by Emma Louise
I’ve always pushed women away, used excuses to avoid commitment. When I was still fighting, I used training as an excuse. When that ended, it was work, the gym, and how busy that kept me.
Hell, I was sure I was in love with Lucy for a while, and I still couldn’t commit. I can’t help but think that if anyone could change that it’s Breeze. She’s intrigued me from the very first time I saw her.
“You can have a life too. You deserve a life too.”
Wrapping Poppy up in hug, I kiss the top of her head before answering.
“I’m not saying that one day I won’t find someone, but right now the timing is shitty. Things are about to get crazy with Jonah’s training schedule. I’m barely going to have time for Abel, let alone a woman. I mean this in the best possible way, but I don’t need the distraction right now. And anyway, I'm pretty sure she hates me.”
And if she doesn’t hate me already, she should.
“Well if you aren’t going to ask her out, you could at least offer her a ride home.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because it’s the least you could do after being an ass to her earlier. And she rode her bicycle here, and I’m pretty sure she has a flat tire.”
She wouldn’t do that, would she?
“Really? You took the air out of her tires? That’s crazy, even for you,” I groan.
“I did no such thing,” she says, a smirk lighting up her face.
“I have no idea how my brother puts up with you.” She laughs off my comments before turning and flouncing back out to the yard.
An hour later and of course I'm giving Breeze a ride home. I kept my mouth shut when she discovered the flat tire, not willing to give into Poppy’s game. And I was doing fucking great at ignoring the bullshit until Hayden stepped up and offered her a ride home.
Of course that fucker did.
I’d had the bike in the back of my truck and Breeze in the front seat before I could think twice about what I was doing.
Now, the silence surrounding us is thick. Abel is asleep in the back, so we don’t even have him to distract us from it.
Turning on the radio, I flick through the channels, trying to find something to cut through the awkwardness.
She never even looks my way, and I know she doesn’t because my eyes are on her more than they should be for someone who’s driving.
Seeing her sitting there, head against the glass, shoulders slumped, I know I should clear the air between us. But how do I do that, when I’m not exactly sure why I'm unable to act like a grown up around her?
“Thanks for this.” I turn toward her when she speaks, but she’s still concentrating hard on the scenery flying past the glass.
“No problem,” I say, running my hand over my jaw, unsure of how to proceed with this, but knowing I should. “I’m sorry I was a dick.”
“Which time?” she says without missing a beat.
“I guess I deserve that.” I wince at her come back.
“All of them?” I keep my eyes on the road as I wait for her to answer, but she doesn’t. I decide to keep on anyway.
“I should have said thank you for helping with Abel that day. I’ve been doing the stuff you showed me, and he’s been so much happier.”
“Really? That’s amazing.” Risking a glance her way, I see the tiniest of smiles pull up the corner of her mouth. Makes a change from the scowl she usually ends up wearing around me.
With the air cleared, we actually manage to hold a conversation for the rest of the way to her place, and when we pull up outside of a small two-story house that’s just a few blocks away from mine, I’m almost tempted to keep driving. I’m not ready to say goodbye to her.
“If you open the garage, I’ll take the bike inside for you,” I tell her, turning the engine off.
“Oh that’s okay, the garage isn’t mine, just the apartment above it.”
Looking toward where she’s pointing, I see a set of metal steps that lead up to what must be the smallest apartment above the tiny garage.
“You live up there? Alone?” I ask stupidly because she’s already told me she does. “Is that safe?” The thought of her up there alone fills me with dread.
“Wow, you almost sound like you care.” Taking her seatbelt off, she hops out of the truck. “Careful, I might start thinking you like me.”
“The door looks like it’s made of cardboard for fuck sake,” I say, following her.
“I’m fine. The apartment is fine.” She stands at the back of the truck, waiting for me to get the bike for her, arms crossed over her chest.
“Do you have a repair kit for this thing?”
“I’ll find one.”
“What time are you due at Flex tomorrow?” I ask, watching as her brow crinkles in confusion.
“Nine a.m. Why?”
“Leave the bike with me tonight, and I'll pick you up around eight thirty in the morning.”
“What?!” The look of shock on her face is almost comical. I don’t give her a chance to argue. I’m back in my truck and driving away before she can say another word, pleased as fuck I've found a way to spend a bit more time with her tomorrow.
Pacing back and forth in front of the living room window, I check again to see if TJ is here yet. How the hell did I get into this situation? One minute he’s acting like he hates me, the next he’s bending over backward to be helpful. I’m getting whiplash from the back and forth with him.
Never for one minute did I think it would be so awkward seeing him yesterday, but the look on his face when he saw me sitting there knocked me back. Heat fills my cheeks at the memory of him taking Abel out of my arms the way he did. I only held him because Poppy asked me too.
The sound of a car pulling up outside stops my thoughts from wandering too much. My stomach dips when I see TJ getting out of his truck. Why does he have to be so good looking? It would be much easier to stay mad at him if he was ugly.
I don’t move as he opens the door to the truck and climbs out. I’m too busy staring at the tight athletic shirt he has on. The way it molds to his arms is mesmerizing. Being stuck in such close proximity to him for the next twenty minutes is going to suck.
