Waiting on You

by Kristan Higgins

  You really have it bad, Connor's voice informed her.

  "No kidding," she muttered.

  "Excuse me?"

  "Where'd you get the bracelets?" she asked, nodding her chin at the little woven strands around his wrist.

  "Tiffany made this one for me. Cara did this one. My nieces."

  "I remember." Hard to believe those girls would be, what...thirteen? Fourteen?

  Lucas had always been a sweet uncle. And now he wore his nieces' friendship bracelets, the kind that would have to stay on until you cut them off, which Colleen knew he wouldn't do.

  Dangerously appealing.

  "You seem happier," she said unexpectedly, and while she honestly wouldn't have wished him to be miserable, the acknowledgment stabbed her.

  He shrugged.

  "Are you still working for your father-in-law?" Hey. Google didn't exist for nothing.

  "Ex-father-in-law. And yes, though I won't be doing that much longer."

  "Starting your own company?" she asked.

  "Yes. How did you know?"

  She tugged her skirt to cover her knees. "It just seems like a better fit for you. You're a loner. Or you were."

  "And you, mia? Are you happy?"

  "Don't call me mia, okay? I might think all sorts of deliciously romantic things and start writing your name in my notebook." She glanced out the window to the leaves of the big maple, which were rustling in the wind. "Yes, I'm happy."

  "You never..." His voice trailed off.

  "Never what?" she asked a bit sharply.

  "Never got married? Never came close?"

  "Lucas, I'm insulted you never stalked me on Facebook."

  "No, I never did."

  And why would he? He had a life, a wife, a different time zone. He lived in the City of Big Shoulders, he was Frank Forbes's son-in-law.

  "You haven't answered the question," he said.

  She pursed her lips. "I thought I came close once. With you. Otherwise, no."

  "But you're happy?" he asked.

  "Why? Trying to soothe your guilty conscience?"

  "Because I always hoped you were."

  Well, shit. Her cynical heart gave a tug. He always had a way of cutting through her usual shtick with that wretchedly effective weapon--sincerity.

  "I'm happy," she said. "The bar is great."

  "The heart of the town, it seems."

  "Thanks." She sure hoped it was. That was kind of the point. "I work at the nursing home a little."

  "I saw you there on Thursday."

  "You did?"

  "I'm consulting on a new wing. You were with your grandfather. I didn't want to intrude."

  Gramp had been having a bad day. Completely unresponsive, only accepting a sip of water if she held the glass to his lips, like a baby bird.

  The noise from the party floated up to them, laughter and music, in little waves on the summer air.

  She cleared her throat. "And your marriage? Was it good?" Crap. This talking stuff was very difficult.

  His eyes were so dark. "For the most part, yes."

  Ah, shit. She was going to have to ask. It was the elephant in the attic, after all. "Lucas," she said, and her voice shook a little, "why her and not me? You said you didn't want to get married so young. Was it who she was? Her family? The money? I won't judge you. I just want to know."

  He didn't answer right away. "She was pregnant."

  The words seemed to suck the hot air out of the attic completely, leaving nothing to feed her lungs.

  Maybe she'd always known. She'd asked him that that horrible day, and she still remembered the pause before he said no. For nine months, she waited to hear news of a baby, not proud of it, but waiting and waiting.

  No birth announcement. Back then it had been a relief.

  But now... "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

  He nodded once and looked at the floor. "Thank you."

  For a few minutes, they didn't say anything else. Colleen surreptitiously wiped her eyes.

  Lucas was looking at her again, his face somber. "I came to see you," he said. "After you broke up with me. I couldn't stand it anymore."

  She already knew why he never followed through.

  "You were with someone else," he said, his voice quiet. "It seemed like you were serious about breaking up. I went back home, ran into Ellen a few weeks later, slept with her. One time. And that was that."

  "I asked you, though. When you came back, I asked if she was pregnant."

  He nodded again. "She didn't want anyone to know, outside of her parents. I didn't...I didn't want to hurt you more than I already was. And I had to respect what Ellen wanted." He paused. "She miscarried about a month after the wedding."

  "I'm so sorry," she said again.

  He gave her a small smile. "Me, too."

  Colleen swallowed.

  Ellen Forbes had gotten pregnant, and Lucas married her. That was completely in keeping with his sense of honor and responsibility...and the fact that he was a family man.

