Royal Blood and One Forever : Book Three

by Simone Nicholls

  My ability to love, to care, was taken away from me. His love had poisoned my life.

  And yet I still loved him.

  Connor

  "Do you love them?"

  I turned to look Tyler in the eye. "Who?"

  "Melissa? Your daughter, May."

  "I love Isabella." I slumped down into an armchair, "I hold nothing by hatred towards Melissa."

  "And May? She is an innocent child." Tyler's voice was tight as he spoke, and I could hear his disgust when it came to the distance I had from my daughter.

  "Of course I care for May." I narrowed my eyes at him, "She is still my daughter."

  "Then Connor, I suggest you start treating her as such." Tyler crossed his arms.

  I gritted my teeth and went to pour a glass of whisky but the bottle was quickly pulled away out of my grasps and I growled as Tyler hurled the bottle in the trash bin.

  "Drinking won't take the pain away Con. You can't keep drinking your sorrows away." Tyler's voice was tight and I knew he cared for me, but right now I wanted to be left alone, to deal with this on my own. Like I had been doing since Isabella left me.

  "It numbs it." I growled, "Leave Tyler."

  "So you can drink yourself into a coma?" Tyler shook his head, "Conner, you are King now. You need to start acting like one."

  "I don't want to be King!"

  "But you are."

  "I just want her back." I muttered dryly, I didn't like feeling like this. I felt weak and I hated showing emotions. I hated being that weak man with a broken heart, but that was what I was and I couldn't even hide it.

  "We're searching for her. Until we find her though, Connor you need to start to pull yourself together." Tyler placed a hand on my shoulder, "For the kingdom's sake."

  I nodded my head and glared at the shelves of books across the room. I knew I had to pull myself together. I knew I had to start leading the county once again. I knew I had to pull myself from the shadows of this study and my pity.

  But I didn't know how to face what I had to do, when I couldn't even think about facing tomorrow. Knowing she wouldn't be by my side, knowing that tomorrow would be another day without her; just like today was.

  My head fell into my hands and I cursed under my breath, letting out my frustration of this situation. I needed her back, but one cannot have what one cannot find and that was what kept me from Isabella.

  I couldn't find her because she didn't want me too.

  Chapter Three

  Isabella

  "What is it, Serenity?" I asked as she handed me a cup of tea and sat down at her kitchen table across from me.

  Cupping the hot cup in my hands, I waited for my sister to tell me whatever it was. She had rang saying she needed to speak to me, what about I didn't know that was why I sat here waiting for her to tell me.

  "I wanted to speak to you about Cooper." She lent her elbows on the table and stirred the spoon in her cup of tea. "About what is best for him."

  "You should be having this conversation with Chase then." I leant back in the wooden kitchen chair and crossed my legs under the table. "He and Nick care for the child."

  "Is." Serenity looked up from her tea and brushed her hair away from the side of her face "You're his mother."

  "Why do people keep reminding me!" I gritted my teeth, "Do you think I forget it?"

  "Then don't tell me to address Chase about Cooper's welfare." Serenity snapped, "You need a rude awaking Isabella."

  "So you called me here to tell me off?" I clenched the cup of tea tighter, ignoring the burn I was feeling from the heat. "Then please continue Serenity, because there is nothing you can say that I haven't already thought or know."

  "We understand that it causes you pain to look at him. But-"

  "Causes me pain?" I scoffed, "You don't and can't understand the thoughts or feelings I have when it comes to looking and being near that infant!"

  "His name is Cooper. You choose it." Serenity narrowed her eyes, "Don't call him an infant, like he is a stranger."

  "I choose it because you guys wouldn't get off my case about it. I don't care what you call him." I snapped, "And he is a stranger to me."

  "Can you hear yourself?" Serenity face was tight with anger, "Can you hear your own hatred towards your son?"

  "That's it I'm leaving." I got up from the chair and Serenity reached across quickly and pushed me back down to my seat.

  "No you aren't," She said firmly, "You need to speak about this."

