Oh, Bite Me: Paranormal Dating Agency

by Chris Genovese

  “Feisty one,” Kino said as he put his arm around Ruby.

  “I love her,” Ruby said.

  “It’s settled then,” Thane said. “Let’s go back to the boat. I’ll ride on board with you. Can the rest of you ride alongside us in the water, in case Evelyn or Keelan try anything on the way back? This seems too easy. They might try something, and if they do, I want to be prepared.”

  “You got it,” Jagger said.

  “Nothing’s gonna hit you,” Rickshaw promised. “We’ve got this.”

  “You’ll have Penny back in no time,” Paisley added. “We’ll make sure she makes it to that plane.”

  “I’ll stay with Ruby and the kids,” Hailey said, “but you guys keep her safe.

  Hailey walked over and kissed Penny on the forehead.

  “Come back soon,” she said.

  Penny nodded and smiled.

  “Alright,” Thane said. “Oliver, why don’t you stay and keep watch here with Hailey. No place is safe right now.”

  “Sure thing,” Oliver said.

  “Poet, you come with us on the boat,” Thane added.

  “Thank you,” Poet said with a slight bow of his head.

  Thane leaned down to whisper in Penny’s ear, “He doesn’t really like to shift. He still hasn’t gotten used to the pain. He prefers dry land.”

  “Poet,” Penny said. “Why don’t you stay and keep an eye on Ruby. I’m sure she and Hailey could use the extra help.”

  “No,” he said. “I’ll go with you. I’m fine.”

  He was always so polite.

  “See you soon, babe,” Kino said as he hugged Penny and then pulled off his clothes and handed them to Ruby.

  Penny couldn’t help looking at this buff, Hawaiian man, with his cock dangling in the open air. It was almost comical how at ease he was with it. She turned to the other side and saw that Jagger had done the same. There he was in his long haired, swinging dick glory. Rickshaw was already naked and was beating on his chest like Tarzan by the time Penny looked his way. Faith pulled her clothes off. Kalina and Paisley followed. Even the women looked amazing. Paisley had her curvy thing going on, but she owned it so well she oozed sexiness. Everyone handed his or her clothes to Ruby. They said their goodbyes and then all ran to the ocean, diving in and never popping back up for air.

  Juan Diego began checking the small dingy that would take them out to his larger vessel. Poet helped him use towels to dry a few saltwater puddles that could easily touch hers or Thane’s feet. Penny watched as they did this, and it dawned on her that Poet wasn’t shifting, even though his feet were entirely under water. Thane had told her he couldn’t touch salt water at all without it happening.

  “Thane,” she said. “Why is Poet able to touch the water and you aren’t?”

  “He’s different,” Thane said. “He’s always been like that. He can touch the water and he’s fine. He shifts on command, choosing when he’ll do it and when he won’t. And he hates it so it’s rare that he’ll do it.”

  “Can he teach you?” Penny asked. “To control it?”

  “It’s not that simple,” Thane said. “He was born that way. It’s not really something he can tutor me on. But that would be great, wouldn’t it?”

  ***

  Penny was so full of questions. It was one of the things he loved about her. She was always thinking, as if every aspect of life was something she could apply the scientific method to. Hypotheses seemed to hover constantly in her mind. He wished his inability to control his shifting in salt water was something she could solve with ease, but he knew it wasn’t.

  Once they were back on the boat, Thane was anxious. He hated being on the water in human form. He feared an attack on the boat, but he also knew that Evelyn would have to bring an army to take down the sharks he had guarding them. The members of his group were fun, friendly, and family-oriented, but they were complete badasses when it came time to fight.

  Sitting on the deck of the boat, Thane held Penny in his arms and thought about how lonely he’d be with her gone. He hadn’t known her long, but somehow, he’d poured every inch of his being into her. She was everything now. That’s the way it was with his kind. When they found a mate, they became connected, and separating them could cause serious damage. Knowing she’d be back soon would have to keep him sane, and the fact that she’d return sooner if he took care of their problem would only drive him to do it more quickly.

  Evelyn had to go. Plain and simple. Either she left the area, or she died, and Thane knew she wouldn’t willingly leave. She would have to be forced by extreme measures.

