Stigmata

by L M Adams

  “Don’t bother,” I shake my head in disbelief, “we already have a god.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “That I’m done,” I turn away.

  “Done with what?!”

  I keep walking, heading for the stairs down into the gardens, “Where are you going?”

  “Anywhere but here, anywhere but with you.”

  I escape into the gardens hating myself, not for being angry at Lucien, but for begging him. I got to my knees and I begged him for what was rightfully mine… and he said no. He accused me of being manipulated and in turn trying to trick him. I begged him as a husband, as the man he claims to love…. Nothing more and nothing less… and he accused me of being a snake.

  Lucien has always been honorable, unshakable, yet now it’s different? When I need him to be honorable and unshakable, now he can make concessions? Sometimes right is right and wrong is wrong.

  Yet part of me understands, how many concessions did I make over the years for my people? For my own behavior? How much did I let my principles slip and my honor bend?

  But not to the detriment of an entire people.

  One with the people… as long as the don’t need to use you for power.

  I walk and walk, through the palace and the streets and back to the palace. I don’t speak to anyone; I don’t make eye contact with another soul. I walk and I walk and soon the midnight hour is on me.

  I’m too confused and hurt to go back to Lucien and Jaevia, I don’t know what I’ll do or what I’ll say. I need clarity and peace, or help accepting that this curse is my life and that I’ll never be free of it, nor will any of my people.

  “How am I supposed to accept that?” I whisper. “Goddess, help me….” I pray to Isis… but she is silent in my heart.

  There is only one place I know to go if I cannot go back to my mates and so I head to the Isis side of the palace, to find my only friend.

  147

  Jack – Morning Dawn

  “I’m sorry to come knocking on your door at such a hellish hour.”

  Saabir is dressed in only a pair of loose white pants, barefoot and bare chest. He was in bed and here I come bringing my troubles to his door in the dead of night.

  “You never need be sorry for coming to see a friend,” he bows and steps back letting me in.

  He leads me through his series of darkened gardens, only lit by the gentle rays from the moon. He doesn’t say anything, I’m not sure if he knows about the very loud fight Lucien and I had, probably half the city knows.

  What he doesn’t know, however, is that the Council will once again quietly sweep this entire thing under their filthy rug. The people of Atum and Isis and Ishtar will go on communing with their gods and having this magically touched life, while my people pay the price for it.

  “Come, brother. Sit, I will make tea.”

  We’re in his main chamber, the one where he treated my wounds and told me the truth of my existence. The room is dark, the long table on the left, his bookshelves and stores to the right, along with his desk. The hearth across from us beside the door that leads further back into his apartments sits cold and dark.

  Above us, the large glass skylight with the mosaic of a tree seems a bit less in the domain of the moon. It was a thing made to shine in the brilliance of the sun.

  Saabir waves me towards the seating area in front of the hearth. I stoke the fire against the chill in my bones that pierces my heart.

  “I take it you’ve gotten news?” He joins me at the hearth and hangs the kettle on a bar in front of the resurrected fire to warm.

  “Henenu came to visit us at dinner… the council will not rule in favor of lifting the curse.”

  Saabir sighs with a nod, “I did not truly believe they would. The Council has systematically kept Sepa from bringing her case before them. I knew this was not by mistake.”

  “Then why did you introduce us? Why did you start this if you knew they would not rule in favor?” I ask confused.

  He looks at me, his golden-brown eyes sad, “Just because a thing is hard to do, does not mean it isn’t right and just… it has been past time that my people remember the debts they owe to yours.”

  I look into the fire, “The Council believes that lifting the curse will end the commune they have to the gods. They need the nosferatu, they need cursed souls to wedge open the passage between this world and Ra’suá.”

  Saabir nods as he takes the kettle from the fire, “Yes, perhaps this is so. This world would lose its majic without the veil between worlds pulled back a bit.”

  “That doesn’t bother you? You have open commune, a wonderful magic… losing that doesn’t scare you?”

  “Of course it does,” he pours the tea, my cup first and then his own… always serving, always with a giving heart.

  “Then how can you work in our favor?”

  “I will not curse a people to living in purgatory to keep my majic, that is not my way.”

  “It’s as simple as that?”

  He nods, “As simple as that.”

  I take a sip of the tea and settle back into the chair with a sigh, looking into the firelight that reminds me so much of Lucien. “We had a bad fight. Just when everything was finally going right for us.”

  “Over the curse?”

  I nod, “But about more. He accused me of trying to seduce him into doing what I wanted. He accused me of being just like Azazael and the false tongues.”

  “An old fear in the hearts of the men of Atum.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He seems to think for a moment, perhaps trying to pluck the right words from the air, “The queen of Ishtar has always sat upon high; she has always had the power to overrule a decision. This is the way that it has always been – she is the first daughter.”

  I nod, Jaevia is our queen, outside of keeping her safe and healthy, both Lucien and I will follow her orders if we agree with them or not.

