Baby I’m Yours

by Elks, Carrie

  She could afford a couple of hours off. And when Caitie and Breck were asleep she’d quietly hand sew the dress to finish it up.

  “Okay,” she said, letting Caitie take her hand and pull her up to standing. “A chick flick sounds perfect. The cheesier the better.”

  * * *

  Thanks to his years in medicine, James had developed a useful ability to compartmentalize his thoughts. It was almost essential for a doctor. If he thought too much about the body he was operating on, or the possibilities of what could go wrong, any sane surgeon would probably freeze. In the hours between painstakingly cutting into a patient’s skin and sewing it up when surgery was over, his attention was narrowed into a pinpoint.

  Life outside of the person in front of him didn’t exist. Time didn’t pass, stomachs didn’t get hungry, people didn’t call. Every emotion, thought, and fear were buried deep to enable him to do the job he was born to do.

  But this evening his compartmentalization was sorely lacking. His hands were shaking, his chest felt tight, and no matter how much he tried to bury his thoughts they kept rising right up, refusing to be buried.

  She was having his baby.

  There was something he hadn’t considered when he’d gotten out of bed this morning. Not even when Caitie Russell had mentioned her friend to him and pointed out who she was. Until the moment the words had escaped from Harper’s lips he’d been oblivious.

  It would be funny if he could find the will to laugh. The one time he’d let himself break all the rules, he’d ended up here. And now he had no idea what to do next.

  He looked up from the patient chart he’d been staring at for the last ten minutes to see Rich leaning over him, a grin on his face.

  “How long have you been there?” James asked, his brows knitting together. He hadn’t even heard him walk up to the desk.

  “Long enough.” Rich shrugged. “You doing okay, man? I thought you were on days this week.”

  “I am.”

  Rich glanced at his watch. “But it’s almost ten. You’ve been here for fourteen hours.”

  “Fifteen.”

  “And you’re due back at eight?”

  “Yep.” But he’d get here earlier, he always did.

  “You should go home, get some sleep. You look like you’re almost there anyway.” Rich shook his head. “You sure you’re okay?”

  James shrugged. “It’s been a long day.”

  “All the more reason to get home. Eat some food, go to bed, and do it all over again tomorrow.”

  Home. It felt like somewhere he hadn’t been for the longest of times. Three years, to be precise. “Yeah…”

  “What’s eating you?” Rich sat on the corner of the desk and folded his arms. “I’m on a break so you’ve got ten minutes to spill.”

  “I got a girl pregnant,” James told him, the words spilling out of their own accord.

  “What?” Rich started to laugh. “Who? How? What is it, the second virgin birth? You haven’t slept with anybody since Sara. I should know, I’ve been trying to get you laid.”

  “It was one time,” James said, rolling his eyes at himself because as a doctor he knew once was enough. He’d done a stint in obstetrics during his training. He’d heard all the stories. “It’s a girl I met at the party we went to a few months back.”

  Rich tipped his head to the side. “So who is she? When did you find out? Shit man, I have a lot of questions here.”

  “Her name’s Harper. She told me today, and she lives in Angel Sands.”

  “Have the two of you been dating?” Rich asked, leaning forward.

  James shook his head. “I haven’t seen her since that night. Until today.”

  Rich let out a low whistle. “So what are you going to do?”

  “Don’t you think I’ve done enough?” James asked, raising an eyebrow.

  Rich laughed. “Well sure, but now the real fun begins, right? You’ve done the dad thing before. You know how it works.”

  Immediately James’s thoughts went to Jacob. To his crumpled newborn face with those bright blue eyes. He’d come out with his fists curled up as though he was ready for a fight, and from the moment James had first seen him he’d fell in love.

  And then he’d lost him and Sara, and everything went dark.

  The thought of ever feeling that kind of pain again made him want to hide away. He’d spent the last three years bricking up the hole they’d left in his heart, unwilling to let it be breached again. He lived, he breathed, and he had a heart made of brick. That was the price he paid for surviving.

