by Robin Martin
Should we not be going home now?
It was quarter to ten. Are you joking? Just how many parties have you gone to? Wrong question.
Hmmm, let me think now. It is just as well I have hyperthymesia.
What?
I apologise, I forgot about your limited vocabulary. It means I have an exceptional memory. I have inhabited eighty-three people and I remember almost everything that happened while I was with them.
Pause.
The number of parties I have attended, including this one, which is not high on my list of enjoyable events, is 2,032. Apuleius wasn’t much of a partygoer, but he was a brilliant scholar. Naturally, many of his theories came from me. But then, oh dear, Count de Vere made up for it. Such a wit. After the French Revolution we escaped to London, and what a time we had. We drank only the best champagne, although I am normally averse to alcohol, especially underage drinking. This was said in a warning tone. However, I did feel it incumbent upon me to experience the full gamut of human experiences. Not that I tasted it. I am incapable of that. But I did feel the after-effects.
Giggle. My alien actually giggled.
And then there were the Christmas parties held at Balmoral. Unfortunately my host person was only a lowly servant, but I still managed to see and hear such a lot. However, it was short-lived as he died when he was twenty. Just as well, since the servant’s life was rather tiring on me. And then there was—
Enough already, I get it. You’ve been to a few parties. So you can put up with this one for a while longer. Suck it up, bubble.
Such crude language. You have no appreciation of and no gratitude for all the knowledge and guidance I can impart.
Gratitude? Seriously? What have you done except make my life miserable? If you were as smart as you say, and if you really wanted to help, you’d tell me how to get Chad Everett interested in me. But you’re incapable of doing anything except talk, talk, talk. You’re just an invisible bubble with an over-inflated ego.
I sat down in a chair in the corner and took a sip of my Coke. Other than a few microseconds with Chad, I’d hardly spoken to anyone in the room. That was partly because I felt down, and partly because my alien wouldn’t shut up and I didn’t want to look weird talking to myself. If this was how things were going to be from now on, my life was as good as over, at fifteen and three-quarters. Great.
Silence. No wonder they say it’s golden. I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes.
Well, I must say it is a challenge.
I knew it was too good to last.
However, I do love a challenge. Even when it involves an adolescent female of limited experience and … I am sorry to say it, my dear, but also limited intellectual curiosity.
Gee, thanks, you sure are smooth with the compliments.
But with my guidance there might be some hope for improvement.
Yippee. What are we going to do now? Go for a jog, or make a green smoothie? I can’t wait.
Certainly not, it is far too late and too dangerous for a jog. And while a green smoothie does sound delicious it might give you indigestion on top of that Coke. Oh, I see. Sarcasm. It really is the lowest form of wit.
Maybe it wasn’t too early to go home.
Now listen to me, the alien said. That is, if you really want that boy to pay attention to you.
I looked over to where Chad was standing. Next to him, of course, was Jas, arm through his and with her body pressed close. But she didn’t look too pleased. Surrounding them was a group of girls, three or four at least. I could hear their high-pitched laughter from where I sat in the corner. No way was I going to compete with that many girls.
Jas looked over and caught my eye. She nodded meaningfully at the girls around Chad and frowned. I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to go over and somehow break up the group.
‘Hey Zoe, what are you doing over there? Come and join us,’ she called, and waved me over.
Normally I would have rushed over and tried to do exactly what she wanted—normally, but not this time. I was over this party, and I was sick of obeying Jas’s orders. So I just shook my head and smiled.
Good for you, my alien said approvingly. Now tell her you are waiting for someone.
But I’m not.
Do you want my help or not? Just do it.
Bossy, much. ‘I’m waiting for someone,’ I called to Jas.
She raised her eyebrows. Then, putting her hand on Chad’s arm, she walked towards me, pulling him with her. Only Jas could get away with that. The girls trailed after them.
Jas stood in front of me, frowning. ‘Who?’ she said.
Tell her an acquaintance of your cousin who is in town for the weekend.
