Dying to Be Slim

by Abby Beverley

  “Social networking site, you mean. Hmmm… do you know if these people are her Friends?”

  “Clearly not, Marnie. They were really mean about her – and about me too!”

  “No, Mam. I mean, are they added as ‘Friends’ on the computer? Do you know if she’s knows them… like at school or from the park. Did you recognise any of their names?”

  “I didn’t look at their names. I didn’t look at it for too long. I couldn’t. It was so nasty. And Billie’s not been herself. She actually yelled at me this morning and stomped off. I know she can be strong-willed but she never behaves like that. She’s so grown up usually.”

  Marnie was confused. Billie had always been everyone’s buddy, as opposed to having a best friend or special friendship group. She often spent the night at friends’ houses to celebrate their birthdays or to work on school projects. She certainly didn’t appear to have any enemies. If there were problems at school, the teachers would have phoned, surely? Marnie also knew that Tina would confide in her if anything bad came to her notice. Even Guy might say something although Marnie doubted he’d notice if aliens invaded the school, unless they began to damage his precious computer network.

  Clara had been agoraphobic for six, maybe seven, years. Billie had never brought anyone home in all that time, preferring to meet her friends up at Jubilee Park or go round their houses. Nobody really knew much about Clara’s morbid obesity, unless Billie had chosen to tell anyone or unless one of the health professionals had breached confidentiality. Maybe that was what had happened? Marnie was quite distrustful of at least one of the district nurses: Yasha Gupta. She had been a couple of years above Marnie at St Jude’s and had often been at the centre of silly schoolgirl scandals. Yasha had always seemed mean and was quite gossipy too. She probably hadn’t changed that much. People rarely do, thought Marnie.

  “Well…” Marnie considered the options. “The best person to ask is Guy if it’s computer-related. You could call the school but they’ll probably just ask Guy to check it out anyway, since he’s the network manager. Maybe you could tell Billie not to go on this friendship site too.”

  “Should I go to the school?” asked Clara absently.

  “How are you going to do that, Mam? You’ve not been out this house for nigh on seven years.”

  “Oh… er… yes… but what I meant was that Jakey could go.” Clara reddened and looked flustered.

  Marnie sighed. She’d heard about the effects of cyberbullying from listening to the news and from friends who had children. Skye was still so little and there appeared to be so much danger out there waiting for her. It was such a scary thought. Marnie shuddered.

  “Do you want me to phone St Jude’s?” she offered, “or I could phone Guy perhaps? Or you could? What do you want to do? Have you discussed this with Jakey yet?”

  “Only briefly this morning. He said we should have a good talk with Billie tonight.”

  “Well, there’s your answer for now then!” exclaimed Marnie.

  “I’m not so sure…” Clara wiped her face, which was perspiring from the flush of worry. “What can I do Marnie, stuck here all day every day? I don’t know what’s going on beyond these walls. For all I know, you could be struggling by on your own. People could be saying terrible things about you. I’ve never seen where you live and I’ve not seen Rob since Skye was a baby! I can barely recall his face some days!”

  “He’s really busy, you know how it is. Jakey’s always busy here or down at the Muncaster, isn’t he? Well, Rob’s just the same with his commitments.”

  “Jakey goes to visit his mother once a week. Why can’t Rob come here?”

  “Mam… will you stop being so needy! Rob does visit his own parents. He’d come here too, if he were free to do so. It’s hard with us both working and with Skye.”

  “I’m not being ‘needy’. I’m just saying. Skye never mentions him, you know. Ever. Or her other grandparents, come to think of it! And what about Gav? When’s he going to bring this lovely Morgan that you’re ‘oh so friendly with’, to meet me? I know that you, Tina and Morgan all go out shopping together! It’s not fair!”

  “Oh, Mam! Is this because you’re worried about Billie? Are you going to have to even things up by worrying about all of us? Honestly, we’re all fine. Gav will come when he can, I’m sure of it.”

  Marnie decided that it was time to change the subject.

  “Now, how about a bit of a pamper? That hair needs washing and I’ll try to have a go at your nails today, if we have time.”

  “I just think that people might say stuff sometimes,” sighed Clara, “like the women at Skye’s nursery.”

