Wolf

by D. M. Turner

  He brushed blond hair back, tucking it behind her ear. “Why don’t we head home? We can take care of the rest tomorrow.”

  “No.” She shook her head, determination lighting her eyes. “We’ve got my birth certificate. Even if we don’t get married today, I want to get the license.”

  He frowned. “Are you sure? It really can wait until tomorrow.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Alright.” He settled back in his seat and snapped his seatbelt into place.

  * * *

  Colin parked outside the county clerk’s office and shut off the ignition. Tanya had been so quiet. Were they doing the right thing for her?

  Tanya dug through the box on her lap and found her birth certificate. She closed it with a decisive snap and glanced at him. “Got it.”

  He nodded with a smile, climbed out, and rounded the vehicle to open her door. He offered her a hand, shutting the door when she was clear. As they walked toward the front door of the two-story, red brick building, a couple got up from a bench tucked against the building. Their faces triggered recognition.

  Colin half-grinned. “Donna? Graham? What are you doing here?”

  “Same thing as you, I suspect.” Graham returned the grin. “Ian mentioned you planned to get a marriage license today, and possibly even get married. We figured if we waited around, we’d catch you.”

  “Have you gotten your license yet?”

  “Nope. Waited for you two. Thought we’d go together.”

  “Let’s get this done then.” He kept a hand on Tanya’s back as they entered the building and made their way to the County clerk’s office.

  “Your dad said to tell you Pastor Fleming is willing to do both ceremonies today if we want. He’s got time. If not, Ian said we should stop by anyway, set up something.”

  Colin6 nodded then glanced at Tanya, who had barely acknowledged the couple’s arrival. He frowned in concern. What was going through her head? Had she changed her mind about getting married right away? Maybe they should postpone. At least until she’d had time to recover from this latest blow. He caught Graham’s eye and nodded him on.

  With a faint nod, the other man directed Donna into the office they’d been headed for.

  Colin gently caught Tanya’s hand and pulled her to a stop. “Are you sure you want to do this today?”

  Tanya met his gaze and frowned. “Have you changed your mind?”

  “About what? Marrying you?”

  She nodded.

  “Absolutely not. I just… I don’t want you to do it at the wrong time, in the wrong way, for the wrong reasons.” He stepped closer and framed her face with both hands. “I want you to marry me because you’re ready. Nothing anyone else does or says should taint the beginning of our commitment to one another.”

  Tension seeped from her shoulders, relaxing them, and she smiled. “I want to marry you. I just didn’t expect Mom to back away like she did.” Her voice fell to a whisper.

  “I know. I can only imagine how hurtful that was.”

  She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning a cheek into one of his palms. Blue eyes opened and looked into his. She smiled. “Let’s do this. I’m ready for something in my life to feel right again. This, you, feels right. Right now, it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

  “If you’re sure?”

  Her smile grew bigger, brighter, and she nodded. “Absolutely.”

  His heart swelled with pride and a host of other emotions he probably shouldn’t analyze in a public place with her looking at him like that. “Let’s go then. Should we go ahead with the wedding today, too?” He opened the office door.

  “Yes.” No hesitation. Pure strength and confidence.

  Oh, God, help her find more of that.

  * * *

  The sun hung low in the sky by the time Colin and Tanya returned to the Preserve, with Graham and Donna right behind them.

  Tanya leaned her head against the back of the seat and studied her new husband as he drove. Husband. Hers. The concept was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. What if she disappointed him?

  As though he felt her gaze on him, he glanced over then smiled. His right hand wrapped around her left one. “We’re almost home. Dad will probably have dinner waiting for us.”

  “We need to move my things to your room.”

  He frowned slightly. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

  “No time like the present, and there’s no point in staying in separate rooms, especially if we’re to work on these issues of mine. It’ll be easier if we’re in the same room.” Easier. What a relative word. There probably wouldn’t be anything easy about it.

