Broken Minds

by Marissa Farrar

  Nevertheless, I needed to do this.

  I’d brought a heavy garbage bag down with me, together with a set of garden gloves, which I planned on burying with the body. Loretta was short, but she wasn’t lightweight like Jolie. I spread open the bag next to the body, put on the gloves, and got to work. The first stages of rigor mortis had already set in, and I cringed as I forced her arms and legs into the sack. I pushed down my revulsion and kept going, knowing I needed to get it done.

  After what felt like forever, I got her into the bag and twisted the top shut. I was thankful Jolie had killed her by strangulation instead of stabbing, so at least there wasn’t a ton of blood to clear up.

  I hauled the bag up onto my shoulder, took the elevator up to the ground floor, and then carried the body outside and dumped it into the waiting wheelbarrow. I went inside for a moment to check on Jolie, who was still sleeping, and then made my way back outside.

  The recent storm meant the ground was still saturated, which made things easier for me. The sun had dried out the top layer of dirt, but the rest was still soft and damp. I took hold of the handles of the barrow and got moving. I wanted to get into the center of the island, as far away as possible from the house and the encroaching ocean that surrounded us. I considered briefly taking her for an ocean burial, but I knew doing so would play havoc with my imagination. I’d forever think Loretta’s body would end up washed up on shore somewhere, or else that she’d bump up against me while swimming or get caught in the motor of the boat. At least below ground, I knew she would stay put.

  By the time I reached my destination, sweat poured down my brow and down my back, and soaked into the armpits of my shirt. It was going to be a hot day, and the hike through the island was hard enough without pushing a wheelbarrow containing a dead body and a shovel. I still had the hard part left to do.

  I picked up the shovel and tested the earth a few times until I hit what seemed to be a soft area. Then I got to work, stabbing the shovel into the dirt and digging hard. I needed the hole to be deep enough that she wasn’t going to end up dug up by animals.

  I gave up on my shirt, yanking it up and over my head, so I worked bare-chested, in only my jeans. I wasn’t much cooler—the surrounding palm trees protected me from any breeze coming off the ocean—but at least I didn’t have a wet shirt slapping against my skin. I must have been filthy, sweat-smeared dirt across my face and chest, but finally the hole was big enough. I went to the wheelbarrow and wheeled it over to the edge of the hole, and then tipped the body in.

  The body fell, hitting the bottom of the hole with a thump.

  A pang of remorse went through me. This was just another victim of Patrick Dorman. By killing Loretta’s daughter, he’d made her bitter and twisted enough to want to take that pain out on Jolie. Just as by killing my mother, I’d done the same to Jolie. I’d been convinced all this time that Jolie didn’t deserve to be shown any mercy, and that she had contributed to his actions, but now I was starting to see her as a victim, even though she’d been the one to kill Loretta. But she’d clearly done so in self-defense, and I couldn’t blame her for that, even if she might blame herself.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I woke up not knowing where I was. I didn’t recognize the room, but something about the feel of the place, and even the smell, made me think I was still in Hayden’s house, just somewhere I hadn’t been before.

  What had happened? Why had he brought me here? I assumed he was the one to bring me up, and I hadn’t made it by myself and then blocked it out.

  Suddenly, the events of the previous night came back to me in a rush. Loretta had come down to the room, had Tased me. I’d run and then...

  I curled into a tight ball, a whine of dismay crawling from my throat. Oh, God. I had killed Loretta. I was a murderer, just like my father.

  Every muscle in my body wound tighter, until I trembled with tension. I wanted to shrink into myself, to condense and grow smaller, until I eventually imploded and vanished. I didn’t know how I could live with this. How could I keep going, knowing I had taken a woman’s life? The disgust I felt toward myself made me want to claw my own skin from my body and rip out my eyes. I no longer wanted to be a part of myself, but I had no idea how to make this all stop.

