Resist Me (Unchained Attraction Book 4)

by K. L. Shandwick

I was instantly furious she’d been lied to. It was bad enough she’d been adopted, but for them to have hidden the fact from her by burying it in another lie, felt horrific.

  Scoring her hand down her face she sighed. “When she told me about you I was angry—with her and my dad for keeping my adoption a secret from me—with you too,” she confessed, swallowing hard. “But mostly with her, and if I’d felt angry at her when I thought she’d had an affair, it was nothing to how I felt when she had confessed I wasn’t hers either. My anger toward you dissipated the moment I heard how old you were when you had me.” James immediately clutched my hand and squeezed it on hearing her words, like he also felt hurt for me.

  “Shit, that’s insane, you must have been wrecked with all that new information, on top of the death of your parents as well,” James chipped in, unable to stop himself from commenting. Turning to look at me, his face suddenly hardened. “Okay. You know what? I think this is a huge amount of data to sort through in one day. Should we eat and talk? Maybe you can ask Tricia some questions about her life in general, and if you’re not busy, can I suggest another meeting next week?”

  “Tomorrow,” I blurted out. “I’ve waited thirty years for answers, we need to keep talking.” A streak of fear ran through me at the thought she may walk away and never come back.

  “Tomorrow would be amazing. I never expected us to get this far today. Now that I’ve found you …” She trailed off and I could see a mixture of hope and anguish in her eyes.

  “Oh, I’m not letting you go again,” I blurted out, “I mean, if that’s what you want. James gave you his number but before we leave here today, you’ll have mine. I’d love you to be part of my life, Erin. If that’s what you want …” I trailed off and glanced toward James, wondering how he felt now that this had become my reality.

  “Yes … Tricia speaks for me as well, sweetheart,” James agreed. “You have a whole family to meet. But, if it’s okay with you, I think we need to take this a little slowly. Going from nothing to everything in a day can have serious repercussions for you both and no one in Tricia’s family … I mean, your birth mom’s family, knows that Tricia even had you, apart from her mother.”

  James slid his hand from my back to the back of the booth seat and waved Brian over. “Let’s grab something to eat. The food here is delicious. I can guarantee this, since Brian works the front of the house and leaves his good wife in the back. Apart from being gorgeous, her cooking’s the reason he married her, isn’t that right, Brian?” he joked as his good-natured friend wandered up to the table with a tablet in hand, ready to take our order.

  The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and we found the more Erin disclosed, the more coincidences there were. We had both attended Rochester Business School, both had excelled in math, and both had similar body types and fashion sense. It was a weird sensation feeling close to someone I’d only just met, it was a feeling I knew I’d never be able to explain for the rest of my life.

  I also knew if I lived another hundred years, I could never have thanked James enough for his patience and support in coaxing me in there on the day. I’d gone there fearful of rejection, when the hardest part of the day had been when our lunch had ended, and I’d had to walk away again without her.

  Chapter Four

  As we walked home, I knew from the way people scowled toward James as they passed us by in the street, I must have looked a mess. James had offered to wave down a taxi, but we both knew the taxi driver would have thought us both crazy as we were only a few blocks from home.

  I had cried several times during lunch, but as we walked home my heart felt like a weight had been cut free. A torrent of feelings swirled around within me and I’d felt anxious that Erin may have gone home, deciding she knew enough and would change her mind about growing a relationship with me.

  Further thoughts brought angry feelings for all the years I’d been denied my baby. Rationally, I tried to balance that in the knowledge she came to no harm growing up, and had wanted for nothing, which had probably been far better for her than being raised under the influence of my mom. At least Erin had been spared growing up with her.

  Guilt immediately radiated through me when I thought that way about my mother, but it was nevertheless true. Mom was an overbearing authoritarian when I was a child. The way she’d dictated the company I’d kept and tried to force friendships with horrible rich brats in our small town had felt overbearing. Fortunately, through all of that I’d had Alice, whose father was the local bank manager and, therefore, acceptable as a friend.