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do about the baby,” he admitted, taking a long breath in. He didn’t want to think about this any more. He wanted to work out how to lock it away with all the other dark thoughts. With a sigh he checked his watch. “I guess I should go home and get some sleep.”

  Rich patted his arm. “That sounds like a good idea. Maybe it will all look better in the morning.”

  8

  One of the weirdest things about being pregnant were the vivid dreams Harper had every night. They were like a movie being screened for one person, lit in glorious Technicolor, except she was in the movie, not watching it. Last night’s had been one to remember. It started with James Tanner screaming at her for getting pregnant, swiftly followed by Harper giving birth to a fully-formed two-year-old girl, complete with blonde hair with pink tips, and a Grace Kelly-style golden dress.

  She’d woken up in a cold sweat and had run to the bathroom to splash water on her face. When she climbed back into bed a thought struck her. She grabbed her laptop and woke it up.

  Matching mother and daughter dresses. Wouldn’t that be a great marketing idea?

  Typing in the search box was like opening up Pandora’s box. Not only were there a demand for those kind of dresses, but women were willing to pay an extortionate price for them. Two matching mother-and-daughter dresses went for more than double what she’d been able to sell her handmade creations for. A quick mental calculation made her realize that making a second dress for a child would only cost a quarter of a full size dress.

  Add that to the ease of stitching, and the fact that a child’s dress didn’t need darts or bodice rods or anything too intricate, and she would be able to make at least three times the profit off a single dress.

  Later that morning, over breakfast, she explained the concept to Caitie. Breck was already at work – he was having to travel now that his construction company was working on a site up the coast – and Caitie was drinking her coffee before she had to drive up to L.A. for a meeting.

  “People seriously want to dress their kids in the same clothes they’re wearing?” Caitie asked, putting her mug down in front of her. “And they’ll pay that much for it?”

  “Yep. I know it’s crazy, but it’s a big market.” Harper shoved a spoonful of frosted wheats into her mouth. Her appetite was finally back. Her second trimester was only a couple of days away and her body didn’t seem to hate her quite as much as it had up to this point. In fact, she felt almost glowing. And growing, too, as the open button at the top of her jeans reminded her.

  “Are you going to do it?” Caitie asked, her eyes lit up with interest. As a successful businesswoman herself, she loved to hear about ideas.

  “Yep. I haven’t really got anything to lose. I’m going to spend today making some designs and then I’ll need to find some crazy person and their child to model them.” Harper grabbed the carton of orange juice and poured herself a glass and swallowed it down in two mouthfuls. This baby sure was hungry. “If it works out the way I hope, I should be able to move out within a couple of months.”

  “You don’t have to,” Caitie said quickly. “I like having you here. With Breck having to travel so much it’s almost like old times. And you’ll need help when the baby comes.”

  “You’re so sweet,” Harper told her. “But you and Breck need your privacy, and I’ve been here for long enough. I’m also going to call around to some loc
al boutiques and see if they’ll stock my designs. That way I can get some local customers, too.”

  “I can ask around and see if we can find someone to model for you,” Caitie suggested. “Ember knows almost everybody, and if she can’t help I’m sure Brooke or Ally can. It’s such a great idea. You’re so clever.”

  Harper basked in the glow of Caitie’s compliment. She wasn’t as certain as her friend, but right now she was willing to try anything. With six months until she was due to give birth, she needed a viable business plan.

  “Right,” Caitie said, draining the last of her coffee from the bottom of her mug. “I need to go. I’ll be really late tonight, and Breck is staying up near the site. Will you be okay on your own?”

  “Sure.” Harper nodded. “I’ll be busy with my plans of world domination, one mom and baby dress at a time. Drive safely, okay?”

  “I always do.” Caitie went to pick up her empty mug, but Harper put her hand on it. “I’ll load the dishwasher,” she told her friend. “You go ahead and leave.”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Caitie blew her a kiss. “See you later, mashed potaytah.”

