Roughing the Passer

by Jami Davenport

  “So, I guess this is truly it.” Tyler shifted from one foot to the other, looking oddly uncertain and out of his element. She knew how much he hated any lack of control.

  “I guess so.” Lavender twisted the hem of her t-shirt in her hands, her back to the large antique double doors of the mansion. She glanced down at her feet, refusing to meet his gaze.

  “I—I—this isn’t easy for me.”

  Her head jerked upward and she met his gaze, her eyes blazing. “And you think it’s a walk in the park for me?” She embraced her anger, let it fuel her strength.

  “No, not at all. Not really.”

  “Then why are you such an ass about this?”

  “I don’t mean to be.” His eyes gave away the truth of his words. He meant it. He would change it if he could, but he couldn’t. Larger-than-life Tyler Harris was, after all, only human.

  Lavender rolled her eyes, playing her part, even as her heart ached for him—for them. “You don’t know how to be anything but.”

  His cocky smile crashed and burned. “Now, that’s not fair. I can be a nice guy.”

  “Only if there’s something in it for you.” Mean words, meant to prod a reaction out of him, and she immediately regretted them.

  “Do you really know me so little as to believe that?”

  Lavender shook her head. “No, I don’t honestly believe it.” She was just lashing out, hurting him so he’d hurt like she did.

  “You matter to me.”

  Matter to him? Matter? The asshole. After all the things they’d been through together? She glared at him. Is that all he felt about her? She was so mad and hurt she couldn’t speak, couldn’t deal with this anymore. Lavender turned away from him and ran into the house as her tears started to fall. She’d been a fool to think she could change that stubborn man’s mind, get him to tell her what he was so afraid of after one last night together—because that’s all it was.

  One last night.

  She stumbled blindly into the kitchen and right into a solid chest of muscle. Zach caught her and set her back on her feet, then stared down at her with his mouth turned down in an expression of concern and fear. Fear, she assumed, that he’d be saddled with a crying woman.

  Kelsie rushed to her side and put her arms around her. Her other girlfriends gathered round all talking at once, while the guys sitting around the breakfast table stared in horrified silence, looking as fearful of tears as they would of an opposing team’s Pro Bowler.

  One look into her friends’ concerned eyes and Lavender lost it. The grief of the last month crashed down on her, smashing what strength she still held onto, obliterating her ability to pretend nothing was wrong. Sobs racked her body, choked her to the point that she rasped and gagged, unable to draw a complete breath.

  Kelsie wheeled around, murder in her gaze. She pointed a finger at the men. “What are you staring at? Go kick Harris’s ass.”

  Zach hurried to the door, as chairs scraped across the wooden floor.

  Brett paused in the doorway, seeking out Estie. “I thought you guys were making us breakfast.”

  “Not anymore. Out.” Estie shooed them all out the door. “Tell my asshole brother that I’m going to rip him a new one.”

  As soon as the guys left, an uncomfortable silence fell over the room except for the dripping of the kitchen faucet.

  “I’m sorry. I interrupted your breakfast plans.” Lavender hiccupped.

  “You didn’t interrupt anything.” Kelsie handed her a napkin and patted her arm.

  “What happened?” Rachel spoke quietly.

  “We decided to have one last night together. It was so—so beautiful. I was certain he’d never be able to let me go after that. I thought we were back on track.”

  “But no go?”

  “No go. In fact, he thanked me as if I was a grocery store clerk he’d just purchased a six-pack from. He told me I mattered.” Her friends looked outraged and Lavender started crying all over again.

  God, she hated blubbering women. Only Tyler Harris had the power to make her cry, and it pissed her off big-time with a capital BIG.

  She swiped at the tears and embraced the anger. Anger would get her through this. Anger would bolster her courage.

  “Tyler is an idiot. He doesn’t deserve you. You’re better off without him.” Spoken like a true older sister.

  Lavender set her jaw in that way that Tyler often did when he was digging in his proverbial heels. “You’re right. I don’t deserve a guy who won’t commit to me in his heart, soul, and on paper. A guy who doesn’t understand the true meaning of that paper. He’s missing out, and he’ll never find another woman like me.”

