“But… I can see and hear you,” whispered Clara.
“I know you can,” replied Star good-naturedly. “I couldn’t possibly climb out of you without you noticing! After all, I am an extension of you, except sort of the other way round… like a reduction. That’s the whole point, wouldn’t you agree?”
Clara shrugged and presumed she’d missed the point altogether.
“Now Clara…” Star continued, “I have a couple of gifts for you. The first is this amulet…”
Star removed the amulet from around her neck, opening wide its chain with both hands and stepping in front of Clara. “If you’re happy about it, I’m going to put this over your head. It has great power.”
In a trance-like state, Clara put her head forward obediently and Star slipped the amulet around her neck. It lay cold on Clara’s expansive chest and she shivered. Why did everything in this dream seem so real?
“The second gift is my physical form.” Star swept her arm in front of her figure in an arc, as if to demonstrate. “I think that it could be quite useful to you. If you want to try my body out for size, just rub the purple stone in the amulet. It’s at your disposal.” Star gave a mock bow.
“And, if I may be so bold,” she continued, “I think it’s a size that you would probably prefer!”
Clara wondered if it was usual to be insulted by a figment of your imagination. She didn’t have the words to squash Star verbally and, although she could probably squash her physically, it would take a great many minutes to get up in order to do so, by which time Star could be out the door and halfway into Hawpeak.
“Don’t be afraid,” whispered Star, her green eyes glinting as a piercing channel of sunlight speared down from the window. “Rub the purple stone and close your eyes.”
Since she had nothing to lose, Clara did as she was told. Immediately, she experienced a great rushing feeling which seemed to punch her from inside. She felt lifted and fancied she was flying at speed along a dark tunnel with a light at the end of it. She imagined that she could see herself below, sinking into her gigantic armchair like a blue whale dropping beneath the surface of the ocean. Before she had a chance to wonder if this was a near-death experience or, indeed death itself, she was being spat out into the light. Floating down like an ethereal wisp, Clara entered into the body of Star as if she were tiny crystals being poured through a cloud. Clara… Star…
STARLA
She held her hands out slowly in front of her and turned them over.
She lifted one knee up, put it down, and lifted the other likewise.
She shook her hair loose and cupped her face in her hands.
She giggled and ran her hands down the side of her neck to her breasts.
Starla marvelled at how close her hands were when she put them around her waistline. Why, her fingers almost touched at the front!
She ran a little on the spot and stretched a few times.
She tittered and pranced and dashed out into the hallway.
She ran up and down the stairs three times because she could.
Starla crept back into the living room and saw Clara asleep clutching at the amulet on her chest, the weight of her neck pressing her vocal chords into ‘snore’ mode.
Starla skipped into the kitchen, stopping to admire Skye’s many works of art that were stuck to the fridge with magnets, then opened the back door and sniffed in the scent of ‘outside’. The smell of wheelie bins overpowered the few stray spring flowers that were swaying gently in the breeze by the broken fence, but it was good to be able to step out, regardless. She hopped over the threshold onto the uneven paving slabs at the side of the house. She didn’t realise there was so much junk out here! A double buggy with split, mouldy material and rusty fixings; a cracked patio table with a dirty, broken pub-style umbrella collapsed across it; a two-legged barbeque drum, rusty and lying on its side; scores of used shopping bags thrust into gaps; sodden and ripped cardboard boxes spewing out fractured polystyrene sheets and waterlogged bubble wrap; chipped plant pots, stuffed with more plastic bags… the list of wrecked and rotting rubbish went on.
Trembling with uncertainty, Starla tripped her way through the junkyard that was her patio, shaking off broken polystyrene balls that were trying to cling to her leggings. She brushed herself down and made herself walk to the main part of the garden. She knew the garden was overgrown and tangled with weeds because she could see it from the living room window when her bed was adjusted to a sitting position. However, despite the stingers and sticky goosegrass, Starla managed to find her way down to the low wall at the bottom. Many of the bricks had become loose over the years and were generally either chipped in situ or broken underfoot. Brick dust blew idly around Starla’s ankles but she ignored it to take in the view.
