by Emma Louise
She leans over, laughing along with my boy before she drops one final kiss on his head, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Leaning forward to scoop him up, Bree moves so she’s sitting crossed legged in front of the floor to ceiling mirrored wall. She places Abel in the crook of her lap and wraps her arms around his belly. Closing her eyes, she takes some deep breaths. This isn’t the first time I’ve watched this. The two of them do yoga together happens every time she watches him, and he seems to get as much out of it as she does. Less than a minute into her meditation and Abel is almost asleep, her deep, even breathing soothing him.
Seeing Breeze make him so happy makes me imagine a future I'm not sure I have any business imagining. Whatever it is we’re doing doesn’t have a label. I was attracted to her from the first time I set eyes on her outside my office, but after getting her into my bed and underneath me last week, she has consumed me. We’ve spent every night together, and I've made it my mission to find out what makes her tick. And not just in the bedroom. I know we need to talk. I should be asking her what she has planned, but deep down I'm scared of her answer. What if she’s leaving and never coming back? She’s only been in my life for a few weeks, and already I know that she’ll leave behind a hole that I'm not sure I’ll ever be able to fill.
“Am I making a mistake?” I ask Keir.
“With what?”
“Letting her in. Letting her get close to us.”
“Does it feel like a mistake?”
“No. Never,” I tell him without having to think about it. “She fits. With both of us. She just fits.”
“Why are you doubting it then?”
“She wants the world,” I tell him, letting him know my biggest fear—that Abel and I will not be enough. That this beautiful, free spirit will feel like I clipped her wings if I tie her to us.
“Find a way to give it to her then,” he says, like doing it should be the simplest thing in the world.
Then he walks away, leaving me to figure out how the fuck I'm supposed to give her the world, without breaking my heart and hers in the process.
“Morning, baby.”
The gruff voice at my ear causes my body to react on its own accord, arching into TJ’s hard body as it cocoons me. The heat of his lips meets the skin of my neck and I resist the urge to purr in satisfaction.
“Morning.” My reply is a breathy moan, and I hardly recognize the sound of my voice. Shifting slightly, TJ rolls me to my back. I hardly have time to appreciate how gorgeous he looks rumpled from sleep, before he swoops down to kiss me.
I could easily get used to waking up like this.
I have gotten used to waking up like this.
I’ve spent pretty much every night since our first time together here with TJ and Abel. So far, I’ve managed to avoid thinking too much about what we’re doing here. It’s especially easy to avoid those thoughts when TJ does things like what he’s doing right now. Concentrating on the kisses he’s dotting along my jaw and neck allows my mind to blank out everything except for him. It’s only been a few hours since he was inside me last, but even that is entirely too long.
Pushing my hands against his huge shoulders, I break the connection between us and roll him to his back.
TJ spoils me. Most of our time in this bed is spent with him worshipping me. I don’t get to reciprocate often enough, but this morning, I'm starving for him.
Quickly straddling him, I kiss my way down his body, hopefully making my intentions clear. I kiss over the tattoos on his chest and over his outrageous abs. When I get to the ridges that line his hips, I let my tongue peek out to trace them.
“Fuck sake, Breeze,” he growls, hands sliding into my hair. Taking ahold of his solid cock, squeezing gently at first and giving him a few stokes, I revel in the way he stares at me. The heat in his eyes lets me know just how much he’s struggling with letting me control the pace like this.
I’d better make the most of this because I have a feeling he’s about to snap. Lowering my head, I wrap my lips around the broad head of his cock, making sure to suck gently at first. TJ rewards me with a deep, guttural moan that vibrates through his whole body. The sound turns me on even more than I already am. Taking him in deeper, I use both hands to jack the part of him that I can’t fit in my mouth. He’s larger than any man I've ever been with, and I can’t take all of him. I don’t think he cares much based on the reaction I get when he touches the back of my throat.
“That’s it ... so fucking good, baby,” he praises, and it spurs me on. Trying my hardest to relax my throat, I try to take him in further. Holding my head in place, he gently rocks his hips into me.