  “How do you feel?” James asked, squeezing my hand and drawing my absentminded thoughts back to him.

  “Good, weird, heartbroken, excited, anxious,” I replied nervously.

  He nodded. “It’s a good thing for you to feel cautious. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult that was for you. But you have a good head on your shoulders and you’re not the rainbows and sunshine kind of girl who doesn’t understand there may be more hurt along the way.” He squeezed my hand again. “But now that I’ve said that, I’m confident you and Erin will work your way through this and perhaps even become great friends.”

  I stopped walking and turned to look at him. James immediately held my gaze. The love and honesty that shone from them made my heart clench again at how patient and caring he’d been. My heart also skipped a beat from the crazy spark I’d felt in that small intimate moment. He must have felt it too because his hand left mine and both arms immediately wrapped around me.

  “Have I mentioned how much I love you? I know now I was scared to love you because I couldn’t bear to have this with you and worry about the possibility of losing you if you found out about Erin.”

  Dipping his head close to mine, he brushed our noses intimately and smiled. “Yet, my love, here we are, stronger than ever. At long last, you’ve met your beautiful daughter and the sky never caved in. Love will get you through this, Tricia, and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

  Turning me back, facing the direction we had been heading, he tucked me protectively into his side and led me home. We walked in silence and I sensed that had been a conscious decision from the man who found conversation with me effortless. That said, he had always known when silences were necessary for me to gather my thoughts.

  We had just arrived at the apartment when I heard a text message on my cell. I dug into my purse, pulled it out, and smiled warmly when I saw who the text had been from.

  Billie: Whatever your day has been like, just know I’m on the end of the phone.

  I smiled, thinking how lucky I was to have found Billie. Sometimes the universe works in one’s favor, and it had felt as if Billie and James had somehow been sent to give me the courage I’d needed to help me face my past.

  Me: It’s been a journey. My daughter … can I really call her that? She looks like me, but young and beautiful.

  Billie: Says the decrepit old hag. LOL. You’re still young and beautiful. If she’s anything like her mom, she’s amazing.

  Me: Can we come for dinner? We’ll order takeout. I need an escape from my thoughts … and maybe to talk.

  Billie: Yay! Kids will be bathed and bedded < is that a word I can use in relation to children? Come at 7:00 p.m. The twins should be asleep by then.

  Me: Food?

  Billie: Sawyer’s got that he says.

  Me: Make sure it’s my favorite stress food—burritos. C U later.

  “I can’t wait to meet her,” Billie gushed, as we tidied away the empty food cartons and scraped the leftovers from the plates, into the waste disposal. My attention was drawn to the two amazing men sitting on the couch, deep in conversation.

  “Those two are our heroes, aren’t they?” I asked, in a moment of sheer romantism.

  “Absolutely, and I’m so glad I pushed for Sawyer to give James another chance. From the moment I met him, I had a warm feeling about him. Sawyer was pissed when I advocated for James, but …” She shrugged in thought for a moment. “
I don’t know what it was, but he just had this sense of honesty about him.”

  “He does. That bitch, Charlotte has a lot to answer for. But you know we should both thank her, because if she hadn’t behaved how she did, neither of us would be where we are now. I hate that she brought both James and Sawyer heartache, but I can’t fault the end result. My biggest peeve about her is how she almost destroyed James’ confidence. If she hadn’t done that, he may have been more forthright about his feelings and we might have gotten together much sooner.”

  “Yeah, well what’s done is done, but you’re here now,” Billie said on a lighter note. “Sawyer and James are more alike than they know. James has that same growly bear mentality when something threatens his woman. I can see how protective he is toward you. At first, that worried me a little because I know how independent you are—”

  “My independence was my outer shell, but he’s known about Erin since the moment things began to get real between us. I don’t feel the need to resist letting James see me for what I am… not at all. In fact, I’m relieved he tore down that wall and took charge of me. I never knew how badly I had needed someone to do that… not in the sense I’ve become submissive.” I chuckled.