  "Speak about what?" I growled, "There is nothing to speak about!"

  "Connor's son deserves to be loved. Your son deserves to be loved."

  I ran a hair through my hair, trying to control my frustration. Nick was trying to make me give into my wolf to help me deal with this and Serenity was just throwing it in my face.

  "I can't—"

  "Fine ISABELLA!" Serenity's voice went high, "Say you don't love him. This only makes what I am about to ask so much easier for you to answer."

  I narrowed my eyes at my sister, I wanted to hurt her. I had never wanted to hurt my sister, but right now, that was all I could think about.

  "Ryan and I are thinking of traveling for a year or so." Serenity's voice was low and her eyes were slowly fading back to their normal blue state "and we were wondering if you would mind letting Cooper come with us."

  "I don't care where the child goes." I clenched my fists under the table "Like I said before and I repeat you should talk to Chase and Nick about this. They are the ones with the fondest towards it."

  "COOPER not IT!" Serenity roared and hurled her hot cup of tea across the room, narrowly missing my head. "Stop distancing yourself from HIM!"

  "Serenity, if you wish to take the child I won't stand in your way." I watched as her hands curled into small fists. Perhaps my coldness towards Cooper had finally reached a breaking point with her.

  "You know now I think of it, it could be the worst thing for us to do." Serenity grunted, "We thought maybe if you had time away from him, you would come around. But it's like every day you get colder and every day just a little more hollow."

  I stood up abruptly from my seat and slammed two fists down on the table.

  "You know the pain you felt when Ryan was gone." My voice dipped with bitterness and I saw the flash of sadness across Serenity's eyes as she briefly remembered. "Well double that pain Serenity and then add the factors that surround Connor's betrayal and then twist all that hurt you feel and put it in a living form and that is how I see Cooper. A living reminder of what I hide from, of what I feel every day!"

  "It isn't Coopers fault. He was made out of your love with Connor. Can't you see that?" Serenity's voice was low, "You can't hate Cooper."

  "I don't hate him. I just can't love him, not yet, maybe not ever."

  "You will Is. I know you." Serenity's eyes showed , but it wasn't for me, it was for Cooper. "You will come through this."

  "Perhaps." I walked away from the chair and pushed it in under the kitchen table, "Or maybe I never will."

  I knew Cooper deserved to be loved, but I was in no state to do it. To be the one who could love him with protection and gave him unconditional love.

  "We will leave tomorrow. I have already spoken to Chase and Nick about it. They both think it is the best thing for you and for Cooper." Serenity said to my back and I froze in the door frame, closing my eyes tight.

  "Whatever." I muttered and then walked away.

  How did I feel about Serenity and Ryan taking Cooper away from me? That I would not see him for at least a year? How did this make me feel knowing that Ryan and Serenity would be his number one care giver for that time? That I wouldn't see him, nor would I have him in sight to have to dodge his little arms. How did this make me feel?

  Nothing and that sent shivers of fear through my body. What was I becoming?

  Chapter Four

  Isabella

  "Do you want children?" I asked softly, looking at Connor with wonder.

  Connor
's black haunting eyes snapped to mine, "We don't really get a choice." His eyes still held mine, and I had a feeling he wasn't speaking the truth.

  "That wasn't my question." I arched an eyebrow, "It is hardly fair to bring a child into the world that would be unloved."

  "I would love our children." He said confidently. I saw the honest flash across his eyes, mixed with pride.

  Our children, my mind focused on those two words; our children.

  "How can you say that when you can't love or even look at any other child with love?" My eyebrow remained arched and our eyes remained locked.

  "Because they aren't ours." He said clearly before he tore his eyes from mine and shifted in his seat. As if I could see right through him.

  "Ours," I mumbled and ran my thumb across the child's cheek that I held, as she began to enter sleep.

  "How did you do it?" Connor frowned down at the child in my arm.

  I placed my hand over his. It was better to show than explain. Had he forgotten? Slowly I watched his eyes shade into a state of relaxation and his face relax slightly.