“This okay?” he asks, sounding breathless. The best I can do is moan and increase the suction.
“Shit, Bree, baby ... I’m not going to last. You need to stop if you don’t want me to come in your mouth.” I don’t let him go when he tries to move me off him. It only takes a few more seconds for him to explode in my mouth, and the pulse of him coming against my tongue is hypnotic. I already know I can’t wait to do this to him again.
Letting go of his still hard cock, he falls back against the pillow, chest heaving.
I did that to him.
Dropping my chin to his thigh, I revel in the sight of him so undone. He doesn’t give me long to do so, though, as he drags me up his body.
“Thank you, baby. That was fucking incredible,” he murmurs against my lips, causing my cheeks to heat. I’m saved from replying when a small shout sounds from the baby monitor next to the bed. We both turn toward the small screen where Abel can be seen in his crib, babbling to himself and trying to grab his feet.
“Looks like you’ll have to wait for your turn, sorry.” Giving my ass a light squeeze, TJ kisses me quickly before he gets out of the bed. “Go back to sleep. You don’t have to get up for another hour yet.”
Grabbing his pillow, I snuggle down into the bed and enjoy the view. I don’t think I could ever get sick of watching a naked TJ walking around. Instead of going back to sleep, I decide to go and get Abel. He’s not fussing, but I can’t resist a morning cuddle before the craziness of the day kicks in. Pulling on one of TJ’s shirts, I make my way into the nursery. Abel squeals when he sees me, arms and legs flailing.
“Morning, gorgeous boy.” I scoop him up and kiss his head. Changing his diaper, I carry him to the bedroom and climb into the bed, settling him on the pillows next to me. The bathroom door opens and TJ steps out, a towel around his waist and water dripping down his chest.
“I told you to go back to sleep,” He scolds, coming to sit next to me on the bed, leaning over to kiss Abel. When he does the same to me, Abel whacks him in the jaw with a sticky fist.
“Thanks, bud.” He chuckles, the sound making me smile too.
“I’m not tired.” I shrug.
“You have him all day today; you should make the most of your free time.”
“I’d rather spend my morning with you guys.”
He stares at me a beat, looking like there are words that want to fall off the tip of his tongue, but he must decide against it. Instead, he moves to the closet to get dressed, stepping out a few moments later wearing a crisp white tee and gray sweats. As much as I appreciate the view, I can’t help but be jealous. I’m going to be here all day while he’s at the gym looking like a snack for all the gym bunnies who want him. It’s hard enough when I'm forced to see it with my own eyes, but knowing I won’t be there leaves me feeling uncomfortably jealous.
“Don’t you have any black sweats?” I blurt out, and I immediately want to pull my tongue out. I’m so freaking embarrassed.
“What?” he asks, looking completely bemused.
“Nothing. Ignore me,” I deflect.
"You have something against gray sweats?” Judging by the light in his eyes, he’s teasing me. This is new.
“I have something against other women seeing you in them,” I tell him, deciding to be honest, even if it does make me sound ridiculous.
“Reall
y?” he laughs, sounding slightly incredulous.
“You have to know that gray sweats on a hot guy can make a woman lose her mind,” I reason.
“Do they do that to you?” he asks, moving to nuzzle into my neck.
“Uh-huh.”
Pulling back to look into my eyes, TJ waits until he has my full attention before he speaks again. “It’s just you. You know that, right? I don’t see anyone but you.” His voice is gentle, but there’s a grit there that tells me he really wants me to trust the words.
“I know,” I tell him softly.
“Good. Now let’s get this guy some food before he pitches a fit.” Reaching over me, he lifts Abel up and turns to go, leaving me sprawled in his bed, a big puddle of feelings.
“We drew straws while you were in the bathroom, I got the short straw. What’s the deal with you and TJ?” Elliott asks just as I take a sip of my hot drink. It threatens to come flying back out as I choke. Poppy reaches over and pats me on the back. Looking around the small table we’re sat at, I see Elliott and Fleur are staring at me, waiting for me to reply.
