One Little Bit

by Tey Holden

  “Ker, you are beautiful and you always look great. Don’t be childish. Let me see you.”

  “No, I don’t want you to see me dressed like this! Go out there and continue to look for something that may allow me to respect myself when I look in the mirror. If something looks reasonable, I’ll let you see it.”

  “Okay. Wait there. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  After three hours of shopping, they came out of the mall with two pairs of black pants two sweaters of the same style but in different colors, a blouse, and a blazer. “I really don’t like the blazer. It makes me look like a badly wrapped gift.”

  “I think you look awesome. You are just not used to seeing yourself a little fuller. I think that you have a wholesome glow about you that makes you exquisitely gorgeous.”

  “Adriana, cut the crap. I know you’ll say anything to make me feel good.”

  “But I know that deep down you know I mean every word because I love you.

  “Yes, and may I remind you that love is blind?”

  “Aren’t you always saying that you only want to be beautiful for me? Well, you are, so what have you got to say to that now?

  Karen smiled and said nothing, she got in the car and they drove away.

  ***

  Two weeks after James had gone to California, he came back, as promised. He was a responsible fellow and he loved his job at the distillery. It had taken years for him to fit into a job that suited him so perfectly. He was not only an excellent manager but also an honest person and the women had given him carte blanche with all the aspects of running the distillery. Under his supervision, the Scotch had acquired international recognition and sold very well at home as well. The quality of the Scotch was excellent and the management and marketing were state of the art. James ran a tight ship and was very proud of his accomplishment, so were the ladies. He was precious to them, businesswise as well as on a personal level.

  The separation from JP had hurt them deeply because they felt for James. Karen blamed JP for the whole incident and, in her heart, she had not been able to forgive him. Addy tried to redeem him in her eyes pointing out his good qualities, but Karen was hurt beyond belief by her friend, and Addy didn’t see a way to fix the matter.

  “Ker, you were the one who said he had a bad childhood.”

  “Yeah, Addy, but we cannot blame everything on our childhood and our parents. There’s a point in a person’s life when you have to tell yourself ‘I want to be better, I want to do better.’ I thought JP had matured. And then, to make matters worse, of all the people in the world, he had to mess with James, who is probably the most decent man I’ve ever met. You have to admit it, Addy, James didn’t deserve to be treated like that!”

  “Do you think that if he comes back, James will forgive him?”

  “I don’t know. Personally, I’d always wonder if his coming back was because he realized he really loved James, or because he realized he’s too old and couldn’t find anyone else to care for him anymore.”

  “Maybe JP needs that type of realization to appreciate what he has.”

  “I don’t know, Addy. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It makes me mad.”

  ***

  A few days passed and James had not called. So, Addy called him.

  “Sorry I haven’t called, but JP came home.”

  Addy was shocked by the news. When she opened her eyes in amazement, Karen knew something was going on.

  “And?”

  “We are talking. That’s what’s going on. He’s not here right now. I will tell you, Addy. I’ve thought a lot about this. I don’t know if I should take him back. If I did, it would be conditional on this not happening again. If it were to happen again, that would be it for me.”

  “I’m not going to say anything either way, James. This matter is between you and him.” Karen was listening attentively.

  “Yes, I don’t expect you to say anything, Addy. I understand your position. We are both your friends.”

  “Where’s JP now?” Karen’s eyes were glued to Addy and the conversation going on.

  “He went to Edinburgh. He needs to do a few things there. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted. For now, I need time to sort things out.”

  “Okay. You know where we are if you need us.” Addy hung up.

  Karen asked. “Is he taking him back?”

  “Can’t really say from what he said. I think James is thinking about it.”

  “Where’s JP?”

  “ Edinburgh, taking care of a few things, he didn’t say what, though.”

  “If James is thinking of taking him back, he might have sent him to get tested. I mean, who knows who he’s been with.”

  “Oh God! What a terrible situation.” Addy shook her head and pursed her lips.

  “Yeah. Come on. Let’s sit on the love seat and find something to watch.”