  "You forget things easily?" I said lightly, still keeping my hand on his. He looked across at me, as if I was the most beautiful thing in the world. "Feeling calm, Connor?"

  I watched his mind think, I could see it through his eyes. Then when his mind seemed to drift back to that memory, his eyes widened. "You're calming me."

  I chuckled lightly and nodded my head, "You asked how I calmed the baby."

  He shook his head lightly, "I hope you can do that with our kids." The corner of his lips twitched up slightly and his eyes shone with happiness "We will be the only parents in the world, with calm and collected children."

  My eyes fluttered open and my head spun as I woke up from the dream. But it wasn't a dream; it was a memory, a memory from so long ago. I inhaled sharply and pulled myself up the bed. It felt as if I had relived that memory, every detail being remembered; his smell, his touch.

  The memory slowly began to fade as I took in the room around me. I glanced down at the soft silk sheets that I lay on. Where was I?

  I glanced around the elegant, large room. It was huge and overly decorated. It looked like a room from the palace, though even my room wasn't this large or elegant. I took in the large wooden four poster king size bed that I sat in. Slowly I glanced at the blankets beside me, which were crossed over, as if someone was laying there but had now left.

  I pulled the soft sheets from my body and placed my feet on the thick, soft carpet. I was in grey cotton shorts and a pink tank top. I was not wearing this when I went to sleep.

  I took the two steps down from the bed and entered the sunken bedroom. Where was I? I let my eyes drift around the room and then across the room. On the far wall was a large painting. A logo I had grown up to hate, the Griffins crest.

  I shook my head and closed my eyes, shaking it slightly and then opening my eyes again. It was still there and I was still here.

  Wherever here is?

  I glanced around the room. It was beautiful and so large. Everything was trimmed in sliver and it wasn't silver paint, it was actually silver.

  Steadying myself, I walked back up the small steps and sat on the edge of the bed. My chest was rising heavily. Why did everything seem brighter? I blinked quickly. The room felt brighter, everything shone brighter.

  My eyes drifted to the bedside table and I noticed a piece of paper folded over with my name written on the front. I reached for it without thinking. Parting it open;

  'Sweetie-

  Won't be long, sorry I slept in. I know you can tell me off later, don't get up. You know he will be disappointed. Love you–C'

  I re-read the words once again. Who would be disappointed? Before I could think over the contents of the letter to deeply, the double white doors trimmed with sliver cracked open.

  I snapped my eyes up and watched as a large hand held the door open.

  "You're in the way dad." A little male voice whined.

  The door flung open a bit wider and then my breathing went shallow. Conner held the door wide open with one hand. Taking in his soft smile, my stomach flipped backwards. I followed the line of his eyesight and saw a little boy with shaggy black hair walk through the door.

  He was only a few feet tall and was carrying a large silver tray. He took long strides towards me, his little feet rustling the carpet. I could barely see his face, as it remained hidden behind the dishes on the tray.

  I glanced up at Connor as he closed the door after him. Connor had a small smile on his face as he watched the little boy walk towards me.

  The little boy came to a stop at the steps, Connor was at his side and lent down and took the tray from him. As the tray was taken from him, his little black eyes widened when they drifted to mine, his little mouth opening.

  "I told you she would be awake, DAD!" The little boy swung around and looked up at Conner. "I told you, I told you!"

  "Your mom can't eat asleep, Cooper. Go on, up." Conner balanced the tray on one hand and gestured with his other hand for the little boy to join me.

  Happily the boy jumped up the stairs and then launched himself in the bed, turning around sharply he sat beside me, his little legs swinging freely over the edge of the bed.

  "Happy Birthday Mom. I made you breakfast." His whole face lit up as he spoke to me then he waved his hands franticly for Connor "Come on dad. Give it to her!"

  "Turn around mom." His little head lent back as he looked up at me.