  Harper grinned. “Not if I see you first.

  * * *

  The doorbell buzzed right before lunchtime, making Harper jump as she put the finishing touches to her design. She’d spent the morning working, not even stopping for her usual mid-morning snack. As she went to go answer the door, she smiled at the sheets of paper laid out on the table, alongside fabrics she thought could work. With Caitie out all day and Breck away, she planned to have at least one design finished before the end of the day.

  Her muscles groaned with relief as she walked into the hallway, reminding her she shouldn’t be sitting in one position for too long. Maybe she’d look into a pre-natal yoga class. Being bent over a sewing machine for hours at a time wasn’t great for her posture.

  She opened the door to see Ember standing on the other side, a big bag in her hand. “Hi!” Harper said with a big grin, happy to see her looking so well. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m good.” Ember leaned forward to kiss her cheek. “I’ve just come from the doctor and he’s given me the all clear. Since I had some time on my hands I thought I’d stop by and thank you for taking me to the hospital on Saturday.”

  “It was no problem. Anybody would have done it, I just happened to be the only sober one.” Harper stood to the side so Ember could pass her. “Come on in.”

  “Thank god you were sober. If my mom had her way there would have been three ambulances and George Clooney rushing into the Beach Club to operate on me.” She shook her head. “I love her to bits, but she’s not great in an emergency. I also brought you a few things I’ve grown out of.” She lifted the laundry bag full of clothes up. “They might see you through the next few months until you have to wear full blown maternity clothes.”

  “Let me take that from you.” Harper looped her fingers through the handle. “Would you like a drink or something?”

  “Only if I’m not disturbing you.”

  Harper smiled. She really did like all of Caitie’s friends. “You’re not disturbing me at all, I was just working on some new designs.”

  “Is this the new idea Caitie was telling me about on the phone this morning?” Ember asked. “The mother and daughter dresses?”

  Harper was still getting used to nothing being a secret around here. Not that she minded, she liked that people were interested in her work. It was so different to the dog-eat-dog environment of Hollywood, or even Broadway, where everybody was competition.

  “Yeah, that’s right. Want to come and see what I’ve been doing?”

  Ember’s face lit up. “I really do.”

  Leaving the bag in the hallway, Harper took Ember into the bedroom, the two of them huddling together to look at the designs and dresses she’d accrued inside. Ember listened carefully, asking questions about the marketing plan and Harper’s next steps. With each word she said Harper could feel her confidence growing. This plan really could work, if she put her all into it. It could be compatible with having a baby, too. She could run the business from home, when the baby was sleeping, or even when the baby was in a swing watching. At the very worst it could see her through until she found a full-time job.

  “These are so beautiful,” Ember said, looking at the dresses Harper had ready to send out. “And worth so much more than you’re charging.”

  Harper shrugged. “It’s the market that decides the price. People aren’t willing to pay more than a couple hundred dollars for a hand made dress.”

  “Unless they have a matching dress for their baby,” Ember said, grinning.

  “Exactly.” Harper winked.

  “I know someone who can help you with the modeling,” Ember mused, staring down at Harper’s designs. “There’s a boy in my class, his mom used to be a model before having children. I’ve heard her talking about wanting to find some work again. She has a beautiful little girl, too, about three years old. I bet she’d be willing to help out if she could have some photos for her portfolio.”

  “Really?” Harper felt the excitement rise up inside her. “Do you think you could ask her? If she’s willing I’d be happy to call her and explain the details.”

  “Of course. I’ll send her an email; I’m almost certain she’ll say yes.”

  “Thank you so much. That means a lot.”

  “It’s no problem,” Ember told her. “Really. We take care of each other here in Angel Sands.”

  “In that case, come to the kitchen and take a seat. I’ll make us a sandwich and a drink.”