  And she knew without him speaking the words what the loss of that baby must've meant to him. Lucas, who would have made the best father. He never would have left Ellen, not after that kind of shared sorrow.

  "Did you love her?" she asked.

  "Yes. Of course."

  He never had said that to her--"I love you." The thought came unbidden, and it filled her throat with tears. Lucas looked at her, his dark eyes liquid. He reached out and wiped her cheek because it seemed a tear had slipped out.

  "Then why did you get a divorce?" she whispered.

  He looked at the floor, then up at her. "Because I didn't love her enough," he said.

  She kissed him then, of course she did, because those words, they broke her heart, sliced it in a sweet, hot cut. The kiss was soft and tender and almost shy, as if she was kissing him for the first time again. His heart had been broken, too, she realized, if not by her, then by that sad, helpless loss. And Lucas had lost so much in life.

  Her hands slid through his hair, that gorgeous, thick, waving hair, and her mouth opened. He dragged her across his lap to hold her, one hand cupping her face. His arms were safe and strong, pulling her against his solid chest, and the kissing changed now, harder and less sweet and more wonderful, because it had always been like this between them, that raw heat that practically lifted her off the ground with its force. All she wanted was this, and she wondered how she'd lasted so long without him, without the hot, red force that made her heart shudder. The scrape of his cheek, the heat of his hands, the way they fit together, made her shake.

  Slow down, slow down, slow down, her brain chanted.

  She pulled back, her breath shaking out of her. His eyes were heavy-lidded, his breath coming hard, and he looked at her the way no other man had ever looked at her.

  Mine.

  "Not bad, Spaniard," she said, and he laughed, that low, smoky sound. She always could make him smile.

  "Oh, mia, what am I going to do with you?" he whispered, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

  "Again with the mia. I'm not yours. I'm a rental."

  "Doesn't feel like it."

  The words caused a sunburst in her chest. "I'm definitely writing your name in my notebook."

  He smiled, but his eyes held a note of worry. "I'll be going back to Chicago soon," he said.

  That dampened the moment a bit. "Right. I know."

  "But I can't seem to stay away from you, either."

  "No."

  There was a pause; her heart counted out the beats.

  "Should I leave you alone, Colleen?" he asked.

  He was giving her a chance to back out, or at least, to stall. And yes, she felt as naked and vulnerable as a newborn kitten. She should ask him about the future. She should go slowly, make sure this time, not jump--

  But last time, she'd had the whole future mapped out. The house, the kids, the plan. Maybe this time, she could just...be.

  His black eyes were half-closed, and he looked
more like a Spanish pirate than ever, about to claim his woman.

  "No. Don't leave me alone," she said, and his mouth was on hers again, his hands sliding under her dress to her hips, pulling her closer, his tongue sliding against hers, and this was it. He was the one, and she knew it, no matter how scary it was, how big and deep and easy to get lost in, she was simply, undeniably his.

  The door banged open, and there was Connor. "Coll, where have you-- Oh, for the love of God."

  Colleen hurtled off Lucas's lap and straightened her skirt.

  "Great! This is just great," he said, turning his back. "Paulie and Bryce are missing, and you two are up here, making out." He gave them a second, then turned back with a disapproving look. "The Chicken King wants you to help find his little princess, Coll. Mind getting your ass in gear?"

  *

  THERE WAS LOGIC, Lucas thought as he followed the O'Rourke twins downstairs, and there was...this.

  It didn't make sense to get involved with Colleen. She wasn't a quick, sweet summer romance. She was forever. And he'd be leaving in too short a time, back to his life in Chicago, where he'd worked so hard to build something. A life. Friends. A career in which he was respected. He had family there, Steph and the girls, Frank and Grace.

  And Ellen was, arguably, his best friend.

  Colleen was Manningsport. She was the heart of the town, and she wouldn't leave, and he wouldn't stay.

  He didn't want to hurt Colleen again; he hadn't wanted to hurt her ever.

  But they were adults now. They could talk about things better. They could make something work.

