Baby I’m Yours

by Elks, Carrie

  “I think so.” Harper nodded. “They’ve called for an ambulance.”

  “It’s here,” the show runner shouted out. “The concierge is showing them in.”

  “Are you going with her?” Caitie asked James as the door opened and two paramedics walked in.

  “That’s the plan.” James stood so the paramedics could reach Harper, and quietly gave them a rundown of her current health condition. “Can you meet us there? I know she’ll want you with her.”

  “Of course. I’ll head to my car now.” She smiled at him. “I’m so glad she’s got you.”

  He let out a mouthful of air. “I’m glad she’s letting me.”

  Caitie leaned forward and hugged him. “I’ll see you at the hospital. Keep doing what you’re doing.”

  “I will,” James said, watching as the paramedics helped Harper onto the gurney they’d brought in. He’d take care of her for as long as she’d let him.

  * * *

  “I hear somebody’s a little impatient,” Ellie said as she walked into the labor room. “How are you holding up?”

  A grimace ghosted Harper’s lips. “Not great. And pretty scared.”

  Ellie tipped her head to the side. “Being scared is perfectly normal. You’d feel the same way even at forty weeks. You’ve never done this before and it hurts like hell. I’d be worried if you weren’t anxious.”

  “But it’s bad for the baby.”

  “Let me decide what’s good and bad in here, okay?” Ellie washed her hands in the sink in the corner of the room. “I want to examine you first, and ask you a few questions, then we’ll talk about the next steps.”

  “Do you think you can stop the contractions?”

  “That’s what I’m going to find out.” She smiled and snapped on a pair of latex gloves. “Do we have a urinalysis?” she asked the nurse who’d been taking care of Harper.

  “Yes. All normal.”

  “That’s good.” She checked the monitor next to Harper’s bed, concentrating on the readout. “Anything I need to know, James?” she murmured.

  “Everything’s as expected,” he said, from where he was sitting next to Harper, her hand enfolded in his. “Blood pressure still been higher than we’d like, though.”

  “Yeah.” Ellie nodded. “Okay, let’s take a look and see how this baby’s doing.” She turned to Harper and slid her hand beneath the sheet. “I’m just going to check your cervix, okay?”

  Harper nodded.

  A moment later, Ellie pulled back and took off her gloves. “You’re five centimeters dilated,” she said, throwing the latex in the medical trashcan. “How often are the contractions coming?”

  “Every four to five minutes,” James said.

  “Hmm. Okay.” She turned back to Harper. “So you’re in what we call active labor. That’s when you’re having regular contractions close together, and your cervix is dilated more than three centimeters. Because this is your first baby, it’s hard to say how long your labor will take. It could be a few hours, or could be longer, but I’d like to monitor you for the next half hour and see how things progress.”

  “You’re not going to stop it?” Harper asked.

  “Not at this point. The chances of stopping labor now are minimal, and could cause complications. We’d have liked to keep baby inside a little while longer, just to let her get a little more prepared for the outside world. But we rarely worry about a thirty-six-week-old baby. She may need a little extra oxygen, or some time in the NICU, but her chances of being born perfectly healthy are very high. As a doctor, we always breathe a little easier once a baby reaches thirty-six weeks.”

  “I’m going to have a baby?” Harper asked, eyes wide.

  Ellie laughed. “Yeah. You are. How do you feel about that?”

  Harper squeezed James’s hand. He squeezed back, his fingers threading through hers. “How do you feel?” she asked him.

  “I’m not the one doing the hard work,” he told her. “I feel fine. And confident. And ready to meet our girl.” He leaned forward to brush her hair from her face. “I’m here for you, whatever you need, I’ve got it.”

  “I need you to stay. Don’t leave.”

  “I won’t,” he promised.

  “And don’t shout at me if I start screaming.”

  “I wouldn’t dare.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her brow. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. Yeah, she’d asked him to keep his distance, but right now she needed him to be as close as possible. He made her feel safe in a way she’d never felt before.