  “And it was she who decided to turn against the law of gods, it was she who gave the hearts of the Atums the taste for war unending, it was she that set upon the world a legion of monsters and it was she who would convince Atum’s father-god to split the world in two, robbing the people of their majic.” He sighs, “But in truth, what they fear is not woman’s rule, it is anyone that can influence their decisions and being held in sway by the love they so desperately need.”

  “What happened to trusting the people you love? Even after all that we’ve shared… that’s how he sees me? As someone to be afraid of?”

  “Is that how you see yourself?”

  “No!” I sigh, “… At times, of course yes, I’ve manipulated people into doing my bidding before… I manipulated him into getting Sepa’s petition called. I am a vampire, a forked tongue… but I wouldn’t, not over something like this, not to him… it’s too important.”

  “And how is he to know this? You yourself have admitted to manipulating him before.”

  “I don’t know, perhaps just fucking trust me? Don’t assume the worst in me all of the time?”

  “Everyone missteps my dear brother. No marriage is perfect and at times our own self-doubt makes us see the worse in others.”

  I nod, “He wants to release my people. I see it in his eyes, and in his heart…”

  “Then why won’t he? If he were to take the mantle of the lion – none would contest his word as law as the new Raja.”

  “I said as much. But he’s afraid of going against the wishes of the Council,” I shake my head. “In the future… things go very badly for humans. What you will evolve into it is less than what you are now.”

  “He thinks he can change the future?”

  I nod, “As do I, the question is what future are we fighting for? Because right now, both of us lose. The vampires are still cursed, and the humans have lost their commune – our future is one in which neither of us wins… we both just lose.”

  Saabir lets me talk, often around in circles until finally his soothing t
ea and energy begins working and settles me down.

  “Sleep is the best remedy; you are welcome to stay here if you have no wish to return to your Raja and your Kandaka.”

  I nod, “Thank you, Saabir.”

  He leads me into his living quarters, which I can’t honestly be sure if it’s indoors or outdoors.

  “Apologies brother, Shani has a wild heart,” Saabir says helping me stand up straight after I tripped over a large vine.

  “She did all of this?” I look around the walls covered in thick foliage.

  He nods, “Her majic is like her heart… wild. We will be taking her home to Isis in the fall, her majic is too much for the confines of a city.”

  Unless I find a way to get my husband to destroy your commune with your goddess… unless I find a way to take everything that you are from you?

  No matter what he says, Saabir is not ready to watch the spark of life and magic die from his baby girl’s eyes… it would destroy him – it destroyed me.

  He opens a wood door and leads me into a chamber, “This is my youngest son’s room – Kwame, he finds another bed to warm, so you can have his.”

  I chuckle as I go to sit on the side of the bed and take off my boots. Saabir lights a candle for me and wishes me a good night before closing the door behind him.

  Kwame has a nice room. A comfortable bed, a small hearth, a desk, a bookshelf, and a large window on the far wall that I can lay in bed and look out of. I can smell the river on the air and hear it lapping gently in the night.

  How can I take majic from these people? How can I give them a cursed existence in exchange for setting my own people free?

  At times the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

  Sleep does not claim me, instead I stay up all night and think on the problem, trying to find a way around it. Maybe we just have to accept that what is, is, and even if I can’t help Sepa and her people now… perhaps I can help the vampires in the future. There is nothing that says I can’t wait until we get back, find the seal, and have Lucien call the curse fulfilled then… in our own time.

  I’ll just be sentencing the souls of my people to thousands of years of torture. Nothing I can think of seems fair to them… to us. But we are the givers, I am a giver; life won’t always be fair to me, it seldom ever is. I find joy in the giving… I’m supposed to at least.

  The sun is rising, the view gorgeous as I lay on my back, hands behind my head and gaze out at the sky brightening to fiery yellow and oranges. The first striking light that pierces the darkness is like a dagger as the sun begins its ascent into the heavens. How can something ninety-three million miles away, feel so close?

  I stare at coming of the morning dawn, the eventide, and I let the tears fall. Because I already know that I’m going to let him… them win. I love Lucien too much to let this tear us apart and in exchange I just have to condemn my entire people.

  How can love be this strong?

  “Oh my Blood King, forgive me.” I whisper and turn to look up into the ceiling, so I won’t be blinded by the brilliance of the man that I love. The man that I will not only destroy my soul, but every soul of every vampire that has ever been or will ever be, just to keep.

  “Saabir!” I hear someone yelling from the hallway, his voice frantic.

  I sit up in the bed and wipe my face quickly.

  “Saabir!” They yell again.

  I go to the door to see what is wrong.

  Saabir steps from a chamber further down the vine covered hallway.

  “Come quickly, bring you kit, there has been an accident… it is not good Saabir,” a young man says hurriedly.

  Saabir nods and waves for the man to lead the way. I turn back and grab my boots quickly before following them as well.

  The palace halls are a blur as we hurry across the massive building, the young son is on the complete other side of the complex… on the Atum side.

  The soldier leads us to the west side of the palace, where Apedemak began the progression of the sun on solstice day down the Walk of Gods. The courtyard is open and bright with the morning sun and the tower of Apedemak looming above us. Instead of happy faces and an energy of life and rebirth… people are beginning to gather, and the mood is somber.