‘A guy my cousin knows. He’s just here for the weekend.’
Jas looked at me suspiciously. ‘You never mentioned him before.’
‘No, I didn’t.’
Another frown and then she turned her back on me. She wasn’t happy with me. Too bad I had to sleep at her place tonight. This alien had better come up with a good plan.
Now what? I asked.
It is the oldest trick in the book. Maria de Silva used it to get the Earl of Valencia interested in her and it has been used so many times it is almost cliché. You need to awaken the natural human male instinct for competition. You need to make Chad jealous.
Oh yeah, and how’s that going to happen?
I agree it is a challenging prospect. I scanned the available males in the room and there are no prospects that would match up to that boy over there. You have set your sights high. Especially as you are average in looks and your personality is a little …
What? This health-conscious alien was about to realise just how much junk food I could eat. I might even have that beer after all. I was ready to do anything to annoy it as much as it annoyed me. I’d worry about its lectures and the kilojoules later.
It must have suspected it was on dangerous territory. You are just a little quiet, it added quickly, at least with boys. I am sure you have hidden depths and are probably going to grow into your looks. After all, while you may only look twelve now, by the time you are forty, looking younger than your age will be a great advantage.
You can stop with the compliments now.
Anyway, there are no males here who are attractive or convincing enough to make this Chad boy jealous. And besides, how would we ever get any of them to pretend to be interested in you?
Gee, thanks.
No need to thank me yet, but you will before the night has ended. You have no idea of the sacrifice I am about to make. I will have to step in. I cannot think of any other way around it.
What do you mean? My suspicions were on high alert.
Big sigh. I will have to materialise. I hardly ever do this and it is so uncomfortable. But you have set me a challenge and I am determined to rise to it.
Materialise? What do you mean? I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like this.
Take a physical form, of course.
You can do that? Why didn’t you say so before now? Thoughts of escaping my alien inhabitant were beginning to form. Hang on, you’re not going to be some sort of bug or creepy lizard thing, are you? Because that would definitely not be helpful.
Certainly not. As interesting as insects and amphibians are, I do realise they are not totally attractive to the human race in sexual terms.
Euwwww.
I shall become a sixteen-year-old boy, and by doing so will outshine everyone in this room, naturally.
I not only had a hard time believing this but I was a little worried in case something went dreadfully wrong. What if my alien’s idea of attractive was different to everyone else’s? What if it forgot which era we were living in and came dressed as a caveman or some guy from the eighteenth century? What if its spell or whatever went wrong and it came back as something else? Creepy thought.
There were so many what-ifs racing through my mind that I couldn’t keep up with them. And, more importantly, how was this suppo
sed to help me?
Sensing my doubts, the alien tried to reassure me.
Do not worry. It will be fine. And when I do materialise, I will be so attentive to you that Chad and every other girl in the room will notice. You will be the envy of all. Chad will be filled with the competitive urge that all male humans seem to feel when they encounter another male who is a challenge to them. Testosterone has a lot to answer for.
So did this alien. I was suspicious. How come you can do this if you’re supposed to be with me forever? I repressed a shudder.
Not forever, just your lifetime, which will be infinitesimally short compared to mine. But to answer you, even if I materialise we are still bonded. I cannot go very far without you. It will be like a dog on a leash—a long leash, but a leash just the same.
I couldn’t help smirking. So you’ll be a pet, like a dog or something?
Actually, it is the other way around, which I thought would be obvious, even to you.
Ignoring the insult, I thought for a moment and then smiled. I was going to do my best to make sure this little puppy escaped. Okay, let’s do this thing.
Chapter Four
Go outside and look at the sky. I work better in the outdoors. Besides, we don’t want anyone else to see this.
I couldn’t agree more with my alien. I was too worried about what might happen.
Getting up, I negotiated my way through the crowd and went to the door, hoping no one would notice me. No worries there. I could have been invisible.
Once outside, I stood on the path. Music and laughter floated out of the house, and there wasn’t another soul in sight. I shivered in the cold and hugged myself to keep warm.