Today is the first day that TJ has left Abel with me for the full day. Not wanting to spend all day at home with him, I arranged to meet Poppy and Elliott for lunch. I suggested Deja Brew so that I could see Fleur too. We’ve both been so busy with work that we’ve not had time to catch up. Between us all, there are four babies and three strollers. Instead of taking over the small café, we’ve spread out over two tables in the small courtyard out back. Luckily the three small babies are sleeping, and Chase is sitting in a high chair making a mess of himself and the floor with a blueberry muffin.
“What do you mean?” I ask, hoping to deflect.
“Don’t play dumb. We all saw the way he was looking at you at Pop’s baby shower,” Elliott says.
“Nothing is happening.” I have no idea how else to answer. We’ve yet to have any kind of conversation about what we are or aren’t. How the hell am I supposed to explain it to anyone else.
“Didn’t look like nothing when he kidnapped you from my house,” Poppy interrupts. Looking at the eager faces staring back at me, I relent.
“Okay.” I sigh. “We’re together? I think?” I don’t know why it comes out as a question.
“You think?” my best friend asks.
“He’s never put a label on it, but we’re spending time together. A lot of time.” I feel the heat hit my cheeks when I think of exactly how we spend most of that time together.
“Is ‘spending time together’ code for you getting it on the regular?” Elliott asks, but I don’t get to answer when a voice speaks from behind me.
“Who’s getting it on the regular?” Turning in my seat, I'm surprised to see Lucy standing there.
“You made it!” Poppy squeaks and stands to hug her friend. I don’t miss the look she throws at Elliott, though, or the way Elliott bugs her eyes out in return. That’s weird. Instead of dwelling on it, I shift my chair around so that Lucy can pull one up.
“What did I miss? Who’s getting it regularly?” I don’t know why the thought of carrying on the conversation now makes me so uncomfortable. TJ might have started to open up to me, but he hasn’t really mentioned anything about whatever went on with him and Lucy. I know it was something, that was easy to see from a few pictures of them together. If they weren’t in a relationship, they definitely slept together.
Bile works its way into my throat at the thought of it.
Lucy is beautiful, and she obviously has a lot in common with TJ. She’s closer to him in age too. I’m not an insecure person by nature, but something about imagining them together twists my insides.
“Nobody. How have you been? I feel like I never see you anymore!” Poppy pulls the conversation back to safer topics. The fact that she sees the need to do that is telling. Why do I get the feeling she’s trying to protect her friend’s feelings?
The next hour passes in a blur as the other women chatter. I’m too wrapped up in my mind to pay much attention to what’s going on around me. I get the feeling that Lucy wants to talk, but not while I’m here. I zone out, instead distracting myself with feeding Abel when he wakes up. Fleur goes back to work, and I feel out of place now. Like I’m an intruder.
I have no idea how a day that started out so wonderfully is ending with me feeling so out of sorts.
“That boy is on fire,” Hayden speaks from beside me. We’re both leaning on the ropes watching Jonah work his way through his third sparring partner for the night. He’s running rings around guys who have been fighting longer than he’s been alive, and not just physically. He’s anticipating their moves before they even make them. He’s got a fire in him that is going to take him to the top.
“What brings you here this time of night?” I ask, noticing it’s almost eight o’clock and he’s not dressed for a workout.
“Waiting for Lucy to finish. We're going to Maggie’s.”
“Her man okay with you taking her on a date?” I ask, keeping my eye on the ring. I’m giving up time with Abel and Breeze to be here for Jonah, not to gossip with Hayden.
“First of all, it’s not like that, and if you’d have pulled your head out of your ass last year, you would have known it was never like that between us. She’s my friend. That’s it,” he says, sounding exasperated. “Secondly, she’s going through some shit. She won’t tell me what, so I plan to get her tipsy so she’ll spill.”
This gets my attention. I haven’t noticed anything wrong with her, but it’s not like we spend any real time together anymore.
