Whispered Love

by Kathleen Ball

  Hank, Fred, and a big man wearing a raccoon hat and buckskins entered the camp. “We got him,” the big man said. “You must be Pat. I’m Ford. I live near abouts. Glad you’re safe.”

  Her heart sped up at the sheer size of the man. She gave him a quick nod and looked away. She wanted to be left alone. The anguish in her heart was unbearable, and her throbbing body hurt little in comparison. What would she do now? She couldn’t stay in camp. Her unknown fate terrified her.

  “Can you stand?” Samuel asked gently.

  She nodded and tried shaking off all offers of help. Finally, she got up on her own and leaned back against the tree. She could hardly take in a deep enough breath. “Let’s go.” She pushed off from the tree and almost fell face first. Samuel righted her but she shrugged his hands off her again. “It’ll be dark soon.” Wincing with each step, she walked in the direction she had come. She took slow shallow breaths and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.

  She took note of the concern on all the men’s faces but she wanted to put space between her and the spot Big Hans had brought her to. She trudged on until a fallen tree trunk stood in her way. Tears fell as she realized she wouldn’t be able to climb over it. She was broken inside and out. Finally, she walked around it. Even her thinking was slow.

  Turning back to the men, she sighed. “You all go back to camp. I’m not going to make it before nightfall. I’m sorry, I won’t be able to cook today. Perhaps tomorrow…” She stared down at her feet.

  “Ma’am, are you planning to stay out here alone?” Ford’s face scrunched with concern.

  “Are you sure he’s dead?” she whispered.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Did they tell you I’m a woman?”

  “Tell me? Why would they need to do that?” Ford scratched his head. “It’s as plain as the day is long.”

  She turned to Fred and Hank. “Did you know?”

  “Not until today,” Hank answered.

  “So, everyone knows?”

  Fred shook his head. “Not that I know of.”

  “I’ve rested enough. Let’s continue,” she said taking a shaky step.

  Samuel cleared his voice. “You men go on back. I’ll stay with Pat and see that she’s up to traveling in the next few days. It looks as though there’s enough supplies on this old mule. I only have one thing to ask. Please don’t tell anyone Pat’s a she.”

  “My lips are sealed,” Fred said.

  “Mine too, boss.” Hank nodded in agreement.

  “Don’t worry about me,” Ford said. “I don’t like to talk no how. You take care of her. Her body and soul both need tending.” Before anyone was able to say goodbye, Ford disappeared into the woods.

  “Take your time, boss. We got you covered. Old Cappin can cook for a few days,” Hank said. Both Hank and Fred nodded to her before they left.

  Pat simply waited until they were out of sight before she crumpled to the ground.

  Chapter Seven

  Samuel’s heart ached for Pat. The whole ordeal had stolen her happiness and her will. It was as though she didn’t care what happened to her now. He found a spot for them to camp and made a fire. He helped her to sit and all she’d done for the last two hours was stare at the dancing flames. He understood her need to be alone, so he didn’t prod her. Better to let her be.

  Darkness had fallen, but they couldn’t see the stars in the dense woods. What would she think if he told her he owned all of the land for as far as they could see? She probably wouldn’t care. He handed her another damp cloth for her to hold against her cheek. She already had a black eye, and he feared her nose was broken. It looked to be out of place. Fixing it would just cause more pain.

  “Pat, your nose is a bit crooked. Honey, I think it’s broken, and I can straighten it for you, but it’s going to hurt like hell.”

  Reaching up, she tenderly touched her nose. Wincing, she nodded. “I may have need of a husband someday. It’ll be easier to find one if my nose isn’t crooked.” The slight smile she gave him was in stark contrast to the pain in her eyes.

  He stoked her hair and nodded. Reaching out, he settled his fingers against her nose then pushed it back into place. It hurt his heart when she screamed. “I’m so sorry, Pat. It’s done.”

  He stood and grabbed the saddlebags the mule had been carrying. He rummaged through them until he found what he was looking for. Then he hurried back to her with the bottle of whiskey. “You probably haven’t had much experience drinking, but a little bit can help with the pain.”

