Oh, Bite Me: Paranormal Dating Agency

by Chris Genovese

  “This is what your matchmaker had in mind?” she said. “Unless this is one of those swinger parties, I don’t see either of us getting anywhere anytime soon. These guys are all taken. It’s like you signed us up for a couple’s cruise.”

  The motor roared to life and Penny couldn’t help thinking it was telling her friend to shut up and enjoy the ride. The sun shone down from above, but a canopy kept everyone in the shade, smooshed together in a way that suggested they start getting to know one another. This trip was meant for mingling, finding new friends, and as Sylvia had not so eloquently put it, it was meant to help people get laid.

  This wasn’t a couples’ cruise. It might have seemed that way at first, but the music suggested different. Each song was a modern, laid back twist on a popular hit from sometime in the past. The super chill beachy vibe had everyone sipping drinks and sliding to someone new every minute or so, almost like high seas speed dating.

  A black-haired beauty, with one dark red highlight which hung down at the corner of her eye, wore only a bathing suit top and silky white pants. She charmed two potential suitors, using her tits the way a flute player might mesmerize king cobras. The two men seemed fascinated with her. Penny looked down at her own top, which revealed some cleavage but covered way more than any bikini top would, and she wondered if she should have shown up in something more fitting for the occasion. The woman’s blue eyes locked on Penny’s, and the girl passed her a wink. Was she Russian? Swedish? The woman was absolutely stunning, and she understood why the men were so into her.

  “I need what she has,” Penny said to Sylvia.

  She received no reply from her friend, so she turned to see that her buddy had already been pulled to the side by one of the men aboard the ship. Sylvia and her new beau stood at the yacht’s railing, beyond the safety of the canopy, where they were forced to drink up the sun. The man’s grey shorts sparkled in the light and his white dress shirt was unbuttoned at least one button too far. She couldn’t help remembering Rico from the skating rink.

  “I hope he turns into a ferret,” Penny said silently to herself.

  She didn’t mean it. She would never wish anything negative for her friend, but sometimes she wished Sylvia could experience at least a little bit of the failure Penny did, not to suffer from it, but to at least be able to feel some empathy. Sylvia’s answer to everything was, “Fuck it. Move on. Use your body, use your tits, and fucking work it, girl.” She thought the ferret story was funny. It was, but even when it came to Penny’s current condition, and the ailments she fought so hard to suppress, Sylvia seemed to take it all so lightly.

  “You’re sick,” she’d said right before the trip. “You’ll get over it. It’s what humans do. Fuck it. Move on. Come with me to Australia, drink that shit into oblivion, and fill yourself with great food and thick cock!”

  Sylvia was like a truck driver sometimes, spouting out pure filth, but Penny loved her for it. Especially now, standing on the yacht, sipping wine.

  My problems are gone for now. I’m in Australia, on a yacht, surrounded by great looking people and listening to amazing music. What could be better?

  Then she saw him, standing outside the main cabin door, leaned up against a post that held up an arch the waiters walked under when returning to the guests with trays full of liquor. His hair was short, dark, and his face was slightly unshaven. He wore light shorts, cream color, and a thin, blue linen shirt that fit his muscular upper body tightly enough that only some of the wind seeped through and made the fabric dance. His sleeves were rolled up a few times and Penny couldn’t help thinking he had that college professor look. It was wisdom mixed with experience and a sense of calm. He wasn’t here to talk and brag about the things he had, like all the other guys from what she’d overheard in the conversations around her. This guy was different. She sensed it all in one glance…and his eyes were on her.

  She blushed and looked down at her glass. The intensity of his stare unnerved her a bit. They’d locked eyes and he hadn’t even flinched. She’d never had a man look at her that way. When she looked up, he was gone.

  ***

  Focus. Catch your breath and go back out there.

  Thane stood with his back against the cabin door. He knew he only had a few seconds before one of the waiters would push through and she’d see that he’d retreated and was cowering inside. Geraldine had done it. She was a fucking magician.