The panorama was even more stunning than she remembered. The outlook from the downstairs of the house was limited, mainly due to the long garden sloping very slightly upward from the middle and, although she knew there was a view from the upstairs windows, Starla hadn’t seen it since she had become ground floor bound. But from here… here it was breathtaking! Beyond the wall, some thick brush led the eye down to a well-maintained, netted safety fence. Past that, the landscape gave way to a beautiful green valley. It tumbled down for many, many feet. At the bottom, Starla could just make out the silver ribbon of a river – she couldn’t recall its name. Dotted along the undulating valley sides, were thousands of miniature sheep like the tiny balls of broken polystyrene that Starla had brushed from her clothes. The expansive, rolling green valley far below was something she’d forgotten about. How had she forgotten? Had she become so housebound that her mind had blanked out anything good that wasn’t edible?
What had she said to that reporter? Something about a heavenly hug…
“An angel’s sigh stroking my soul.”
She had referred to food. But here… this view: this was stroking, massaging, kneading her soul and making her feel more alive than she had felt since…. Starla couldn’t even remember when she last felt alive.
She must have stood gazing at the valley for some time, entranced, because raised voices and the slam of a door roused her. Mrs Unwin from next door was telling Mr Unwin he was fit for nothing again. No doubt he was outside having a smoke. Starla was familiar with the fallings out of her next door neighbours. She could often hear Edna Unwin’s unique voice screech through the window when it was open. Jakey was usually happy to fill in the gaps since he sometimes bumped into George enjoying occasional freedom over a pint in the Jubilee Arms.
Starla put her chin on her chest and appraised her body. Not really her body, of course. This one was an illusion or – more likely – a delusion. Part of her wanted to wake up, just to see if she could dream this again to order. However, Starla had a feeling that, if she did, she might never again experience this flexibility, mobility and agility. She tried jumping on the spot as if to prove to herself that she could. Oh, the joy of having springy knees again! This was the most wonderful delusion ever! Poor Clara’s knees hurt constantly and even sitting could make them buckle and swell.
Starla tried some squats and stretches. She’d seen someone exercise this way on the telly. She wasn’t even out of breath, so she skipped back up the garden, negotiated the cluttered patio and headed up the four wide steps which led to the front gate. With a trembling hand, she lifted the latch on the gate.
It had been about six years since she last stepped off this property. Starla moved nervously through the gate and onto the pavement, where she immediately crouched down onto her haunches: a survival reflex to make herself small and unseen. Two things occurred to Starla as she did this. Firstly, it was probably about thirty years since she had last had the flexibility to crouch. Secondly, if she were invisible, what was point of trying to be small and unseen?
Embarrassed in front of nobody but herself, Starla stood up and chewed the tip of her finger. She turned to the left and froze as she saw Jakey walking towards their home, holding S
kye’s hand and bending slightly towards the little girl, obviously listening intently to her chatter. She stepped to one side as they came nearer. Jakey stopped and stared.
Starla’s heart almost failed. He had seen her! Did he recognise her? Maybe he was just trying to place her?
“Look Skye, someone’s sawn those branches off the overhanging tree by Mrs Mortimer’s fence!”
Skye followed his gaze but seemed unimpressed.
“Come on Grandad,” she pulled on his hand. “I want to show Grandma my painting.”
Jakey smiled down at the little girl and, completely oblivious to Starla’s presence, let himself be dragged towards the gate.
It was time to stop dreaming; to return to being Clara so that she could be seen, heard and hugged by her granddaughter. Starla put her hand to her chest to rub the purple stone. But there was no amulet!
Of course… how could she possibly be wearing it? It was rising and falling on the sleeping Clara’s chest? Should she have removed it from Clara before leaving the house? Should she go back inside, lean over her and rub it that way? She needed to ask Star. Starla closed her eyes, as if to summon Star from within… but Star was gone!
