“Here,” he said, and handed it to the kid. “This should be more than enough to feed and house you both for the rest of your lives.” The boy stared blankly at the bag and then up at Ben. “No more stealing, okay?” The kid nodded as new tears filled his eyes. “And if you see someone else who needs help, you do what you can. You understand?”
Tiny arms flung around Benjamin’s neck and the boy thanked him over and over before running off.
“Just giving away all your treasures now, are you?” I said jokingly as Ben stood and faced me.
He brushed some dirt from his pants and gave me another pinched look. “Well, let’s just say…the situation hits close to my heart.” Those chestnut eyes only continued to dig at me. “Are you alright?”
My shoulders slumped. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? I wasn’t the one getting my hand chopped off.” I spun on my heel to head back toward the merchant tents.
“Dianna!” he said with a raspy gasp and clutched my arm to spin me back toward him. I collided with his wide and hard chest and glared up at him. “That was a child,” he spoke slowly and pointedly. He searched my eyes back and forth as if he could find the answer he needed there. “What’s happening to you?”
I ripped my arm away and stepped back as I glowered at him, noting how something was blossoming in my chest. Not a warmth, not a feeling or emotion. But a…darkness. Cold and fluid, filling all the empty cavities left behind by my soul. But my rational mind was still there, and it screamed for me to understand, to see what Ben was talking about. But I simply couldn’t bring myself to face it. I felt something chilly and wet film over my eyes. Just for a split second, but it was enough for Ben to catch. He recoiled, but before he had the chance to speak, I turned my back to him and stalked off toward the village to find the tavern Freya booked for us.
I couldn’t face him, couldn’t face what I knew was happening inside of me. Not yet. If I acknowledged the fact that something was wrong with me, then I’d be giving it power. More power than it already had. And I feared it would sway me from my mission to get back home to Henry and the kids.
But, as I put more and more distance between Benjamin and me, something sinister whispered in my ear.
Let me in, Dianna. Let me in and you can staaaayyyy…
Chapter Eight
I stared into the void before me as I sat and mindlessly pushed around the food on my plate with the back of a fork. Some kind of thick stew on a bed of potatoes. It held no appeal to me, even though I knew I hadn’t eaten in hours.
My friends and crew sat around the rather large table we occupied in the dining area of the tavern we were staying at, and their voices were like distant echoes as I sunk further and further into my mind. While most of my emotional range was gone, fear seemed to be one of the few I could hang on to. Fear of not getting home, fear of not having and soul and what that truly meant–what it was doing to me. Fear of that voice, that tempting purr that had taken residence in my mind.
I played it over and over. Dianna. Dianna. Dianna. Memorizing the sound of it. Trying to decipher what it was and where it may have come from.
“Dianna!” Finn’s voice broke through the fog that surrounded me. A layer of impatience lacing his tone.
I blinked away the film that seemed to cover my eyes and looked at him from across the table. He raised his thick red brows. “What?” I asked.
“I was just sayin’ that we leave at first light,” he replied hesitantly, and all eyes at the table fell on me with question and concern. “We stocked up on everythin’ we needed for the rest of the journey. So, be ready.”
I just nodded and focused on pushing my food around some more. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Freya shift in her seat and lean toward Benjamin where she wrapped her hand around his forearm. They shared a quiet laugh and jealousy blossomed in my chest. The only other actual emotion I seemed to be able to muster since I flicked that switch inside of me.
I let out a groan and set my fork down before shoving my chair out.
“Are ye leaving?” Freya asked. “Ye haven’t even touched yer food.”
I gave an impatient shrug. “I’m not feeling…hungry.” Or anything at all. “I think…I’ll take a walk.”
Ben and Finn’s voices mixed as they clashed against my back. I ignored them and headed for the door. Night had fallen a while ago, and a thick blanket of black stretched overhead like a canopy. I strolled along the side of the dirt roads that wound in and around stores, houses, and other structures.