Let’s just get on with it. I was still wondering if this was a good idea.
Very well, close your eyes.
Dramatic, much. I closed my eyes and waited. And waited. Hurry up. Get a move on. Gradually, I began to feel lighter inside. I hadn’t felt this good since … before that soap bubble inhabited me.
‘Amazing. I’ve forgotten how strange it feels to have a body,’ an unfamiliar voice said beside me.
I turned and looked at the stranger. Oh. My. God.
Longish dark hair framed a face with cheekbones that could have cut glass, and his lips were … McDreamy. He was tall, over six feet, and while he wasn’t built like a rugby-league centre forward he still looked pretty good in his black T-shirt. Intense, dark eyes looked down at me. And did I mention those lips, those very kissable lips?
Eeuw! What was I thinking?
‘You scrubbed up well,’ I said.
‘I presume you mean that my male beauty is dazzling. I told you so,’ he said, and smiled. That smile revealed perfect teeth and made my knees weak. Also, his voice was so different to how I had imagined it. I thought he would sound like that annoying robot in Star Wars, the one that was always worrying. Yes, I’m a science-fiction nerd, which I totally blame on my dad. I think he had me watching Star Wars when I was a baby.
My alien’s voice was deep, sexy even, but the way he spoke was something else and it completely ruined the image he presented.
I looked up at him. ‘You can’t talk like that, you know. You’ll sound like a weirdo, which you are, but if people think you’re a weirdo it kind of defeats the purpose.’
He shrugged. ‘I studied the voice and speech patterns of everyone here while you were engulfed in a wave of self pity, and I don’t think we’ll have any problems with me sounding weird.’
‘Jeez, I see you haven’t lost your charm.’ I thought my sarcasm was obvious, but apparently not, as his next words proved.
‘Hmm, I can see a problem.’ He looked down at me, his brow creasing. ‘How unlike me not to have foreseen this,’ he said. ‘You’ll have to promise me one thing.’
‘What?’ I was curious.
‘You can’t fall in love with me.’
I was speechless for a moment. Then all the words I wanted to say tried to tumble out at once. ‘You can’t be … you’re joking … you’re an …’
He put his hands on my arms and I hated the fact that it felt kind of nice. Then he spoke again. ‘I know I’m irresistible, and I can see that you’re smitten already. But it just won’t do. When I dematerialise again it will be … awkward.’
I moved away, lifted my chin and gave him what I hoped was a death stare. ‘I’m not in the slightest danger of falling in love with you, not in this universe or any other. You are without doubt the biggest egomaniac I have ever met in my entire life. Not to mention irritating, sanctimonious, insensitive and totally unable to read human emotions. I don’t even like you. As a matter of fact, I loathe you.’
‘See, already I’ve improved your vocabulary.’ He gave me a slightly crooked smile, which, damn him, made him look even more attractive.
I gave an exclamation of disgust and only just stopped myself from stamping my foot. ‘I knew this was a bad idea,’ I said.
‘Zoe, what are you doing out here?’
I turned to see Jas, and with her, Chad, with his arm over her shoulder. God, she was quick. I saw her look at my alien, and while her jaw didn’t exactly drop she definitely looked surprised.
‘Chad and I came out to get some fresh air,’ she said. ‘It’s so stuffy in there, with so many people. So, who is this?’ She moved away from Chad, making his arm drop to his side, and gave my alien a bright smile. Lions and tigers had nothing on Jas when it came to being predatory.
‘Parties usually do have a lot of people, Jas,’ I said. But Jas was yet another person who didn’t get my sarcasm. I must be losing my touch, I thought.
‘This is my cousin’s friend,’ I said. And then I stopped. I was totally at a loss for a name.
‘Hi, I’m Orion,’ my alien said, and shot out a hand.
Jas had that deer-in-the-headlights-look as she shook his hand. ‘I’m Jas, and this is Chad.’
Chad looked annoyed, but he made an effort to be polite. ‘Hi,’ he said. He didn’t even appear to see me; such was the power of Jas. I really hoped this crazy alien’s plan worked.
