by M. A. Lee
“Wow, I forget how talented you are,” Isaac stated, as he snuck up on me.
I had been so immersed into my art that I hadn’t heard him come outside.
I really needed to be more careful. It seemed as though people were sneaking up on me all of the time without my knowing. I was a prize candidate to be kidnapped.
“Thanks,” I stated, as I continued working.
Ever since Isaac and Small’s had fought, things had just been awkward between me and Isaac and I hated it. We used to be so close but now, I am not sure what we are.
Sitting down next to me, Isaac watched me work. “Can you talk for a minute or is this a bad time?” he asked, nervously.
Turning my head, I paused my brush strokes and looked at Isaac. “Sure, we can talk but I really need to get this done,” I added, as I turned back to the image.
Nodding, Isaac seemed to be satisfied with my response. “Good. I really wanted to say how sorry I am that you felt the need to hide your relationship with Smalls from me,” he stated.
I stopped painting and turned and watched his expression. This was the last thing I expected from him was another apology. “I know that Isaac. I am sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“No, you have nothing to be sorry for. I noticed a change in you a few months ago. I selfishly thought it was because of my influence but really, it was because, for the first time in your life Kat, you are happy,” he stated, with sad eyes.
I knew it was difficult for Isaac and me to discuss our past, especially when I had to admit how sad I had been throughout my years growing up.
“You are right, Isaac. I was sad. I could never be truly happy being me. I felt like if you knew about me and Smalls, you might disapprove. You spent most of your life protecting me and I didn’t want you to feel like you had to protect me from one of your friends. I love him,” I said, with a half-smile.
Stopping my hand from continuing to shade in the white of the snow on my painting, Isaac forced me to look at him. “Kat, for the first time in our lives we both have what we want and deserve. Smalls is a great guy and together, I think you both will accomplish great things. We are not kids anymore. We are not running from our past, or who we once were. You and I have a chance to be happy and I don’t ever want to be the reason why you can’t be who you are and love who you want,” Isaac finished.
He was still holding my hand, but I didn’t care. My brother was truly amazing and I had taken him and his love for me for granted. Reaching out, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him.
“I really needed to hear that,” I cried into his shoulder.
I hadn’t cried in years and in some strange way it felt wonderful to release some of my fears and anxieties into the world. I never wanted to be afraid to be me or to show the world how much I loved Smalls.
“So, where does that leave us now?” Isaac asked.
Smiling and brushing a tear from my face, I held Isaac’s hand as I spoke. “This leaves us happy and whole. I am going to go out with Smalls tonight and you are going to go see Lauren. We will never have secrets to be broken again.”
“Sounds awesome little sis,” he teased. “Hey, I want to have a big party next week. It’s almost Halloween and I think it would be awesome. We could call it a celebration of you and Smalls finally coming out,” he smirked.
“When do you ever need a reason to throw a party?” I jabbed with a smile.
“True, but anytime I can celebrate and get to see Lauren look hot as hell is a good idea,” he winked.
“Gross,” I said as I kissed him on the cheek and then walked away.
20
KAT
True to his word, Isaac had prepared an amazing blowout to celebrate me and Smalls finally ending our secret affair. I loved how it just so happen to be arranged around his yearly Halloween Party. I couldn’t think of a better holiday to bring together me and Smalls.
While Smalls and I had been engrossed in our own little love affair, it seemed like Melanie and Cole were starting to fall apart. As much as I loved both of them, it was irritating as hell watching Melanie run around and act like she wasn’t madly in love with Cole. And, as my friend for years, it hurt me to see Cole want a girl and her not give in to him. Cole deserved true love.
“You ready for this?” Smalls asked as we walked into Isaac’s house. Loud music blared from the windows as The Monster Bash rang out into the night. Laughing, I knew this party was going to be epic.
“I am always ready,” I smiled as I squeezed Smalls hand.
When we entered the party, I noticed how crowded the room was. Everyone was dressed in costumes and talking or dancing with drinks in their hand, all while stuffing their mouths with the candy I was sure Lauren had bought for the trick-or-treaters and not these grown-ups.
We entered the party and began talking with our friends. Smalls made sure to touch and hold me and kiss me every chance we got. Not having to hide our love anymore made us hotter than ever for the other. It had even inspired me to want a new tattoo I had designed. Only, I was going to have Smalls add our names together inside it. But, that was my secret I was going to wait to tell him when he was in the process of inking me.
Needing a drink, I made my way to the kitchen. Lauren was already faded as she swayed while she walked. I smiled and laughed at the scene.
“Drunk already?” I teased as I reached behind her and grabbed a beer.
“Not enough,” she slurred as she rolled her eyes.
This was not like Lauren. She was always peppy or sassy, which is what I loved about her.
“What’s going on?” I asked her as I took a sip of my beer.
“Mel and Cole are fighting again. I swear, she is my best friend but I am getting tired of this shit,” Lauren almost yelled. Her voice was full of rage and it took me back for a second.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
I began to glance around the space, looking for a sign of Melanie or Cole. If this was causing Lauren this much anxiety, I needed to fix it for her. I hated the idea that someone else couldn’t just give in and be with who they wanted. No one else should ever have to make the same mistake I had.