I’d no idea how long I’d wandered when I emerged to an open area filled with locals around a large fire pit. A pig roasted and turned over on a spit. A few of the same vendors I saw in the market were there with smaller tables of food they were serving. Someone played a strange-looking guitar, fat and round in shape, but it churned out a lovely upbeat tune that seemed to ignite cheer in the people.
Hunger had no place in my stomach, but my logical mind knew I should eat something. I may be immortal, but I wasn’t indestructible. Hunger could still kill me. So, I waited in line at one of the tables and paid for a small bowl of some kind of spicy seafood dish and a large piece of buttered bread. I found a spot to sit on a makeshift bench made from a log and picked at the food. My mouth salivated at the first bite and I knew then, just how hungry I must have been.
I sat until my bowl was empty, let the warmth of the fire soak into my chilly skin, and tried to enjoy the lovely music that danced in the air. I watched as children stuffed their faces and played in the dirt, happy and carefree, and thoughts of my own children rattled in the back of my mind. I missed them, I knew that, but nothing changed in my chest at the memory of them. Nothing stirred in my heart. A blessing and a curse. I wondered then if it would always be that way if I remained soulless. Cold and empty, unyielding.
No, I had to hold on to the hope that, even without a soul, I would one day figure out how to flip that switch back. To turn my humanity back on and let my full range of emotions fill me. I had to. The idea of coasting through an immortal existence this way…
“Diabo!” some woman cried out in a hoarse shriek. I glanced up to find her, an older lady with grey hair tucked back in a messy bun, pointing at me with a face full of fear. “Diabo!” she yelled again and stomped around the curve of the fire to job her finger in my face. I just sat there, at a loss of what was happening. “Diabo! Diabo! O diabo mora em você!”
The music stopped, and people stared. Some with confused expressions, others with just as much gusto and fear as the old woman offered.
“I-I’m sorry,” I said and shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Diabo! Diabo! O diabo mora em você!” she practically spat.
To my relief, a younger lady appeared and gripped the woman’s shoulders gently, pulling her away from me. “Mamãe é hora de ir para casa.” She ushered the crazed woman over to a man who took her away toward the village. The younger lady came back to me. “I am so sorry,” she said. Her English was impressive. “That’s my grandmother. She’s…not well in the mind.”
Still a bit stunned, I set my empty bowl on the bench I sat on and stood to face her. “It’s alright. She just startled me, is all.”
The woman was a natural beauty. Her dark hair long and silky, brown eyes that caught the fire perfectly. She stuck out a hand. “Amelia.”
I shook it with a smile. “Dianna.”
“Well, Dianna,” Amelia said. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”
She turned to leave, and words bubbled up from my throat. “What did she mean?” Amelia spun around, her brows pinching together. “Your grandmother. She said Diabo when she pointed at me. What does that mean?”
She heaved a sigh, and I caught a slight eye roll. This must have been a regular thing. “It means…devil. But, please, do not let it bother you. Mamãe thinks any woman who wears pants is an abomination.”
She laughed, and I mimicked the sound, but it felt wrong in my body. I pursed my lip
s. “What…what did the other words mean?”
“Other words?”
“Yes, she said,” I paused to remember how it sounded. “Something like…O diabo mora em você? Sorry, I don’t speak Portuguese.”
Amelia’s head tipped back a bit as she realized. “It roughly translates to the devil lives inside you.” She laughed again. “But, truly, do not let it bother you. She’s not been of right mind for years now.”
Don’t let it bother me? One of the lingering emotions, fear, possessed my body and I stood frozen in place. My feet felt like boulders in the dirt. But I managed a weak smile and a nod for Amelia. “Thank you. I’ll…I have to get going now.”
She said her goodbyes and trotted off to join the people she’d been hanging out with before her grandmother spotted me. I left and headed toward the beach. The warmth of the fire seeped from my back with every step I took, leaving nothing but a sharp chill to cover my skin. Amelia’s grandmother’s voice still screamed in my ears, though. As if she stood right next to me.