  A wail of anguish tore from my throat, and I sobbed into the couch cushions. I wished I could go back to sleep, just to escape the pain, but I was wide awake now and had to face reality.

  My throat hurt from crying, my face puffy and my nose blocked. I didn’t think I’d ever stop crying, but eventually my tears ran dry, and I ended up just lying there, hollow and exhausted, staring at the wall.

  Where was Hayden?

  I had vague recollections of him finding me. It was like trying to remember a dream where the details had vanished, and I could only recall flashes. But Hayden had been there afterward. He’d held me and comforted me, and he’d taken off my handcuffs when I’d begged him.

  That realization made me sit up, and I checked my wrists. I was free. He hadn’t tied me up again with something else. Was I even locked in the house?

  Feeling weak and shaky, I got to my feet. I crossed the room to the living room door, opened it a crack, and peered out into the hallway. The house was silent.

  “Hayden?” My voice sounded too loud, but I called out again. “Hayden, are you here?”

  The doors for the elevator were opposite me, and I shivered at the sight. I prayed I would never need to go down there again. The thought of being locked up in the same place as Loretta’s body was a nightmare. The sight of her sprawled out on the bathroom floor, her eyes bulging and tongue swollen, jumped into my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to dispel the image.

  It was irrational, but a part of me felt like I was going to bump into Loretta, alive and well, and she was going to glare at me and demand to know what I was doing.

  The memory of straddling Loretta’s back, the chain of the cuffs locked around her throat, and me pulling harder and harder jumped into my head. I tried to push it away, not wanting to look at it in any detail. I remembered my anger and hatred, though. Hayden could say I hadn’t meant to do it, but I had. Right in that moment, I’d been filled with such rage that seeing her die was all I wanted.

  Not finding any sign of Hayden, I kept looking around the house. I tried the back door and found it unlocked, but I didn’t bother to step outside.

  There was nowhere I could go. I’d tried to run before, and all it had gotten me was locked up down in the room beneath the house. There was the boat, but Hayden would have the keys on him—he wasn’t stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. I had no intention of trying to swim to safety either. Now I’d gotten to know Hayden better, I no longer thought that was my best chance of survival.

  I had to ask myself, did I really want to escape him?

  Right now, I only wished he was here, so he could tell me what I was supposed to do now. I didn’t think he was going to be angry at me for what happened, yet nerves still fluttered inside me at the thought of seeing him again.

  I turned to make my way back to the front of the property.

  Someone was standing in the hallway, and my stomach lurched. But then I realized it was only Hayden. I hadn’t heard him come back in.

  He was bare-chested, his tan skin sheened with sweat and streaked in dirt. His dark hair stuck up wildly, and he hadn’t shaved that morning, so stubble made his square jaw appear even sharper. He was normally immaculately presented, and right now he looked rough and dangerous.

  He turned to me. “Jolie.”

  Just hearing my name on his lips made me crumble inside. He was my enemy, yet I found my feet moving, bringing me closer to him. He matched me footstep for footstep until we crashed together. My arms automatically went around his neck, his around my waist. I pressed my forehead to his shoulder, not caring that he was sweaty and dirty, and he buried his nose in my hair.

  “It’s okay, Jolie,” he told me. “I promised you I’d fix it. I
t’s done. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

  I didn’t want to let him go. His skin was hot, while my shock had chilled me right down to the bone, and I was sucking in his body heat like a snake basking in the sun. But I wanted to look into his eyes and pray I would be able to read the truth in them when I did.

  “You fixed it? What do you mean?”

  “The body is gone. Buried. I’ve still got to burn her belongings, but once I do, there will be no trace of Loretta ever being here. We’ll pretend like it never happened.”

  “But it did happen, Hayden. I can’t just forget that.”

  “She was trying to hurt you. She’d probably have killed you in the end—you know that, don’t you? Her mind was gone. I’m so sorry I didn’t see that in her. This wasn’t your fault, Jolie. I was the one who put you in that position.”