“She okay? You're the second person to say that now.”
“I hope so, man,” he says just as his phone chirps in his pocket. “She’s waiting upstairs; poker night soon?” He slaps me on the back as he leaves. Pulling my phone out, I make a note in my schedule to try to catch up with Lucy tomorrow. I’m probably the last person she wants to talk to, but it’s worth a shot. If my brother and one of her best friends is concerned, there must be something up with her.
Focusing on what’s happening in the ring, I try to push out all other thoughts, but my mind constantly wanders back to Bree. I’ve spoken to her throughout the day, but it’s not the same as having her here. I missed being able to sneak upstairs to kiss her whenever I felt like it. I missed knowing she was close by.
Fuck, I just missed her.
Letting myself into the house an hour later, I'm surprised to find it’s still dark in here. I texted Bree to let her know I'd be home, so I know she’s here somewhere. Dumping my bag and keys, I make my way upstairs where I find her wrapped up in a blanket in the rocking chair in Abel’s room. She’s just sitting in the dim light, watching him sleep.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I say, leaning over to kiss her.
“Hi.” I can tell immediately that something is off with her. She’s flat, her usual spark missing.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing,” she lies, avoiding eye contact.
“Babe,”—grabbing her chin gently, I make her look me in the eye—“speak to me.”
When our eyes connect, I can feel some of the tension leave her body. I don’t like seeing her wound tight like this. Dropping another quick kiss on her lips, I pull her to her feet.
“Let’s go to bed.”
“It’s only just past nine o’clock,” she says as I drag her along the hall.
“I don’t care. It's been a long ass day, and I haven’t kissed you properly since this morning.”
Once the door is closed behind us, I yank her in to my arms and kiss the argument right out of her. She melts into me, into the kiss, and before long we’re on my bed dry humping like a pair of teenagers. It kills me to do it, but I need to slow this down. Something is going on in her head, and I want to know what it is. Rolling my body on top of hers, I pin her to the bed.
“Talk to me.” She tries to pull me down instead of answering me.
“I’m fine. Don’t stop,” she begs, hands snaking up the back of m
y shirt. Moving to grab her hands, I pin them to the bed next to her head. I use my hips to keep her lower half right where it is.
“Babe,” I try again, “talk to me.” She stares up, eyes locked on mine. The need for her to open up to me catches me off guard. “Is it Abel? Was he hard work today? If he’s too much we can work—”
“It’s nothing to do with Abel.” She sighs but remains quiet for a minute. When she finally continues, I'm floored by her words.
“At lunch today, everyone was asking me questions about you. About us. I wasn’t sure how to answer.”
“How did you want to answer?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean what I said, baby. How did you want to answer? How do you want to define what we are?”
“I don’t know,” she says so softly I can hardly hear her. “How would you answer?”
Well fuck if that’s not a loaded question. I want to tell her that my answer would be that she’s mine, always will be, end of discussion. Instead, I try to answer without scaring her off.
“I’d tell them that we’re together. We’re new, but we’re working on building something. Something special.” More of that tension drains from her features, and a small smile plays at her lips.
“Yeah?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I answer with a kiss. “Was it really that hard to tell me that?”
“Well ... actually, that wasn’t exactly why I was acting a little funny,” she says, eyes trained on my throat instead of my face, fingers twisting in the neck of my shirt.
“Tell me,” I prompt her with a squeeze, rolling us so we’re face to face, propped up on pillows. “I can’t fix whatever is wrong if you don’t tell me what it is, sweetheart.”
“Will you tell me about Lucy? You and her?” The unexpected words sound pained as they leave her lips. Like she has to ask, but she doesn’t really want to hear the answer.
I can’t say I'm surprised she’s asking; I've been expecting it. People love to gossip, so it’s a miracle she hasn’t asked before now.
“I know it’s none of my business, but she walked into Deja Brew right in the middle of a conversation about us, and Poppy couldn’t have changed the subject any quicker. It was super awkward.”
