I don’t know how many calories I consume daily. I know it’s a lot more than I should; my weight is testament to that. I comfort myself with food obviously; agoraphobics need a crutch if they are to hold back the overwhelming weight of their walls. But I also ease myself with the knowledge that my family are all doing well, despite my A-Z of health issues.
Take the non-identicals, Marnie and Mikey. They are both celebrating their big ‘three-oh’ next year. I’m so proud of them. Marnie is a sought after hairdresser in the city. Her gorgeous daughter is called Skye, aptly named as she has eyes as blue as her grandad’s – wherever he may be!
I’ve only met Skye’s father, Rob, a few times because he’s a very accomplished businessman and far too busy to visit. I couldn’t go to the wedding because they got married abroad when Skye was just eighteen months old. Marnie is slim and tanned; she can wear anything she wants – she has loads of beautiful clothes. Her husband spoils her something rotten. They’re always going abroad and meeting people – all to do with Rob’s career; he’s very successful. There’s a picture up there on the shelf of Marnie and Rob at their beach wedding. Rob’s holding little Skye, look. She was their bridesmaid of course. Rob’s very handsome – I always think that the little round mole by his eye seems to add to his good looks! Marnie’s done so well for herself.
Marnie does my hair once a week and we often have Skye to stay for several days in a row, especially when Marnie and Rob are off on their travels. It’s not as though they can’t afford minders, but family is always best, I tell her. You know where you stand with family. Jakey adores Skye; he picks her up from nursery two or three times a week. She even calls him ‘Grandad’.
Mikey is also married. His wife is a lovely girl called Tina. They got married several years ago in St Mary’s Church down the road, but I couldn’t go obviously. They are such a wonderful couple… they called in on the way to their wedding reception to have their photos taken with me! Tina Mortimer (Waterfall now, of course) is a local girl who has been in and out of our house since she was a tiny tot.
Mikey and Tina don’t have any children yet but both are working hard to buy a house locally so that they can start a family. Mikey’s an ambulance driver and Tina is a teacher here in Hawpeak; she works at St Jude’s Academy which is the school where I failed to launch my aspiring career as an athlete! It’s also the school where Billie is studying for her GCSEs.
Tina and Mikey are so happy together – childhood sweethearts who are realising their dream. It swells my heart Mr Kelly, truly it does!
Now, let me tell you about Gavin and Guy. These are my identical boys. They are both twenty-seven and, like Marnie and Mikey, they’ve made their own way in life. Gavin works as an executive specialising in visual enhancement. He said they’d recently done some work with one of the big film production studios based in London. He lives with Morgan; he met her through Marnie so I know she must be absolutely delightful. She’s a hairdresser – Marnie used to work with her. They have their own place in Bilberrymoor, so Gav’s a bit of a way off now. Last time I saw him, he said that he was going to learn how to drive so that he could come and see me more often. That was a while back; I expect he’s passed by now and probably got himself a fancy executive car too. He’s always been very ambitious, has our Gav. It won’t be long before he’s running that company, if he’s not doing so already! I’ve not met Morgan yet but I can’t wait to be introduced to her. Gavin says that the two of them will definitely drop by next time they are over this way.
Guy is my youngest lad. He was born eight minutes after Gav and, although Billie is now the baby of the family, Guy spent thirteen years as the youngest of four. You’d think that eight minutes between twins wouldn’t make any difference but it does! Gav has always seemed stronger and more of a go-getter; Guy was happier to follow or to sit quietly with his second-hand electronic games. He didn’t even utter a word until he was nearly five. Gav always spoke for him. We had speech therapists practically knocking down our front door. Guy is still the quietest member of the family. He’s not a great talker yet he has more knowledge about communication than anyone else I know. I love that he’s so clever with computers; every family should have a ‘techie’.
Guy works as an IT technician at St Jude’s, although I understand from Billie that he hides himself away in an office all day surrounded by cabinets brimming with wires, switches and tiny, flashing lights. Knowing Guy, he’s probably oblivious to the fact that his sister-in-law works at the same school and that his half-sister attends as a student every day!