‘Orion, what an unusual name,’ Jas gushed. ‘Is that foreign or something? It really suits you.’
‘Orion’ laughed a sexy laugh and Jas’s fake eyelashes fluttered. ‘My parents were really into astronomy,’ he said. ‘That’s where they got the name.’
‘Astronomy?’ Jas looked bewildered.
‘Orion is a constellation, Jas. You know, a star pattern in the sky,’ I said, trying to make it simple for her. She was far from dumb, but my alien had obviously affected her brain—well, his looks had, anyway.
‘Oh, I see.’ Her face broke out in a smile. ‘How original.’
I could sense Orion reading the situation quickly. ‘But my friends call me Rion.’
‘I would love to be your friend, Rion.’ Jas had the flirt factor turned up high.
I glanced over at Chad, who was looking more than a little peeved. I tried to smile encouragingly at him, as if to signal the message: I wouldn’t treat you like that, Chad. But he only had eyes for Jas.
‘And I’d love you to be my friend as well,’ Mr McDreamy Traitor said to Jas.
Maybe if Rion did his job and flirted with me, Chad would start to notice me. After all, that was the plan.
I grabbed Rion’s hand. ‘Come on, let’s go inside,’ I said, ‘it’s freezing out here.’
He turned his dazzling self to me and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. ‘So sorry,’ he said, ‘you should’ve said so sooner.’
I had the satisfaction of seeing both Jas and Chad look surprised. I snuggled into Rion and looked up into his face with what I hoped was an adoring smile.
As we walked away, he quirked an eyebrow and looked down at me. ‘Perhaps you should’ve listened to me, Zoe, and worn a cardigan after all. Your nose has gone red with the cold.’
For a nanosecond I had felt comfortable with that arm around me. But this last remark reminded me that underneath that rock-star exterior was
the same annoying soap bubble.
‘Orion?’ I whispered. ‘Seriously? That’s the best name you could come up with?’ I shook his arm off me.
He opened the door for me. ‘It seemed apt. It’s the constellation where my home is situated.’
‘Oh.’ I hadn’t thought of him having a home before. I hadn’t even thought of him as an individual; more like some awful disease I’d caught. I caught a look of sadness in his eyes.
‘Do you miss it?’ I asked him. ‘Your home?’
For the first time it hit me that my alien was real, and not just a figment of my overactive imagination. Without thinking, I put my hand on his arm. But that sad look disappeared as soon as he stepped into the crowded room.
‘Sympathy, Zoe,’ he said mockingly. ‘Do be careful.’
I turned around to face him. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Smitten, I told you it would happen.’ His face broke out into a wide grin. ‘I’m that irresistible.’
It was amazing how quickly my sympathy evaporated. I gave him a sharp nudge in the ribs with my elbow.
‘Ow,’ he said, in a very un-alien-like manner. ‘What was that for?’
‘Pain,’ I said, ‘remember it. That’s what’ll happen if you make wisecracks like that again, buddy.’
He straightened up and said in a patronising tone, ‘You know I’m doing you a favour here, right?’
‘That remains to be seen.’
‘Zoe! I haven’t had a chance to catch up with you all night.’
Chelsea, who was throwing the party, was making a beeline for us. Dark, straightened hair, pencil-thin eyebrows, and heels that added at least five centimetres to her height, she was almost as perfect as Jas. Again I wondered how I managed to get into the same group as these people. Chelsea and I were friendly-ish, but not close pals. Because Jas was my friend, Chelsea had to put up with me. But she didn’t usually greet me so enthusiastically. I suspected her welcome had more to do with Rion than me.
Chelsea gave me a hug, and the familiar scent of Eau de Brittany enveloped me. Did she and Jas have the same perfume, or was Jas just more generous with Chelsea than me? She definitely looked more like Jas with her cool clothes, expert makeup and a figure that, well, put it this way—she had a figure. I, sadly, did not. A ruler had more curves than me.