  Marnie blew up the inflatable basin.

  “I’m not interested in idle gossip,” she said when she had regained her breath. “And Skye comes out with a load of rubbish about what people say and do at nursery so I wouldn’t put any store by that little madam’s news reports! She told me once that Mrs Jones had ‘choked to death’ on a ham sandwich and had to go off in an ambulance. Mrs Jones, it turned out, had a slight cough and her prison officer son dropped some cough sweets off at the nursery on his way to work – wearing his uniform, of course!”

  Marnie attached the hose and looked around for the bucket. She went off to the shower room to find it, relieved that her mother was finally calming down. What had got into her recently? Families weren’t like a house of cards. Just because Billie had problems, didn’t mean that the whole family would topple over onto their faces!

  Poor Bills, though, how horrible for her to be taunted across the internet! You heard about these things causing untold damage to young people. Perhaps she should call Guy to tip him off. No doubt, he’d have to deal with it ultimately, whether it be on the joblist at St Jude’s or as a family favour.

  And all this suspicion about not seeing Rob or Morgs! Where had that suddenly come from?

  No doubt Skye was beginning to figure things out and starting to tell haphazard half-truths. That was the trouble with four year olds. They could blow your cover in a couple of innocent sentences and you’d still want to hug their little hearts out.

  Marnie returned with the bucket, reclined the bariatric chair as far back as it would go and began to fill the inflatable sink.

  “Have you spoken to Tina recently?” Marnie enquired, keen to change the mood of the morning.

  “I’ve not seen Tina but Mikey came round yesterday. I take it you’ve heard about the baby?”

  “Yes, I saw Tina yesterday evening. I’m glad that Skye’s going to get a little cousin at last. I’ve not had a chance to tell her yet since she stopped here with you last night. She’ll be thrilled. Have you told her?”

  “No, not yet. I don’t think Jakey has either.”

  Marnie began to rinse Clara’s hair.

  “Do you know that Tina’s managed to work it so that she gets the whole summer off, goes back for a couple of weeks in September, has the baby, then she’s off again on maternity?”

  “Things don’t always work to plan,” commented Clara dryly. “I certainly didn’t plan any of you lot!”

  Marnie poured shampoo into her hand and cast her eyes heavenwards. She wished her mother would snap out of it, whatever ‘it’ was!

  “I’ve not seen that necklace before,” Marnie commented brightly, the purple stone suddenly catching the light as she lathered shampoo into Clara’s hair.

  “Ah… this old thing? Had it for years, this. It’s not valuable or anything. I just fancied wearing a bit of my old jewellery.” Clara instinctively touched the chain.

  “I didn’t know you had any,” said Marnie, massaging Clara’s scalp firmly. “I don’t think I’ve ever really seen you wear jewellery.”

  “Well, perhaps it’s time I made more of an effort,” Clara retorted. “It’s not just the skinny ones like you that can pretty up!”

  “Mam! That’s really unfair! I come and do you hair and nails, don’t I? And I wouldn’t say I was skinny.”

  “You
are too! What dress size are you then, Marnie?”

  “I’m about a ten… twelve in a blouse. Look, Mam, you’re really agitated today. Do you want me to go after I’ve done your hair?”

  “No,” Clara pouted.

  Marnie carried on washing Clara’s hair in silence. Should she talk to her mother? Tell her that Skye’s dad had left her high and dry? After all, it wouldn’t be long before Skye would be filling in the gaps for herself and anyone else who asked. She knew that her mother’s moods could be volatile and she’d always tried desperately to spare her any worry. Perhaps she should tell her the truth? Isn’t that what mothers and daughters were supposed to do? Share everything. How would she feel if Skye grew up and told her a pack of lies? The thought made her swallow hard.

  “Do you want some of Jakey’s coffee and walnut cake?” Clara interrupted her daughter’s thoughts.

  “No, you’re alright, Mam.”

  “You don’t eat enough, Marnie. That’s why you’re so skinny. Your coffee would be heavenly with a big chunk of cake by its side.”

  Marnie bit her lip. How come her mother could pass judgement on her with such ease? If Marnie told Clara she was too fat and would live a happier, healthier life without a slice of cake every five minutes, well, that would be a different story! Besides, her coffee went cold ages ago.