  “But I killed her.”

  He pulled me in for another hug. “You did what you had to do. Don’t torture yourself over this”

  That was probably easier said than done.

  Hayden was right about one thing, though—he was the one who’d put me in this situation. He’d kidnapped me and brought me here. I wouldn’t have even met Loretta if he hadn’t.

  I pushed him away, tears welling in my eyes. “None of this would have happened if you’d just left me the hell alone. I was trying to get on with my fucking mess of a life, and you had to come along and screw things up for me even more.”

  His jaw tightened, his nostrils flaring, and he pressed his lips together. “I’m not going to say I’m sorry, if that’s what you’re after. Loretta might be dead, but nothing has changed. I’m still going to kill your father, and you’re going to help me.”

  It was like he’d reached into my chest and twisted my heart. He’d shown me such affection—tenderness, even—the previous night, and I’d been stupid and read too much into it. We’d had sex a couple of times, but it had been about lust, and nothing more. My emotions had gotten tangled and twisted, and I was already more messed up than I’d ever thought possible. I couldn’t trust my own emotions right now, and I hadn’t really felt something for Hayden. I’d clung to him when I’d needed someone to comfort me. It meant nothing.

  “I can’t go back down there,” I told him. “I’m not going to run, but I’m not going to go back into that room. If you try to make me, I swear I’ll do everything within my power to sabotage your plans with my father.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t worry. You’re not going back down there. You’re not even going to be staying in the house. It’s later in the day than I’d planned, but I’d always intended for us to leave today.”

  I didn’t want to feel hope after what I’d done, but my heart lifted. “Leave? You mean on the boat?”

  He nodded. “That’s exactly what I meant.”

  Nerves and excitement danced inside me. I wanted to get off this island more than anything, though I was anxious for what would come next. I also felt guilty for daring to hope for a future for myself after what I’d done. It would be easy to just curl up into a ball and hope the rest of the world vanished. Perhaps it was the braver thing to keep going and fight for my survival. But did I deserve to be brave?

  “You can do this, Jolie,” he told me. “The end is in sight. Help me lure your father into a spot where I can kill him, and then you’ll be able to get on with your life.”

  I swallowed hard, unable to believe the lifeline he was dangling in front of me. “You’d let me go?”

  He nodded. “Yes, as long as you don’t mess this up for me. If I see any signs of you playing games or signaling for help, don’t expect me to be so kind.”

  He’d let me go, and then he’d go to jail for my father’s murder. I would be free to get on with my life, and that life wouldn’t include Hayden Vale. A strange hollowness expanded in my chest at the thought. How would life be without him in it? I hated him for what he’d done to me, yet the sight of his naked skin drew me in, and I wanted to press my body against it, to lick the sweat from his skin, and wrap my arms and legs around him. I hated that he seemed to have so much power over me, physically, but I couldn’t deny it.

  He was offering me a future without him in it, and I discovered I was no longer sure if that was what I wanted.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I got to work, emptying the few belongings out of Loretta’s room and wiping down the surfaces. I highly doubted I’d removed all traces of her DNA from the house, but it didn’t matter if someone was able to prove she had been here, as long as they couldn’t also prove she’d died here.

  I carried the bundles of clothes and toiletries to the outside pizza oven I’d had installed near the swimming pool when the house had been built—but which I’d never actually used—and quickly got a fire started. When I was confident it was hot enough to destroy everything inside, I left it to burn.

  The boat was already stocked with most of the supplies we’d need for a trip. The water tanks in the boat had been recently filled, and there were plenty of canned foods in the small kitchenette onboard, but we’d want fresh meats, fruits, and vegetables, all of which I took from the refrigerator in the house.

  A melancholy swept over me as I worked my way through the house. I left Jolie on the ground floor while I went down to the room to pack some belongings for her. Of course, they were never really her belongings—she’d neither bought them nor asked for them—but I couldn’t help thinking of them as being hers.