  “Very true.” His frown relaxed into a faint smile. “It won’t take long to put the boxes in my room. Then it’ll just be a matter of moving your clothes up from the guestroom. I’ll move a second dresser in for you.”

  She nodded. “I’m still full from lunch, so I think I’ll take care of the clothes while all of you eat.” The four of them had stopped for lunch between the clerk’s office and the church. She’d eaten a decent-sized meal, so hopefully Colin wouldn’t be too concerned about her skipping dinner.

  The smile faded. “If that’s what you want.”

  He was worried again. Great. Was she ever going to be anything but a cause for concern?

  When they reached the house, Tanya helped Colin cart boxes up to his room then retrieved clothes from the guestroom. She shoved them all into her duffle bag, just as Colin had when he’d brought them there. She grabbed the shampoo and such from the bathroom, tucking those items into an outside pocket of the duffle bag. Then she picked up the framed photograph of herself with her brother and sisters from the dresser.

  The bag thunked lightly along the wall as she carried it up the stairs to Colin’s room. She deposited it on his bed to make it easy to unpack. Colin hadn’t reappeared by the time the duffle was ready to be stowed on a shelf in the walk-in closet, so she ripped the tape off the top of the first box in reach, which was marked “clothes & books”. She shook out dresses, skirts, blouses, and pants one, two, or three at a time and hung them in the closet on the opposite side from Colin’s. Had he cleaned out a whole side for her, or was that all he normally used?

  She hung up the last of the clothes then rearranged a few things. Stepping back, she studied it then nodded. Much better. She turned to go back into the room, and the whole world went pitch black.

  Panic closed in without warning, taking her to her knees. Pain ripped through her chest and stomach. Tanya fell to the floor and lay on her back, unable to move, gasping for air in short, shallow pants.

  A faint glow appeared in the darkness, moving closer. He’d come for her.

  Her vision blurred.

  The small ball of light stopped inside the door, illuminating the opening, then dropped to the floor. Then hands closed on her upper arms.

  She wanted to fight, to scream, anything, but she couldn’t take in enough air for muscles to cooperate.

  “Breathe. Just breathe, beautiful. You’re safe now, remember. You’re safe.” Colin’s deep, gentle voice broke through the haze.

  Tanya raised both hands from the floor to touch her chest and stomach. No wounds. No blood. Just a horrid memory with terrifying clarity.

  “Can you sit up?”

  “I think so,” she whispered, unable to add any more volume. With his help, she sat upright. Then she leaned against him as dizziness assaulted her.

  “Slow, deep breaths,” he murmured.

  Each one drew his scent deeper into her lungs, bringing comfort and the certainty that he’d spoken the truth. She was safe. “What happened? Why’d the lights go out?”

  “I don’t know. Graham and Donna went for a drive to find out.”

  “Aren’t the gates electric?”

  “They have manual overrides. Dad gave them the keys.”

  She nodded. “I really need to lie down.”

  “Alright.” Colin slipped an arm under her knees and the
other around her waist. “Hold onto me.”

  With pleasure. Tanya wrapped her arms around his neck then laid her head in the curve of his shoulder. “Not exactly the wedding night of every groom’s dreams, is it? Having to help your wife through a flashback-induced panic attack.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m not.” He kissed the top of her head then eased her onto a bed that smelled only, and strongly, of him.

  She buried her face in the pillow then gave him a smile she knew he couldn’t see in the darkness. “Your scent still chases away the fear.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” The smile in his voice brought even more comfort.

  The lights flickered weakly then returned to normal brightness.

  “Dad got the generator going.” Colin retrieved a small light from the closet then shut it and the closet light off. With a smile, he sat on the edge of the bed and brushed hair away from her face. “I better move some of these boxes so we don’t fall over them. Then I’ll come to bed.”

  She nodded.

  * * *

  Friday, September 26, 2015

  Two and a half weeks had passed since they’d gotten married, and they had yet to consummate the relationship. A fact that bothered Tanya more with each passing day and gotten even worse with the moon’s rise two nights before. It grew more intense with each moonrise.