Locating Melanie, I spotted her standing outside one of the bathrooms. She had a strange look on her face like she was confused. Having enough, I stomped over there.
“Mel, what are you doing?” I asked, staring at her like she was a crazy person.
“I was just uh…” her voice trailed off like she honestly didn’t know what to say. “Shit, Kat. I don’t know what the hell I am doing.”
I pushed her further into the bathroom and with her back to the mirror, I spotted myself. I was now rocking lime green hair in a short, pixy cut style. Something about my new cut and new love life gave me more confidence.
“Don’t worry Mel, I don’t think any of us really know what we are doing either.” I laughed, throwing my head back I realized that Mel must think I am crazy. Which I am. I finally pulled Mel out of the bathroom and wiped away a tear from her cheek. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led Mel to the kitchen where I handed her a drink. I wasn’t sure what it was but it was pink and tasted like fruit juice. It was good and full of alcohol which she needed to relax.
I spotted Cole on the small back patio. He was alone and sipping bottled water as he watched tiny snowflakes dance around him. Noticing my stare, Cole looked up but his eyes went straight to Melanie.
“Look, I know it is none of my business, but I am just going to say what I am thinking,” I began, taking a sip of a beer. “I know you and Cole have been through a lot. But you two need to realize how much you care about one another. Go talk to him. Either let him in or let him go. But Mel, and I mean this with love, you can’t have both.”
Giving me a wry smile, Mel finally began to open up. “Kat, I know that I can’t have the best of both worlds. I would be lying to you and myself if I stood here and tried to argue with you. I love Cole, but I can never love him the way he needs me to,�
� she declared, through deep breaths. If I wasn’t pissed at her for how she had been treating Cole, I might have hugged her for her honesty. I know how difficult it is for Melanie to share herself with others, part of me is the same way too, but I have learned that is not healthy.
Realizing I had to do something drastic to really get her attention, I did the one thing I never thought I would do to one of my friends.
I pulled my arm back and smacked Melanie straight across her face. The impact of my palm against her cheek felt like a thousand bee stings. My hand was red and stinging as I allowed it to fall to my side. She staggered backward as the shock hit her hard.
“What the hell was that for?” Melanie screamed, as she held her hand to her cheek.
“Someone had to do it,” I sneered, shaking my head. “I have watched you fall in love with Cole, and now you just stand here with no emotion and tell me you can’t love him back?” I exhaled before taking a sip of my beer again. I needed more liquid courage to finish my rant. “Look, I love Cole like a brother. As much as I like you, Mel, I think it is best if you just leave him alone. Don’t call. Don’t text. Just forget he exists.” I knew my words were harsh, but if she wasn’t going to love Cole and come clean with everyone then she needed to walk away. It took me walking away from Smalls to understand just how much I loved and needed him. Maybe Melanie would discover that without Cole, her life just didn’t make sense anymore. Hopefully, my plan works or I just ruined Cole’s life.
Melanie shook her head, anger now boiling to the surface. “Look, Kat,” she began before she I cut her off.
“Stop it!” I screamed. You have to see that what you are doing is destroying him. I thought I lost Cole two years ago. He is now alive again and I will not stand by and watch you build him up, just to watch him fall again. I almost lost Smalls because I was selfish and didn’t want to admit how I really felt. Being away from him is what it took to find love again. Leave him alone.” I was screaming now as she stood in front of me. As I yelled the words, I wasn’t sure exactly how much she was actually hearing. So many raw emotions crossed her face as she realized that I was right. Other people who had been talking in their own conversations now stopped and watched the show we were putting on for them. Smalls, who stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watched us with wild fascination.
Crazy thing about this whole argument was that Melanie didn’t even try to stop me. It was like she knew she had to hear the words I was saying.
“What is going on?” Isaac asked as he slipped in between me and Melanie. He put his hands on my shoulder as Smalls appeared behind him. It was obvious Isaac was playing his role as the protective brother. Our relationship was finally mended and I knew he had my back.
“Kat, I think she understands,” Isaac whispered in a calming tone.
“She has to hear this,” I sneered back, this time my voice low and quiet.
Nodding, Smalls wrapped an arm around my waist. “She did hear from you. What you said was honest and I am so proud of you. But, Melanie has to figure this out on her own,” Smalls said as he looked deep into my eyes.
Agreeing, I knew that I had done my best to help Melanie see that she had to make a decision.
I knew I had to keep up my bad-ass appearance so instead of crying, which is what I felt like doing for being so harsh with Melanie, I turned and walked away but not before flipping her off with my middle finger. I needed to get away from everyone and be alone so I could cry. I had to say what I had to Melanie. I had wished someone had done the same for me earlier when I had messed up with Smalls. Hopefully, one day Melanie would understand my reasons and forgive me. Melanie. My friend. One day, I just knew both Cole and Melanie would understand.