  Slowly, I pulled my feet from the ground and lent back against the bedhead. My eyes snapped to Connor as I watched him lean around me and place a wall of pillows behind me, which I leant back against. He shot me a small smile, and I felt the coldness which had consumed my heart fade.

  Just by one simple smile.

  I crossed my legs and Connor placed the tray down on my lap. Cooper quickly sat opposite me, crossing his little legs.

  Connor moved the rose from the tray and placed it on my bedside table; was this really happening?

  Cooper scooped up a straw from the tray and placed it in a tall glass of orange juice. I noticed how there were two dishes of hot food on the tray and two glasses of orange juice.

  "I carried it from the kitchen mom, the whole way." Cooper said with the straw still in his mouth. "Dad didn't help at all! I did it on my own."

  I opened my mouth to say something, but then closed it. He was happy. Cooper was happy. He was sitting across from me, looking perhaps around the age of seven or eight, and he was happy.

  "Are you going to eat mom?" Cooper's little face frowned and he glanced down at the tray with worry. "I made it myself."

  I hated seeing that expression on his face, that little frown didn't belong. His smile was too beautiful to ever not be in place.

  Quickly I swooped up a bit of toast and began to chew on the corner edge, which was burnt. But I kept a small smile on my face as I chewed.

  Cooper smiled instantly and then quickly did the same, scooping up his piece of burnt toast.

  My body went numb as I felt Connor's lips brush against my temple, "Love you." He whispered in my ear and I turned to face him.

  His face only inches from mine, emotions of love, mixed with happiness bubbled through my veins; and for the first time in forever, my body was free from sadness and grief.

  "I love you." My voice was dry as I spoke, and Connor's small smile twitched into a full grin.

  "I know." He brushed a finger across my lips and brushed bread crumbs from it. I smiled.

  I was smiling, why had I stopped smiling? I had this great man in front of me, who looked at with complete and utter love.

  His fingers lingered at my mouth for a few moments before his hand spread to cup my cheek. Our eyes were locked, like so many times before. His eyes shone with pride as he stared into mine, like he had found his treasure; and it was me.

  "You're doing that weird looking thing again." Cooper's little voice interrupted us and we both turned to loo
k at him.

  His mouth crushed down on some more burnt toast and he began to chew with his mouth open. While he continued to watch us, his little eyes flicking from me to Connor.

  "Close your mouth." Connor voice was light with hidden amusement, "How many times do we have to tell you?"

  Cooper rolled his little eyes, while swallowing and reached for his orange juice, sucking on the straw loudly.

  "He's your son." Connor's voice swirled around my ear.

  "He looks just like you." I took in Cooper's black shaggy hair that fell across his forehead, his black big eyes.

  "Yeah, but he's just like his mother." Connor said lightly and placed a hand over mine which lay next to my side, my other hand still gripping the burnt toast. "Can't cook to save himself."

  Coopers little mouth fell open as he caught his dad's words. "Mom did you hear that!"

  "I did Cooper, I did." I glanced at Connor, and shook my head lightly, "Your dad thinks he's a better cook than us."

  Cooper made some little grunting voice and I watched him cross his little arms out of the corner of my eye.

  "Okay, I take it back." Connor said quickly as I went to move the tray off my lap and placed it on the other side of the bed.

  "You can't take it back." I arched an eyebrow "You meant it, I heard it."

  "I heard it too, mum." Cooper quickly brought himself up to his knees. His eyes full of wonder, "He was naughty, naughty people get punished. Dad, you always say that."

  Connor narrowed his eyes playfully at Cooper. "Now you remember."

  "You were naughty dad." Cooper said bouncing up and down excitedly "Mom I think dad should have to clean my bedroom. That's what I always have to do."

  Cooper began to pull on my arm trying to get my attention "Mom please, please make him do it."

  "Weren't you meant to clean that yesterday?" I glanced down at my son. Why did I know that? For some reason, I just did.

  Cooper's little eyes went wide, and I heard the low chuckle from Connor.

  "It wasn't my fault." Cooper quickly spring from the bed and backed away from both of us, "I, I just got busy."