  “That sounds like my kind of treat.” Ember followed her out of the bedroom and down the hallway. “And while we’re eating you can tell me why Caitie was so evasive about what happened to you at the hospital last week. She started to say something about your baby’s father but refused to elaborate.”

  Harper couldn’t be annoyed at Caitie for letting things slip. She had a big mouth herself. And Ember felt like she was becoming a close friend – one who knew what it was like to go through pregnancy. Confiding in her felt like the right thing to do.

  “Sit down,” Harper said, pulling out a chair and helping Ember in it. “And maybe put your feet up, too. This is going to be a long story.”

  * * *

  James sat on the deck of his cliffside house, looking out at the dark blue ocean. The sun was slipping down the sky, leaving orange kisses on the surface of the waves. He’d finished his last shift for the week a few hours earlier and finally had time to think; to open up the compartment he’d stuffed all of Harper’s revelations into, and concentrate on the fact that in six months they were going to have a baby.

  A breeze rose up and ruffled his hair, as he thought about everything Harper had told him. The shock on her face had been genuine enough. She was as surprised to bump into him at the hospital as he’d been to see her, and that fact alone told him there was no malice.

  They were two people who should have known better than to have a surprise pregnancy. And yet this kind of thing happened every day. Even to doctors who knew exactly how the body worked, and how easy it was for contraception to fail.

  One in a hundred. That’s what he was. So what was he planning to do about it?

  He hadn’t confided in anyone but Rich about his situation. There was no way he was telling his parents – not until he’d decided what the next steps were. His mom had been devastated when Sara and Jacob had died, and he wasn’t an asshole who’d dangle a new grandbaby in front of her only to tell her he didn’t plan to be part of the baby’s life.

  He needed to think things through with a cool head. Tomorrow he’d call Harper and ask to meet her. And yeah, maybe the thought of seeing her again sent a shot of excitement through him, but that was merely muscle memory. She’d been his first sexual partner in three years. The first woman he’d been attracted to since he’d lost his wife and child. And the way that attraction had exploded into a nig
ht of passion still confused him. But it also made him feel alive.

  And he liked that feeling more than he would admit.

  Could he support Harper and the baby the way they needed it? Money wasn’t a concern, he could provide that. He’d already spoken to the Human Resources department and arranged for Harper’s medical expenses to be covered, along with the baby that would be arriving before the year was out. He could afford to buy Harper a house, to pay child support, and provide for all the baby’s material needs.

  But that was all he was sure of.

  Pregnant women and new mothers needed strong, steady support; they deserved it. When Sara had been throwing up, or in the latter months of her pregnancy had suffered from sleepless nights and anxiety, James had been the one she had leaned on. He’d relished his role, delighting in being the strong one. And after birth, he’d loved cradling Jacob in his arms in the middle of the night to allow Sara to get one more hour of sleep. He’d raced home from work each night with a bag of takeout in one hand and a cupcake from the bakery in the other, so excited to see the beautiful family they’d created together.

  And then it had been cruelly whipped away. More than most he understood the fickle whims of nature, how easily life could be given and taken away. It was part of his job, after all. But when it affected him personally he hadn’t been prepared for the sheer and constant pain, nor for the blackness that seemed to follow him no matter where he went.

  To provide the sort of care Harper and their baby needed, was to risk walking into the darkness again. To open the door to joy was to open the door to misery, too. He winced at the thought of it.

  James let out a mouthful of air. What would Sara say if she knew what he’d gotten himself into? Would she be happy he was having another child, or devastated he would be replacing the perfect baby they’d made together?

  Taking a sip of the whiskey he’d poured before he walked out to the deck, he closed his eyes, taking in the sound of the ocean as it lapped against the cliffs below. They’d talked about childproofing the house, the deck, and making sure there was no chance of Jacob being able to reach the cliff at the end of the yard, but in the end he’d died before they’d needed to do any of it. Would James have to do it now? Would he ask Harper for shared custody of their child? Have the little one every other weekend, or whatever kind of arrangements worked around her business and his shifts?