To the Paris of our dreams

by Tomas Goncalves

  - No problem at all, man. I do need to rest a bit too; this flight just killed me... And where are we going to eat?

  - Near your hotel actually. There's this nice restaurant with a nice terrace, I brought you there once already, I'm really not sure... Still, we should enjoy the nice weather you brought.

  - Ha, sure...

  Eric got to his room and, as soon as he found himself completely alone and in silence, he felt himself extremely tired. He laid down on the bed to try to rest for a bit and he just looked at the ceiling until... he woke up thirty minutes later! Wow! Eric couldn't believe he actually had taken a nap for half an hour!

  He stayed in bed trying to sleep again... He even tried to analyze what he did as some kind of magical process:

  “I was laying like this, then I looked to the ceiling and I was thinking about...shit, what was I thinking about? Something about brunch tomorrow? ...Nah... It was something about that cool strip club here in Montreal...Nah, oh fuck it...”

  He then decided to go swim a bit at the heated pool, then he stayed in the Jacuzzi for a while, in the sauna, until he finally got so bored of trying to fight his boredom that he went back to his room for a shower.

  When he was finished, he would still have to wait for Tom for about an hour.

  He turned the TV on (Something he rarely did at all) and started to skip through channels, stopping for a few moments in a couple of options, but nothing actually grabbed his attention. He ended up watching a random movie that he didn't actually paid that much attention to, an American movie dubbed in French.

  At some point he grabbed his computer and did the basics: Facebook, YouTube, 9gag, Tumblr, Twitter, news websites... But no one of his interest was available to chat, until he found Isadora online. They talked a bit, but she would have to leave less than 10 minutes after.

  Aiai.... He spent several years without seeing his sister; he arrived in Montreal, felt a bit bored and a bit lonely for a second and now he would have given the world for her company, whom he had seen less than twenty-four hours before. Still, one of the coolest people he had ever met.

  That's how life goes sometimes.

  They finally went to the restaurant Tom had talked about, and it indeed had a nice terrace, with a really nice view of the city. They ate and drank extremely well, talking for more than two hours. Both Eric and Tom would always have amazing stories to tell each other, and that night wouldn't be different. Tom was a “habitué” of that restaurant apparently: He knew everyone there, and during the whole dinner, some women were actually trying to flirt with him from their tables. Although Tom would smile back and seems like he was interested, Eric knew him better than that: It was just him being social, all the time, with everyone. He knew his friend was not interested at all.

  At certain moment of the night though, the talk got serious... Tom just decided to ask Eric how he was doing:

  - I'm great man – Said one smiling Eric

  - Eric... - Tom had stopped laughing – It’s me who's asking, man. Just me. We gotta talk about it, hun?

  Eric stopped smiling too. He took a while to open his mouth again.

  - … Ah, man... - He paused for a second – I think I'm alright... Some days are worse than others, you know, but... I don't know... Drugging or drinking were never the biggest problem I guess... It's almost as if... it didn’t matter anymore, y'know? It's... - He paused for another moment – I'm still ...lost, you know what I mean? I'm still not... a good guy, right. Or whatever people are expecting me to be, or what I'm supposed to expect from... myself... I'm just not....

  - Hmm... I see... And....Are you being able to sleep better?

  - It's...Yeah... It's getting better, that’s for sure.

  - Good. That's good...

  - But I don't know man... - He paused again, looked around – This abrupt changing in my routine, and in my life...is... is just so freaking weird, you know... It's definitely getting to me, I think. It took a while, but... yeah, it's getting to me.

  Tom kept looking at him with the same questioning expression. Eric cleared his throat and eventually started talking again.

  - …Ahn, you know... I liked to be who I was, you know. Fucking Eric Meirelles, always... partying, always jumping from town to town, never having to deal with mediocre people's problems.... Having the life...

  - … That everyone dreams of having – Tom smiled. They both knew exactly what that meant. It was basically the same for Tom.

  Eric laughed. Eventually he started talking again.

  - … It's just cuz...I'm not sure yet if I can be just...Eric, you know? Watching everyone else moving on with their lives, having jobs and... Plans and dreams...and.... And the fact that...I don’t know... I like to have them around, but at the same time, everyone seems to treat me like as I'm not capable of taking care of myself anymore. And fuck, I get it. I swear. But so what? I can't even go out by myself to party anymore.... And aahh... I don't know. I'm feeling a bit useless too these days... And...From being Eric Meirelles...to useless, in like less than six months... Feels weird...

  Tom nodded.

  - I understand it, man... But hey, don't worry; we'll party while you're here.

  Eric smiled again

  - I'm counting on that, man

  Tom smiled, and drank another zip of his beer.