  His human side was instantly infatuated with the short, innocent beauty standing outside in that crowd of ridiculous showoffs. She’d been staring off in the distance when he first noticed her. She was watching another couple, and the look on her face said it all. The way her mouth parted and stayed only slightly open, as if in mid-sentence, and the way her eyelashes bounced slowly and surely, almost as if she were about to fall asleep. It was the look of a woman wanting. She wanted what the others had. It wasn’t a declaration leaving her lips but air from deep within her lungs. He’d caught her in mid-gasp. Her eyes weren’t tired, they were lonesome. They were used to staring out at things beyond reach.

  The woman’s white top hugged her body nicely, and her pants were tight on the ass but loose down at the legs where they swayed in the breeze. Yes, his human side wanted her. He was instantly attracted to her.

  It was his shark side that was ravenous for her. His shark senses had made it hard to control his lips. They’d parted in a grin as he watched her, and they’d threaten to pull back over his teeth. He wanted to taste her, but not to eat her. He simply wanted to take a bite. It’s what his kind did when they wanted to mate, and he’d never felt it so strong. The desire to knock her overboard and take her right there in the water was so fucking strong. His shark side wanted her badly, but his human side wanted her too. He wanted to rip off her clothes, strip out of his, and sneak up behind her. To wrap her in his arms and sit down with her, her back to his chest, as she slid down onto his cock. To feel her flesh against his, to feel the warmth of her pussy…Thane had to shift gears in his thinking to contain the growing hard-on in his pants.

  “Bathroom?” he asked one of the waiters.

  “Back there,” the guy said, pointing to a hallway in the far corner.

  Thane found it, and as he stood staring at the bathroom mirror, he willed himself to think clearly. Yes, he wanted a mate. He’d been wanting to settle down and have children of his own. He’d wanted to join all his friends, his followers, in building a community on Shamrock Island, but he’d never thought it possible. He’d always believed the only way he’d achieve that life was if he put his true feelings aside and simply accepted someone because she was pretty and could bear children. Now, he saw that a true mate was possible. His father’s words echoed through his mind. God, how he wished his dad was still here.

  Your mother was my true mate. She tried to stay away from me, especially after she found out who and what I was. Everyone else said I should pick one of our kind, that it was the only thing that made sense, but I knew the moment I saw her that she was the one. Once she accepted me, we never left each other’s side. From that moment on, she never slept alone, and she never knew the feeling of not being loved. Neither did I. Don’t settle, son. You’ll find her. Trust me. One day you’ll find her, and you’ll know.

  Thane knew now. He knew it would sound absurd to everyone else. Kino would laugh. He’d always found Ruby to be sexy. He’d wanted to fuck her and figured she’d be best fit to bear his children, but he’d never said anything about her being “the one.” He wouldn’t believe it. Nobody would, but Thane didn’t care. Gerri had done the impossible. Now, he needed to make this human see that too.

  When he finally got up the nerve to approach her, he found her standing with her back to the crowd, looking out at the ocean. He liked that she didn’t seem to give a shit about any of the nonsense going on in the drunken crowd behind her. She wasn’t standoffish. That much he could tell, but there was something going on. He could sense that too. She had problems, she was suffering, and he wonder
ed if he would be able to ease some of her pain.

  “This is home,” he said as he leaned against the side of the boat, next to her.

  She flinched, startled, and gasped.

  “My God,” she said. “Don’t ever do that to someone.”

  “Do what?” he asked, finding her slightly frustrated tone endearing.

  “Sneak up on somebody and…you know…talk in a deep tone like that,” she said.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to startle you. And…I’m sorry about my…voice? It’s kind of the way I talk.”