This body was a shell; a beautiful shell that she would be stuck in forever if she couldn’t figure out how to return to being herself. Starla wrenched her hands together in anguish, the antique ring scratching her skin slightly. On a whim, Starla rubbed the purple stone in the ring and closed her eyes.
CLARA
With the same heady rush that deposited her into Star’s body, Clara returned to her own mass. She attempted to move herself up in her chair – an almost impossible exercise without a hoist. As Clara wriggled in her bulk, failing to achieve the desired progress, Skye skipped into the room clutching her painting.
“Look Grandma,” she enthused, “I’ve painted a picture just for you because I love you. It’s me and you playing in the park. I know we can’t really go there. I’ve pretend-ded-did. We’re on a seesaw, look! You’ve gone down-did and I’m up in the clouds. It wasn’t clouds but when I painted my hair it went-id a bit wrong so I made clouds. Do you like it Grandma? Do you, do you?”
Clara smiled at her beautiful granddaughter through misty eyes, realising that she’d woken from a fantastic dream. Returning to the harshness of her reality after such a liberating fantasy, made Clara’s positivity seep away like her wasted days.
How she yearned to play in the park with Skye.
3
Monday
TINA
Tina stood on tiptoes but still could not reach her favourite flavour of soup from the top shelf in Bargain Barn. She had been blessed with brains and, many would say, beauty… but, at just five feet tall, height was the one thing that Tina had missed out on. With her porcelain-white complexion, blood red lips and eyes of darkest chestnut-brown, framed with long, thick lashes, she resembled a tiny Victorian doll.
Ordinarily, she’d have slipped one foot onto the lower shelf to launch herself up for the grab. However, the small swelling that was developing around her middle was a good reason to keep both feet planted firmly on the tiled floor. Thankfully, Mikey had offered to come along to assist, despite the fact that he was starting the night shift at ten.
As she directed her husband to the hard-to-reach soup, Tina admired his long, muscular arms. Mikey barely stretched at all to grab the produce and was easily one of the tallest men in the supermarket that evening. It wasn’t that she’d been particularly attracted to his height and physical power. She’d known him since her family had moved to Jubilee Terrace when she was just five years old and he certainly wasn’t tall or well-built back then!
She had initially fallen in love with his skill at performing yoyo tricks. Mikey was Hawpeak’s yoyo champ as far as the young Tina had been concerned. He was a school year ahead of her and she had told everyone that he was her boyfriend as soon as she started at Hawpeak Primary. As the two of them had progressed through their school years, neither of them had ever denied that they were ‘going out’. They even held hands sometimes!
By the time Tina had arrived at St Jude’s, Mikey made sure that everyone knew she was his girl. This was fine by Tina, who was an only child and had always enjoyed being an honorary member of the Waterfall family. Marnie was her best friend, apart from Mikey, and Tina liked to pretend that the three of them were triplets. Back then, Tina didn’t have a lot of time for the other two Waterfall boys, the identical twins who were younger. Gav thought he was better than everyone else and Guy hardly spoke to anyone. They were a bit weird, often speaking in their own made-up language and standing either side of the Jubilee Park slide like a couple of pale bookends.
Tina pushed the trolley away from the soups and headed towards the baked beans at the end of the aisle, pausing to pick up a can of spaghetti circles. Mikey took the trolley gently from her, shaking his head. Tina sighed, wondering if he would ever let her do anything for herself again, then consulted the shopping list that she had typed into her phone. She slowed down as she approached the beans and Mikey rested his forearms on the trolley behind her.
“Hello, you two!” A sing-song voice suddenly broke through the supermarket muzak.
Tina looked up from her list.
“Oh hi there, Morgs,” she smiled. “What on earth are you doing in Bargain Barn?”
“Probably the same as you!” Morgan replied, struggling to manoeuvre a deep trolley clinking with bottles.
“You don’t need to shop here,” chipped in Mikey, “not when you live in Bilberrymoor.”
