A Walk Through Fire

by Felice Stevens

  Watchcat on duty.

  Shame flooded though him as Drew turned and settled in his arms. How could he have thought to take advantage of the man? Besides, this cuddling with Drew was kind of nice, now that he thought about it. Another first. He didn’t do cuddling. By this time he would normally be dressed and out the door, the man’s face forgotten.

  Now he didn’t want to leave. This emotion, the flare of unexpected protectiveness fucking scared him—where had it all come from? Before he knew what he was doing, Ash touched his lips to his fingers, then pressed them to Drew’s lips.

  “Good night, Dr. Klein.”

  There was no throw on the couch, and Drew looked sweet and vulnerable lying there, so Ash looked around and found one in the bedroom and covered the sleeping man. He rubbed his hands over his face and on silent feet left the apartment, the weight of the cat’s evil, accusing stare boring into his back.

  Chapter Six

  The end of the world had arrived, heralded by a head about to explode like a melon blasted by a bazooka and a churning stomach that would likely never be normal again. Even the gleeful chirping of the birds outside his window grated. Why wasn’t Domino out there making Happy Meals out of them? Drew tried to think of who would be willing to shoot him and put him out of his misery.

  What on earth possessed him to drink so much yesterday? He usually never drank more than two beers. Something had goaded him from within, to let loose after all the years of holding himself back. To feel something new and different.

  Maybe to feel anything at all.

  A nudge to his chin accompanied by a deep, rumbling purr brought him back to the painful reality that it wasn’t only him anymore. Domino relied on him for survival now, and as corny as that might sound, it felt good to be needed by someone, even if that someone had four legs and fur.

  “Okay, buddy.” The effort to open his eyes proved monumental, involving several aborted attempts and failures, but when his vision focused, Drew’s gaze landed on the large yellow eyes of his cat sitting not so patiently by his side.

  “Meow.” Domino swished his tail and licked his hand with a small raspy tongue.

  “I know. I’m getting up now.” Shit. He hadn’t even realized until now that he’d fallen asleep on his couch, let alone covered himself with a blanket. That seemed bizarre to him, but yesterday was a bizarre day—full of emotion, sentiment, and the inevitable guilt at seeing his parents’ names up on the wall of the center. Normally, he tried not to think about them too often, for the pain and guilt over their loss, even after all these years, still tore him apart.

  Scrubbing his face with his hands, he took a deep breath and pushed himself to an upright position. He didn’t feel like throwing up, which he considered a good thing. When he glanced at his watch, he saw it was only ten in the morning. At least he hadn’t slept away the entire day, especially since he had so much to do to get ready for the grand opening of the clinic.

  It looked to be a warm day, as the sun already shone bright overhead, and the blue of the sky stretched out endlessly when he stuck his head out of the window to get some fresh air into his lungs. That and coffee would kick-start his day. After feeding Domino, he made a pot, then stood in the kitchen, gulping down a cup of hot, rich coffee. The rest of the carafe he put in the refrigerator to cool down for later on.

  He popped two aspirin in his mouth and swallowed them down with the coffee. Not exactly the right way to take medicine, but desperate times and all that. Still working through the fog in his mind, he padded his way through the living room, straight into the bathroom. He turned on the taps to the shower and, after shucking off his clothes, stood with his eyes closed under the stream of heated water. For some reason, as it had been for weeks now, his mind fixated on Asher Davis with a stubbornness he couldn’t push away.

  Ever since they’d met, that man had gotten under his skin. There was more to him than Jordan had initially said, he didn’t care what his friend thought. It wasn’t only sex and fucking. Call it what you will, but he’d formed a kind of camaraderie with the man. Drew sensed Ash’s loneliness and could relate. There could’ve been a hundred people in his apartment yesterday, yet Drew still would have felt alone. Nothing broke the emptiness inside of him, no matter how he filled his life with friends and family.