  She turned her attention back to the water. God, how he wanted to kiss her. He knew absolutely nothing about her, but he wanted her to know that she was his. He’d already claimed her mentally. Now, he only needed to seal the deal with her body. She was his, she just didn’t know it yet. She turned back to him and smiled. Her eyes, honey brown, were so captivating, but also so tired. She lived a difficult life. Her smile though was lively, genuine. Her painted red lips were full and so inviting. He liked how she stuck her tongue out ever so slightly as she thought of what to say next.

  “Okay,” she said with a slight snicker. “I like your voice. You got me.”

  “I knew it,” Thane said, joining the playful banter. “You like the water?”

  “I think so,” she said. “It’s beautiful from up here, but it’s kind of scary too, don’t you think?”

  “Scary how?”

  “It’s all a mystery down there,” she said. “Kind of like outer space in a way. You can’t breathe, the pressure can kill you if you go too deep, and there are so many dangerous creatures…”

  “…like all those dangerous creatures in space?” he interrupted her, making fun of her.

  He’d said it before realizing it might offend her. He wasn’t calling her stupid; he only thought it was an interesting comparison. He’d never heard anyone compare his home with far away galaxies.

  “Okay,” she said. “Maybe not the creature part, but you know what I mean.”

  “I do,” he said.

  She had no idea how much he could relate. She was right. The ocean was a dangerous place, but, it was her kind he feared most. They were the ones making his life so much more difficult. He could handle sharks and squids and sea snakes. He could dodge whales and kick the shit out of some dolphins, but humans had ships, submarines, and other underwater machinery that could obliterate his kind if they felt the need to.

  “My name’s Thane,” he said.

  A smile grew on her lips and she lifted her hands to bury her face in them.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Gerri wasn’t kidding,” she said.

  “Nope, she definitely wasn’t,” he said. “Seems you know my name already, but she never told me yours. She said I would just know.”

  “You would know?” she asked. “Guess that’s a umm…”

  She leaned in close to him, not like the breeze would allow others to hear their conversation anyway, but it was sweet that she wanted to protect his secret.

  “…paranormal dating thing?” she said with a wink.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not following,” he said.

  Of course, he was only fucking with her. She’d come right out and made reference to his “abilities.” Brave move. Most women would fear it or at least be hesitant to mention it.

  “Seriously?” she said, pulling back from him. “Are you going to act like you’re not…”

  He laughed.

  “I am. You got me. I’m…paranormal,” he said with another chuckle. “So, what’s your name?”

  Laughter came so easy with her. He didn’t even know her, but he felt comfortable with her.

  “Can’t you sense that too?” she teased this time.

  “I’m not a mind reader,” he said.

  He kind of was, but only with his own kind. Only with shark shifters.

  “Penny,” she said. “My name’s Penelope. Penny for short.”

  “Penny,” he said, turning the word over in his head. “So, if I were to throw you overboard and make a wish…”

  “That’s not funny,” she said, slapping his arm.

  “That’s not funny,” came a voice Thane dreaded, this one only in his mind.

  He whipped his head to the right, trying to find its source. She had to be somewhere on the ship.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked mentally, closing his eyes for a second and trying to home in on her location.

  Unlike a person’s regular voice, where the volume and angle could give them away, mental communication could come from anywhere. She could be behind him, far back in the crowd, or even hanging on to the side of the boat. Wherever she was, if Evelyn was on the yacht, she wasn’t there for any good reason.

  “So, you live in Queensland?” Penny asked.

  He wanted to give his date his full attention, but he couldn’t. Evelyn was too close, and he feared for the safety of everyone on the boat. Thane nodded at her, hoping she wouldn’t realize his mind was elsewhere.

  “Right here, lover,” her voice said.

  Thane looked into the crowd once again and saw her.

  ***

  Penny pressed her legs against the side of the ship, hoping it might steady her trembling knees. She was so fucking nervous for some reason.

  He’s too good looking, too sweet, too funny, too…perfect.