Gathering my bag and a jacket, I open the door just before he can knock. I’m keen to get this over with. Taking a deep breath and painting on a fake smile, I meet him just as he hits the top of the rickety stairs outside of my front door.
“Morning,” he says, and for a second, I get a flash in my mind of what it might be like to have that deep voice greet me every single morning. Heat suffuses my cheeks, and all I can do is smile in return. He shifts to the side, letting me walk down first. The space is so narrow I have no choice but to brush past him, and the briefest touch of his skin on mine sends goose bumps skittering all over me.
Opening the back door to put my bags in, I'm surprised to see Abel in his car seat. “Hey, little guy,” I coo, running my finger over his hand. I get a wet smile and a finger grab in return.
“He’s coming to work with me for the morning; my mom will be in to get him later,” TJ tells me once we’re on the road.
“It must be difficult, juggling work and a baby on your own?” I realize too late that it sounds like I’m fishing for information. Luckily TJ doesn’t seem fazed by the question.
“It is. But I'm lucky, my family is amazingly supportive, and he’s pretty chilled as far as babies go,” he says, pride evident in his tone and in the smile on his face when he talks about his son.
“Well I don’t know you very well, but from what I've seen you’re doing a great job.”
His eyes don’t leave the road, so I take the opportunity to look at him uninterrupted for a minute. Taking in the dark, slightly too long hair that I could see myself sliding my fingers through, to the dark stubble that covers what I know is a strong jaw. Because I’m studying him, I see the bob of his tanned throat as he swallows before speaking.
“Thank you.” It’s barely a murmur, but I hear him. I hear how he ha
tes taking a compliment, but I also hear he’s proud to be told he’s doing good.
Taking a deep breath, I need to snap myself out of this trance he seems to put me in. Even when he’s being a dick to me, I’m drawn to him. TJ being nice is lethal. I don’t know that I can survive the nice version of him.
“Did you manage to fix the bike?” I go for a change of topic, thinking we both could use it right now.
“Well there was no puncture, so I just pumped some air into it. It seems to be holding okay, though.”
“No puncture?” I question, because that wheel was flat as a pancake. I can’t see how it would be like that without a hole in it of some sort. TJ shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and the knuckles on the hand that’s resting on the gear stick whiten.
“Yep. I double checked. No puncture.”
“That’s good. I have to ride over to my second job later today, and I’ll never make it if I have to walk.” I’m grateful that he’s saved me the hassle of trying to get a new tire.
“You have a second job?” His eyes turn to me briefly.
“Well, technically it’s not an official second job. My best friend owns a coffee shop, and I help her out from time to time. And it works out well because I’m only at Flex part time. She’s taking on staff this week, so this will be my last shift working for her,” I ramble. TJ doesn’t seem to mind, though. I know he’s concentrating on the road, but it feels like he’s interested in what I’m saying.
“Will you be looking for another job now then? Something full time?” Again, his dark eyes risk a glance at me.
“Maybe, if something comes up. I’m saving to go traveling soon, so I’ll take all the work I can get.”
“Traveling, huh?”
“Yeah, once my time at Flex is done, I’ll be heading off to Europe.”
This time his eyes are surprised when he looks my way. “No shit?”
“You shouldn’t swear when baby ears are so close,” I tell him, cringing when I realize, I sound just like Ava. TJ doesn’t seem to hear me, though. He looks back at the road and drives the rest of the way in silence, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
Later that evening, I’m cleaning up after my last class of the day, and I’m beat. With all of the equipment packed away, I’m ready to go home and crawl into bed for a few hours. I got hardly any sleep last night, the events of the baby shower playing on a loop front and center in my mind all night. Between that and riding back and forth to Deja Brew this afternoon, I’m dead on my feet.
Flicking the last of the studio lights off, I lock up and zip the key away in my bag. I’m almost to the front door when I hear my name being called. Turning around I see a very sweaty TJ jogging my way. Fresh TJ looked good this morning; sweaty TJ right now is doing wonderful things for my imagination. Except, I’m now imagining him being sweaty for reasons other than a work out.
“Hey, I’m glad I caught you. I was going to come by your place on my way home.”
“My place?” I ask, gripping my backpack hard to stop myself from reaching out and touching a bead of sweat that just dropped off the end his hair.
“I have an idea I’d like to run past you,” he says, indicating toward the empty reception desk and the seats behind it. I have no idea what he could want to discuss with me, but I follow behind him to sit.
“I was thinking about what you were saying earlier, about getting another job, and I was thinking maybe you’d consider working for me?”
“I already work with you,” I reply, completely confused.
“No, you work for Flex,” he laughs. “I want you to work for me, watching Abel.”
“But I’m not a nanny.”
“I don’t need a nanny for him. I need someone here, at work, to take care of him when I have to be in the ring with Jonah, or in meetings, that kind of thing. Pop and my mom are doing it now, but with Chase and the new baby coming so soon, I’d like to take some of the pressure off them.” He sighs deeply before he speaks again. “I’m not going to go into detail, but Abel and I, we had a rough start. I want him to be around as much as possible; it’s good for both of us. I can only do that if he’s here. I have too much on my plate right now, but I can’t drop Jonah. It’s not fair to him either.”