“We’re just as keen as you two to grab a bargain,” said Morgan, with good-humoured indignation. “As you can see, we like to stock up on cheap and cheerful mixers. You never know when you might need to throw a few cocktails together with the girls.”
“We? Is Gav here then?” asked Mikey straightening up.
“He’s gone to get some more tonic… he’s in here somewhere.” Morgan peered in between shoppers, as if to confirm that Gav was close by.
“I’m really pleased to see you actually,” said Tina, “it’s saved me a phone call.”
“Is everything OK?” Morgan looked momentarily concerned.
Gav wandered into the aisle and, seeing his brother and sister-in-law, waved a bottle of tonic at them by way of greeting.
“Everything’s fine,” said Tina. Then, waiting for Gav to reach them, she linked her arm through Mikey’s and announced: “I’m pregnant!”
Morgan clapped excitedly and kissed Tina on the cheek.
Gav leaned forward and slapped his older brother on the back.
“Nice one Mikey,” he winked, “Didn’t think you had it in you, bro!”
“Oi!” laughed Mikey. “Cheeky beggar!”
“Oh, that’s wonderful news!” Morgan beamed, clasping Tina’s hands, “I’m so thrilled for you both! When’s baby Waterfall due then?”
“Mid to late September,” answered Tina, grinning.
“Ahh, congratulations! It’ll be lovely for Skye to have a little cousin at last. Does Marnie know yet?” asked Morgan.
“No, I’m seeing her later this evening. I’ll tell her then. Has she been in touch at all?” Tina spoke directly to Morgan, as Mikey and Gav exchanged brotherly banter behind them.
“No, I’ve not heard from her today, but she’s coming over on Wednesday to do my hair. It’s getting quite long at the front, don’t you think?”
Tina nodded, looking up to study the offending hair.
“You’re off Wednesdays, aren’t you, Tina?” continued Morgan. “Why don’t you pop over with Marnie?”
“No can do,” said Tina, “I’m supposed to be seeing my mam in the morning and I really must catch up with some housework in the afternoon.”
Tina suddenly frowned.
“So Marnie hasn’t called you about meeting up in Benvolio’s this evening?” she quizzed.
“No… well, yes. Sort of.” Morgan answered. “She’s not been in touch today but she mentioned i
t when I spoke to her yesterday on the phone. I told her I couldn’t make it because we’ve both got an early start tomorrow morning. I’ve got to drive up to Harrogate for nine and Gav’s…”
Morgan patted Gav on the arm.
“Where are you tomorrow Gav?”
“Chester.”
“Yes, that’s right, Chester. Anyway, sorry Tina, I’d love to have come and helped you celebrate your fabulous news but… work beckons unfortunately!”
“Don’t worry,” said Tina kindly, “it’s not as though I’m going to be drinking wine anyway now with the baby to consider. We could always extend Friday’s shopping trip to include lunch and a couple of vinos for you and Marnie.”
Morgan nodded and smiled. “We could do just that! I shall look forward to it. In the meantime, you two have a good natter tonight in Benny’s and I’ll hear all about it on Wednesday when Marnie comes over! Take care of yourselves Mammy and Daddy Waterfall! See you both soon.”
Gav thumped Mikey on the arm in a brotherly gesture and followed Morgs, who was already sashaying towards the next aisle.
Tina leaned towards her husband.
“How are we doing for time?” she asked. “Only I’ve arranged to meet Marnie at seven.”
Mikey checked the time and pointed towards the beans.
“Better get a move on then,” he said, “Else I’ll be dropping you off at Benny’s and taking the shopping home myself!”
“Aww… would you do that?” Tina asked, fluttering her lashes.
“Course I would babe. I can’t have you rushing around and carrying heavy bags in your condition. How about we finish up, load the car and take you to Benny’s via that pram shop on the corner of Alderdale Road?”
Tina’s eyes lit up.
“Really? It would be fun to look, although we can’t buy one yet. It’s supposed to be unlucky!”
Dying to Be Slim Page 3