21
SMALLS
“Where is Kat going?” a voice asked me from behind.
I turned to see Grace, Kat’s friend from school behind me. I had forgotten that Kat had invited her to come to the party too.
“Kat needs some fresh air,” I said as I watched Kat walk out the front door, slamming it behind her.
“Oh. I hope she is ok. She looked really upset,” Grace noted.
“Yeah, but she will be fine. I will go check on her and then tell her you are here,” I added.
“Thanks,” Grace smiled.
I saw her look around the room like she was looking for someone, but I didn’t have time to stay and investigate. I needed to check on Kat.
When I finally found Kat, she was at the side of the house, standing in the shadows.
“What are you doing?” I asked calmly.
“I just needed to get out of there,” Kat spoke calmly.
I stepped closer to her, feeling her presence. “I understand.”
Rushing me, Kat threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I felt her chest heave as she began to cry.
This was a side of Kat most people never saw. It was endearing and sweet and made me love her even more. Soothing her, I rubbed her back and allowed her to cry on my shoulder.
After another few minutes, Kat cleared her eyes and was ready to return to the party. “I just hope she understands why I did what I did,” she said before we walked through the door.
“She will and she will love you for it,” I stated to reassure her worries.
Smiling at me, Kat opened the front door further and as we took a step inside, Melanie came rushing toward us.
“Oh shit,” Kat mumbled.
I prepared my stance, ready to defend Kat if Melanie tried to touch her. I knew Melanie must be pissed at Kat for slapping her and all of the hurtful, but truthful words she had said.
Instead, though, I was shocked when Melanie looked over at Kat with remorse filling her eyes. It was as though Melanie had been the one to attack Kat.
As Melanie slowed, Kat pulled out her car keys. Surprising both of us, Kat calmly spoke to Melanie. “Here take my car. I will get a ride from Smalls,” she offered.
Smiling through her tears, Melanie reached for the keys, never stopping.
Just as Melanie ran out the door, I spotted Cole coming toward us.
“Where is Melanie going?” he asked breathlessly.
“Cole, Melanie has to find herself and decide what she wants,” Kat stated.
I watched Kat with awe. She was so amazing and beautiful and I was so proud she was mine.
“No, she doesn’t need to leave. She wants me. I know she does. She has to,” Cole yelled, as he balled his fists to his side.
“Cole, listen to Kat. We had to be apart to come together,” I said, as I stepped inside of him and made him look at me.
“No,” Cole shouted, as he pushed me aside and went after Melanie.
“Let him go,” Kat stated.
Listening, we allowed Cole to chase after Melanie knowing she was already long gone. This wasn’t the end of their story, I was sure of that. If I had learned anything from being with Kat and our journey to finding love and one another, it was that you had to hurt and let go first.
22
KAT
I inhaled a deep breath as I walked into Smalls apartment. I had decided something after the Halloween party and was ready to see how Smalls would react.
Walking inside, I spotted him walking out of his bedroom.
“Hey, baby. You are early,” he said.
I stopped and allowed distance to sit between us. Smalls noticed this and gave me a strange glance.
“I need to say something,” I began as I placed my hands to my side. “Smalls, you came into my life like a raging storm and through our love, we have experienced extreme pain, suffering, love, and excitement. Being with you has transformed the way I look at myself and life. I want you forever,” I stated, as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a box with a ring. Kneeling, I got on one knee and extended the ring to him.
Smalls' mouth dropped open as he noticed what I was doing. I had planned to propose to him, knowing I couldn’t live another day without him knowing that I wanted him forever and ever.
/> “Stop,” Smalls said.
My heart literally stopped beating. I was sure he would be thrilled at my proposal but this was not at all how I thought he would react. I felt like crying and screaming as I waited for him to reject my offer.
Instead, Smalls surprised me.
Kneeling down in front of me, Smalls mirrored my stance. Opening his palm, he had a box inside too. Opening it, he revealed a large black diamond ring. “I had planned on proposing to you tonight. But, since you beat me to it, I guess I will just join you,” he said with a smirk.
My eyes began to fill with tears and my heart began beating again as it was full with joy. Smalls wanted to marry me too!
We both slipped the rings on the others finger before we crushed our lips together and spent the next few hours celebrating our new engagement.
***
“I do,” I said, with a large smile.
“Sir, you do solemnly swear to love and honor Kat for the rest of your life?” the Judge asked as we stood holding hands.
After Smalls and I ended our extensive lovemaking, we both decided we didn’t want a huge wedding or even a long engagement. That wasn’t our style. I wasn’t into wedding dresses and cakes and flowers. So, Smalls and I decided to head down to City Hall and get married with just the two of us. It was amazing and so us. I was wearing a short black dress and Smalls was handsome in a black long sleeve button down shirt and khakis. It was everything we both wanted.
“I do,” Smalls replied.
Dipping me, he didn’t wait for the judge to ask him if he was ready to kiss the bride, he went ahead and did it on his own in true Smalls style.