I’m beyond shocked at his request. After the encounters we’ve had so far, I was pretty sure he hated me. This is the very last thing I would have expected him to ask. And I’m more than a bit gutted that I have to turn him down.
“I have a timetable here that isn’t flexible, so I can’t offer you that much time.”
The smile he flashes my way is obviously the one he uses to get whatever he wants, and I swear I see a dimple come out to play too.
“One of the perks of owning this place is that my schedule can be flexible. I’ll work around you as much as I can, and anything we can’t do between us, we’ll work out as it happens.
“TJ...” I trail off when I can’t find the words to tell him no.
“Please? Abel obviously likes you. You’re good with him, and you won’t have to look for a second job. I’ll make other arrangements by the time you leave for Europe.”
It’s on the top of my tongue.
‘Sorry, I can’t.’
I want to say the words.
I’m about to say the words.
He must see it in my face because he lets out a deep breath, and his shoulders droop.
I’m not sure which of us is more surprised when I do finally speak.
“Okay. I’ll help you”
“You did what?” Fleur shouts at me, spraying the mouthful of wine she just drank all over the table we’re sat at.
“I know!” I groan, letting my head drop onto my arms where they rest on the table in front of me. “I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot,” she says, not even trying to hide the laughter in her voice.
Instead of going home to bed like I’d planned, I came straight to my best friend. We’ve been sitting on her tiny roof terrace, the bottle of wine between us almost all gone. I’ve told her all about TJ and my new job helping him with Abel.
"Only an idiot would let a guy speak to her like shit, repeatedly, then cave the first time he asked a favor. Damn that stupid dimple.” I throw back the last of my wine before thrusting my empty glass at Fleur for her to refill.
“A dimple? If he’s as hot as you say he is, and he has a dimple, you were doomed from the beginning, girl. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
“He’s stupidly hot. He's make dumb decisions kinda hot.”
“What did you say his last name is?” she asks, pulling out her phone.
“Harmon, why?” The wine must be hitting me because it’s not until it’s too late that I realize she’s looking him up on the Internet. “What are you doing?” I try to grab the phone out of her hand, but she’s expecting it and moves before I can reach her.
“You weren’t lying, girl, he is hot as fuck.” She tells me something I already know.
“Let me see.” I wedge myself into the chair next to her so I can see the screen with her. She has his Facebook profile up, and it’s open for everyone to see. “He’s not on here much. It's mostly shared stuff about the gym. Let’s skip to his photos” I should stop her, there’s something creepy about it, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it.
I want to know more about him. He’s a closed book that is begging to be read.
“Is that the baby?” She tilts the screen my way showing me a picture of a shirtless TJ holding a tiny baby on his chest. It’s the same view I got in his office last week, but Abel is much smaller in the picture, his head covered in dark hair resting on TJ’s shoulder.
“Is this Abel’s mom?” She stops on a picture of Poppy, holding Abel.
“No. I don’t think there are any of her on there.” It hits me that there were pictures of Abel and the rest of TJ’s family all over his office, the same at his brother’s house, but not a single one of anyone who could be Abel’s mom. I know it’s not a
ppropriate, I should wait for him to tell me what happened to her, but I can’t stop myself from doing what I'm about to do.
“Keep looking,” I urge. As she scrolls through, I don’t see any pregnant women in any of the pictures. She’s going further and further back when I notice more and more pictures of TJ and Lucy. I’ve met her at the gym a few times, and she was at Poppy’s baby shower, but I've never seen Lucy and TJ speak to each other. Judging by how close they are in most of these, and the way he’s looking at her, they’ve had some kind of relationship.
“Is she his girlfriend?” Fleur asks quietly.
“No. She works at the gym, and she has a boyfriend. He was at the baby shower with her.”
Even knowing that she isn’t with TJ, I can’t help the burst of jealousy I feel when I see the connection they shared. It’s palpable through the tiny screen and grainy images in front of me.
I let Fleur snoop, hoping to get answers to some of the questions I’ve not been able to get out of my head. Instead, I’ve just ended up with a ton more.
Throwing down the crappy cards Hayden just dealt, I tag the bottle of beer off the table in front of me, downing half of it in a few gulps.
“I’m out.”
The guys are over for poker night, and so far, they’ve spent more time digging in to me over Breeze than actually playing cards.
“Let me get this right.” Hayden throws a couple more chips onto the pile building up in the center of the table. “You go all caveman on her ass and practically drag her into your truck, then instead of asking her out—you know, like a normal person—you offer her a job? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I told you. I don’t see her like that.” I sigh.
“Liar.” Duke coughs, making the others laugh.
“Laugh all you like, assholes.”
“You sure having her work for you is a good idea?” Keir asks, throwing down his cards.
“Why not? She’s good with Abel, and it takes the pressure off Mom for a while. Makes sense to me.” I shrug.