  Yesterday, though…his mind strained to hold on to a memory that teased at the corner of recollection. With his eyes still shut, Drew fumbled for the soap. He lathered and stroked himself, wondering if he should start dating casually. Maybe Peter’s wife could set him up with a friend. But instead of a beautiful blonde or brunette woman, the memory of Ash Davis in the hallway with that waiter had taken up residence in his head. His cock hardened, and the sound of his rough breathing echoed in the small, tiled shower. With one hand braced on the wall, he slid the other, slick with suds, up and down his erection. Why did that scene, and nothing else, cause him to swell even thicker, until all he could visualize was Ash’s back up against the wall, his thick, gleaming cock sliding in and out of the waiter’s mouth?

  What the hell? Damn Ash Davis. The man was a notorious tomcat, a living, breathing erection on demand who probably fucked any man who gave him the side eye of interest. Cursing him was of no use, however, as Drew’s body had a mind of its own and his orgasm hurtled upon him. Spots danced before his eyes as he came, spurting against the tiles of the shower wall, his essence swirling its way down the drain. He turned off the shower and wrapped himself in a towel, all the while his mind racing, splintering off in a thousand possible directions.

  Holy hell. What was going on in his fucked-up psyche that all of a sudden he lusted after a man? He wasn’t gay. Was he? People didn’t become gay or bi. They were born that way. He’d never thought of being with a man before. Even those wild times in college after his parent’s deaths were a blur of names and faces. He might’ve ended up in threesomes with both women and men, but none of them mattered. Nothing did. All he’d wanted was to forget the pain for a little while. He didn’t care how it happened.

  But now. Did he want to be with a man? Be with Ash? He might’ve laughed at the thought, but standing in his bathroom, contemplating these questions freaked him out. Yeah, the fact that he’d jerked himself off thinking about Ash Davis totally freaked him out. Shit, his head hurt.

  He pulled on jeans and a faded Stones T-shirt. Maybe he’d bake his grandmother some cookies, visit her later in the afternoon, and everything would be fine. Since his parents’ deaths he’d trained himself to compartmentalize and push off things he didn’t want to think about or discuss. Like jerking off to images of a man.

  Feeling better now that he’d swept his emotions under the proverbial rug, he puttered around his apartment a bit, trying to straighten up after the party last night. While watering his plants, he stopped by the arrangement of cacti he had grouped on the table and tested the dirt. Dry as a bone, so he gave each pot a small dollop of water. Something caught his eye in the grouping of the pots. He reached in and pulled out a pair of expensive sunglasses. It took him a second to recognize them as belonging to Ash.

  Slipping them into his back pocket, he returned to the kitchen and pulled out his baking pans, along with everything else he needed to bake his grandmother’s favorite cookies. He mixed the batter and added in extra-large chocolate chips, and put some butterscotch chips in as well. He washed his hands as he waited for the oven to preheat. When the oven beeped, he slid the pans inside and set the timer for fifteen minutes.

  He drank another cup of coffee, now cool and refreshing, and wandered back into his living room. With nothing to do except wait for his cookies to bake, then cool, he stretched out on the couch and flipped on the TV. For an early Sunday afternoon, it was quiet on his block. There were no screams from playful toddlers running down the block or cars revving in the street. The silence unnerved him. He shook his head at the strange thoughts in his mind. Maybe he was still a little drunk.

  He roamed the channels and found a repeat of
last night’s Yankee game. As he settled back to watch, once again he had the strangest feeling someone else had been there with him yesterday after the party. The sunglasses in his back pocket dug into his ass, and not wanting to break them, he took them out and left them on the table. A thought popped into his head, and he opened his laptop, then logged on to that dating site he’d seen on TV: Big Apple Meet Ups. They advertised a free seven-day trial, so he created an account and the faces of hundreds of women, all dying to meet him, filled his screen.

  After three pages his eyes glazed over. So many women. Christ. Each one seemed perfect for him. But then again, he’d thought Jackie was perfect too, although if he’d looked closer, maybe he would’ve seen the warning signs his family and friends tried to point out. Hindsight was easy after the fact. What a waste. Yeah, the sex had been okay, but he couldn’t forgive himself for being so easily duped. Guess he wasn’t as great a judge of character as he thought. Either that or she was a damn good actress when she wanted something, which was more likely the truth.