  “I had some flapjack in the kitchen when you were asleep,” Marnie lied. Anything for an easy life!

  “Oh, I adore Jakey’s flapjack,” sighed Clara. “Go and grab us a couple of slices would you love?”

  “Sorry. I ate the last piece,” said Marnie, hurriedly.

  That was the trouble with lying, Marnie thought to herself as she struggled to plug the hairdryer in behind the back of Clara’s huge chair. It wasn’t as easy as it first appeared. One small lie to shut your family up (like I might marry my baby’s father) grew into fake wedding pictures, fake wedding band and fake hard-working husband. Marnie dried Clara’s hair and was thankful that the noise of the drier went some way to drowning out the screaming lies in her head, lies she’d felt compelled to tell over the past few years.

  When she’d finished styling Clara’s hair, Marnie grabbed a double-handled mirror from her bag and held it so Clara could see her own hair from behind. Clara nodded so Marnie gave her the mirror and began to wind up her drier lead. As she bent down, Marnie noticed her phone flashing in her handbag. It was a text message from her current employer. She quickly read the contents of her Inbox. Max had texted her twice already. It looked as though she was going to have to work yet another week away without Skye. Marnie had little option but to fall back on the goodwill of her mother and Jakey. She glanced at Clara, who had only looked at herself for the briefest of moments before tossing the mirror onto her enormous lap, hating the way she looked, despite the salon-perfect waves that now framed her face.

  “Do you want me to do your nails, Mam? It’ll have to be one coat though because Skye’s on a half day at nursery today.”

  “No, I’m not in the mood really thanks, Marnie. Besides, I’d hate to be ‘needy’.”

  Marnie rolled her eyes for a second time and sat on the arm of her mother’s chair, in the same way that Star had earlier that morning.

  She spoke gently: “You seem really down today, Mam. Is this all about Billie or is there anything else wrong?”

  “It’s Billie, mainly.” Clara’s eyes filled with tears. “But then I got to thinking how I never see your Rob and that you might be struggling if you were on your own. I couldn’t bear to think of any of you having a hard time or people calling you bad names.”

  “Mam. Ssshh…” Marnie held Clara’s hand and squeezed it gently. “We’re not struggling, OK? And I don’t care what anyone might be saying about me – which is probably not a lot anyway. Billie will be fine because she’s got all of us to protect her. Remember: Don’t make waves with Team Waterfall!”

  Clara smiled tearfully. She did remember the phrase. It had been one of her dad’s favourites and she had often used it with both sets of twins when they were little or having a hard time at school.

  “Billie’s still a Waterfall, even though you gave her Jakey’s surname.”

  “I suppose she is, yes.”

  “Fancy calling her Jackson! Honestly!” Marnie teased. “Still… not as bad as ‘Pratt’. Oh yes, talking of Rob! I was going to ask you something actually. It’s just that… I wondered if you could have Skye for a week? Rob has some work he needs to attend to in Cape Verde. I get to accompany him for free. It would be such a shame to waste the opportunity.”

  “Good grief! How many second honeymoons do you two need?” Clara looked perplexed and pleased at the same time.

  Marnie blushed. “Sorry… I was going to ask you before but, well, you seemed a little down on Rob.”

  “Oh Marnie, I’m sorry. I’ve been a right pain today. I just find it all so difficult sometimes. I worry about what goes on outside in the real world. It gets to me sometimes – being stuck in this house day after day. I’m so pleased for you both. Of course we’ll have Skye. I’ll double check with Jakey but I’m sure it won’t be a problem. You know how he and Billie adore her. When did you want us to have her?”

  “I’m not too sure. I’ll text you later this evening. You still have your phone right?”

  “Hmmm… it’s here somewhere. Under some of those puzzle books I think.”

  “I expect it’ll need charging up,” said Marnie, reaching for the books on the side table. As she did so, the stack of books toppled onto the carpet, followed by Clara’s copy of Femme Fanfare, folded back to show the recent article about Clara with the inset photos of Billie and Skye.

  “What’s this?” Marnie sucked her breath in, not understanding why a picture of her daughter was glaring at her from the pages of a magazine.

  “What’s this, Mam?” Marnie repeated, this time with anger in her voice.

