To the Paris of our dreams

by Tomas Goncalves

  That dinner would probably (very soon) make news around the world. More reasons to not let that become a fiasco.

  It was when a guy got close to Marie, and both Eric and Marie were kind of waken up by the light moment they've got into. He was absolutely gorgeous, not even Eric could've denied it.

  - Hey, Eric... This is Filipe, my...boyfriend – She had said that with a hint of concern in her voice.

  - Hey – Eric smiled at him, being as nice as possible, and right in the next second he completely ignored him, turning his head back to Marie. - So hey, what have you been doing?

  - Ahn. Nothing much, school, friends, you know how it goes... - Smiled – What about you? What are you doing in Paris, man?

  - Hmm, I had a quick break... I've met your aunt yesterday and she invited me to come see you. Was that ok?

  - Yeaah, of course – Marie was now overjoyed, thinking that Eric was ok with the boyfriend situation – I'd hug you, but... Soaking wet – Smiled again

  - Or maybe you'd throw me at the pool – Eric smiled at her, mentioning the past.

  - Yeaah... but it wouldn't be “appropriate” … My dad would kill me, you know...

  - Yeah, and don't forget how classically casual I am today, you wouldn't want to ruin that –They laughed.

  - I know, very fancy. You might even fool my family - Smiled

  - Yeah... I was thinking that if you can do it, it can't be that hard, right? - He smiled, showing his tongue, in a very childish expression.

  - Auch...Fair enough – She laughed

  Marie was smiling, so was Eric, and even Beatrice. Filipe was still out of the conversation and was clearly not enjoying it. But having him there, or not, it would have been the same. He was completely erased in that universe, and if things stayed that way until the end of the day, it would be a point for Eric, right?

  In a normal situation, Filipe would have gone talk to someone else while Marie and Eric would catch up. Maybe he would be jealous, but that would've been normal. Eric quickly noticed though, that no one was looking at Filipe with “good eyes” and that everyone was being extremely nice to him.

  Eric and Beatrice eventually went to the table and got themselves back in the conversation. The people that were at the pool started to dry themselves off and went inside the house to put clothes or to take a shower. A couple of Marie's siblings just dried themselves, then put on a t-shirt and went straight to the table. They were the ones that mostly started to make conversation with Eric.

  One thing that could not be ignored: Marie's family seemed to have won some sort of genetic lottery: It was unreal. If you'd consider their dates and/or their friends, that place was just a very very weird place because of the level of beauty of most of people there. Marie and Filipe were the only ones that didn't have a very “well behaved beauty” with a couple of piercings, Filipe's huge tattoos and obviously, Marie's red hair. It looked like... not just a mafia reunion, but somewhat a French royalty that survived the guillotine. Even Filipe was so pretty that was just not fair.

  During the first fifteen minutes they had to be near each other, Eric tried to read Filipe with everything he had on reading people: a bunch of pre-judgments, body language signs and probably a bit of imagination to fill some gaps, which made Eric hate him in a heartbeat, because for sure he was a douchebag who didn't deserve her.

 

  Marie's family was just allowing Filipe to be there and even though they were trying to hide that, it became pretty clear to Eric after a while into that dinner. Filipe wasn't able to express himself well enough for those kind of people, verging the pathetic. He wasn't in the conversation and actually tried to call Marie's attention a couple of times to make discrete comments. Even she started to ignore him after a while, so happy for having Eric, Beatrice and her siblings around.

  It was a bit clear that she didn't quite got along with her parents, but it was just too obvious how much those siblings loved each other, even when they were just provoking themselves non-stop.

  Filipe just hated that place, while Eric had been surprised by it: He loved that castle (in his mind it had become a castle) and perfect yard in the middle of Paris. Filipe was just too weird and too much of a punk for that family. Eric knew how to hide the fact that he was probably way worse than Filipe. Eric, however, soon remembered Fernando's advice that “that poser had more influence on Marie that I could ever understand”.

  Maybe it was simpler than what you could imagine. Maybe Eric was right. Using pre-judgments, observations and basic psychology. He has always been very good at reading people, and was never that far from reality. What Eric didn't understand at that moment, it's that he was dealing with that situation in the worse possible way, forgetting that the important person in that dinner was Marie, not Filipe. That he should've been focused and aware on Marie, and not on hating Filipe. That maybe... just maybe, he was being the biggest jerk that day, and that he was only pushing her away.

  Maybe he shouldn't have got the Montini's family stamp of approval that quickly and easily, making Marie feel bad about herself. Filipe wasn't welcome in that family, and maybe that was the reason why she was so appreciative by the fact Filipe was there with her: She had never felt that in that place, when the guests would leave. That way, there was a weird connection between Marie and Filipe growing stronger, thing that Eric couldn't have noticed from where he was sitting. Marie always hid the fact she was a Montini and Eric was trying to use her family to humiliate Filipe even more. Do you get the problem?

  But at that point, Marie was still numb by Eric's presence.