Diabo!
Every syllable cut deep into my mind because some part of me recognized the truth in it. The devil lives inside of you. Something sinister had definitely taken residence where my soul used to be.
I just wondered how long I could keep it at bay before it filled every empty inch of me.
When I finally reached the empty beach, I stopped for a moment to remove my boots and socks. I carried them in my hand as I strolled along the edge of the sea, let the soft sand caress my bare feet, relished in the way my toes sunk into it.
I couldn’t go back to the tavern. Not yet. I was too afraid to sleep, and I feared what that old woman said would seep into my nightmare and make it even worse. If that were even possible.
I strolled up and down for hours. Until the deep chill of late-night trickled into my bones. But I still wasn’t ready to return. I tossed my boots down and plunked myself onto the beach to stare out across the ocean. Beauty and rage intertwined as one. As much as the sea gave, it took two-fold. But, like a wild animal, you couldn’t blame it for its nature.
Just then, something moved on the waves. A formless body, familiar and unwanted. My stomach immediately churned at the sight of a siren solidifying before my eyes. Just a few feet from the shore where I sat.
“What do you want?” I spat.
“Curious,” the beast replied with a voice layered in a musical tone, sharp like chimes.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, already impatient.
The siren floated closer and more of its form emerged from the gently lapping waves. “Why you haven’t come begging for the return of your soul.”
A guffaw rolled over in my throat. “Are you saying your kind will just give it back?”
A chilling, high-pitched laugh filled the air around me. “We do not give or take without cost.”
“So, that’s a no, then?” I barked impatiently. “And you wonder why I haven’t come to you? I’d rather spend weeks sailing across the ocean on the slim chance that I could get my soul back rather than even think about lowering myself to asking you.” I narrowed my eyes at the creature. “I just want to go home. No strings, no conditions, no bargains.”
The siren went quiet and sunk below the surface of the water. I waited a moment for it to return but, when it didn’t, I grabbed my boots and began shoving them on.
“I may be able to help you, Dianna Cobham,” the siren spoke as it appeared again, this time a little further out. “If you come into the water.”
I shoved on my other boot and stood up, wiping the sand from my pants. “Nice try, but I’m not an idiot.”
I wouldn’t dare step into the water with the beast. No one in their right mind ever should. They were known for drowning innocents and taking lives. Just as the kelpies did. But that eerie voice suddenly whispered in my ear, taunting.
Do it, Dianna. Go into the water…
As if with a mind of its own, my hand twitched and discreetly moved to hover over the dagger I kept at my side. My sister’s dagger. And an idea blossomed in the back of my mind. A dark idea, and one not of my own making. The entity toiling around inside of me pulled at my will with puppet strings and, in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to obey.
I took slow and careful steps toward the foamy edge of the sea and stopped when the toes of my boots dipped under the water.
“That’s right,” the siren cooed. “Come to me and I’ll show you how you can release yourself from this torment.” From where I stood, I could see its terrifying toothy grin flashing in the moonlight.
The fingers that still hovered over my dagger were cold and tingly, and animated by another will. My heart raced at the idea, coaxing me forward, inching me closer to the sea creature. I stopped at arm’s reach.
“You can make it go away?” I asked as innocently as I could muster. “You can take it?”
The siren nodded as it grinned devilishly. “Yesss…I can take all your pain.”
My one hand whipped outward, so fast it startled even me, and my fingers wrapped around the beast’s neck. Her eyes went wide in horror, black and glassy. They reflected the full moon above, and in them I saw her fear. The thing inside of me fed on it.
In another flash, too fast to catch, my other hand plucked the dagger from my belt. I squeezed the siren’s neck until a gurgled cough choked from her and I pulled her face close to mine.
“Then here you go,” I spat. “Take it!”