  “It’s nothing.” Clara tried to lean towards the magazine in Marnie’s hand but had as much hope of reaching it as she did in reaching her goal weight this side of Christmas.

  “Clearly, it’s not nothing!” Marnie waved the magazine furiously. “It’s a picture of my daughter! You didn’t ask me about publishing this. I can’t believe you’d do this to me – to me and Skye – to our family. We all run round trying to protect you… to protect your feelings… to raise your sodding self-esteem. And then you go and splash our family name all over the media – no pun intended. How many Waterfall families in the area, eh? How many, Mam? Answer me that? Everyone will know that it’s us! Everyone will see that it’s us, thanks to all these photos you’ve handed out like bloody diet pills at a slimming convention.”

  Clara shook her head and spoke softly: “It’s about staying positive under difficult circumstances. It isn’t meant to upset anyone. It’s supposed to be helpful and to make people feel happy.”

  “Oh, they’re happy alright! They’re laughing their friggin’ heads off… at us! At our family! At you and Billie and at little Skye – your own daughter and granddaughter! How could you?”

  Marnie moved over to the table with the magazine and sat down with it spread in front of her. She read aloud:

  ‘Weight issues often run in families and the Waterfall clan are no different. Clara’s daughter, Billie (15), and granddaughter, Skye (4), are both struggling with obesity issues. Although genetics play a part, Clara Waterfall’s partner, Jake Jackson (47), a hotel pastry chef, is definitely contributing to the family’s weighty problem. Clara says: “If I ask him [Jake] to fetch me takeaway food, he arrives back, arms laden. If I ask him to make me cake, biscuits, pastries or tarts… he’s on the case… let me tell you, everything that Jakey bakes is worth having…”’

  Marnie pushed the magazine to one side and put her face down in her folded arms on the table. She let out a wail which made Clara flinch.

  “I don’t suppose it’ll help to say that I’m sorry, will it?” Clara’s face was full of anguish.

  Marni
e stood up.

  “No, Mam, no. It really won’t help. Maybe it’s Billie you need to apologise to. No wonder she’s having such a hard time. And Jakey… I hope for his sake that you have been totally misquoted.”

  Marnie grabbed the magazine and threw it onto her mother’s vast lap, snatching her double-handled mirror up from beneath as it landed, pages open and crumpled.

  “I need to think” she yelled, pressing her temples. “Something you’re obviously incapable of doing! It’s nearly lunchtime. I have to go and collect Skye.”

  Marnie gathered the rest of her hairdressing tool kit together noisily, took her coffee cup through to the kitchen and slammed it onto the draining board.

  She stood for several minutes, leaning against the sink fighting back tears of anger and frustration. Walking back into the hall, she stopped. She opened her mouth then closed it hurriedly. What was there left for her to say at the present time? Besides, if she wasn’t mistaken, that was the sound of her mother snoring already.

  Unbelievable! Absolutely unbelievable!

  10

  Tuesday

  CLARA

  Clara stroked the Celtic amulet in an unconscious gesture of anxiety. Clara hated confrontation. She was usually a cheerful individual who mostly managed to make the best of things, although Marnie was right, she had felt a little out of sorts recently. It wasn’t like her to have a go at her daughter for being ‘skinny’. On the contrary, Clara usually praised Marnie’s figure and complimented her lovely outfits. She had certainly never behaved in a way that had warranted Marnie calling her ‘needy’ before.

  Of course, with Billie it was quite different. Billie could be strong-willed and would try just about anything to get her own way – usually succeeding too. But Marnie and Clara rarely rubbed each other up the wrong way. Marnie had been such a sweet, kind little girl and had turned into such a pleasant-natured, honest young woman. Pleasant unless riled, evidently!

  Clara fondly recalled Marnie as a small girl, constantly standing back to let Mikey have first turn or to allow him to hog the limelight, despite the fact that she was the older twin. As her thoughts absorbed her, Clara rubbed the amulet with greater vigour and she began to feel a familiar rushing feeling. Her body felt like elastic as it stretched her down the dark overhead tunnel. She became aware of Star’s body reaching up to her from somewhere below, receiving Clara’s substance as it sprinkled down into her form; metaphysical infusing with physical.