  They sat together and turned on the television, but neither one was watching anything. They were just staring at it. Addy leaned on Karen, and Karen put her arm around her and kissed her on the head. Addy turned a bit and began to caress her belly. Then all of a sudden, Addy lay on Karen’s lap and then began to talk to Karen’s belly. “I love you, little baby. You don’t know me yet but you will soon. I think you are going to love me, and I’m going to play with you a lot. I hope and I think that you will look like your mommy, she’s very pretty.” Addy kept on and on.

  Karen smiled enchanted by the tenderness of the monologue. “You are the craziest person I’ve ever known!” Just then, the phone rang. Karen took the call since she was closer to the phone and sitting upright. She looked at the number. “Hi JP.” Addy immediately straightened up.

  “We are fine. We heard that you are back in town.”

  “Yes. I got here a few days ago. I’m in Edinburgh.”

  “What are you doing there?”

  “James doesn’t want me home.”

  “Are you trying to come home?”

  “Yes, sweetie. I made a mistake. I need to fix it.”

  “Start by coming clean and apologizing. Then beg until you feel like shit and then live to make it up to him. If you can’t do that because of your pride, then man up and leave him for good so that he can find himself a better man. Which I’m sure he will find sooner than you think. Addy, do you have any ideas?”

  “No. You pretty much covered it. I have nothing to say on the matter.” Addy replied.

  “Oh, brother! Even she sounds mad at me.”

  “JP, you are lucky that Addy is not your partner.” Karen volunteered.

  Karen looked at Addy and smiled. Addy wondered what she was up to. “I was just thinking that you took a big risk with the two weeks of freedom you gave yourselves. James is a very good-looking man, and he went directly to San Francisco, the mecca of gay men. God only knows how he dealt with his feelings there.” As she listened to Karen, Addy smiled and shook her head. “Good luck, JP. I really wish you the best, as always.”

  JP started to cry. “That’s it? That’s all you are going to say to your friend in need? After all we’ve been through in life?”

  “Yes, that’s pretty much all I have to say. JP, you fucked up. Fix it. Good night.” She hung up and addressed Addy. “He was crying.”

  “Oh!”

  “I don’t feel sorry for him. I think he needs to cry. He needs to cry his heart out.”

  “You know, I always thought that I was the more unforgiving of the two of us on that matter, but I was wrong. You’ve never said it but the cheating thing for you is also unpardonable, isn’t it?

  “Addy, as great is the love, as great is the injury. I think that if you were to hit me, I could still love you, but if you cheated on me, my heart would be so broken I couldn’t possibly forget or forgive.”

  “Oh, baby, that is so beautiful!” Addy hugged her and kissed her.

  “What? What’s beautiful about that?”

  “That you have such strongly rooted values. I love the way you think. Fortun
ately, you don’t have to worry about the hitting or the cheating, I would never do either.” Addy hugged her again.

  Karen smiled. “I think we need to call James now.” Karen announced. Addy pulled away from the embrace wondering what Karen was up to now. Karen dialed James’ number.

  “Hi, James. I’ve just talked to JP. For your personal satisfaction, let me tell you that by the time we hung up, he was crying.”

  “Oh Lord, Karen, what did you tell him?”

  “A few things, but what you need to know and use in your favor is that I made him think that it was a mistake to let you free for two weeks because you are a very good looking fellow and only God knows how you dealt with your feelings while you were in San Francisco.”

  “Oh! Karen, I have to be honest with you, I didn’t exactly stay home. I went out. I needed entertainment, and had some fun.”

  “Okay, okay, okay! I don’t need details! You better call him and fix this situation once and for all. It seems to me that the two of you are two horny men who should be together, so get moving!” She heard James chuckle and after saying goodbye, she hung up.

  Addy’s eyes were huge. “Sorry about the language, baby, but it appears that those two sort of deserve each other.”

  “You mean to tell me that he also—.”

  “They gave each other two weeks of freedom, so I guess it was a free for all!”