  Sleeping beside Colin had proven easier than she’d expected, and harder than she could’ve ever dreamed. Other than twice when he’d reached for her, simply to hold her, and inadvertently triggered panic attacks, she’d found him a comfort to share a bed with. However, having him so close, being held by him night after night, also fired up desires she’d thought forever buried under trauma.

  Saturday’s full moon would be the biggy, Ian had said. His warnings about the moonrises leading up to it had been grossly understated, in Tanya’s opinion. They fed sexual urges, but the fear she’d struggled with since day one was also nourished. At times, it felt like the moon would pull her in two.

  She’d barely been able to sit still long enough to eat dinner. The moon’s rise at five-thirty had come before the meal ended, and she’d retreated to the room she shared with Colin to pace. They’d tried running as wolves the night before, in hopes of alleviating the effects of the coming perigee full moon. To no avail.

  Colin seemed determined to keep things as platonic as possible. He hadn’t even kissed her, other than at the end of their wedding ceremony. If Tanya hadn’t smelled his arousal at times, she’d think he didn’t want her, but she knew what kept him from making a move—he didn’t want to frighten her. She wasn’t sure how much more of his care she could handle.

  Avoiding the issue wasn’t helping the fear, but it sure was aggravating other things. Her skin crawled, it was so sensitive. Even the brush of fabric against it sent sensations swirling through her abdomen.

  The door opened, admitting her husband. “Are you alright?”

  “No. I’m not.” She paced the width of the room then turned to glare at him. “We can’t keep going like this. I’m going crazy.”

  “Would it be easier if we slept in separate rooms until this moon passes?”

  “No.” Tanya stretched and flexed, then she slowly stalked toward him, fully intent on going after what she wanted. Lord, help me be bold and courageous and never disappoint this man. Keep the fear at bay, and the memories in the past where they belong. “I want you.”

  Colin’s eyes widened, and then he smiled. “I want you, too, but are you sure you’re ready?”

  “Ready or not, I want it.” She stopped in front of him and laid both hands on his chest. Her fingers sprawled for a moment then moved toward the buttons on his shirt. “I’m tired of waiting for fear to go away. It won’t. I realize that now. It’ll stay as long as I indulge it.” Feeling unnaturally bold, she leaned forward to kiss his chest, hearing his sharp intake of air. “I’m not indulging it anymore.” She straightened to look at him as she shoved the shirt off his shoulders. “I guess the rest is up to you. Are you going to indulge it or me?”

  That quirky half-grin of his appeared. “Beautiful, all you had to do was ask.” His mouth touched hers, the pressure gentle and teasing, rather than passionate.

  Tanya closed her eyes and leaned into him, not content to let fear keep him in check. In response to her boldness, he deepened the kiss. His arms swept around her pulling her flush to him. That was more like it.

  The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread? - Ps. 27:1

  Northern Arizona University

  Flagstaff, Arizona

  Friday, October 9, 2015

  HER back against one of the red brick pillars lining the walkway of Cline Library, Tanya chatted with a small group of people from one of her classes, comparing notes about that morning’s lecture. Well, trying to anyway. Her thoughts kept sliding away from the conversation in favor of contemplating the coming weekend with Colin. That morning, he’d said he had a surprise for her, and then he’d gotten all smug and secretive.

  “You’ll see this evening, or maybe tomorrow.” He’d kissed her and pushed her out the door to follow Brett to the car. “Go, before you’re both late for class.”

  She’d ridden to the university with Brett like she did every weekday, wanting nothing more than to tell him to take her back. The pack’s second would’ve had a fit about her missing class and making him late. He had a low enough opinion of tardy students that he felt a professor like himself should set a good example and be on-time.