  She took a deep breath, feeling her stomach tighten again. She squeezed her eyes shut as the pain over took her. “Another one,” she gasped.

  “Breathe in,” James whispered. “Then blow out. One, two, three, four.”

  She felt a sudden gush of liquid, followed by a strange emptiness inside her.

  “Don’t panic,” Ellie told her. “Your water has broke. We’ll clear it up before anybody slips on it.”

  “That’s good,” Harper managed to gasp out. “Because I’m not cleaning it up.”

  From the corner of her eye she saw James biting down a smile.

  “Ah, you’re a feisty one,” Ellie said. “I like that. It’ll make labor much easier.”

  There was a knock at the door, and the nurse walked over to open it.

  Caitie was standing in the doorway. “Sorry it took me a while to get here. I dropped by your apartment and picked up your bag. Just in case.” She walked over to Harper’s bed. “How are you doing?”

  “Not great. I’m going to have a baby.”

  It was Caitie’s turn to laugh. “I think we’ve known that for a while.”

  “Yeah, but this is the first time it’s been today.”

  “Is everything okay?” Caitie asked, looking over at Ellie.

  “It’s looking good. We’re keeping a close eye on her blood pressure, but everything else is where it should be. I’m going to go call up to the NICU to make sure there’s a bed if we need it, then I’ll be back to examine you again, okay?”

  “Okay.” Harper nodded. She couldn’t help but feel dizzy at the speed of it all. One minute she thought she had a month until the baby was here, and now she was on her way.

  Thank god James and Caitie were here. She wasn’t sure how she’d do this without them.

  “And just to warn you, there’s a little crowd gathering in the waiting room,” Caitie continued, her lips curling into a smile. “Ember’s here with Lucas and baby Arthur, along with all the models from your show. James’s parents showed up right after me, and for some reason my mom decided to tag along.” Caitie shook her head. “And Brooke and Ally just arrived. Oh, and Breck’s on his way.”

  “They could be waiting a while,” Harper told her.

  “They didn’t seem to mind. It’s like a party over there.” Caitie grinned, and took Harper’s other hand in her own. “Everybody cares about you, Harper. They want to be here to support you.”

  Just before another contraction took over her body, Harper couldn’t help but feel good about that.

  29

  Damn, she was beautiful. An Amazonian, doing exactly what nature intended her to do, bringing a new life into the world to begin the circle all over again.

  It was mesmerizing.

  James was holding her hand, or rather she was squeezing his, her grip so hard his bones were grinding together. As her contraction ended, he wiped her face with a cold cloth, then leaned forward to kiss her temple. “You’re doing amazing,” he murmured, his lips close to her ear. “You’ve got this.”

  Harper inhaled deeply, her expression a picture of concentration. Her body had taken over, knowing implicitly what it needed to do, telling her when to push, to rest, to cry out with pain.

  Ellie was at the end of the bed, her scrubs covered with a gown, her hands gloved as she told them of the baby’s progress. “It’s going beautifully,” she told them. “She’s halfway down. Next time you feel a contraction, I want you to
push really hard, okay?”

  “I don’t have a damned choice,” Harper gasped out. “Why is it that men get all the fun of conception and the women get all the pain?”

  “Because we’re the stronger sex,” Ellie told her. “They’d probably all end up dying if they had to push out a baby.”

  Harper opened her mouth to reply, but her words dissolved as another contraction assailed her. She tightened her grip on James again, groaning loudly as she bore down, gasping as the contraction ended.

  “Do you feel that sting?” Ellie asked her. “That’s the baby’s head crowning. Next time you feel a contraction I don’t want you to push. Just pant as loud as you can and let the baby do the work.” Ellie looked at James. “You want to see the head?”

  “Go and look,” Harper said. “Tell me what you see.”