  During dinner, when everyone was already sitting at the table, eating and drinking, Eric realized how long it has been since he had seen a family dinner happening. Ironically, the whole situation reminded him of his own family dinners: Extremely nice, everybody wearing masks, trying to show the perfect family in action. Frederic Montini, the big boss, the godfather, asked several questions to Eric, which verged the uncomfortable a couple of times. Something he didn't like to admit: Marie's dad reminded him of his own father.

  Frederic Montini, the big boss of the family: Grey hair, looking surprisingly approachable and gentle. Eva Montini, Frederic's wife, a very well-aged woman, blonde, extremely pretty for the age she should already have reached. Jacques, the oldest son, brown hair, dark eyes, looking athletic – looking scarily like his father – Henry, second in line, brown hair, green eyes and also an extremely athletic guy. Eloise Montini, Marie's older sister, brown hair, tall and resembling Beatrice physically. Isabelle, Marie's sister (second in line), blonde hair, green eyes, tall as Eloise, looking a mixed between Marie and Beatrice. Marie was the youngest one, and the smallest one. Her sisters could probably be models and Marie was just smaller, a tiny piece of human compared to them.

  Eventually the interrogatory got back to Eric.

  - So, Eric, you're also Marie's friend as I've been told, is that correct?

  - Yes, sir

  - When did you guys meet?

  - It's been...hmm... Four months, more or less, right Marie? - “Yeah”

  - And If I'm not mistaken, apparently you travel a lot?

  - Yes

  - Because of your company or …?

  - No sir, other reasons...

  - May I ask which?

  - Of course sir, I'm a musician.

  - Ahn, wow ... Interesting. I think I remember Tom mentioning it once, right Marie? - “Yeah, probably, dad” - A group? Orchestra, maybe?

  - A group

  Everyone at the table was very interested in the conversation, includ
ing Filipe at that point.

  - Something like... Rock and Roll? Or more like pop music? - Frederic smiled, trying to be cool about it.

  - Yeah, exactly sir, a rock band – Eric smiled back

  - Fascinating... and you're making a living out of it?

  Eric smiled before answering.

  -Yeah, I am, sir...

  Beatrice, not for being mean, was laughing inside because of the situation Eric was going through. He probably did not see this one coming, she thought.

  Eric couldn't help but notice that Frederic's reaction hadn't been different only because of the former conversation, where he learned about Eric's family company and his connection to Tom. He probably thought his band was some sort of hobby, a luxury a spoiled rich kid could afford. Eric got insulted by that, because it was the same fucking line of thought of his father, and that just made his stomach twist. He had a company, he could be a playboy and have a rock band. It was actually the contrary. But the Meirelles's family had already thought him how to get over a meal with cold blood. That wouldn't be different.

  - But in any case... would you say it's more of a hobby or...? Do you intend to settle down and work in your family company at some point, maybe?

  Fuck. That was it. Eric stomach was not helping. He had to smile again to be able to keep it cool. “Why Felipe was born again?”

  - I'm afraid there was some misunderstandings, Mr. Montini.

  Everyone was completely absorbed in the conversation.

  - I see.... - He paused – Enlighten me, please...

  - First of all, sir, my band is not a hobby. It's my profession. I'm not sure until when it will be, but currently it is. I have... the privilege of being able to live from art, sir. Not many people are lucky enough to do so in the way I am, so I must admit I'm really enjoying the idea. Second, my family and I have this company, with one of my closest friends, Tom, which is a way of having more financial stability, true, but that does not mean I'm obliged to take over a job there when I get tired, or bored with music. And in any case, that doesn't mean I'm a reckless young man. - He smiled when he was finished. Everything he said, maybe not the last sentence, was from his heart, spilled out of anger. His feature was impassive though.

  - ...Very well, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding then – Mr. Montini finally said that, after looking a Eric for a couple of seconds, analyzing him.

  - I just hope it didn't seem rude, sir

  - Not at all, Eric... You're over age, work and provide for yourself, right? Live the life you want, without complaining, correct?

  - Yes, sir

  - Very well. I admire that. Few people do the same nowadays...

  The facial expression of almost everyone in the table were paralyzed because of what just happened. Eric had an idea why: He had thrown the truth in the face of someone who probably was used to dig deep for it, due to the fact that almost everyone around him should probably hide the truth out of pure fear.

  - I admire the fact that you stood for what you think it`s right, Eric. Not hid yourself – He was clearly referring to some people at the table. Some people cleared their throats, and it visibly got pretty uncomfortable for a couple of seconds.

  - Well, I'm sure it's not only that that makes you admire someone sir...

  - No... I guess I agree with you. Having a perspective, goals. I admire that. And I'm sorry for putting this way, but stability is something that you sort of … Will always have, right? Unfortunately I take that in consideration when I think about... you – The last word seemed very heavy.

  Eric just smiled, as to put an end to the subject.

  The dinner kept going on that path. Mr. Montini made a lot of questions to everyone and Eric noticed how he had the ability of controlling the talk and the evening, even though he didn't talk much. Yes, ironically, he was relatively quiet.