  “Really? Wow! I think I need a drink. Can I bring you tea or lemonade?”

  “What I need is a double Martini.”

  “You are going to have to wait a few months for that, sweetie.”

  “Well, since I can’t have my second addiction, can I have my first?”

  Addy wondered what Karen meant, as she came back with a glass of wine in one hand and a glass of lemonade in the other. When she saw Karen’s naughty smile, she immediately knew what Karen meant. “Oh that!” As soon as she set the glasses on the table, Karen pulled her to the sofa.

  “Yes, that!

  Part 6

  Because Karen was suffering from heartburn whenever they ate late, they had been having early dinners followed by walks to help with digestion. Addy was also very mindful, cooking all the right meals to provide Karen with all the nutrition she needed. Karen had always been a good eater, but now it was a time to focus on healthy, nutritious food that was not always one of her favorites. Green vegetables and fruits were not at the top of Karen’s list and it became Addy’s task to introduce them into their meals. It became the norm to have green vegetables for dinner, and fancy salads containing fruits, nuts, and berries.

  Sometimes Karen would wonder about ‘things’ she found in her food. “What is this yellow thing in the salad?”

  “Mango.”

  “Mango? Since when is mango salad material?”

  “Ker, mango in salads is the in thing now. It’s all over gourmet magazines. Apples, mangos and pineapple and many other fruits and berries have become integral ingredients of current culinary trends. Nuts also, they are in all salads.” Addy sounded so authoritative and knowledgeable that she was actually convincing and since Karen didn’t have a clue about current culinary trends and the salads tasted great, she immediately dropped the subject. Karen was always examining her food for unknown ingredients but always ate everything without any further comment. Addy sometimes had to look away so as not to laugh when she saw Karen performing her inspections. The same happened when Addy introduced lentils.

  “What is this brown thing?”

  “Lentils.”

  “Why are we having lentils? I’ve had them at Indian restaurants, but never at home.” Reluctantly, she tasted the brown porridge. “Umm, it’s good.”

  “Well, I’m not from India, but when I was a kid, I really liked them and the other day I saw them at the store and thought to give them a try.” She knew she made awesome lentils and had plenty of them when she was pregnant with Laurie. “Here, dip the bread in them.”

  “Umm, I like it.”

  Only after Addy was sure that Karen liked them, she’d say “and they are very rich in iron which is very good for you and the baby.” Karen always gave her the look, but always ended up shaking her head and smiling.

  She was very much aware of Addy’s intentions with the introduction of any new item of food. Everything was always introduced with a remark or explanation. “Would you look at the size of that squash? I couldn’t resist buying it,” or “I thought that was the greenest spinach I’ve ever seen,” or “I hadn’t seen oranges like that since I left Spain.” Then she’d peel the oranges and cut them in little wedges and arrange them with strawberries on a small plate to make some sort of design and make it look appealing. Karen loved the attention. Addy also always made sure that any dessert was rich in calcium.

  “Don’t think for a minute that you are fooling me, Ms. Marcos, with all the apples and mangos in the salads and the lentils and the greens. I know what you are doing.”

  Addy gave her the loving smile. “What am I doing?”

  “Feeding me nutritious stuff.”

  “Shame on me, imagine that! Feeding my baby nutritious food.” She gave Karen a kiss on her cheek and went off to put things away in the refrigerator. She often did that, kiss her and continue to do whatever she was doing. Karen called it ‘the kiss and ride.’ A lot of times, Karen grabbed her by the arm and would reel her back, but most of the time it caught Karen by complete surprise. Karen loved being the object of Addy’s attention and affections.

  Karen turned around and leaned against the kitchen counter. Addy walked to her smiling and place her hands on Karen’s belly still holding her gaze. “Do you have any other complaints?”

  Karen smiled back. “No, no complaints.”

  Addy’s smile broadened as she brought her hands to Karen’s face and held it. “Good, because I only want the best for my babies.” She kissed her on the lips. As she was turning away, Karen held her hand. Addy turned, wrapped her arms around her waist while Karen pressed her thigh between Addy’s legs and kissed her.