  He slid his hand out of hers and walked to where Ellie was sitting on a stool. He swallowed hard as he saw the fleshy head of their baby, covered in fine downy fuzz. “She’s got pink hair.”

  Harper laughed. “Ow, don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”

  “You can feel her if you want,” Ellie said to Harper. “Give me your hand.” She guided Harper’s fingers to the crown of the baby’s head. “There, that’s your baby.”

  “Oh. Oh my god.” Harper’s bottom lip wobbled. “She’s really real.”

  “Yeah, she is.” Ellie grinned.

  Harper’s eyes met James’s, and he could see how watery they were. Not just with pain, but with wonder. He felt his chest expand with emotion as their gazes continued to stay locked.

  She tore her gaze away and cried out.

  “Remember to pant,” Ellie instructed. James took Harper’s hand again, and she squeezed tightly as she blew out mouthfuls of air, groaning with pain.

  “Her head’s out,” Ellie said. “Now we just need to help her shoulders along. Keep panting, don’t push. In a minute you’ll feel a rush, that’s your little girl being born. She’s almost here, Harper.”

  “You’re going to be a mom,” Caitie said, her eyes filling with tears. “Such a great one, too.”

  As Harper’s next contraction came, Ellie grabbed a towel and placed it on the bed in front of her. James watched as Harper leaned forward, grunting in pain, then her eyes flew open as their baby’s shoulders came free, her tiny body cradled in Ellie’s hands.

  “You did it,” he whispered. “She’s here.” Tears stung at his eyes as he watched Ellie lift the baby to Harper’s bare chest. By instinct, Harper released his and Caitie’s hands and wrapped her own around the baby, her eyes closing as she dipped her head, breathing softly as she cradled her child.

  “She’s beautiful,” Caitie whispered. “Congratulations.” She caught James’s eye. “To both of you.”

  “You want to cut the chord, James?” Ellie asked. He nodded, and did as she instructed, before he turned back to Harper and their baby.

  “Hey, little girl,” she whispered as the baby wriggled on her chest. “It’s so good to finally meet you.” She looked up at James, her eyes full of joy. “Come say hello to our daughter.”

  * * *

  Nobody had warned Harper about the sheer amount of activity that would go on around her in the hour after she’d given birth. Once the baby was checked for any problems and announced healthy by the pediatrician who’d been standing by, they’d given her back to Harper. She was already trying to suckle, though her lips were weak.

  “It’s okay,” Ellie told her. “She’ll get the hang of it. In the meantime, your colostrum will help her build up some immunities.”

  Nobody had prepared her for the emotions she’d feel, either. A whole flood of them gushed out right as the baby was born. Exultation mixed with fear and sheer exhaustion. They called the first hour after birth the golden hour, a time for her and James to bond with the baby. The fact was, she didn’t have the energy to do anything else. If they’d tried to get her up she probably would have fallen over. Her legs felt like jelly.

  “I’m starving,” she whispered to James as he leaned over to touch the baby’s hand. She curled her tiny fingers around his large one as though she was holding on for dear life, and the action made James smile.

  “I’ll go grab you something.”

  “Not yet. I want you to stay with me.”

  “I’ll go,” Caitie said, smiling at them both. “But as soon as I step into the waiting room everybody will want an update.” She glanced at James. “Are you sure you don’t want to go and tell them?”

  He looked at Harper with soft eyes. “I’m not going anywhere yet. You can tell them.”

  “Okay then. I’ll tell them baby…” she paused. “Um, does she have a name yet?”

  Harper pressed her lips against her daughter’s soft head. “I like Alyssa,” she whispered to James. “What do you think?”

  “I love it.” He nodded.

  “And I want her middle name to be Jay. After Jacob.”

  James blinked, his face full of emotion. “You do?”

  “Yeah. One day we can tell her she’s named after her older brother.” Harper smiled at him. “He won’t be forgotten.”