  What was Colin up to? Excitement had glittered in his blue eyes, and his crooked smile had been far too pleased. She couldn’t think of a single thing he’d get that excited about. If he liked the city, she’d think he was planning a getaway, but he loved the forest as much as she had come to since her Turning. He wouldn’t plan a resort weekend or anything along those lines. Would he?

  “Tanya, are you listening?” Gail laid a hand on her shoulder, jarring her back to the present and the people around her, all of whom stared at her with varying degrees of amusement.

  “What?”

  Everyone laughed, Gail included. “That’s what I thought. I realize you’re a newlywed, but this paper will be a good chunk of our grades. Don’t you think you should pay attention?”

  “I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.” Understatement of the century.

  “Yeah, I’ll bet.” Clara snickered. “So when do we get to meet this mystery man who has you flying off to la-la-land?”

  Tanya shrugged and smiled. “I don’t know. Colin’s not much for large groups of people.”

  “Oh, the strong, silent type.” Gail’s eyes brightened with interest. “Is he broody, too?”

  “No.” She laughed at the assumption. “Rarely ever broody. In fact, he’s far more talkative and optimistic than I am.”

  “Does he have a brother?”

  “’Fraid not.”

  “Rats. That figures.” Gail heaved a theatrical sigh. “Oh, well. Never hurts to ask.”

  “It’s not that stuffy history professor I see you with, is it?” Clara’s frown made it clear what she thought of that idea.

  “No.” Wouldn’t Brett love to hear such speculation? “No, Brett Mitchell is close friends with Colin’s father. He lives close by, and I don’t have a car, so he lets me ride to and from school with him.”

  Gail caught Tanya’s eye, flicked her gaze to Clara and back, and smirked. “Is Professor Mitchell single?”

  “Yes.”

  Clara’s eyes widened in horror. “Why would you even care? The man’s a history professor. Can you imagine anything more boring? All he probably talks about is ancient history no one cares about anymore.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. To spend time with a gorgeous hunk of man like that, I’d listen to him prattle on about anything his heart desires. Come on, Clara, haven’t you noticed he’s not like some of the others? He’s handsome, healthy, and young, relatively speaking
. Like Indiana Jones.”

  Tanya forced back a snort. If they only knew. Brett was the oldest member of the pack. At least, so she’d been told. She hadn’t discovered yet exactly how old he was. Given Colin’s father, the pack alpha, was old enough to have a twenty-seven-year-old son, despite his perpetually thirty-something appearance, that said something.

  “That’s disgusting!” Clara grimaced. “He has to be twice your age.”

  “Exactly. Think of the experience he must have.”

  Ew. The sexual innuendo in Gail’s voice made Tanya’s stomach flip. Not a way she ever wanted to think of Brett. She suppressed a shudder.

  “Oh, please!” Clara rolled her eyes. “A boring guy like that? He’ll probably die a virgin.”

  The rapid degeneration of the conversation made Tanya glance around. Not only to make sure no one overheard, but also to search for a route of escape.

  A breeze meandered through the covered walkway from the north-east, carrying a foreign yet familiar scent.

  She turned, scenting the air.

  “Tanya?”

  “Oh, sorry. I just thought of something I need to take care of before I meet Professor Mitchell. I’ll see you guys later.” Without waiting for a response, she trotted in the direction the scent had come from.

  The wind picked it up and brought it to her again from a woman cutting across the north end of the parking lot across the street. The familiar scent of wolf combined with a new person.

  Tanya picked up her pace to close the distance between them. Who was she? Where had she come from? She couldn’t be another survivor of the rogue attacks. All those victims had been accounted for in one way or another. She kept her eyes on the dark brown ponytail bobbing ahead of her.

  Great, now I’ve turned into a stalker. But if I leave her woman alone and one of the unmated males in the pack runs across her… it could get ugly.

  At the corner of University Drive, her quarry glanced back, frowned, turned north, and picked up her pace. Afraid to let her out of sight, lest she lose her, Tanya broke into a trot. The distance between them closed. Hopefully she hadn’t followed the wrong person. That would be embarrassing.