to you?”

  I nod.

  He lets my cock go and guides my hand to it to finish myself off.

  I inhale sharply as I feel my sack tighten.

  “Tell me how he would fuck you in your dreams.”

  I close my eyes tightly, afraid of the light… “Please don’t, Lucien… please stop.” I whisper low.

  “You are min
e to destroy, yes?”

  I nod and turn my face away.

  “Tell me of your filth… tell me…”

  “I’d… I’d bend over for him… for inspection,” I cry as I tell Lucien in halting words how I dreamed of the day I’d bend over and he’d touch me, and see I was still a virgin, and see how obedient I was. He’d finally love me, and he’d be with me, and he’d tell me he loved me, and he’d feel pleasure in being inside…

  I throw up, coughing.

  Lucien turns me to my side, so I don’t choke on it.

  “I’m so sorry those things happened to you, Capaneus,” he whispers gently, “I want to hold you, and cry with you, and love you, and care for you. I wanted to help you heal… but you wouldn’t let me. Why couldn’t you let me?”

  And I have no answer to his question.

  “Tell me you like this; tell me this is what you wanted from me.”

  I nod as I cry, knowing it to be a lie but too much of a fucking coward to admit that to myself, let alone him. I destroyed our happy for this, I damn well better enjoy it.

  “Come for me then, I need to know you like this.”

  I come for him, of course I do, drowning in my own filth I come for him. Because he needs to know how much I like how he’s treating me. He needs to know how happy I am.

  He takes me to the baths again, cleans me up again, lets me feed again. I’m caught in a horror of my own making. Blood King help me – please god help me.

  I have never regretted anything in my life like I regret this.

  106

  Jaevia – Heart song

  “Good morning,” Nyrobi murmurs gently as I open my eyes.

  “Good morning,” I smile, remembering last night.

  She took me to her bed and showed me all the ways she could make me come. She sucked on my nipples until I peaked, she licked my clit until I transcended, she fingered my sheath until I cried out.

  My power rode us into and through the night and Goddess as my witness, it may be the best female lay I’ve ever had.

  We’re both still naked, cocooned in her sheets, enjoying the warmth of one another.