  “No, I need to keep my wits about me. My Da always told me that it could be the only advantage I had.” Tears pooled in her lovely eyes and spilled down her face. “I never meant to cause you so much trouble. You should go back to camp. Linda is there waiting for you.”

  “She’s the one who sent you away.”

  “Yes, I know, but only because she loves you. She thought you to be involved with me or rather the boy, Pat. She doesn’t know you very well, does she?”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I’ve never seen you looking at men that way. I have seen you trying to peek at me though.” The ends of her mouth turned up before she winced.

  “She’s a spoiled brat who wants things no matter who gets hurt. I haven’t told you much about myself. You see, I’ve always been a bit of a wanderer. Much like your father. I worked the gold mines and got lucky; extremely lucky. I own this mountain and all its timber.”

  “I thought you were the foreman.”

  “I am the foreman and the owner. I brought my father out here to run the sawmill. He’s made a fair chunk of money, and he owns a lot of the town. I don’t interfere with him, and he wasn’t supposed to interfere with me. Somewhere about a year ago, he found himself a partner. The partner is Linda’s father. They all became greedy and decided if I married Linda it would give them a piece of the mountain. I ignored the whole thing until now. What they don’t understand is, I don’t need them. I can build my own sawmill and my own town. A town that doesn’t swindle people with high prices. A town where there aren’t more saloons than houses. A town that has a lawman to keep the citizens safe.”

  “That’s a nice dream to have. I know you’ll get it accomplished.”

  “If you weren’t so hurt right now I’d kiss you.” He waited for a reaction from her but there wasn’t one. “I don’t want the other men to know I own the mountain.”

  “Why?”

  “They’d treat me differently. No one ever likes the owner.”

  “You might be right about that. I won’t tell.”

  “Do you want to talk about what happened today? Don’t answer now. I’ll build a fire and then we can talk.” He stood and began gathering wood. Using his ax, he chopped enough for the night. It did some good to swing his ax. It got some of his anger out. He wanted to be as gentle as possible around Pat.

  “I can only imagine how bad I look,” she said when he piled the wood near the spot he picked to make a fire.

  “You’ll always look beautiful to me.”

  Her eyes briefly brightened before they filled with pain. “Thank you. You lie, but thank you. I need you to tend to my ribs. They are worse than I thought, and I’m going to have to take the binding off my…my…”

  “I know where your bindings are.” He sat next to her again. “I’m going to take your shirt off.”

  He lifted it up from the back, over her head and down her arms. The bruises on her made him gasp. They were so dark and angry. He knew firsthand how much bruises that deep in color hurt. Slowly he unwound the length of cloth that kept her breasts flattened. As he removed more and more, her cleavage was exposed, then most of her breasts came into view and then finally her rosy nipples. He couldn’t help the arousal he felt.

  “Oh boy, that feels so good to let them free. Use the same cloth to wrap my ribs please.”

  He knelt so he could get an even amount of pressure on each side. Her back was a mass of bruises too. If Ha
ns hadn’t already been dead, he’d go hunt him down and kill him. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. I knew Hans was dangerous, but I had no idea he’d do this.”

  “You didn’t know. He always watched me, but I’m not sure he would have taken me out of camp if Linda hadn’t told him to. I can’t believe she loves you. She almost seems incapable of any tender feelings.”

  “Her love is not reciprocated.”

  “I know. You have no love for any woman.”

  He opened his mouth to deny her statement, but she put her finger over his lips.

  “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” The emotion in her voice shook him.

  He accidently grazed the underside of her breasts as he wrapped her ribs. Her resulting shiver gave him hope. She wasn’t completely immune to him.

  “All done. Let’s get your shirt back on.”

  She blushed as though she forgot she was exposed. “Thank you, Samuel. You’ve always been more than kind to me. It’ll be sad to leave you when we get back to camp.”

  He furrowed his brow as he frowned. There would be no leaving but now wasn’t the time to discuss it. “I have biscuits and beans for dinner. Then I think you should get some sleep. You’ve had quite the day.”