Mr Kelly, is that your mobile phone? No? Billie must be home then. She always seems to have a new pop song as her ringtone. I never know whether it’s the telly, the radio or somebody’s phone. Oh? You have to go? Yes of course, I’ve taken up so much of your time. I would get up to see you out but, as you may have noticed, it’s a bit of a struggle. I’ll just stay here and pinch your slice of chocolate truffle tart, since you’ve not touched it.
Some photos? I don’t much like photos of myself but you could probably take one if you’re quick, and then Billie will show you to the door. She’ll have stopped in the kitchen to see what Jakey’s baking and to give him a hand, no doubt. She’s such a good girl.
No, no, thank you Mr Kelly. It’s good to talk about the family; it’s my favourite subject. As you can tell, I am indeed a very positive person.”
1
Monday
CLARA
Clara sighed and tossed the magazine to one side. She had been right. The article in Femme Fanfare was just a modern day freak show and the photograph of her was gross. The picture of Skye was adorable, naturally, but the one of Billie didn’t do her justice – you could barely tell it was Billie at all! She had recently shot up and dyed her hair quite blonde but the picture showed the shorter, plumper, brown-haired Billie. Clara had only given it to the journalist so that he could see how much Billie had changed in just two short years.
The whole double page spread would probably be accessible to the world-and-his-wife on the internet by now, thought Clara, not to mention being available on all those electronic tablet things. Guy had helped them buy Billie one for Christmas; they seemed very popular with the youngsters. Clara and Jakey had both thought it a wonderful way for Billie to practise her reading skills, although Clara couldn’t recall having seen it recently.
Honestly, that man! The byline had used his full name: Steven Kelly. He had barely mentioned her successful – and attractive – family. Instead he had cited Clara as having a daughter and granddaughter with weight problems like herself. Ridiculous! He had only seen Skye in the photo she’d given him and he’d met Billie for the briefest of moments as she showed him out of the house. Skye was a chubby, cuddly toddler and Billie was growing fast – upwards mainly! Clara had no doubt at all in her mind that Billie would easily grow to be a gorgeous as Marnie. Why, Marnie could probably win Miss United Kingdom if she were to enter!
Mr Kelly had also made a big deal about Clara’s past – the teenage mother bringing two sets of twins up alone. He pointed out that she’d tried to combat the stress of her situation by shoving junk food down her throat and, although this was true, Clara felt uncomfortable with the amount of space it took up within the article. Even worse, he’d practically called Jakey a ‘feeder’ and quoted her:
“He’ll do whatever he’s told to do. If I ask him to fetch me takeaway food, he arrives back, arms laden.”
Clara sighed and closed her eyes. Jakey would not be comfortable with the ‘feeder’ label. He’d had that thrown at him before several times. The first time, he’d come home withdrawn and moody and it had taken ages for Clara to get to the bottom of his silence. Jakey Jackson was a good man with a gentle, loving heart. To suggest that he was slowly killing her for some perverted satisfaction was an absolute travesty.
Clara tucked the magazine under a pile of puzzle books as best she could. It was hard to even reach the side table these days.
; “Hey, Mam!”
A tall, broad-shouldered young man entered the room and, squeezing himself down the side of Clara’s oversized chair, planted a kiss on her cheek.
“Oh Mikey. It’s lovely to see you. Have you brought Tina as well?”
“No Mam, she’s been back at work now for a week since the Easter break. She still has Wednesday and Fridays off though.”
“Well, summer’s not far away so she’ll be off work full-time again soon,” winked Clara.
“That she will. Not a bother to me though Mam. Gives her a bit of time to spoil me, doesn’t it?”
“True, true. I guess I’m very lucky having Jakey look after me every day. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”
“Did I hear my name? Hey Mikey-boy? How goes it mate?” Jakey wandered through from the kitchen and shook Mikey’s hand, giving him a masculine double pat on the top of his arm.