  The girls clapped and cheered. High-fiving her.

  “Let’s finish breakfast and do some sightseeing.” Estie looked at Lavender for approval.

  Lavender nodded, smiling for once, even if it felt stiff and artificial. “How about we take the ferry to Orcas and drive to Mount Constitution?”

  “Perfect.”

  It was perfect. Almost. The only thing that could make it perfect was if a certain mule-headed man figured out that he was wrong. Only he wouldn’t. And she’d be a bigger fool if she thought that’d ever happen in this lifetime.

  She didn’t need Tyler. She’d do just fine on her own. She had good friends, a good future, and a loving—if not slightly dysfunctional—family.

  Screw Tyler.

  She had better things to do with her life than to mope after him.

  Now she just needed to figure out what they were.

  * * * *

  Tyler backed up against the bar to four pairs of accusing, bloodshot eyes.

  “Where have you been all night?” Murphy got to the point.

  “I could ask each and every one of you the same thing,” Tyler shot back.

  “Yeah, well, we’re either married or engaged to our women, while you’re in denial,” Derek said, his dark eyes drilling into Tyler in that way only Derek had.

  Tyler skirted around his teammates and sank down into a big overstuffed leather chair. “What’s for breakfast?”

  “You’re taking us to breakfast.” Bruiser looked to his buddies for confirmation, and the rat bastards nodded in agreement.

  “Yeah, our ladies were going to cook us breakfast until Lavender walked in the kitchen in tears. You asshole.” Brett propped his hands on his hips and glared down at Tyler.

  Tyler frowned as his gut twisted worse than a pretzel. “Crying? I don’t—I don’t understand. She was fine a few minutes ago.” He knew she was pissed, but in tears? Was he that dense? He hadn’t even realized how upset she’d been?

  “You don’t understand? You idiot.” Zach shook his head as if Tyler were too stupid for words. “She slept with you ’cause she loves you, and you took what she gave and walked away.”

  “You’re worse than an asshole.” Brett said.

  “She knew there weren’t any guarantees. I never made promises. We were just having one final night together. That was all.” Yeah, right. That was all. Who was he kidding? It hadn’t been that simple. Not to him. And obviously not to her.

  “Seriously? And what woman in love with a man honestly believes that bullshit? They think they can change you, turn you around, crook their little finger, and you’ll come running,” Zach added.

  “Yeah. See? I’m not like that. I’m stronger than that.” Tyler was grateful for a sympathetic ear even if it was from an unexpected source.

  “I wasn’t calling you strong. I was calling you stupid.” Zach growled and shook his shaggy head.

  “But—” Tyler didn’t get it. These guys had been pussy-whipped too long; now they were starting to think like women.

  “Why don’t you put a ring on her finger?” Derek asked. They all stared at him, waiting for an answer Tyler couldn’t give because lately he’d begun to wonder the same thing.

  Why didn’t he? What was he really afraid of? Afraid of failing the ultimate challenge—a happy, long marriage? He’d neve
r backed down from a challenge, so why was he doing it now?

  Because a marriage is the most important thing two people can ever do together.

  And he wasn’t up to the challenge? Was that it?

  He rubbed his eyes, feeling old, weary, and confused.

  The room went silent. Tyler could hear their breathing. Hell, he could hear Coug’s purring as the cat went from lap to lap.

  Tyler stood, rubbed his eyes, and faked a nonchalant grin. “Let’s get breakfast. I’m starved.”

  No matter how pissed they might be at him, the guys never turned down a free meal. They pushed and shoved to get out the door. Tyler followed them outside into the morning sun.

  Hanging back, he tried to process the events of the last twenty-four hours, but one event overrode all else. He’d made Lavender cry. Again. Even though he hadn’t seen her cry he couldn’t get that picture out of his mind of her pretty face streaked with tears. He was an asshole. A jerk. A dumbshit. Everything they said and more. He loved the woman more than he loved football or himself, and that was a damn lot of love. He didn’t want anyone else but her.