  “I love you,” he told Penny as he wrapped his arms around her stomach.

  She leaned back into him and stared out at the ocean. They were only a few miles from Queensland and the resort docks, and Thane was starting to relax a little. They were almost there. They weren’t in the clear, but they were much safer than they’d been farther from shore.

  “You have to come back to me soon,” Thane said.

  “You have to let me come back to you soon,” she said. “I’m not leaving because I want to. You remember that. This is your doing.”

  “Don’t say it like that,” he replied. “You know I want you here so fucking badly. But I want you safe even more.”

  “I know,” she said. “So, fix it so I’m safe. But do it quickly or maybe I’ll get used to life back home.”

  They remained quiet and Thane wasn’t sure she was kidding. He turned her head so she was looking at him and saw her smirk growing.

  “That’s not funny,” he said.

  “What’s that?” Penny asked, pointing off in the distance.

  Thane saw something on the water, but it was far away. It was big though. Big and loud. He could hear music and laughter and cries of joy. It sounded like one of those stupid party boats or party barges a lot of the high school graduates and college spring breakers came to the area for. Cancun used to be the place to go. Now it seemed youngsters wanted a new place for some fun in the sun. Australia was that place.

  “I think it’s a party barge,” he said.

  “And that?” she asked.

  Speeding toward them from the opposite direction was a boat, this one smaller than Juan Diego’s but it was fast. With the sun starting to go down, the flashing lights on the boat were easy to see and Thane instantly knew who it was.

  “That would be Keelan Kane,” he said. “I knew it. Something’s going on.”

  “Evelyn?” she asked.

  “I don’t know yet,” he replied. “But the officer is definitely up to no good.”

  He turned his attention to the older man driving the boat.

  “J.D., slow down,” Thane ordered. “Keep your hand on the shotgun. But don’t shoot unless it’s necessary.”

  “Yes, sir,” Juan Diego replied.

  “Poet!” Thane yelled down the stairs to the lower deck. “Keep your eyes and ears open. We have a visitor.”

  “Maybe you should go below deck,” Thane told Penny.

  “Not a chance,” she said. “If things get bad I will, but let’s see what he says.”

  Poet climbed up to their level and made his way around to the back of the boat where he sat casually with his notebook opened.

  “Cut the engine,” came the mechanical voice of Keelan over his loud speaker. “Cut the engine and prepare to be boarded.”

  Keelan Kane came into view, his gun at the ready. Thane’s chest flexed as he gently pushed Penny away from him, so he could stand.

  “What’s the problem?” Thane asked as he stood up.

  “Got a report of some unruly sharks out on the water,” Keelan said.

  “What does that have to do with us?” Thane asked.

  “It’s my job to make sure everyone is safe around here. Where are you headed?”

  “I’m taking Penny back to the mainland,” Thane said.

  “I’m going home,” she said.

  “Are you now?” Keelan asked.

  �
�Yes, I am,” Penny said.

  “And why would you do that?” he asked. “I thought you liked it around here.”

  Thane closed his eyes for a second and pinged his message off Kino and the others beneath them.

  “Keelan Kane is up here challenging us,” he told them. “But it’s strange. Almost like he’s buying time for something else.”

  “We’ll keep our eyes open,” Kino replied.

  “Push him in the water so I can bite his fucking head off,” Faith said.

  “Nah,” Jagger said. “I called dibs on that a long time ago, remember?”

  “I’m older and stronger,” Faith argued. “I always get dibs.”

  “I’m bigger and meaner,” Rickshaw said, “So I do believe I get the dibs.”

  “Concentrate,” Thane told them, not liking the sound of their silly banter.

  “What are you doing here, Keelan?” Thane asked. “Shouldn’t you be out there protecting those kids on the barge out there? Drunk kids fall in the water all the time.”

  “I only wanted to stop by and check on you folks,” Keelan said. “Why do I sense animosity here? You don’t like me or something?”

  Before Thane had the opportunity to answer, a blood curdling scream rang through the night air. It came from the direction of the party barge.