  He wanted to prove to them all—his sister and his friends—that he could make his own decisions about his life without the need for their well-meaning intervention, or, in the case of Jordan, his arrogant opinions.

  Jackie had made no secret from the moment they’d met at the rooftop bar of Tribeca Grand that she’d wanted him. Badly. If he were the type of guy to score on the first date, he could’ve had her in his bed that night. And she was more than willing, he realized as he recalled her attempts in the cab they’d shared, to get him to come home with her. Maybe that was his problem. He took sex seriously and couldn’t understand people like Jackie and Asher Davis, who threw it around like it meant nothing at all.

  No more thinking about the past. He’d extricated himself quickly and painlessly, with nothing more than a bruised but not broken heart. Luckily, Jackie hadn’t gotten pregnant. She didn’t want to have any children, and he’d always expressed a desire to adopt. He didn’t need to have his own children, not when there were way too many kids who suffered abuse and neglect in the foster care system. Most of the people who wanted to help were good, decent people, but like anything else, when the systems failed, the consequences could be devastating. Maybe he’d think about becoming a single dad in the near future.

  The oven timer dinged, and he returned to the kitchen to pull the cookies out. They smelled wonderful as he set the pans on the counter to cool. Domino sniffed at his toes and swatted his ankles. Looks like someone wants a treat. Drew took out one of the bowls he kept on the counter specifically for that purpose and bent down to feed and pet the purring cat.

  A beep sounded from the living room. “Come on, kitty. Let’s go and see who wants what from me.” He plopped down on the sofa and peered at the slightly blurry computer screen. Damn. Maybe he did need to start wearing those glasses the ophthalmologist said he needed. Until then, he’d make do with squinting.

  Oh wow. Turned out he had an IM from a woman. That was quicker than he’d expected.

  Hi. I’m Alyssa. How are you?

  Hmm. A little strange to do it this way, but he shrugged. Technology was the way of the world now, so here went nothing.

  I’m good, thanks. How are you?

  Great. I saw your profile, and live near you so I wondered if you’d want to get together for a coffee or a drink this week.

  Just then the downstairs buzzer rang. He wasn’t expecting anyone. Domino jumped off the couch and ran into the bedroom.

  Hold on for a few? My doorbell rang.

  Sure. Not a problem.

  He spoke into the little speaker box. “Who is it?”

  “It’s Ash. May I come up?”

  Funny, he’d never noticed the slight Southern drawl in Ash’s voice. An unexpected shiver raced through him. “Sure,” he said and pushed the button to release the door lock.

  Within seconds, footsteps pounded up the stairs, and he opened the door to watch Ash climbing the last few steps. Ash pushed his hair off his forehead, then met Drew’s gaze and grinned. “Damn. You couldn’t live on the first floor?”

  An image floated into his head and out just as quickly, of Ash bending over him on the couch. Since that made no sense, he blinked once or twice to clear his head and held the door open wide. “Come on in. Are you going somewhere?”

  Ash cocked his brow and followed him into the apartment. “No, why?”

  Drew gestured with his chin. “I dunno, you’re kinda dressed up for a Sunday morning.” His gaze raked over the man in a white button-down shirt and black pants. “I’m like a slob compared to you.” He laughed and rubbed his chin.

  Like a breath being held, an anticipatory waiting for something to drop and cause havoc and mayhem, a heavy silence hung in the air. Ash’s glittering eyes scrutinized him, traveling with slow precision up his body. It was as if Drew could feel the press of Ash’s fingers on his back and the hush of Ash’s breath against his face. His skin prickled with the heat flooding his body. He never could control his blushing. It drove him crazy.

  “Don’t be a fool. You’re perfect.”

  That slight Southern drawl made every word sound like a sexual invitation. Drew let out a self-conscious laugh. “Ah, yes. Must be why the women are beating down my door.”

  Ash’s face shuttered, closed and dark. “Perhaps you’re looking for the wrong person.”

  Their eyes met, and once again the air vibrated with tension. Drew licked his lips. “Um, go ahead and sit down. You want some iced coffee or a beer or something?”