  James took a deep breath, as though he was trying to hold it together. He nodded, his lips pressing together.

  Caitie, on the other hand, was visibly crying. “That’s beautiful,” she told them. “I’ll tell everybody Alyssa Jay is here, weighing six pounds, and that she’s a beauty.”

  “Are you sure?” James asked her, his voice scratchy.

  “I’m certain.” She smiled at him and left the room.

  “Would you like to hold her now?” Harper asked James.

  “That’s a great idea,” Ellie said. She’d been making notes on the laptop in the corner. “We encourage skin to skin with the father, too. It’s perfect for bonding.”

  She watched as James unbuttoned his shirt, leaning over to lift Alyssa from her arms. Carefully, he pulled their tiny baby toward him, cradling her head and body as he warmed her against his bare chest.

  A myriad of emotions passed over his face as he looked down at his daughter. Harper felt her eyes fill yet again as she watched him stare down with wonder, lowering his head to breathe her in.

  “She’s beautiful,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

  “I’m going to leave you two for a minute, okay?” Ellie said, dimming the lights in the room. “If you need anything I’ll be right outside. All you have to do is press the call light if you need me.”

  She’d already told them that once they’d ascertained that both mother and baby were healthy, they’d be left alone to bond. Harper nodded and smiled at Ellie as she left.

  And then they were alone. Their strange, ragtag family of three. Harper felt her heart clench as Alyssa nestled into James’s chest, her tiny lips opening and closing against his skin.

  “I thought she’d cry more,” Harper said. “But she hasn’t.”

  “Give her time.” James’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. “She’s tiny. She hasn’t found her voice yet. But I’ve got a feeling she will and real soon.” His eyes met hers. “Then you’ll be wishing she was this quiet.”

  What she really wished was that she could bottle this moment up. Yes, every part of her ached, and some parts were in a lot of pain. There was exhaustion and hunger eating at her like she’d never felt before. But that was all outweighed by the intense feeling of love that washed over her like a tidal wave. For her new baby, for James, for everything she’d ever wanted.

  Why couldn’t it always be like this?

  “I’m glad you’re her father,” she said softly.

  “So am I.” He looked down at Alyssa again. “I’m not going to let her down. I’ll always be here for her.”

  “I know you will.”

  “And you, too. Whatever happens between us, I’ll always want to take care of you. Not just because you’re the mother of my child, but because you’re you. My friend, the person who brought me back to life.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “Thank you for mak
ing me want to live again.”

  Hot, wet tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “Don’t cry,” he said, moving Alyssa in his arms so he could reach out to wipe the wetness from Harper’s cheeks.

  “They’re not sad tears,” she whispered. “Not at all.” Maybe there was a hint of regret there. A wistfulness of what might have been, if only they could have seen their way forward.

  James kissed Alyssa’s head and continued, “I know that you don’t want complications, and I’m not planning on making things any more difficult than they already are. But you need to know you’re loved. By me.” His mouth curled into a smile. “You and Alyssa, you’re my life now. And I’ll take whatever that means. I’ll be your friend if that’s what you want.” He took a deep breath. “Or more, if you decide you want that, too.”

  “More?” she asked him, her throat tight.

  He looked at her through cloudy eyes. “I love you, Harper. And I messed everything up. I made you feel unwanted. Like a dirty secret I wasn’t willing to share. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life, because you’re nobody’s secret. You’re too vital for that. Since you came into my life it’s like you’ve been like an explosion of color, brightening up my dark existence. Being near you makes people smile. It makes me grin like I’m a little crazy. And maybe I am because I can’t imagine life without you, not anymore.”

  “You don’t just want to be friends?” She wanted to laugh at the strangeness of the conversation. Less than an hour since she’d brought new life into the world, she was asking her baby’s father what he wanted from her. It was so topsy turvy, so different from how she imagined having her first child would be. And yet there was a realness to it that took her breath away. The same way his stare made the air catch in her throat.