The blade cut through her watery chest with ease until it reached the spot I was hoping for. Her heart. When a piercing tink of metal on stone chimed in the air, I knew I had succeeded. I gave the dagger a good twist, and the siren cried out in pain, a loud ear-shattering wail. Inky blood seeped from the wound and I held her tightly, desperately, the dagger still lodged in her chest, until I watched the eternal life drain from those black eyes.
The knife receded with a wet sound and I returned it to its hilt, not even bothering to wipe the blood from it. I was covered in the stuff, anyway. When I released her body, it returned to the sea in a watery form until it dissipated, and I turned to leave, satisfied with what I’d done. My heart pounded with adrenaline; fat and happy. Wanting more.
When I stepped onto the sand, I stopped for a moment to take a deep breath and let the rush of what I’d done settle over me. I shivered, unable to keep the chattering of my teeth and body at bay. So, I walked mindlessly, wandering through the sleeping town. Unsure of what to do. I couldn’t waltz into the tavern covered in blood and soaked to the bone. But I couldn’t stay outside, either. I’d surely freeze to death as the night progressed.
I wasn’t sure how long had passed when I heard my name called in the distance. Too disoriented and lost in my own mind to see where the sound was coming from, I just stopped in place and waited. My body trembled even more until my stomach began to hurt.
Suddenly, hands were on me, pawing at my arms and cupping my face with warmth, forcing me to meet their eyes.
“Dianna,” Benjamin said, this time cutting through the fog I wandered in. “Christ! Dianna, are you alright?”
The last of the darkness that had seemed to animate my body disappeared, and all that was left was me. Cold, empty, trembling with fear over what I’d done. And what I may do again.
“B-Ben?” I managed to get out over chattering lips. My eyes met his, and I felt them water over.
His hands squeezed my upper arms as he held me away from him and took in the full sight of me. He pinched the blood-covered sleeve of my jacket in his fingers and gave me a horrified look.
“It’s…not mine,” I assured him.
“Whose is it, then?” he demanded.
With no other emotions to water it down, fear possessed me and scrambled my thoughts. “A siren’s.”
“Did it attack you? Are you hurt?”
I could only nod as I stared blankly over his shoulder. Perfectly fine with the lie. It hadn’t attacked me–it was probably planning to kill me, but I hadn
’t given it the chance.
Benjamin shrugged out of his long brown trench coat and slung it over my trembling body. The fur-lined collar caressed my face, and I sunk into it. Absorbing the familiar scent of musk and spice.
“Let’s get you inside and cleaned up,” he said, glancing around before leading me back to the tavern.
It felt like only seconds had passed when Benjamin swung open the hefty wooden door to the tavern and led me upstairs to my room. We stopped just outside my closed door and I looked at his face for the first time.
“C-can you–” Confusion swirled in my mind. “I…don’t want to be alone.”
He let a deep sigh loosen through his nostrils as he seemed to contemplate what I was saying. His massive hand spread over my back comfortingly and he smiled, but one that didn’t meet his eyes.
“Sure,” Benjamin replied, low and raspy. “I’ll stay as long as you need.”
My shaky hand twisted the old brass knob and pushed the door open. My room, left unattended all day, sat in chilly darkness and Ben immediately went to the hearth to get a fire started. I stood in the middle of the room, bundled in his coat, unsure of what to do. All I could think of was getting warm.
He got the fire going in no time and came to me to remove the heavy jacket. He slung it over the back of a chair and turned to take in the full sight of me.
“What the hell happened, Dianna?”
“I told you. The siren, it–”
“Attacked you,” he cut in impatiently. “Yeah, I get it. But why? How? What were you doing in the ocean to begin with?” His eyes widened. “At this ungodly hour?”
I wrapped my stiff arms around my torso. “I-I don’t know.” The words were a whisper. “I went for a walk…and the siren appeared, promising it could fix me.”
“And you believed it?”
I looked away shamefully and shrugged out of my blood-covered jacket. “Obviously not.” I held the garment in my quaking hands and stared at the bloodstains.
“Christ,” he said and stalked over to me. “Here, let me take that.”
The Cursed Sea Page 6