  “The coffee sounds great, thanks.” Ash strolled into the living room while Drew fixed the coffee. He brought the cups in, but there was nowhere for both of them to sit, as the blanket still lay on the sofa.

  Ash placed his cup on the table, took the blanket, and folded it. “I can put this back in the bedroom if you want.”

  Puzzled, Drew looked from the blanket to Ash, who headed toward the bedroom. “How did you know where it came from?”

  Ash froze at the entrance to Drew’s bedroom, a guilty expression coloring his face red. “I, uh…” He looked up, down, and everywhere but at Drew’s face.

  “You did come back here, didn’t you? I thought I was going crazy with the thoughts in my head.” Drew pressed the heel of his palm hard into his eyes. “Shit. I really have no recollection of what happened. I’m no drinker.”

  Re-entering the living room, Ash flashed a surprisingly charming smile. “Yeah, that was obvious. You were trashed.”

  It made no sense to pretend to be affronted; instead Drew broke out in a grin. “Yeah, I’m kind of a lightweight when it comes to booze.” He licked his lips, nerves skittering inside him at the question he was about to ask. “Um, so what happened when you were here?”

  Ash returned to the couch and sat next to him. His soft voice sparked a confusing, heated response in Drew’s blood. “What makes you think somethin’ happened?”

  If a fire truck plowed into his apartment right now, it couldn’t have pulled his attention away from Ash’s strong jaw and firm lips. Or that little wedge of skin, so soft looking even with the dark curl of chest hair peeking through. The man smelled like warm sunshine and coffee. Heaven and desire.

  “I, um, I had some weird dreams,” Drew choked out, embarrassed now that Ash sat before him. But the man wasn’t smiling. In fact, he looked terrifyingly serious.

  “Did you, now?” It didn’t seem strange at all for Ash to reach over and brush back the curls that insisted on falling into his eyes. “Why don’t you tell me about ’em?”

  He shook his head, unsure where to begin, afraid he might reveal too much of the confusion inside.

  A ding from the computer broke the mesmerizing spell between them. “Shit. I forgot about her.” With reluctance, he turned his attention to the computer and the series of chat messages with the woman he’d been talking to. What was her name again? Alyssa, right. Wow she had a lot to say.

  Hello, hello?

  Are you still there?r />
  I guess you aren’t that interested.

  A warm breath teased his ear, sending chills rippling down his spine. “Are you? Interested in her?”

  Drew found it hard to swallow. Ash’s lips, his mouth, were a mere breath away from touching his hair. Much as his mind sought to ignore it, his body responded. If he chose to turn only a bit…with supreme strength, Drew wrenched away from Ash’s magnetic pull and shut the laptop, effectively ending the conversation with poor Alyssa.

  “I, um, don’t know. It’s only the first time I’ve done that.” For the life of him he didn’t know why he sounded so defensive. It wasn’t as if he owed Ash an explanation. And speaking of explanations…

  “You never did say why you came by yesterday after the party.”

  Ash frowned, staring off into the distance. “To pick up my sunglasses, of course.”

  On inspiration, Drew blurted out, “Do you want to come with me to my grandmother’s today? I have to bring her the cookies I baked.…” His voice trailed off as Ash cast him a look of disbelief. “Oh, sorry. That was stupid of me. I’m sure you have better things to do than hang around with my family all day long.”

  But to his utter shock and surprise, a wide smile brightened Ash’s face. It was as if a switch had flicked on from the inside. “I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my Sunday than to see Esther again. I enjoyed meeting her.” His smile faded for a moment. “Are you sure she wouldn’t mind me butting in?”

  “Mind? You remember what she said. She’ll be thrilled. Someone new to flirt with.” He punched Ash on the shoulder. “Help me wrap the cookies up, and we can take off. I usually get there by one o’clock. First I have to stop at the deli and pick her up a corned beef sandwich.”

  Ash’s eyes lit up. “Nothing like a good corned beef sandwich. Mr. Frank used to bring them in whenever we worked late on a case.” And as quickly as his face had flushed with happiness, it drained of joy.

  “You miss him, don’t you?” The bleak expression on Ash’s face hurt Drew’s heart. It was obvious the man had meant the world to Ash.