  Until Lucas had met Colleen, everything had always been...tainted, somehow. Complicated. His father had been a good man, and yet he'd dealt drugs. Ask the mother of a meth addict how good a man Dan Campbell was. Lucas's memories of his mother were that she was too sick, too fragile, and he always had to be careful and quiet. Steph...of course he loved Steph, but until the past five or six years, she'd been something of a screwup. Bryce was the good-hearted idiot, and Joe was the uncle who couldn't quite stand up to Didi. Ellen was the woman he'd made a life with because of their circumstances, and try as he might, he hadn't made that work.

  But Colleen had been perfect. Pure in the sense that...well, hell, he didn't know exactly, but that's what it felt like.

  You didn't just turn your back on that.

  "Where is my daughter?" Ronnie Petrosinsky asked. He looked furious, as if Paulie were a fifteen-year-old who'd just slipped off with a college senior. "Is she with that idiot friend of yours?"

  "I'm not sure, Mr. Petrosinsky," Colleen said. "But they're both adults."

  "They're not adults!" the man yelped. "That Bryce is a complete loser, and my daughter is a very innocent and protected person, Colleen! I am not a happy man! If Bryce is compromising her, he's in for a world of hurt. You think the Chicken King becomes king without a lot of bloodshed?"

  Colleen bit her lip, trying unsuccessfully to look contrite (and not laugh, Lucas thought). "No, no. I respect that, Mr. Petrosinsky. But the little chicks have to leave the nest sometime, right?"

  "Wrong!"

  "But I don't think they'd do anything--"

  At that moment, a door slammed and in came Paulie and Bryce.

  Paulie's sweater was on inside out, and her face was pink. Bryce, too, was sweaty, grinning ear to ear. "You're about to get killed," Lucas murmured.

  "Dude! Having a good time?" Bryce said.

  "Paulina! Where have you been? What have you been doing?" her father barked. "What did he do to you?"

  "Hey, Dad. I was showing Bryce the gym."

  "She can bench-press my weight," Bryce said. "I mean, she can literally bench-press me."

  "And you thought I'd drop you," Paulie said, beaming.

  "You were lifting weights?" Ronnie said.

  "Yeah," Paulie said. "Well, I was lifting Bryce." Her face flushed, and she shot Bryce a little smile. Bryce returned it.

  Well, well, well.

  Colleen caught Lucas's eye and lifted an eyebrow in an unmistakable "told you" expression. Had to hand it to her.

  "Bryce," Mr. Petrosinsky said. "You can leave now."

  "Dad!" Paulie said. "He's my friend. Don't kick him out."

  "Thanks, Paulie," Bryce said with a warm smile. "You rock, girl!"

  "Bryce, get out." Ronnie turned to Paulie. "You. No more gallivanting with this joker. Understand?"

  "Dad," Paulie said, "I'm thirty-one years old."

  "Not with this goofball, you're not."

  Lucas scrubbed a hand over his face to hide a smile.

  Bryce looked confused. "Dude--"

  Ronnie's head snapped around to glare at Bryce. "I am not a dude. Do I look like a cowboy? Because I'm not. You are forbidden to see my daughter." He turned to Paulie. "You want a husband? I'll find you a husband. Dmitri's been working for me for years." He glanced at Bryce. "He's in charge of slaughtering. You get my meaning, pal? Paulie, if you want to get married, Dmitri will marry you."

  "Whoa," Bryce said. "No one's talking marriage, Mr. P. It's not like that." He glanced at Paulie. "I have a girlfriend."

  Oh, shit. Lucas closed his eyes.

  "What?" Colleen blurted. "No, you don't."

  "Sure I do," Bryce said. "That chick from the bridal store? The bride? She left her fiance, and we've been dating. She's totally hot."

  "Bryce..." Lucas sighed.

  Poor Paulie. Her hands went over her mouth, then dropped. She turned stiffly and walked out of the room, but as she reached the stairs, she bolted, her face twisted with crying.

  Damn it, Bryce, Lucas thought. Just once, it'd be nice if you could get it right.

  "Uh-oh," Bryce said. "Well, shit. I feel bad now."

  "Out," Ronnie said.

  Lucas turned to Colleen. "Happy?"

  "Oh, bite me," she said, gnawing on her thumbnail. "Don't even start."

  He looked at her a minute. "I'll call you."

  She glared at him. "Okay. If you don't, beware. I'll spit in your beer again."

  Again.