  “Make way!” The soldier who came to fetch Saabir yells and the crowd parts.

  Lucien and Jaevia are here, they’re both down on their knees, next to a small body. Jaevia holds a small hand in hers as she cries gently… “Just hold on.” She murmurs again and again…

  Time seems to slow as I finally see that it is Keyon that is laying on the ground in a pool of blood, his strong but small body broken like fine porcelain that’s been dropped from a perch.

  My heart stops as Saabir kneels beside the boy.

  “Do not try to move, my son.” Saabir whispers and turns to his bag, “I will get you something for the pain.”

  “It does not hurt anymore,” his voice is weak, his breathing shallow and then he turns those eyes on me and they brighten with happiness, “My emir.”

  Oh goddess no, “Hey kid,” I smile, trying to keep the tears burning in my eyes from falling.

  Saabir takes Keyon’s pulse and then looks to Lucien and shakes his head no….

  Oh fuck. Goddess, please no.

  “My emir, I fell… but I got it… now you can stay, you and my Kandaka and my Raja… now you can have happiness… we give,” he begins to breathe faster and faster as he reaches for a small tan satchel on the ground beside him.

  Lucien picks it up for him and opens it… pulling out what can only be the Seal of Souls. It’s smaller than I thought it would be, a gold flat disc about the size of my palm.

  I look at Lucien in shock and then back at the building and up to the window… there’s a rope there, still hanging. Do not tell me the boy was so foolish…

  “Keyon…” my goddess, what have you done? I wonder as I look back down at the kid who found a way to worm into my heart.

  “Now I know what it means to lose, so that you can… win…”

  Keyon, the young son, born of Isis with a wish for a heart song of Atum, closes his eyes for the last time in a morning dawn.

  148

  Jack – Keyon the Brave

  Lucien, Jaevia and I are shown to one of the smaller chambers near the Walk of Gods. The room doesn’t have much but a large table, a few chairs… Jaevia is getting wine for everyone, trying to manage her emotions the way she knows how – numb them with alcohol. But how could I blame her in a time like this?

  I need a fucking drink too; I think collectively we’ve all seen too many friends die – but a child? A child is especially hard.

  Keyon wasn’t like a normal kid. I can’t say that I take to most children, but he had a way about him. A charm, a light – and now that light is gone from the world? It seems fundamentally… wrong.

  Lucien and Henenu are talking in hurried, whispered Coptic at the door, trying to get things under control, find out what happened, how this happened.

  Henenu nods and leaves. Lucien turns on me, eyes on fire as he closes the distance.

  “Was it worth it then?!” Lucien roars and slams the seal on the table before me.

  His hands are still covered in Keyon’s blood.

  “Here is your fucking seal!”

  I look to him confused, “What? You think I had something…” I stand, pushing back the chair, “I would never send a child to…” I stop again, “you really believe…”

  “Of course he doesn’t!” Jaevia cuts in and walks over to me, showing me solidarity, “I know you are not accusing our husband of sending Keyon to steal that, I know you are not Lucien Hari Ramzia,” her voice is low and dangerous.

  Lucien stands before us, his chest heaving with rage and no one to blame – not really. The kid did something stupid and now he’s dead… that’s it, end of story, no one to blame but the gods and the fates of time.

  “I would never use a child, Lucien… never. You know me better th
an that,” I whisper, holding his gaze.

  “I promised his Momma,” Lucien whispers as that grief that was masquerading as rage, turns back to grief. “How am I supposed to tell her… this?” He looks to both of us to help him find the answer.

  Jaevia takes in a shaky breath and leans into me, “We’ll talk to her together.”

  He looks down at the table, “Thank you, Wench… I’ve sent for her; she’ll be here by nightfall.”

  I turn Jaevia gently, “Let’s go back to our rooms, you both should wash the blood from yourselves.”

  “We can’t leave that here,” Jaevia whispers looking down at the seal.

  “I’m not going to touch it,” I turn away from the seal, covered in the blood of an innocent… because the magic sings to me, my Dark Goddess does it sing, and I would fall sway to it.

  I could take it, and I could open it and I could send that magic into Lucien and bind it to his soul and I could force him to release the souls of my people… and it would prove him… all of them right – that I will do anything for the sake of my own ambitions. It won’t matter that I really didn’t send Keyon to steal it, I used it, still warm with his blood.

  Goddess help me, I want to.

  Lucien picks up the seal quickly, probably seeing the hunger in my eyes, and we make our way to our chambers.

  A quietness has settled in the air throughout the palace, and more than likely, the entire lands of Atum. Death usually brings a silence before the tears. We all hold our breath as we try to accept that there is a missing piece in our hearts. Even if I am not as one with the people, I still feel the gaping hole of Keyon’s death.

  We return to our rooms. Jaevia goes to the bedroom and sits before the dead fireplace, “I’m cold,” she whispers, and Lucien sets a fire in the hearth while I get a blanket to wrap around her.

  Jaevia is tough, a complete domina… but also fragile in some ways. She wasn’t ready to have a child die in her arms. She wasn’t anything close to being ready for that.