  No one.

  So what was he going to do about that? Admit he was afraid? Take a leap of faith? He’d harbored his fear of committing for so long he wasn’t sure he could get past it. And he sure as hell wouldn’t admit he was afraid.

  Chapter 8—Another Type of Ring

  Tyler walked down the streets of Friday Harbor, alone and out of sorts. Not sure what the hell to do with the rest of his life, except play football—his only constant. But how much longer would he play? Five years? Maybe seven if he was lucky. Then what?

  When Lavender stood by his side, his future hadn’t looked so bleak. They’d made plans for his retreat for wounded warriors and a charity for childhood cancer.

  And he’d been thinking about raising kids.

  They’d never really talked about having kids, but he’d gotten turned on to the idea lately, especially since Rachel was pregnant. He’d be lying if he wasn’t a little jealous of Derek. His cousin had turned into a man with babies on the brain.

  But Tyler couldn’t picture children in his future without Lavender. He couldn’t imagine being a father if Vinnie wasn’t the mother.

  He stopped and stared at a window display of glassware and pottery, staring but not really seeing it. With a sigh, he continued on, feeling like crap.

  His feet carried him another block and past a tiny jewelry store which made custom, one-of-a-kind jewelry. One of Lavender’s favorite stores on the island. God knew he’d spent a shitload of money there every time they’d visited.

  He paused in front of the small display window, a glittering diamond engagement ring in an unusual yet simple setting catching his eye. His throat constricted, the panic swelled inside him, and he poised himself to walk like hell in the other direction, maybe get a drink. Or two. Or three. Yeah, he’d head to the veterans’ club, drown his feelings, and get a room within walking distance. He didn’t have anywhere to go. He could hang out on the island a few more days after everyone left tomorrow. Just disappear and be himself.

  Only the island reminded him of Lavender. They’d met here. Made so many memories here. Good memories. Fun memories. Memories he’d hold next to his heart for a lifetime.

  His feet rooted to the sidewalk as the diamond winked at him, beckoning him inside.

  The risk is worth it. Don’t let her go. His father’s voice came across so clearly Tyler turned his head to see who had spoken to him. He was alone. No one else was even on the same block.

  Tyler walked into the small shop as if drawn by an invisible force.

  Brant, the shopkeeper, recognized him immediately, and his face lit up. “Tyler. It’s been a while. How’s that knee?”

  “Good. I’ll be playing in the season opener.” Like he gave a shit right now.

  “Where’s that pretty lady of yours?”

  “She’s back at the mansion.” Tyler didn’t bother to explain that she was out of his life because he was a dumbshit with a severe case of marriage phobia.

  “What could I help you with? Need a little surprise for Lavender?”

  Tyler glanced over his shoulder at the window display.

  Brant smiled and skirted around the counter, eager to help one of his best customers. “Something there that interests you?”

  Tyler licked his dry lips, the words stuck in his throat. Brant hustled to the window and removed a few items.

  “This bracelet reminds me of Lavender. She’d love this.”

  Tyler didn’t even look at it. His eyes strayed to the ring, still calling to him, taunting him, reminding him he was a coward of the worst kind.

  Brant followed his gaze. His eyes widening as a knowing smile crossed his face. “Ah, you have your eye on something more—more serious than just a little gift?”

  “Maybe.” The words slammed Tyler in the chest the moment they snuck out of his mouth. Yet, he meant them, even though he hadn’t realized it until he spoke them out loud.

  Brant removed the ring from the window and passed it to Tyler. At first Tyler hesitated, not sure he could go through with this. Finally he took it from the man’s hand and studied it. He held it up to the light, angling it so to see the different facets of the diamond. He didn’t know much about jewelry, but he knew that this piece was beyond unique with a nice diamond surrounded by tiny purple stones.

  “It’s beautiful.” Tyler broke out into a sweat and wiped his brow.

  “And unique. You’ll never find another like it. I have Lavender’s ring size on file; I can size it for you in no time.”