“Good, good. I thought I’d pop in to see Mam. See how things were, you know. And… to tell you our news…”
“News?” Clara’s eyes widened. Was she going to become a grandmother again?
Mikey smiled sheepishly.
“We’ve bought a house at last, you’ll both be pleased to know. We’ve enjoyed being in the flat, of course, but we’ve bought a house because the flat’s going to be a bit cramped soon.”
Clara clapped her hands in glee.
“Please tell me Tina’s pregnant?” She could hardly contain her excitement.
“We’re getting a dog.” Mikey replied, with a deadpan face. “Tina’s wanted one for ages, as you know. They always had that big, dopey labrador when she was growing up across the street, do you remember?”
Clara’s face dropped. “Oh. Oh, yes, of course. The dumb thing kept running in here when we kept the door open during the summer months. I wouldn’t have minded but it used to have a good feed on anything that was within reach.”
“I remember when it scoffed a whole tray of chocolate brownies that I’d left out cooling. The stupid mutt knocked the wire tray off the worktop and ate the bloody lot,” Jakey chuckled. “Tina was upstairs with you and I had to get her to take the dog home in case it threw up everywhere… or worse!”
“Ha, that’s right,” laughed Mikey, “I remember that too. Dirty Harry was a nuisance to all the neighbours. Mrs Unwin from next door chased him all the way down Jubilee Terrace once with a broomstick. We thought she was going to mount the broom and put a spell on him, the old witch!”
“Poor old Mr Unwin still has a rough time of it,” said Jakey. “I often see him in the Jubilee Arms trying to escape the old bag.”
“I hope you don’t talk about me like that!” snorted Clara.
“No my sweet,” teased Jakey, winking at Mikey. “Light of my life, apple of my eye…”
“I know, I know… thorn in your side!” Clara finished with a flourish.
“So, where’s this house that you’re buying, Mikey?” asked Jakey, pulling a chair out from the table and turning it round to sit on, his forearms resting on the top of his open legs, enabling him to lean forward and hear the news.
“It’s in Hawpeak but down near St Jude’s. Tina has this thing about wanting to walk to school. I’ve told her she’ll struggle if she has to carry books for marking but you know what women are like when they get an idea in their heads! It’s a decent house though. We did the right thing waiting; we won’t be saddled with too huge a mortgage thankfully.”
“I was hoping you’d buy a house nearer to us,” pouted Clara. “Still, never mind… you’re not too far away and it’ll be handy if Tina has to stay late at school for parents’ evenings or whatever.”
“It will, yes. She’s got friends down that way too and it’s a bit closer to the town than up here.”
“View’s good up here though,” commented Jakey.
“True. And you’re near to the Rugby Club, although I don’t play so much now I’m no longer a spring chicken.”
“Give over! You’re not even thirty yet!” Jakey laughed.
“Ah well… it takes its toll on a man. This isn’t the nose I was born with, is it Mam?”
“It certainly is not!”
“And I’m getting a few creaky joints from all the bruises, bashes and broken bones. Nah, I tend to stick to the Hawpeak Harrier socials these days. It’s easier to lift a pint glass than some big bastard in a line out.”
“Anyway, talking of pints…” said Mikey, standing up from the settee under the window where he’d placed himself. “How about a swift one down the Arms, Jakey? I’ve got an hour before I need to be elsewhere. I think we should celebrate that I’m going to be a homeowner, a dog owner and… what was the other thing… oh yeah, a father!”
“I knew it! I knew it!” Clara beamed from ear to ear and held out her arms to her eldest lad. “Come and give your old mam a hug, you big bugger. Fancy teasing me like that?”
2
Monday
CLARA
Once the men had cleared off to the Jubilee Arms (Jakey under strict orders not to forget to pick Skye up from nursery in an hour and Mikey under strict orders not to let Jakey have more than one pint), Clara settled back in her chair with a smile on her face. It was mid-afternoon and she was feeling pleasantly tired, having downed over a quarter of an enormous, absolutely delicious apple pie swimming in hot cinnamon custard with double cream poured on top, presented to her by Jakey before he left.