  Even when the food was over, the talk kept going for a long time. It eventually got dark, but as it was still warm, it was pretty nice to just stay there and try to have a good time talking. Marie and Eric were in a very awkward field: sometimes they would share very sympathetic looks, sometimes very... concerned or uncomfortable. Nobody noticed that, not even Filipe, which surprised Eric, who was sure the guy would've noticed what was going on at that point. He was probably too busy by Marie's side counting the minutes to leave.

  - Marie, why don't you show Eric our yard? - Mr. Montini with his velvety and authoritarian voice. Eric had just made a compliment about the yard and Mr Montini used it for his own purposes.

  Eric, Marie, Filipe and Beatrice seemed to have frozen in their seats. Eloise (Katherine’s friend) too.

  - Alright... - Marie stood up slowly, looking very quickly to Filipe and then going towards Eric.

  Eric also stood up, and actually looked at Mr. Montini with a confused look, to which he just got a smile, a nod and a complacent look. Mr. Montini was enjoying that. He knew what was going on.

  So Marie and Eric both started walking. And they kept walking. The silence was still there. For several minutes. Luckily, the garden was immense.

  - Your dad is... a lovely person – Eric took a shot, trying to be funny, smiling

  - When he likes someone, yes, he is... – Marie answered, trying to be nice.

  - Hmm, so you'd say he liked me, Hun? - He smiled again

  - Yeah, Who'd say that when you throw things at his face, he admires you? But I guess it's easier when you have autonomy to do so. I guess it works...

  - Hmmm...

  Marie seemed like she needed to say something:

  - But I don't have autonomy, neither does anyone in my family - She so needed to say that, that she sounded angrier than she could've expected.

  So it went silent again. Marie didn't know what to do: Her anger got her by surprise. Eric didn't know where that had come from, but somehow that frustrated him.

  She took a deep breath

  - I'm sorry, Eric... Today was supposed to be something special for Filipe... It would've been already very hard without you here. My dad is probably there now, interrogating him. Way worse than what he did to you, trust me. And I had to ask him so many times until I convinced him to come... It's not easy for him to be here, Eric. It's not easy for me to be here....

  - … I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you, Marie – Somewhat, somehow, he started to feel really bad. I mean, he did want to bother. But now, that she was getting hurt in front of him, somehow it was just not that funny anymore.

  - I knoow dude, I know. But you did. You understand what happened there? My dad probably almost liked you and hated Filipe. He probably hated him even more because you were here.... - She sighed. After a minute, she just asked at once, frustrated - Why Eric? Why did you come back like that?

  Marie looked in Eric's eyes.

  After one second, in that uncomfortable situation, Eric felt extremely tired. Exhausted. He realized that one day he would have liked to hold her at that moment, but now it seemed like the last thing in the world he would do. He was just too tired. Feeling so old... and so sad. He knew what had happened, he knew what was about to happen, and he was just too tired for that.

  Marie didn't want to cry and Eric didn't want her to cry. That awkward silence was getting stuck in their skin, and Eric noticed that once again, there was only one thing left for him to do: to leave. Things would get better if he just left. Marie started talking again.

  - … I'm sorry. It's not that I'm not happy to see you... But....arr...Don't you agree that coming back is definitely not what we had agreed upon, Eric?

 
- Yeah... I guess. I guess you're right.

  In the seconds that passed Eric felt anger taking control of him and twisting his stomach again. It was clear: She was confused. She still liked Filipe and even worse, she was fighting against her own feelings towards Eric. There you go. He would never, ever accept to be someone's second choice. Or to be a question on someone's head. Especially when his competitor was that fucking poser. He wouldn't let himself get into that same position again.

  - Alright... I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening, Marie... I'm really sorry I showed up like this....Hope to see you around.

  Without giving more explanations, Eric turned his back on Marie, leaving her completely astonished with what had just happened, and making up any kind of stupid excuse when he got back to the table, he left. He didn’t have any intention on looking back, anyways. He didn't have any intention on seeing any of those people again in his life.

  Next thing he knows, he was at his hotel, looking the city from his window: It's two in the morning and he can't sleep. He didn't know how he got there, and for how long he was there.

  He didn't want to go anywhere. In a normal situation, he would have left Paris. But to go where?

  I hope that you never get to a point where you find yourself feeling the way Eric was feeling: Feeling like he had no one to call, no one with who he could talk to, and no one he'd like to see. No one, no one would understand that situation. He wanted to have one person to call. One. Someone who would just listen to what he had to say and who would really understand, someone who wouldn't judge him, how every single normal (and by nature, hypocrite) person would ever, ever do. No one would understand, because no one had always been through anything like that.

  Call Tom? No fucking way, he had just been a major jerk to one of his best friends. There you go Eric, now even Tom is going to get disappointed with you.

  He was probably going to have to deal with that later on, anyways.

  Through that night that he spent by himself (because his insomnia had always been worse when he was alone) many thoughts were haunting him.

  He decided it wouldn't hurt to wait Marie get in contact with him: It wasn't a matter of pride, but probability. He desperately needed to be with her as they were during that weekend, four months ago. For one of the first times in his life, he felt a sense of...purity, innocence even. How could three days with a person mark you that bad? How come he was making himself stay and wait?