  “You submissive?” Billie scoffed.

  I laughed. “Right, we both know that’ll never happen, but James is very perceptive to my moods. He instinctively knows the right thing to say, how to say it, and when. It’s like he’s inside my head and whenever doubt washes over me, he’s right there with encouraging words when I need them.”

  Billie nodded, a crooked smile on her face, fighting a grin.

  “What?” I asked. She shrugged, but there was a twinkle of mischief in her eyes.

  “Go on, I know you’re bursting to lay some comeback on me,” I coaxed, grabbing a can of soda, opening it, and taking a swig of the fizzy drink. I lowered the drink from my lips and eyed her cautiously.

  She shrugged again and sighed. “You sound exactly like I did when I felt unsure of myself with Sawyer, and I spoke to you about that. However, I can still remember the look of disbelief in your eyes, like you were saying, ‘no man is all that’.” Billie wandered over to the trash can, stamped her foot on pedal of it to open the lid, and crammed the last of the cartons inside.

  “That’s what I believed at the time,” I reluctantly admitted through a chuckle.

  “And now?” she asked, stopping in her tracks with an empty carton in her hand as she waited for my answer.

  “Oh … James is definitely all that,” I replied with a wink.

  “Tricia Mattison’s in lurve,” she teased in a low tone.

  “That’s not a secret. James and I …” I hesitated, but became lost for words as how to define us. “We work. He’s everything I never thought was real, but with therapy and now there’s all this with Erin …” I sighed and an insecure thought slipped out. “What if he gets tired of it all?”

  “Tired? James? The way he looks at you, it’s a wonder your bones haven’t melted. That guy is so into you I’m surprised you still breathe for yourself. I’m sure if he could do that for you as well, he would.” I chuckled, boosted by Billie’s response.

  My curious eyes flitted over toward him again. His head was down, listening intently to his brother. They looked deep in conversation, but as if he’d felt me watching him, James glanced over toward us and flashed a smile toward us. Turning to Sawyer, he muttered something to him before he rose to his feet. Seconds later he sidled up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “Are you missing me?” he whispered into my ear. Billie smirked knowingly.

  “See?” she teased. “Can’t keep his hands off you,” she joked.

  “She’s right, I can’t,” he mumbled low and rumbly against my cheek, as his arms tightened around my front. “Come sit on my lap, I have something I want to show you,” he teased wickedly, wagging his brows. Both Billie and I cracked up laughing at the inference until his gorgeous eyes widened in shock. “Ladies. Really? Get those minds out of the gutter and get your fine asses over onto that couch.” Nodding toward Billie he shook his head. “You’re a married woman, Billie Wild. Does your husband know how your mind works?”

  “She’s full of debauchery that one, mind like a sewer after a few glasses of wine,” Sawyer chipped in, laughing.

  “Sawyer, that’s a lie,” Billie choked out, as her cheeks turned pink. I knew she felt embarrassed by the way she grabbed a dish towel and began folding it. That or she had needed something to keep her hands from throttling either her husband or James.

  “That’s not how it had sounded when you were lying beneath me last night,” Sawyer continued, his bright eyes dancing playfully toward his wife.

  “Right, stop … just stop.” Billie glared, flushed red, and looked mortified. Both James and I chuckled at the same time at her open-jawed expression as she thought what to say next. It was obvious to us that Sawyer had called her on something private and he was sharing a secret joke with her, but letting us know Billie wasn’t as pure minded as she’d have liked us to believe.

  Sawyer came to her rescue by talking about organizing a family trip to Vermont. James had thought it a great idea, but I felt nervous about spending time with their family. Although we’d lived together, I still hadn’t been formally acknowledged by James to his family as his long-term partner, because during my therapy I hadn’t felt I could face anything else.