  She watched as Samuel got the fire started. He put coffee on to boil and handed her a biscuit. She took it from him but ended up staring at it. Her stomach was in knots so tight there was no way she could eat. There wasn’t a part of her body that didn’t hurt. She knew it could be worse, much worse. But that didn’t help the agony she now experienced. She felt afloat without an anchor. There was no place to hang her hat anymore. Selling the cabin wouldn’t bring in much money and there was no way to know for certain she’d make it to town before it snowed.

  The future was dire, and it hurt to think about it. It hurt to think about what had been done to her and what she’d been saved from. It was too much, and she felt herself shutting down. She’d miss Samuel something awful, and she couldn’t face it.

  He put the bedroll next to the fire and then he sat next to her. “Not hungry?”

  “I can’t seem to eat. My stomach is in knots.” She kept her gaze on the biscuit in her hands.

  “It’s going to be a cooler night. Do you want to lie down?” His voice was so gentle it almost made her cry.

  She groaned loudly as she stood up. “I need to…”

  “Back behind that tree should be fine. I won’t look.”

  She started to walk toward the tree but she looked back to be sure he was still there. She’d lost her grit and her courage. Life was so dang hard. After she was done, she went back to the camp and gingerly sat down on the bedroll.

  “There’s only one bedroll. Where are you going to sleep?”

  Samuel gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t you worry. I’ll just lean against this tree and keep watch over you.”

  Tears filled her eyes, but she refused to give into them, afraid she’d never stop once she got started. She simply lay down and stared into the flames.

  The next thing she knew, she was screaming and fighting off her attacker. Her heart beat so fast, surely it would pound its way out of her chest, but she refused to give up.

  “Pat, it’s me Samuel. You had a bad dream. It’s all right. You’re safe with me. Hans isn’t here anymore. Honey, take a deep breath and let it out slowly.”

  It took a minute for her to focus on Samuel and understand what he was saying. The flames of the fire lit up his face, and she cringed. “I scratched you. I’m so sorry. I don’t seem to know what’s going on anymore.”

  He’d been on his knees, but now he lay behind her pulling her close enough to wrap his arms around her. It felt nice to be cocooned in his brawny arms. He murmured to her in a soothing tone, and eventually she relaxed enough to fall back to sleep.

  In the morning, she found herself sprawled out on his chest. She almost gasped when she realized his chest was bare. If this was all she was ever to have, she wanted it to last as long as possible. Trying to stay still was hard. She ran her hands over his powerful chest, touching his dark hair. Her body hurt, but being here with him made her ache in a way she had never known.

  He placed his hand over hers startling her before guiding it to his mouth. He kissed each of her fingers sending pleasure through her.

  “My hands aren’t those of a fine lady. They’re red and calloused.” She lifted her head and rested her chin on his chest.

  He gazed at her with hooded eyes. “You think I mind? It just means you’re a hard worker. It’s not as though we’re set up for tea parties up here.”

  “You have a point.”

  “It hurts me to look at you. The pain you’re enduring must be horrific. If it was in my power I’d take all your pain away.” He stroked her hair.

  “You’re very nice Samuel, but I don’t need pity. Really, I don’t. I think I’ll be able to make it back to camp today. I’m taking you away from your work. I’m sure they found a replacement cook by now. And I need to get down off this mountain as soon as I can.”

  Samuel gazed at her quietly and finally he nodded. “I’ll rustle up some breakfast then we can move on.” He gently rolled her off him then cupped her cheek in his hand. “Things will be fine, you’ll see.”

  She didn’t know what he meant or what he looked for when he stared into her eyes. Whatever it was, she was sure he didn’t get his answer. Yes, it was going to be hard to say goodbye to him. After she got to her feet, she tried stretching to see just how hurt she was. Her limbs all worked. Her face was a mess, and her ribs hurt like hell, but she’d make it. She might be small, but she was strong.