  “What was that?” Keelan asked.

  “I fucking told you!” Thane said. “Evelyn. She must be at the barge.”

  “Who?” Keelan asked.

  “The woman you were fucking earlier!” Thane yelled at him. “She’s a shark shifter, you fucking moron. And she’s over there right now killing kids.”

  For the first time, Keelan looked concerned. It might have even been fear on his face, probably from unknowingly allowing himself to be duped into wasting time stopping Thane’s boat while Evelyn and her gang turned a college party into a buffet.

  “Shit!” Keelan said as he turned his boat around and sped toward the barge.

  “Kino, Faith, everyone, Evelyn is attacking that party barge!” Thane said mentally to his group. “You have to save those kids.”

  “Fuck,” Thane said.

  “Go help them,” Penny said. “I’ll be fine.”

  “It could be part of her plan,” Thane said. “If I leave you, she could…”

  “I don’t think so,” Penny said. “This was the plan. She wants those kids. Shit…”

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Sylvia’s on that barge!” Penny said. “She invited me earlier. She’s over there. Please! Go! Poet’s with me. Go!”

  Thane kissed her forehead gently and then ran toward the edge of the boat. His body exploded as he dove through the air. His shattered bone pieces morphed into the shark in midair and then he hit the water, soaring through it and heading towards all the screams and all the blood.

  Kino and the others were way ahead of him.

  “It’s a fucking massacre,” Kino said mentally.

  “Penny’s friend is there,” Thane informed them. “We have to stop them.”

  He could sense the blood in the water. He could smell it, and his stomach growled the way it always did when he got a whiff of raw meat.

  “Control yourselves,” Thane ordered. “Don’t eat anything that’s still alive. Dead things are fair game.”

  It wasn’t the most pleasant thing to say, but they were sharks, and they needed to eat. Allowing them to pick up some of the pieces was the only decent thing to do. In fact, it was the only thing that would keep them from losing it and eating living humans. Once tempted with blood, the hunger would become too strong to stop themselves from eating.

  The first thing Thane saw was a leg with a converse tennis shoe attached to it. His stomach growled, and he thought of gulping that leg down, but he needed all his senses, and if the hunger took over, he might make bad decisions.

  The head of a girl with a blonde ponytail got in his way so he pushed through it and found more arms, legs, faces, and bloody torsos in the water. Through the murky water, Thane swam upward toward the surface and saw the frantically kicking legs and waving of hands as college kids tried to grab hold of anything they could to stay afloat and get out of the water.

  One of Evelyn’s sharks swam right in front of him and ate the foot of one kid and the hand of another. Both screamed and fell into the water. Another of Evelyn’s sharks scooped them up, tearing into the face of one kid and the body of the other. It was a bloodbath.

  “Kill all of Evelyn’s sharks,” Thane said to his gang. “Every single one!”

  It was the first time he’d ever said such a thing. Killing his own, especially one who used to be his lover, had always seemed wrong, but now…after seeing this…she deserved to die. They all did. From somewhere up above, Thane heard gunshots and he knew Keelan was doing his duty. As much as he hated to admit it, they were on the same team right now.

  “Got one,” Kino said, “but he took a fucking bite out of me. A good one. I’m hurt.”

  “How bad?” Thane asked.

  “I’ll live,” he replied. “But another one like that and I’m in trouble.”

  “Do you want to head home?”

  “No fucking way,” Kino replied. “I see another one. Going in.”

  “Got one,” Faith said.

  Faith was the toughest of his sharks. She was fucking ruthless in the water and he’d seen her in a bar fight once in human form. She was nasty then too. She didn’t give a shit about competition. Man, woman, she’d fight anyone disrespectful. She’d been begging Thane for years to let her loose on Evelyn.

  “Ohhh doggy!” Rickshaw said. “This is fun!”

  “Don’t be a show off, babe,” Paisley told her husband.

  “If I find Evelyn, she’s mine,” Faith warned.

  “If you find her, take her,” Thane said as he shot at one of Evelyn’s sharks, the one with a missing eye, and tore his teeth into the shark’s dorsal fin, ripping it off before circling around quickly and chomping down on the shark’s snout. This one was out of commission before he knew what hit him.