  “Ker, these activities might affect digestion.” Karen already had her hand inside Addy’s pants.

  “A good work out is good for digestion. So, do you want it here, or upstairs?” Karen kissed her as she pushed Addy’s buttocks closer to her.

  “Umm, it’s always more comfy upstairs.”

  They made their way to the bedroom holding hands and sat on the bed while kissing. Addy lay down on the bed and pulled Karen down with her. “Come here sexy.” When Addy spoke, Karen’s eyes opened wide, as if in shock. “What’s wrong?”

  “It moved!” Karen sat up startled holding her belly.

  “The baby? It moved?”

  “Oh, God! It moved again!” Karen gasped.

  “It’s like having a fish inside me.”

  “Here, let me feel it.” Addy placed her hand on Karen’s belly while looking at Karen. Addy’s smile made Karen smile as well. “It’s okay, honey, this is perfect.” Addy leaned down and began to talk to Karen’s belly. “Hi, little one.”

  The baby moved again. Karen was transfixed looking at the scene and feeling the baby move inside of her. “Oh, my God, Addy! The fish is moving!”

  Addy chuckled. “It’s a miracle, Karen. It’s the miracle of life.” The baby moved again.

  “I think it moves every time you talk. Don’t talk! And you are right, the fact that I find myself in this situation is nothing but a miracle because the Lord knows this wouldn’t have happened without divine intervention!”

  Addy laughed. “Well that is also true, but I think it’s great that the baby is moving. That means it’s well.”

  The baby kept moving. Karen looked at her. “Stop talking. Every time you talk it moves.”

  Addy laughed and pulled her down on the bed and began to kiss her. “Don’t even think about it! I can’t make love right now with this thing moving inside me.”

  Addy laughed. “This is the first time I have ever heard you say no to sex.”

 
“Addy, I’m serious, this feels very weird.”

  “I know, babe, I’m only kidding. Come here, let me hold you.”

  They turned off the light and cuddled. “Addy, I’m scared.” That admission from Karen was extraordinary. Karen was not one to admit her weaknesses or expose her vulnerabilities. Addy was well aware of the enormity of that confession. This was something she’d only share with Addy.

  “What scares you?”

  “Many things, first, having this baby inside me, moving and growing. What if it doesn’t turn out right? We don’t even know who the sperm donor was, what if the baby is not normal? What if it has mental or physical issues? Then there is the part where it has to come out of me. How will that be? Will I have to go through a C-section, or will it be a natural birth? Frankly, both terrify me. If it’s a natural birth, all my insides will be stretched out and things down there may never be the same. What if something goes wrong at birth? What if—.” Karen’s worries seemed to have no end.

  “Stop, right there, we are not going to start predicting a catastrophe. You know how I hate pessimistic thoughts.”

  “Yes, I know, yet bad things happen, sweetheart.”

  “Okay, let’s take this from the top.” Karen smiled. She always liked when Addy got into her analytical mode and shared her mental processes with her. “First, it’s very good that the baby is moving. That means that it’s healthy, that it’s growing well and that it’s happy. Second, we never met the sperm donor, but we do know that it was a good sperm and that the donor met the requirements that we wanted. This was guaranteed by having gone to the best and most reputable sperm bank that we were referred to. As for whether a baby will be mentally or physically normal, well, I guess that is something every parent worries about. We are no different than any expectant couple. Only God knows those things. All we can do is hope for the best and monitor the baby’s growth and well being, just like we are doing. Third, whether it will be a natural birth or a C-section is yet to be determined as circumstances present themselves. Whichever way this baby comes out, we will deal with it. If it’s a C-section, well Ker, we are both familiar with hospital situations and I assure you that I will take care of you, and you shouldn’t have to worry about anything. If it’s a natural birth, although things might stretch at the time of the birth, I’m always amazed by the power of the human body to come back to its original state. Laurie was a natural birth and I bounced back from it, and would you say that I’m unusually stretched?”