  - But I don't even have to tell you, right? - And pointed at his beer

  - Right, sir!

  - Great... Promise?

  - Promise

  They made a toast to it.

  - How is Marie going?

  Eric smiled and said:

  - I guess I could ask you the same, hun?

  Tom nodded

  - Fair enough... - And it was his turn to sigh and clear his throat

  - Don't worry man, everything's fine

  - Alright... Let's just not get into this, ok? I don't like to be in the middle of couples, and you guys are too important to me... Besides, I’ve already lost too much for people assuming things about my friendship with her.

  - Hmm.... Ok. How is that going, by the way?

  Tom raised his eyebrows, in a tired expression.

  - It's not, I guess...

  - And … you're ok with that?

  He shrugged his shoulder

  - I don't know if there's anything else I could do at this point...

  - At all?

  Tom sighed.

  -... I always thought we were meant to be, you know? Because... There are couples that you just know like: fuck, they are perfect for each other. I thought that was our case, because honestly... I can't imagine myself with anyone other than her, man. For real...

  - But...?

  - I thought it was our case, seriously. I really thought it was. But then I realize that that son of a bitch also thinks that and it’s because of that that he's still after her until this day... And you know what? I don't wanna turn into him. I guess I almost did, and it really didn't feel good realizing that.

  - … But what if you are? I mean, the right guy for her?

  - Oh man....it's been more than two years now. And nothing. I don't know if...ahh, I don't know.

  - ?

 
- Maybe we just lost it somewhere along the way... Maybe I don't deserve her anymore. Maybe... I didn't turn out to be the person I thought I would be, you understand? … That's why I understand what you're saying... I also feel like... Life just didn't turned out to be what I planned... I didn't turned out to be who I dreamed of becoming...

  - Hell, yeah... I know exactly what you mean

  - And... You and Marie are the last few good friends that I got left... And.... that's so fucking depressing: I know a ridiculous amount of people. It's actually pretty ridiculous, you know that – Eric was nodding - Here, in the States, in Europe, even in Brazil... And even with that, I don't have that many people I could call my true friends... And Katherine? I think she just got away.

  - Hmmm sorry to hear that man...

  - … But it's ok...It's all good.

  - So what are you going to do?

  - About what exactly?

  - I don't know, in general. You always knew what to do, man.

  Tom shrugged his shoulders

  - I have somethings going on...

  - For example?

  - It's complicated to tell, you know, but basically I'm just trying to see if I can create something bigger for myself... Get away from this life too

  - It wasn't like that that they got irritated with you last time?

  - Yeah...irritated is a nice word to put it – Tom smiled – But I'm prepared for that this time. I'm thinking about getting away from all of this if nothing comes out of me and Katherine in the next few months... Maybe I just need to change, you know? Go back to Brazil for a while... or just change jobs, I don't … I don't even know...

  - Hmm... So that's the plan? Stay in Montreal and fight them again?

  -... What options do I have, Eric?

  - Uaau, What options don’t you have, Tom?

  - …

  - Look Tom, I understand. I swear...

  - I don't think you fully do, Eric

  - …? - Eric

  - Arr....I can't just let them...

  -... win? Dude, every single minute that you lose in this game is one minute you could be being happy, doing what you really want to do... I know that I don't deal with my problems in the right way most of the time, dude. But sometimes you have to forget everything and just say “what the fuck?” … You want to destroy them, and there you are, still working with them, for them, it doesn’t matter... You are probably one of their greatest allies, do you realized that? You want to fuck with them? Like, really fuck with them? Quit man. Go be happy... Go fight for Katherine, but really fight for her...I don't know... It's been forever, as you just said it... And I know she loves you and that you guys deserve each other...

  Tom didn't say anything for a while.

  - I know, Eric...But after everything I did, what I fought... Being like kicked out of Montreal without anything...? You understand it?

  - Yeah, I do... But please don't put your pride in front of the people you love, and your own happiness... Look at me, Tom. You really think it’s worth it? Look at me, bro...

  They both stayed quiet for a while.

  - Look, Tom. You know why I truly am in Montreal. Truth is, for everything I ever needed you, you were there, like a brother. And I know you could be... happier. If it's in Montreal, with or without Katherine, or in Paris with us, it's completely up to you. But...well, now that I put this subject in the table in the worst possible way, let me try and sell you the idea, will ya? … As I told you, my dad wants to know if we have capital for that acquisition. I think the both of us, and if my parents borrow some money in the bank, we'll have it... And we could so use your help in Paris, man...

  - Eric... - Tom paused for a second – I don't have that kind of money available right now... I just checked it today.

  Eric stopped for a second too.