  They ate a quick meal, and then Samuel packed everything up and loaded it onto the mule. As they started their walk, Samuel held the reins in one hand as she wrapped her hand around his bicep. Somehow being with him made everything a bit better. She’d pretend things were fine until she got to camp. What type of reception she’d receive, she didn’t know. Her nerves stretched taut, and her pain increased as they got closer to camp.

  She jerked her hand out of his. “Am I a boy or a woman?”

  He stared at her breasts and sighed. “Come, let’s get your breasts bound. I wish it could be different, but it’s not.”

  “I understand.” Her voice wobbled. Indeed, she did understand. Her moments of happiness with Samuel were over, and she needed to tuck all her feelings away in the corner of her heart. Maybe someday she’d take them back out and be able to relive how he valued her. How he looked at her the way a man gazed at a woman. How safe and blissful he made her feel. It was time for Pat the cook to reappear.

  A chilled wind blew as he removed her shirt. He stared at her hardened nipples and there was no shame involved. She wanted him to look his fill. All too soon, he loosened the binding around her ribs and wrapped it around her breasts. He helped her back into her shirt and quickly glanced away. Her head understood, but her heart cried out to him.

  She bent and picked up a handful of dirt.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to rub dirt on my face.”

  “It’s not needed, Pat. You’re badly bruised and your nose is so swollen, no one would mistake you for a girl.” He held out his hand to her, but she pretended she didn’t see it.

  All closeness had to end. It was only sensible. She needed to remember not to make cow eyes at Samuel. “I’m ready. Let’s get to camp. I’d like to go to my cabin and rest for a bit.”

  Samuel led the way into camp, and they were instantly surrounded by well-meaning loggers. One even slapped her on the back and blackness almost engulfed her.

  “Stand back. Pat has had a time of it. Cracked ribs and a broken nose. I’m telling you, he’s braver than most men I know.”

  The crowd parted for Pat the boy, and her heart shattered. So much for tucking her feelings away. It was too late now. She nodded at a few of the loggers until finally she was at her front door. She pushed it open and went right to her bunk. Too bad ther
e wasn’t a way to shut herself away.

  Samuel closed and locked the door. “Let’s get your ribs wrapped up again.”

  “I can do it myself.”

  “You tended to me. Besides, I’ve already seen you. It’ll be fine,” he murmured. He cupped her cheek and gazed into her eyes. “What am I going to do with you?”

  A knock on the door startled them both. “It’s me, Linda. Let me in. I can tend to Pat.”

  Pat grabbed Samuel’s arm. “I don’t want her in here.”

  “Nor do I. I’ll be right back.” Samuel went out the front door and quickly closed it behind him.

  She heard a loud noise and what sounded like an angry conversation, but she couldn’t decipher what they were saying. Suddenly it was quiet, but Samuel didn’t return. Slowly she stood and found one of her father’s old shirts among her things. Next, she used a knife to cut it into strips of cloth. Finally, she sat on her cot and wrapped her ribs as tightly as she could. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move. As soon as her head hit her pillow, she was asleep.

  Chapter Eight

  Samuel hit the side of the huge pine tree with his ax. He needed to get out his frustration before he blew up at people. Pat had barely looked at him in the week they’d been back, and Linda refused to leave him alone. His no-women rule was not being broken by one but by two cantankerous females.

  He’d told Linda more than once to leave him be. The only time he could be totally free from her was to be deep in the forest with the other men. Pat seemed broken, and she wouldn’t talk to him about it. It hurt that she refused to confide in him. It was agony lying on the cot next to her and not being free to reach out and touch her.

  He swung his ax so hard he felt it all the way down to his toes. What had happened? He’d thought they were developing a relationship, but ever since they’d been back, she had pulled away and shut him out. She had insisted on going back to work that morning, and he could see she was in pain, but she wouldn’t listen to him.

  All she talked about was earning her keep. He suspected she’d rather be anywhere but on the mountain. Stubborn little female! Why couldn’t she just accept his help? She had wrapped her own ribs. When he tried to help, she had flinched, and the hurt in her eyes was almost too much to bear.