As she shifted her bulk to settle down for a snooze, something metallic prickled at Clara’s arm. She deliberately avoided ordering clothing with zips from her bariatric supplier. Buttons and ties were much more effective for bed bathing, toileting and movement in general. She moved her top to one side to see what was causing the prickling sensation. Perhaps a fork or spoon had slipped down the side of the chair? She was unable to twist wholly to see under her clothing but it certainly felt more like a zip than a utensil.
Clara’s wide fingers stabbed around until she located the top of the offending item on the right hand side of her body. It was definitely a zip. Clara couldn’t see it but she knew its spikey feel from the countless times she’d zipped up anoraks and school bags for her children. She managed to secure a clumsy grasp on the top of the zip and slowly, by holding in her breath and moving gently, she pulled it down and down and down…
From ribs to hip, Clara’s flesh painlessly divided with the parting of each zip tooth. When it reached its maximum aperture, a soft manicured hand with long red nails flexed and pulled as if grabbing an invisible rope. Following the hand, a supple, well-toned arm and beneath the arm, a long, strong leg climbing as if from a well or similar hole in the ground. With a final boost, the symbiont ejected completely to a crouching panther position and Clara found herself peering down at an attractive, slender woman whose green eyes sparkled excitedly!
The young woman wore shiny black leggings and a V-necked crimson top which fell in a peplum style from her tiny waist. Her lips shone as red as an autumn dawn and her glossy brunette hair was pulled back into a high pony tail. Her cheekbones were prominent and her neck was long and slender with a clearly defined chin protruding in a soft right angle at the top. She jumped up, clapped her hands enthusiastically and performed an energetic little jog on the spot.
“Oh Clara,” she gushed, “It’s so fabulous to be free!”
As if to prove this, she immediately started doing some side stretches with one hand on her hip and the other reaching as far as possible down her lower leg to her slim little ankles. All the time, she giggled and gurgled as if on some crazy high.
Clara’s mouth fell open in astonishment and she shook her head slowly, although she realised that she must be dreaming.
“I know, I know… it’s a bit of a shock to see me. But, after all these years Clara! Wow! It feels amazing to jump free of the fat.
“What… th… th… the…” Clara stammered.
“You always said there was a slim woman inside you dying to get out Clara. Well… here I am! My name is
Star and I’m out at last! I’ve been unzipped! I’ve been so desperate, you know. All this time, I’ve been sharing your hardships and physical pain. Think of me as you: the ‘you’ that would have been, had life been easier. Look at my eyes, Clara. Can’t you see? They’re your eyes! Look at my mouth, my nose, my ears? All yours! Same colour, same tone, same size! Clara! This is incredible! But… this is our secret, OK? Quick, let me zip you back up in case I become overwhelmed and jump back inside!”
Clara still found herself unable to do anything other than hang her mouth open in disbelief, as the lean woman who called herself ‘Star’ deftly zipped up the gaping flesh. The only movement Clara was able to make was with her eyes: tracking Star as she busied around, picking things up and putting things down, occasionally whooping, clapping her hands and jumping periodically like a child trying to see above a high railing.
Eventually she stopped and perched on the arm of Clara’s chair.
“Clara?”
Clara gulped and nodded.
“Don’t be afraid. Nobody will see the zip. It’s auto étanchéite – self-sealing. Even if the district nurse comes around to check you over or wash and weigh you, she won’t see it. All evidence will be gone!”
Star lifted her arm, then bent it in front of her eyes, drawing an invisible zip horizontally with her thumb and forefinger. Then she snapped her fingers loudly.
“And Clara? I cannot be seen or heard… as long as I wear this ring.” Star twisted her ring, which was an unusual piece of antique jewellery featuring a Celtic knot woven around an oval of purple glass. It matched the expensive-looking amulet that Star wore just above her cleavage which also contained purple glass, slightly convex, set into an identical Celtic knot.
Dying to Be Slim Page 2