  - ...Well, it doesn't matter, man … We could definitely use your help in an insane way in Paris. You could help us with the festival, in the record studio... even on finding bands and artists for you to represent and work with. An obscene number of them are going to pass through us …And man...there you'll be with your family, man. We'll have each other’s back. Hm? Me, Marie, my siblings, my parents are there often, Mike... Jan, probably Liam and Jack are heading there in a couple of months...Maybe even Isabella... Come on man, you said yourself: All these people in the same city... You don't need them, Tom...

  Tom kept looking at the view. Then to Eric. Then to the view again... He took a couple of deep breaths and finally said:

  - I really wish I could go, Eric. I swear...

  Eric slowly nodded his head and shrugged his shoulders.

  - ...Me too, man, me too... But hey, if you ever need anything. I mean, ever...

  - Thanks man. You too... You know that, right?

  - Of course man. Relax...

  Tom and Eric partied that night like crazy: First they went to this Tom's friend's house who was having a get-together, with some twenty five people. They stayed there for a good while, talking to people they knew, or just making new friends. Then, they left this guy's house and as they were going to a club, Eric and Tom stopped by a strip club for twenty minutes because they actually wanted to say hi to a couple of strippers they knew to catch up a little bit. After leaving there, they decided to walk until the club which took a good energetic and exciting half an hour walk with them talking out loud, telling stories and jokes around downtown Montreal.

  As they got to this club, which had a huge line in front of it, Tom and Eric just passed in front of everyone and got in. Inside, Tom talked for a few moments with the staff he knew that were working there, and then they finally went upstairs where the party was really happening. Tom found a table with people he knew in less than two minutes inside that club.

  They just got some drinks (a juice, again, for Eric) and they went to sit with his so-said-friends. They enjoyed that club: The music, the drinks, and the girls. It was unbelievable the numbers of girls who would come up to talk to them.

  Tom went to dance for a bit, but Eric noticed he just wasn't in the mood that night: He danced a couple of songs and went back to the table. Eric on the other hand, saw himself making serious effort to not make out with any of the girls who were throwing themselves at him: It just didn't seem right, but damn it was not easy.

  Tom then went to talk with the DJ at some point, to say hi and (Eric would know after) to ask for a couple of songs, and during several times that night he ran into people he knew.

  But for once, they both noticed that they got really fed up pretty quickly. They decided to leave quite early, walk all the way back to Eric's hotel (Where Tom's car was parked) and grab a snack from this Chinese restaurant at two thirty in the morning, where they would just talk for a while after the party. Soon after, they would end up the night just like that.

  By the next day, Tom was incredibly busy during most of his day, so Eric decided to just relax for a while in Montreal.

  I mean, it is a good city to do so...

  When Eric called Tom several hours later, his friend said they could meet up in a couple of hours once he was done at the gym.

  The chillax feeling with which Eric had passed that day ended up getting to Tom, to the point that they spent the rest of the weekend trying to do other things to have fun: they played music, they had bru
nch with friends, they went to pubs, to a karaoke and in the last night Eric would be there, they made dinner in Tom's place for a bunch of people. That night, after everyone was gone, they went to Tom's terrace, and they kept drinking, eating and talking (mostly bullshit) for more a couple of hours. A couple of times, Katherine's name was mentioned in a pretty melancholic way, and Eric never knew what to do or to say. He never knew how to handle that couple.

  They didn't have great adventures or big parties this time, but it was very fun nevertheless.

  It got pretty clear to Eric that Tom wasn't really happy or focused though.

  And... with that on his mind, but being sure that Tom would find a way – Because Tom had always found a way – Eric got back to Paris after four days spent in Montreal where they had tried to cheer each other's up and catch up on each other's life.

  It would be ok. If there was one person in the world that knew how to handle himself, it was Tom. With this thought, Eric felt asleep on the plane back to Paris.

 

  On Tuesday, by the end of the day, everyone from the school team realized how hard it would be to make that festival happen. Everyone sort of realized at once, after a meeting, and the weight of that was something almost unbearable. Everyone who knew Tom got completely disappointed to learn that there was no chance at all that Tom would come to help them (That was actually probably one of the main reasons why almost everyone got that tense so quickly once Eric was back)

  They had around five months before the beginning of the festival, but most of the main decisions were being made those days. They emptied a couple of office rooms to make a big “headquarters” for the festival, and when they were not giving classes, having classes, helping on the trainings or answering questions, they were in that room, discussing the festival.

  As the time went by, dozens and dozens of files with songs started to arrive. There were short movies for the films competition, which were being selected by three couples, all movies critics.

  The photography competition was also being a problem: The professionals that were selecting were costing some big bucks. By the way, apparently nothing was going to be cheap. Not in Paris.