  Plus, his flirting was contagious. He didn’t have to say anything at all really to get her replying to him in teasing conversation. It was like she’d known him forever. Conversation flowed so smoothly even while her body was threatening to have a total breakdown. Fatigue had gripped her lately, and it was one of the main reasons she’d been content with sitting by the pool and taking it easy, but this was different. It was almost like his energy fed off her, sucking every ounce of her oomph into him. She was so tired, but this was different. No amount of coffee or tea would take this away.

  What’s wrong with me?

  Then she realized what it was. She ached for him. She was insanely horny. It wasn’t normal fatigue she was feeling, it was a desire to lie back in bed and spread her legs for him. She wasn’t even sure where it had come from. It wasn’t natural. She’d never felt like this before.

  I need to get out of here.

  She struggled to find words that might keep the conversation going because as much as she wanted to flee, she couldn’t bear the thought of letting him slip into the crowd. If Sylvia saw him, she might even call dibs. If she called dibs, he would be off limits.

  Dibs.

  Penny wondered if saying it in her head was the same as saying it out loud. She didn’t care. If Sylvia tried to swoop in, she would tell her friend that she’d already said the word. He was hers. If she had her way, she would be in bed with him tonight.

  What the fuck, Penny? Calm down, girl.

  His right hand gripped the railing and she couldn’t help watching his fingers. They were so big. Everything about him seemed so…big.

  I’m so fucking tired, Thane. Take me out of here and make love to me.

  She might have been thinking it, but she would never be brave enough to let the words slip from her lips.

  “So, you live in Queensland?” she asked.

  It was the only thing she could think to say. He’d remained quiet for too long and awkwardness had started to creep in. Up until that point, there hadn’t been anything odd about their conversation, but then suddenly there had.

  “I’m sorry,” Thane said. “Can you give me a second? I’ll be right back, I promise.”

  I promise.

  Penny milled that word over in her head, liking the sound of it. She would take any promise this guy could make. His hand reached out to hers and his fingers ran gently over her knuckles as he walked away, dragging his fingertips over her wrist and arm. She wanted so badly to reach out to him and beg him to stay. But then she saw where he was going.

  The black-haired bitch with the one red highlight. The snake charmer.
She was his destination, and she wished she could rush to her and punch her in the throat. What was it Sylvia always said? Yes, she wanted to kick her in the vagina. When the woman flashed her a smug, hypocritical smile, Penny felt her heart sink in her chest. Nothing she could ever do, no changes she could ever make to herself, would allow her to compete with the woman whose arms were now wrapping around Thane’s shoulders in a hug.

  Then came the kiss on the cheek and Penny’s inner-child screamed. No, it didn’t only yell, it stomped its feet and fell to the ground, raining fists down in angry protest. Her inner-child was a spoiled fucking brat, and she didn’t like this one bit.

  She was contemplating her next move, desperately searching her mind for any way she could walk over and separate the two, when she saw a new guy eyeing her like a piece of meat. This one was blond, with curly hair that looked unkempt in the best of ways. He was clearly one of those guys who spent all day in the ocean and all night in the sack. While Thane embodied everything elegant and strong about a man, this guy was the devil on his shoulder. This was the guy girls only wanted to fuck. One look at him and they knew he had little to offer in the way of conversation or security. He wasn’t the relationship type or the take home to the parents type. He was the “bend me over and fuck me after a couple of shots of tequila” type.

  An hour ago, Penny had felt like the least desired person on the boat. Now, she wondered if someone had doused her in some sort of love potion. What was attracting these guys to her?

  The blond walked toward her. His dress jacket hung over a V-neck t-shirt that showed the upper portion of his tanned, very toned chest. A strip of black leather with small seashells dangled from his neck. As he grew nearer, she saw that his eyes were an icy blue. They looked as if the ocean itself had seeped in through his ears and settled at the back of his eyes. Like snow globes full of sea water, she wondered if she’d see the fluid in them if he leaned right.

  “That guy’s an asshole,” the hunky blond said as he stepped in close to her and put his hand on the railing, uncomfortably close to hers.