  That was his girl.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  "IT'S NOT YOUR fault," Paulie said, tears leaking out of her eyes. "I never had a chance with him. At least we got to hang out a little, though." She took a shuddering breath and reached for the Chicken King bucket. Rufus, who hated when people cried, gave a moan of sympathy (and chicken-lust) from where he lay with Paulie's pug and two of her cats.

  "Paulie, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Colleen patted her friend's calf. "I talked to Gwen, and apparently she fired him his second day."

  "It's okay. Really." She smiled, then choked a little, then resumed eating. Hey. comfort eating. No judgment from Colleen, that was for sure.

  It was the day after the party; the Chicken King had banned Colleen from his princess's room the night before, though Colleen had been up until 2:00 a.m. talking to her on the phone. This morning, Mr. Petrosinsky had barely let her in, and Colleen couldn't blame him.

  "You want a wing?" Paulie asked thickly. "It's Haitian JooJoo Spice, deep fried twice for deliciousness."

  "No thanks." It was nine o'clock in the morning. The chicken did smell good, though. Rufus agreed, licking his scruffy chops. He put his head on Paulie's shin and gave her his best "they're going to gas me in an hour" look. As usual, it worked; Paulie gave him a chunk of chicken, which he inhaled.

  "Paulie..." Colleen paused. "Maybe Bryce isn't good enough for you. Have you thought of that?"

  Paulie took a tissue and blew her nose so loudly Rufus jumped. "No. I haven't because he is. He's funny and smart and nice and generous."

  "You sure? You're not just hoping he's all those things?" She winced as she said it, not wanting to disillusion Paulie. But Bryce had done what he always did--picked up some shallow, attractive woman for sex, rather than see that Paulie was worth ten of them.

  "You should see him at the animal shelter, Colleen," Paulie said, wiping her eyes. "He's so dedicated! I mean, it's a crap j
ob, literally, and he doesn't care! He talks to the dogs while he does it, says things like, 'You deserve a nice clean place, don't you, pal?' And he's gotten every single animal adopted since he started there. Even that smelly old Boxer with the hip dysplasia who bit everyone. Lorena Iskin took him, and the dog is like a new person."

  "No, he's good at that. He got me Rufus, after all. But maybe--"

  "His problem, Colleen, is that he doesn't feel like he's worth anything. When he was a kid, he always had Lucas around, being perfect. Then there's his mother, basically telling him all he should do is live with her forever and be a mama's boy. His father was always just the fun dad, never making him stay in college or get a job. That's why he takes the easy way out. Because no one believes he can do the hard way."

  Wow. "Except you."

  "Yeah." Her eyes filled again. "It's not just those blue eyes." She took another wing. "Though they don't hurt the cause, either."

  Colleen took a deep breath. "You know what? I don't think this bride person is going to last. Let it run its course, and we'll--"

  Paulie tossed the chicken bone in the bucket. "No. I'm done. I don't want to keep embarrassing myself. I have some pride. He doesn't want me."

  The words stabbed right through Colleen's heart. "Paulie, don't give up."

  "It was a good try," she said with a sigh. "And I really appreciate your help." Paulie looked at the bedspread (fuzzy yellow chicks with pink flowers in their beaks, utterly adorable). "So you and Lucas seem to have something going on."

  "We don't have anything except a past," Colleen said.

  "That's not how it looked to me."

  "Well, I'm about to be stupid and get my heart broken again, if it makes you feel any better."

  "Oh, please," Paulie said, grabbing a piece of chicken rather violently. Rufus and Mrs. Tuggles looked at it with great hope. "Don't be an idiot, Colleen. Do you know what I'd give to have someone come alive when he saw me? I mean, yeah, it would be so amazing if it was Bryce, but anyone! Anyone, Colleen! And you have this beautiful pirate of a man who looks at you like you're naked and covered in Krispy Kremes! So what if things didn't work out the first time? So frigging what?"

  Colleen closed her mouth. "Right," she whispered.

  Paulie gave her a hard shove. "Get out. Go rock that man's world. You owe it to the rest of us who'd sell body parts for just one kiss from a guy like Lucas. Or Bryce. So just go and stop trying to protect yourself from a little heartbreak, because you know what? Just once, I'd love to be heartbroken because someone loved me and left me, instead of heartbroken because I never got on that train at all."