  “What about engraving?” His voice sounded raspy, not at all like him. He wiped sweaty palms on his jeans and took deep breaths.

  “I can do that, too.”

  “Can you have it ready by later this afternoon?” Who the fuck was the person doing all the talking for him? Whoever it was, Tyler couldn’t control what he said. He found he didn’t want to control him.

  “Absolutely.”

  “I’ll take it.” Tyler kicked caution through the goalposts and trusted love to carry him through.

  He just hoped he wasn’t too late for Lavender to forgive his stubborn heart and say yes. Begging wasn’t out of the question if that was what it took to get the job done.

  * * * *

  Lavender walked down to the rocky beach to meet Estie. For some reason she insisted Lavender have a drink with her on the end of the dock. The sun was setting over the water, bathing the inlet in brilliant hues of reds and orange with a little purple thrown in.

  Estie wasn’t there yet, which was odd because she was always punctual. Lavender sat down on a wooden bench to wait. Tyler had left earlier, and she hadn’t seen him since. Zach said he’d gone back to the mainland.

  Lavender sighed. She’d hoped, as futile as it was, that he’d have a change of heart and come back to profess his undying love. Only he hadn’t. Instead he’d left without another word. Their last night together had truly been the last night.

  Gravel crunched behind her. She didn’t look up. Instead she stared at the water lapping at the shoreline as the tide came in, slowly reclaiming the beach until the next tide change.

  “Hey.”

  Lavender jerked her head around at the sound of that familiar husky voice. “Hi.” She swallowed hard and tried to wipe her face of all emotion. “I thought you’d left the island.”

  “I forgot something.” He walked toward her, his face expressionless, his deep blue eyes unreadable.

  He seemed different, and she couldn’t figure out why. Her pulse accelerated to car-chase speed.

  Tyler clenched his jaw and wrung his hands, not typical actions for a confident man. His gaze slipped to his feet.

  She’d never seen him act like this. “And that is?”

  He stopped and lifted his head and met her gaze. “You.” He said the word with profound emotion.

  She was grateful to be sitting down as her knees surely would’v
e buckled.

  Tyler stood in front of her, still wringing his hands, his eyes troubled and uncertain.

  Her heart slammed against her ribcage, as she struggled to breathe. “Me?” she croaked.

  He nodded, almost smiled but still looked ready to throw up. “I’m a stubborn idiot.”

  “And you’re just figuring that out?” She smiled.

  He smiled back, one of those rare sexy, insecure smiles. “Yeah. Finally.” He dropped to his good knee in front of her.

  Looking at the symbolic position he’d assumed, she felt like she might throw up, which would’ve made for one romantic memory. “Tyler?”

  “Just listen, okay? This is hard for me.”

  She nodded slowly, not sure she could talk anyway.

  He squeezed her small hands in his big ones. “When you walked out, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Last night drove it all home. I need you in my life. You are my soul mate, my partner, my best friend. I want you to be my only love and my final love. I want you to have our children and together we’ll teach them to love animals and old people, to respect themselves and others. We’ll teach them to live the best lives they can and love without fear. And we’ll teach all this by the example we set.”

  She nodded, unable to speak as her throat constricted. She had to be dreaming. This couldn’t be happening, yet Tyler’s warm hands wrapped around hers weren’t imagined.

  He released her hands and dug in his pocket. She watched as he pulled out a small black velvet box and flipped it open with his thumb. Nestled inside was the most beautiful diamond ring ever—not gaudy and huge, but simple, elegant, and unique.

  His hand shook as he took it from the box. “You’re special beyond anything I could ever hope for.” Tyler beamed, grinning from ear to ear. “You bring out the best in me like no one else ever has. You know who I really am, and you love me in spite of and because of that.”

  Tyler cleared his throat, drawing her attention back to him. She couldn’t recall ever seeing him this nervous. “Will you marry me, Lavender?”

  She should just say yes, but the devil in her couldn’t resist jerking his chain a little. “I thought marriage was just a piece of paper.”