  One of the items I needed was locked away in the safe in the back of my closet. I didn’t have much use for the Smith and Wesson here on the island, but I was going to need it when I was back on the mainland. I packed a change of clothes for myself as well. It would take us a couple of days to reach the mainland where we needed to dock, and I wanted us to be prepared.

  Would this be the last time I saw this place? If things went to plan, I’d be locked up for many years after killing Jolie’s father. I wasn’t even going to attempt to evade arrest. I wanted to put my hands up for what I’d done. I wanted people to know I had avenged my mother’s death.

  I went back downstairs to find Jolie pacing around the kitchen. A part of me had thought she might attempt to escape now that she was no longer locked up, or even handcuffed, and I was surprised she was still here, waiting for me.

  She wore a halter-neck dress of soft blue cotton, and her hair hung around her face. In the sunlight, I was able to see where the blonde highlights gave her that honied glow. Even pale and worried, she was still stunningly beautiful, and when she turned to me with her deep blue eyes wide, I knew I’d fallen for her. There was no point in denying it to myself, but I was never going to let her know. She needed to think of me as the enemy. If she didn’t, I was worried that she wouldn’t want to leave me after her father had been killed. She might have some warped idea that she felt something for me, too, and that would make everything harder. A woman like Jolie might get it into her head that she could save a man like me, but I was far beyond saving.

  “I wish you’d give me something to do,” she said, wringing her hands in front of her body. “I hate just waiting around for you.”

  “I’m ready now. I have something for you.” I threw the items I was carrying toward her, and she glanced down, her mouth dropping open.

  “My boots!”

  “I figured you might need them.”

  I was giving her a weapon in the boots. She might use them to kick me, and they’d definitely make it easier for her to run if she decided to. But I wasn’t going to make her hike across the island barefooted. I didn’t need her injured or bitten or stung by something. That was a complication I could do without.

  She bent to pull on her boots and gave me a perfect view down the front of her dress. She wasn’t wearing a bra, her tits jiggling as she worked each boot onto her bare feet, and my cock jumped in my pants. Just being near her made me want her, and we were about to be trapped on a boat together for the next couple of days with no one else around. No people. No
cameras. Just us.

  Jolie straightened and caught me staring. She cleared her throat and angled her body away, and I could tell she had been able to read my thoughts. Sparks jumped between us, setting my pulse racing. It wasn’t easy to be around this woman. She pulled me in two different directions—my mind telling me one thing, while my body and, dared I say my heart, wanted something else entirely. But, in a matter of days, I would be walking away from her and letting her get on with her life. We’d already taken things too far between us, but I’d discovered that being with her was like a drug, and the more I had, the more I wanted. Nothing beat the feeling of having her pussy wrapped around my cock, of hearing those sexy little moans coming from her mouth and knowing I was the one responsible.

  But what had happened between her and Loretta had dulled some of her spark, and I was worried it wouldn’t come back again. I wanted to see it back. I wanted her to fight me and talk back to me. Seeing her sitting on the bathroom floor like that had broken a piece of me as well. I’d never thought I was the compassionate type, but it seemed I was—at least for her. I’d have happily taken her pain for my own, if I could.

  I hauled the bag with the supplies onto my shoulder. “Ready?” I asked her.

  She nodded. “The sooner I’m off this island, the better.”

  I’d loved this place, but she hated it. Something about that bothered me, too.

  The barrel of my gun wedged into the small of my back. Jolie didn’t know I had it, and I didn’t plan on telling her unless I had to. If she caused me trouble, I wouldn’t hesitate to let her know I was armed, but until that moment came, I was enjoying her simply cooperating without needing to threaten her. I knew she was only doing so because I’d offered up her freedom, and the idea that she would go along with all of this just to be rid of me made my stomach knot, but I wasn’t expecting it to last. She was in shock right now, but that would wear off eventually.