  I’d met Ronnie and Harriett, James’ parents, on several occasions, mainly around Sawyer and Billie’s wedding, but I hadn’t been introduced as his significant other. Sawyer’s suggestion made me realize how neglectful of James’ needs I had become, having been too distracted with therapy. I also wondered if James had thought me too delicate to introduce me to anyone when he hadn’t pushed for this to happen.

  “What do you say, Tricia? Are you up for this? It won’t be until all the kids are on school vacation, there’s a lot to plan with the number of people, jobs, and whatnot involved,” James probed.

  “Are you?” I asked hesitantly, because the last thing on my mind was a vacation, and facing all the questions that would come if and when they knew about Erin.

  “There will come a time soon when I’ll have to stop hogging you to myself and let my family see for themselves this fabulous woman who commands all of my time.”

  “Hmm, is that what I did?”

  “Baby, you can command anything of me, and I’d do my best to accommodate you, but my family should learn how amazing you are for themselves.”

  What the hell will they think when they learn about Erin and my sordid past? I frowned, worried they’d be judgemental.

  “What?” James’ eyes grew dark, as a crease knitted his brow.

  “I … I don’t know … I mean, I’m tired of secrets,” I mumbled.

  “Secrets?” He frowned, then as if a penny had dropped his eyes grew wide. “You mean Erin?” He shrugged. “There’s nothing to hide. You have a grown-up daughter.”

  “No, I have an adult daughter I know little about because she went up for adoption when I was a sixteen-year-old girl, but we’ve recently been reunited … today.”

  “Our parents aren’t the judgmental type,” Sawyer interjected. “All they’ll care about is you two are good together and you make my brother happy,” he added, his eyes darting between all of us.

  “It’s true, Tricia. Look how their family accepted me. You have a head start, you’re both the same age,” she said, wagging her finger between James and me. “I was claiming their baby boy. Me, a divorcee, eleven years older. I’ve walked in your shoes, Tricia, and believe me they showed me more compassion in that first meeting than I could ever have dreamed of.”

  “You’d also have your family there, so you won’t be on your own,” James prompted.

  “My family?” I almost shrieked. “I’m not vacationing with my mother. I’d never get a minute’s rest.” I replied. knew I sounded obstructive when they had been trying to do something nice, but tr
ying to take on all those new relationships was something I just couldn’t face.

  James immediately calmed me by sliding his hands in mine. He held them firmly and looked into my eyes. “No one said you have to.” He sighed and turned toward his brother.

  “Maybe this isn’t the best time to discuss this, Sawyer,” James decided. “We still have a while before then, and we can still give people plenty of notice. Tricia has a few more minefields to negotiate in her near future. Include us in the numbers, and don’t tell the others we’re confirmed. Tricia still needs some breathing space,” James concluded, taking charge of the conversation.

  Sawyer nodded slowly like he’d considered what his brother had said. “You’re right, there’s plenty of time, just let me know what you decide.”

  When Sawyer wasn’t insistent, I felt relieved.

  A vacation would have been wonderful, there was no way I had felt ready to stand in judgment before his family. Before that could happen, I had to sort out in my mind, how and when to approach my family about Erin. My stomach ached as I contemplated how to do that, and once again my mind felt swamped in a mixture of mortification, guilt, and dread about dredging up my past.

  Chapter Five

  Two weeks later, I came home from an early breakfast with Erin—our third meeting, and found James waiting for me with two suitcases and my vanity case piled just inside his apartment door.

  “Do you have to go somewhere?” I asked, wondering if there had been some sudden crisis at his work that had required him to go away. I eyed my vanity case again and felt more confused.

  “We’re going somewhere,” he corrected. “I’m taking you away for a few days.” His tone was unusually demanding and when I opened my mouth to protest, he stepped closer and closed my mouth by gently tipping his index finger under my chin. He frowned and shook his head. “Don’t argue. We need time together. You’ve had so much going on in that pretty head of yours, I think you need time to recuperate… and I need you to myself for a while.”