  ***

  Poet stood next to Penny as they both tried to catch a glimpse of what was going on. The screaming was so loud that even from as far away as they were sitting, she could hear them. She said a silent prayer that Thane would be okay, and that he might find Evelyn quickly. If this ended tonight, she wouldn’t have to get on that plane home.

  “Wicked, isn’t it?”

  Her voice broke through the air and sounded almost musical in its cheerfulness, as if she were singing them out. Penny whipped her head around to see Evelyn standing on the boat, stark naked, dripping wet. The nude bitch wrapped her wet hair around in one hand and then leaned over and grabbed Poet’s pen out of his hand and shoved it through her hair, creating an on-the-spot bun.

  Poet didn’t budge. He was as shocked at her arrival as Penny.

  “Penny, go below deck,” Poet told her.

  “No, don’t move,” Evelyn said. “Please. We should talk.”

  “Talk about?” Penny asked.

  “How about the fact that you hit me in the face with a fucking beer bottle the other night,” she said, pointing at a small scar at the top of her forehead. “How about that?”

  “Some bitches deserve to get hit,” Penny replied.

  “Is that right?” Evenly asked.

  “That’s right,” Penny said.

  “Hmm…” Evelyn replied, and as soon as the sound escaped her mouth, she lunged forward and kicked out with her right foot, slamming it into Penny’s stomach.

  Penny fell backward against the boat railing and almost flipped over it but caught her balance. That was all the strength she had though. She fell to her knees, gasping for air. The kick had taken all her breath away.

  “Are you okay?” Evelyn asked. “Are you hurt? Can you breathe?”

  Her feet were close to Penny, underestimating her, and she’d taken enough martial arts classes to know that she wasn’t an expert by any means, but she kne
w the basics, and Evelyn was close enough for some of the basics to work.

  Penny grabbed both of Evelyn’s ankles and yanked on them, pulling both the bitch’s feet out from under her. She yelped and fell backward hard, smacking her head against J.D.’s steering wheel before hitting the ground. Penny climbed to her knees and went after her, raining punches down at the woman’s face.

  Evelyn slapped the fists away easily and launched an elbow up at Penny that cracked her hard on the jaw. The world swirled before her eyes and darkness started to take hold. She was blacking out. Through her fading vision, she caught a glimpse of Poet grabbing Evelyn by her bun and dragging her away. He yanked Evelyn to her feet and ran at the side of the ship, tossing her over the edge.

  “Come on,” he said as he tried to help her climb to her feet. “You’ll be much safer down below. The farther from the water, the better.”

  They hadn’t even reached the stairs when Evelyn leapt back up onto the ship. For the first time ever, she watched the shift take place. A full-grown shark left the ocean and was halfway through the air when it looked like a strange explosion, and then a ripple that rocked through her body. Then her human form took shape and by the time she hit the boat deck, she did it on two feet.

  “That was not nice, Poet,” Evelyn said. “Why don’t you try that shit in the water?”

  “Don’t tempt me,” Poet said. “You know what happens when you do.”

  “Oh, you won’t like him when he’s angry,” Evelyn taunted him.

  She stepped closer. Penny climbed to her feet and was ready to fight if needed, but Evelyn walked past her and toward Poet.

  “Have you heard the joke about the albino who walks into a bar?” she asked him.

  Poet’s fists clenched.

  “No?” Evelyn asked. “Never heard it? Me neither. You know why? Because nobody gives a fuck about an albino.”

  With blinding speed, Evelyn spun around and punched Penny in the face, knocking her backwards off the boat and into the water.

  “Oops,” was the last thing Penny heard before she felt the cold of the water.

  Then it happened. Her body was a glass vase and the saltwater was a hammer, slamming against every bone in her body. Her wrists broke first, or at least it seemed to start at her wrists. Then each finger. They snapped backward and sunk into her skin. Her legs straightened out and then caved inward at the knees. The crunch ran through her body and entered her brain where she felt a thousand miniature nails driven through her skull. It happened in seconds but felt like a lifetime, and then it was over.